Getting married and having kids by a certain age set by parents

[Reaper]

I'm 40 and married with no plans to ever have children. I married a woman who feels the same. When people ask when we're going to have children I tell them that I make enough money to pay someone to do the chores as opposed to creating someone to do them.

[troutman]

If you try to control your family through conditions in your will, such clauses will often be found to be unenforceable.

http://www.advisor.ca/tax/estate-pla...in-wills-93405

Dead Hand Control Provisions May Be Unenforceable If They Violate Public Policy

http://thismatter.com/money/wills-es...nd-control.htm

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by Reaper

I'm 40 and married with no plans to ever have children. I married a woman who feels the same. When people ask when we're going to have children I tell them that I make enough money to pay someone to do the chores as opposed to creating someone to do them.

Tell them your saving up because you wanna buy a hard working one from Laos or China. Don't laugh, and they won't ask again.

I have kids, but when people talk about children my standard input into the conversation is
"I love kids, but I couldn't eat a whole one!"

[underGRADFlame]

[YYC in LAX]

Originally Posted by pylon

LOL

40, single, do what I want, and every second week I show up at my folks place with some sort of new Motorcycle / Car / Man toy / Girl Friend.

Lol, wow you really are a pylon. That post was pretty high on the ###### meter.

Same guy who says he literally laughs out loud when he sees people spending money on name brand beer and wine.

[DuffMan]

Tell them you also have a deadline for them, to exit this physical plane.

[Nage Waza]

Originally Posted by YYC in LAX

Lol, wow you really are a pylon. That post was pretty high on the ###### meter.

Same guy who says he literally laughs out loud when he sees people spending money on name brand beer and wine.

??? Banned?

[ChickenPho]

Well thankfully, my mom is different from the rest of her sisters. So none of us have to (nor had to) put up with any of this BS.

THe thing is with my aunts being such controlling and demanding parents, they can literally have their kids buy into anything they say. It of course helps her a lot that all the kids in the family (except my siblings and I) were brought up in a hard nose traditional culture throughout their entire childhood. If youre familiar with just how strict the amish religion is, well my aunts arent far from it.

So their kids are all firm believers that they must follow what their parents say or else they will be letting their mothers down and disobeying them *sigh* Buncha bologne if you ask me. Its comical when I see them at family gatherings and theyre all just like their mothers with extremely hard nosed traditional demeanors. I remember as I attended each and every one of their weddings, all I would hear from them constantly is "so ____ is next to get married"...."now ____is next." I just laughed, its like give it up already, how about letting people get married when they are ready, not by age.

Im just glad my siblings and I are so different from my cousins. Id hate to live life on a leash.

And like its already been said, having a kid isnt easy and at 27, very few people that age today can handle it. There are a lot of people that age who just finished college or just finished up and starting their careers, let alone having families. Putting the pressure on them just because the parents want to see it is a joke.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by 4X4

No more worrying about pop prices, eh? Got the big boy problems now.

Explain please.

[pylon]

Originally Posted by YYC in LAX

Lol, wow you really are a pylon. That post was pretty high on the ###### meter.

Same guy who says he literally laughs out loud when he sees people spending money on name brand beer and wine.

The first part of the post, is to kinda show how me-centric my life is. I just live in the moment, and do what I feel. I have no grand plan, just exist, and enjoy it while I am here. My folks support it as long as that makes me happy.

And for the bolded part...

Huh?
When did I ever say this?

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Well thankfully, my mom is different from the rest of her sisters. So none of us have to (nor had to) put up with any of this BS.

THe thing is with my aunts being such controlling and demanding parents, they can literally have their kids buy into anything they say. It of course helps her a lot that all the kids in the family (except my siblings and I) were brought up in a hard nose traditional culture throughout their entire childhood. If youre familiar with just how strict the amish religion is, well my aunts arent far from it.

So their kids are all firm believers that they must follow what their parents say or else they will be letting their mothers down and disobeying them *sigh* Buncha bologne if you ask me. Its comical when I see them at family gatherings and theyre all just like their mothers with extremely hard nosed traditional demeanors. I remember as I attended each and every one of their weddings, all I would hear from them constantly is "so ____ is next to get married"...."now ____is next." I just laughed, its like give it up already, how about letting people get married when they are ready, not by age.

Im just glad my siblings and I are so different from my cousins. Id hate to live life on a leash.

And like its already been said, having a kid isnt easy and at 27, very few people that age today can handle it. There are a lot of people that age who just finished college or just finished up and starting their careers, let alone having families. Putting the pressure on them just because the parents want to see it is a joke.

Honestly, I think family pressure for kids and marriage is just so people who are hard-up for drama have something to gossip about at family functions or social gatherings. People love to comment, judge, nitpick, and tease. Kids, marriage, and the material wealth people have give that to people who care about such trivial issues.

Not saying your family is like that and I don't know anything about you and your family situation, but there is a good chance that you getting married and having kids is really just some sort of self-indulgent feel-good conversation topic for other people with nothing better to do, fitting in to their vision of what life is what everyone else needs to do to make it a reality.

