I lost my Dad to lung cancer the winter of 2011, discovered in late September, he passed away December 6th. No time for chemo. He spent two weeks in the hospital and was sent home. His last two weeks were hard, mostly on thge morphine pump due to pain.
Cancer plays no favorites.
I have found, and this is a very personal opinion, that talking about it and my faith have been most helpful in dealing with the loss.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss, and admire your courage, my wife is 33 and I could not imagine losing her.
The Following User Says Thank You to jeffporfirio For This Useful Post:
My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the cecum (colon) in Nov of 2013. He was told 18 months +/-. Since I last posted in this thread, it's been a downward spiral. Posting here instead as it's newer, and the"ongoing" thread.
This is going to be super long...
Spoiler!
A few months ago, my dad was hospitalized due to excruciating back pain. They discovered he had a burst fracture in his back. This could have happened because of a traumatic accident (he didn't have one) or, more than likely, it could be caused by the cancer spreading to his bones. They ruled out osteoporosis. Because of a pacemaker, they were unable to give him an MRI to determine exactly what it was. They suggested surgery, and my dad was very against it. He doesn't like hospitals and didn't want to go through the additional pain, even if it meant alleviating the pain he was in.
After a month, the pain was enough that he gave in, and agreed to do the surgery. Last week, they gave him a cat scan to see how it looked before going in. They said if everything looked good, they would proceed. And warned that if it was cancer that had deteriorated his bones, they would not. They used the phrase "You can't put screws into marshmallows", which I think will stick with me forever.
Yesterday, my sister got the call to come in for the results. Said surgery is not an option, so we're assuming that it's spread. (will find out on Monday) The doc kept asking dad about sensation in his legs. (One of his legs is significantly swollen and is hard) It almost sounds like they're expecting him to lose mobility soon. And with the spine deteriorating, the possibility of nerve damage affecting paralysis, etc, is there.
My dads pain has been increasing at a high rate. He is taking a high amount of Oxycontin per day, plus, multiple "breakthroughs" each day as well. It still isn't helping. My dad has always been a strong guy. He doesn't complain much. Now though, I know he's in a lot of pain. I hear him choke up when he describes the pain. They just increased his Oxy dose for the umpteenth time, and gave him an IV drip thing for home, where he can request a breakthrough dose every 60 minutes.
The doctors also asked what my dad likes to do, what he likes to eat, what makes him happy, etc. He told them he misses going out for drives, visiting book stores, etc etc, and they're working on setting up some sort of care person to help him do all those things. I feel like that's another sign that he's going fast and they're trying to make him happy before he passes.
What makes this so much worse is that he is in New Brunswick and I live here in Calgary. My sister is the only family back there, but has been dealing with a very problematic 5 year old autistic son that is giving her a very hard time, plus her own work, multiple life problems, etc, plus helping my dad, driving him to hospital, to get meds, to go shopping, etc etc. She's getting worn out, and I feel for her too.
I'm been working up north for 10 months now, and because of the oil price situation right now, I don't dare ask to take any additional time off to fly back and spend with him. I know if I left, my job would be permanently filled by someone else. The 2 years previous to me starting this job, I stayed at home with the kids while the wife worked, and that left us in a rough place financially. We're just now getting caught up. I can't afford to risk losing the job at all, especially when it would presumably be so tough to get back in.
With the time obviously ticking faster right now, there's nothing I want more than to be able to go home and spend the last however many months he has left, with him. He's essentially dying alone, and I hate it. I feel hopeless, helpless, and lost.
But with a wife and 2 kids, financially...it's just not an option for me to be there at all. I always dreamed about winning the lottery so I could do extravagant things. Right now, I really wish I could win even half a years salary, just so I could be with my dad. I'm not religious at all, but have actually prayed multiple times for some sort of miracle. I feel like I need to join a boxing club to relieve the anger and stress built up inside.
I ####### hate cancer.
Sorry for the long vent. I have an amazing wife, and some great family and friends, but don't want to be a burden to them by constantly talking about my issues. I keep it to myself instead for the most part. I have been trying super hard in the past year to not be so negative or down. Not just about this, but with life in general and trying to be more positive so it rubs off on my kids. So, instead, i'm taking this opportunity to cry upon the shoulders of random strangers here.
Not looking for "sorry's" or anything. Just needed a place to shoot off some steam.
JonDuke, there is not much I could say or write to make things better right now. Just want to thank you for sharing your story, and tell you to continue to be brave for your Dad and your family. Hope it feels somewhat better to write down the frustration and get it off your chest. Your Dad sounds a lot like mine. The strong silent type, and it only makes these situations more difficult.
The Following User Says Thank You to Jbo For This Useful Post:
I truly hope I don't sound heartless, but when I read that the first thing that comes to mind is "You can get another job, you can't get more time with your Dad".
I can tell from your post your love him quite a bit and I think if you don't go out there and do what you feel is needed to do right now, it will leave you worse then if you perhaps lost your job asking for time off to see him and financially struggled a little. You will find another job. You will get employment again.
You can receive compassionate care benefits for up to a maximum of six weeks if you have to be absent from work to provide care or support to a gravely ill family member at risk of dying within 26 weeks. If you are unemployed and already receiving EI benefits, you can also apply for compassionate care benefits.
To be eligible for compassionate care benefits, you must be able to show that:
your regular weekly earnings from work have decreased by more than 40 percent; and
you have accumulated 600 insured hours of work in the last 52 weeks, or since the start of your last claim (this period is called the qualifying period).
EI isn't alot of money, but perhaps it will allow you enough to both support your wife and children as well as get time with your father. Your job should also be protected under law if you apply and receive these benefits.
While I don't personally know you, I hope everyone works out for the best for you and I would strongly suggest looking into the EI Compassionate Care benefits because it will give you 6 weeks with your Dad while still bringing in some income and protecting your job.
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Drury18 For This Useful Post:
