No Sex Spreadsheet

[polak]

Wow marriage sounds like a bundle of fun...

[JeanLucPicard]

5/10

[Finger Cookin]

I'm surprised the third totally real spreadsheet hasn't been posted here yet.

[Erick Estrada]

The "I feel gross. I need a shower" and "I ate too much" sound awfully familiar.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by polak

Wow marriage sounds like a bundle of fun...

Sound like you are doing OK with the alternative

Originally Posted by polak

Liking someone so much that they turn you into a total mess gmg. This girl is putting me through the ringer and I'm taking it like a bitch.

Terrible.

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

Sound like you are doing OK with the alternative

Actually with all the online and mobile dating services as long as you are somewhat presentable and not a total social misfit I would think a single guy should do okay in this day and age as if you aren't getting it, you aren't trying hard enough. I know guys that aren't what I would call studly that have more dates than time and some of the women are surprisingly attractive. In particular if you are 6'2" or taller you are gold regardless of your looks.

[Coach]

At least he can go pork some random guilt-free without getting in trouble. Even easier to hook up with randoms when you're emotionally disconnected because someone else who plays games with you preoccupies your thoughts.

Yes I have experience with that, and yes it may be morally ambiguous.

On topic: I would agree with the majority of that Reddit thread. Immature reaction by the guy, but obviously bred out of frustration and lack of communication. If she truly is feeling gross and fat, she should be letting him know, not withholding sex.

If I was that guy I would think that the "gym" was some dude crushing her, especially if even when you had sex it was terrible and disinterested.

[polak]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

Sound like you are doing OK with the alternative

Wow I posted that like 3 months ago...
That was about girl I geniunely liked and was dating and it didn't work out, it happens.

At least I was still getting it in then

Thats over now and I'm doing fine thank you very much. Far better than being stuck in a relationship where 3 weeks of Friends reruns trumps sex.

[nik-]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

Actually with all the online and mobile dating services as long as you are somewhat presentable and not a total social misfit I would think a single guy should do okay in this day and age as if you aren't getting it, you aren't trying hard enough. I know guys that aren't what I would call studly that have more dates than time and some of the women are surprisingly attractive. In particular if you are 6'2" or taller you are gold regardless of your looks.

Being short sucks

[PsYcNeT]

Originally Posted by MattyC

withholding sex.

what

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by polak

Wow I posted that like 3 months ago...
That was about girl I geniunely liked and was dating and it didn't work out, it happens.

At least I was still getting it in then

Thats over now and I'm doing fine thank you very much. Far better than being stuck in a relationship where 3 weeks of Friends reruns trumps sex.

Ah yes, because that thread is a fair representation of marriage. I agree if that was my sex life I would be cleaning the end of my rifle with my mouth.

It is possible that not all marriages are like that.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

what

3.withholding - the act of holding back or keeping within your possession or control; "I resented his withholding permission"; "there were allegations of the withholding of evidence"


Did I use that wrong?

[PsYcNeT]

Originally Posted by MattyC

3.withholding - the act of holding back or keeping within your possession or control; "I resented his withholding permission"; "there were allegations of the withholding of evidence"


Did I use that wrong?

Was he all like "give me my sex!" and she was all "no way bro, I'm keeping this sex that is totally yours."

[Coach]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

Was he all like "give me my sex!" and she was all "no way bro, I'm keeping this sex that is totally yours."

Can we call it close enough? Like c'mon.

It makes sense if you have a certain view of the relationship of sex in a relationship. It's an act that is extrememly important to the maintanence of the relationship, involves both of them and that they both have rights too given their consensual relationship status. So yeah, if you want to look at it that way she is "withholding the sex that is his".

I work at a financial firm alright, I'm around these words all the time. Give me a break here haha.

[PsYcNeT]

I dunno, in my experience, if someone is having sex with you because you want it and they are legitimately not in the mood, but love you enough to #### you anyway, it ends up being pretty mediocre sex.

[SportsJunky]

The term "witholding sex" is a common term. It is part of the everyday lexicon. I'm not sure why this is confusing to someone.

[nik-]

Because everyone is a misogynist ####### according to Psycnet.

[photon]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

I dunno, in my experience, if someone is having sex with you because you want it and they are legitimately not in the mood, but love you enough to #### you anyway, it ends up being pretty mediocre sex.

Maybe, but it can also bring the other person around, or work to establish a longer pattern of deeper intimacy. Like MattyC said sex in such a relationship is very important, and without it the relationship will suffer. Setting times to have sex even if both aren't horny as hell can be important; rather than waiting until one feels in the mood, being intimate can help the mood come more easily down the road. EDIT: In a long term relationship not every encounter is going to be mind blowing sex.

Of course it can be a lot more complex than that, which is why a good marriage counsellor can help. That he kept the spreadsheet isn't all that bad (he's clearly frustrated), sending to her is pretty bad, her posting it to reddit is as bad if not worse.

Ultimately we don't know enough to judge, why is she not interested? Maybe she's changed mentally or physically and feels unattractive and just needs a bit more effort to feel like she's attractive to him. Maybe she's being unrealistic in her expectations, marriage after 15 years isn't like marriage after 2. Maybe it's physiological, things can change libido. Regardless, they clearly aren't going to understand the why by not communicating.

[PsYcNeT]

Originally Posted by photon

Maybe, but it can also bring the other person around, or work to establish a longer pattern of deeper intimacy.

The issue is definitely a lot more complicated than this, however this statement smacks of "#### her til she likes it". Sex is a two way street, and establishing intimacy doesn't always require penis in vagina ####ing.

[photon]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

The issue is definitely a lot more complicated than this, however this statement smacks of "#### her til she likes it". Sex is a two way street, and establishing intimacy doesn't always require penis in vagina ####ing.

It doesn't smack of "#### her till she likes it", unless that's what you are looking for, because clearly that's not what I mean, and clearly that's not what the therapists or psychologists who say that kind of thing mean either.

Like I said there can be a lot of causes for a change of libido, or your desire for your partner, this is assuming that the situation isn't physical, or that one partner is mistreating the other; that it is something that can be worked through.

It's not about doing something against a person's will, it's that both people are committed to the relationship and their desire to maintain (or improve if there are problems) it means they'll do things to achieve the goal. Sometimes that means talking things out or expressing feelings when one isn't in the mood. Sometimes that means making a schedule for sex when the spontaneous method isn't meeting the needs of both partners.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

Sex is a two way street, and establishing intimacy doesn't always require penis in vagina ####ing.

Of course not, bit it does require some two-way interaction. If, for example, every time he asked for it she just gave him a HJ or a BJ and never got into it herself, then that's going to satisfy his physical desire, but it's not going to do anything to satisfy the needs of the relationship for either of them and it'll just stay the same or probably make it worse.