Ironically, you bucking the trend will give them more than enough fodder to bicker/judge/dramatize over for a good long time, and stick it to that naive, self-centered view of reality.

[polak]

My parents had me when they were 23 and 24 and I'm turning 25 in a few days so occasionally my dad will give me s**t for not having "my life together (i.e. wife, kids etc)" to which I reply "Not my fault you guys were dumb and screwed up your entire 20's by having a dumb kid like me, now I'm going to go do whatever I feel like and I will continue to do so until I please".

Usually works.

[Engine09]

This thread makes me appreciate my folks. Never put pressure on me, maybe encouraging me to go back to school but never told me what to do and never suggested having kids.

I look at kids like another bill, no need. Keep life simple and you'll be happy.

[GoinAllTheWay]

As one half of a couple in their late 30's, one of the most annoying questions (which doesn't happen often thankfully) is "when are you going to have kids??"

Are you actually looking for a specific date or is that your indirect way of asking WHY don't we have any kids yet?

Kids aren't for everyone. I think unless you want kids with every fiber of your being, don't have them. and certainly not for the sake of appeasing others.

[manwiches]

My parents and my wife parents had us when they were 23. We both come from a Chinese background, so when we were 23ish, they were bugging us to get married. When we finally got married when we were 25, almost within a month my inlaws were asking when they were going to be grandparents. My wife and I decided prior to getting married we wanted to wait 4-5 years to start, so we could enjoy our lives with dual income no kids. Was nice, because we got to get up and go and do whatever pleased.

That being said, I'm 29 now and I'm the proud father of a 4 month son, and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for it. I look back and think it would be nice to have that freedom like before, but I see my son, and I've realized my whole life has culminated to him.

To each their own, but I definitely understand the pressure to have children, and to get married. We had it the whole way, and I'm glad we did it on our own terms.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Kryzsky

This thread makes me appreciate my folks. Never put pressure on me, maybe encouraging me to go back to school but never told me what to do and never suggested having kids.

I look at kids like another bill, no need. Keep life simple and you'll be happy.

Your parents never thought of you as a "bill". Unless your name is Bill.

[GoinAllTheWay]

No they probably didn't. They also likely wanted to have kids. He appears not to.

[haiku]

Originally Posted by pylon

LOL

40, single, do what I want, and every second week I show up at my folks place with some sort of new Motorcycle / Car / Man toy / Girl Friend. And all they ever say is ,"As long as you are happy is all that matters to us."

Sure my mother would love to see me get married one day, and my dad seems to get more envious of my lifestyle by the year.... I don't know how that last one makes me feel, lol since it kinda implies he regrets having me. But at the end of the day, all they care is I am happy, and doing what I want with my life. That is how parents are supposed to act IMO, and exactly how I will treat my kids if I ever have them.

whoa cool dude alert!
you protest too much methinks
are you happy, p?

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Well thankfully, my mom is different from the rest of her sisters. So none of us have to (nor had to) put up with any of this BS.

THe thing is with my aunts being such controlling and demanding parents, they can literally have their kids buy into anything they say. It of course helps her a lot that all the kids in the family (except my siblings and I) were brought up in a hard nose traditional culture throughout their entire childhood. If youre familiar with just how strict the amish religion is, well my aunts arent far from it.

So their kids are all firm believers that they must follow what their parents say or else they will be letting their mothers down and disobeying them *sigh* Buncha bologne if you ask me. Its comical when I see them at family gatherings and theyre all just like their mothers with extremely hard nosed traditional demeanors. I remember as I attended each and every one of their weddings, all I would hear from them constantly is "so ____ is next to get married"...."now ____is next." I just laughed, its like give it up already, how about letting people get married when they are ready, not by age.

Im just glad my siblings and I are so different from my cousins. Id hate to live life on a leash.

And like its already been said, having a kid isnt easy and at 27, very few people that age today can handle it. There are a lot of people that age who just finished college or just finished up and starting their careers, let alone having families. Putting the pressure on them just because the parents want to see it is a joke.

yeah the role of women is so different now the culture has to shift. Especially Asian ones who's daughter are mostly accountants.

A) In the past, women didn't have to work (marry at 16)
B) Then women started to work but it was lighter jobs, maybe some payroll that would be learned without post-secondary (marry at 19)
C) Then a B.Comm was needed to perform accounting duties (marry at 23)
D) Then a B.Comm wasn't enough, needed designation like CPA (marry at 27)
E) now some of my friends are saying even a designation isn't enough as there is too much competition, more schooling is needed, like maybe some engineering courses to become oil/gas specialist accountant (marry at 30)

It's takes longer to get somewhere in a career so family has to be pushed back.

[Tyler]

Originally Posted by pylon

40, single, do what I want, and every second week I show up at my folks place with some sort of new Motorcycle / Car / Man toy / Girl Friend.

What everyone is picturing in their minds: