Mascot Attacked

[CaptainCrunch]

Still not close to Tucker Max attacking a mascot at a minor league game

Right before the second intermission, some guy comes up and asks our section if anyone wants to go on the ice and shoot pucks against the mascot,
“OH ME ME ME!! I WANT TO DO IT!! ME ME ME!!”
The guy kinda stares at me hesitantly, but since no one else in the 1/4 full section dares get up and challenge my drunken enthusiasm, I become the chosen one. I get down to the staging area behind the penalty box, and the other two participants are a girl who was so skinny she looked like she spent three weeks on the Miami 48-hour Miracle Diet, and a fat guy who uncannily resembled the Comic Book Guy from The Simpson’s. I asked him if he owns a comic book store, and I guess this is a joke he’s heard often, because he got kinda mad at me. Unsure of how to react to his visible anger, I say “Worst. Reaction. Ever.” This didn’t help.
The waifish usher explains the rules to us: We get a hockey stick and a puck, and are allowed to take one shot against the mascot, this big, furry, dog looking thing. Anyone who scores gets tickets to the next game. I chime in,
Tucker “I don’t want to go to the next game. This place sucks.”
Usher [stares at me with contempt for a minute] “You can’t take your beer on the ice with you.”
Once on the ice I flip off the crowd, and start my advance on the mascot. Right before I am about to shoot the puck, genius strikes me.
I hurl my stick at the mascot to confuse him, kick the puck into the goal, tackle the mascot into the net, pull his jersey over his head, and start delivering directed body shots into his ribs.
Raise your hand up if you’ve ever heard a professional team mascot say “What the #### are you doing, you #######?”
I’m not sure if I have ever laughed so hard as when this big fuzzy brown head let loose with a rapid fire barrage of curse words. I am so in tears laughing at him, that I can barely keep up giving him body shots. Of course, my laughter only makes him madder, and I eventually lose the upper hand. He gets me rolled over and ends up on top of me. He is now completely engrossed in the fight, and starts hitting me back, all while I am laughing hysterically.
The crowd went nuts. I mean honestly–picture this scene in your head.
The entire time, the announcer is standing 10 feet away, completely dumbfounded. He had no idea what to do or say, until the mascot got on top, when he finally comes over and pulls the mascot off of me. It actually took him a few minutes to get the mascot composed. The mascot had completely lost his ####; he wanted to keep fighting me, especially after I got up and threw my hands in the air, receiving boisterous cheers from the crowd.
I was escorted off the ice, to continued cheers, when someone who appeared to be in charge started throwing around a lot of words like “assault” and “battery.” I paused, staring at him while I composed my thoughts, and said,
Tucker “I’m sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.”
He stared at me, completely silent, for what seemed like three or four minutes, and then just turned and walked away. I was kicked out of the area, and told not to ever come back.
I had to wait by the car for a good hour and a half until dumbass Mark came stumbling out. When I asked him why he was so late, and didn’t leave when I was kicked out, he looked at me strangely and said,
“You got kicked out? What did you do?”

http://www.tuckermax.com/stories/tuc...auses-trouble/

[Robbob]

Originally Posted by Table 5

Your jokes would still be funny without having to tell us you are about to make a joke.

Just the sign of the times where you have to be careful of what you say*.

*I may or may not stand behind this post. No pets were harmed in the posting of this post...except the marmot, which if you ask the guy with tribal tattoos wearing the affliction T-shirt driving the big truck with the rubber balls attached to the trailer hitch, that he got what was coming to him.

[Righteous1]

Must be a Canucks fan

[Miniac]

Originally Posted by J-bo09

Give the guy 30 days in jail and a fine. Assault is assault

And a life time ban from that arena.

[icecube]

Tucker Max is the J. Peterman of storytelling. Three quarters of his tall tales only happened in his mind, the other quarter happened to other people.

[Soliak]

Originally Posted by icecube

Tucker Max is the J. Peterman of storytelling. Three quarters of his tall tales only happened in his mind, the other quarter happened to other people.

True that. I used to hangout on their forums a bit and it became clear he was a pathological liar.

[Locke]

Holy crap! Getting pile-driven into the ice like that would hurt like hell! What the hell was that guy thinking?

[Bertuzzied]

I"m going to goto hell, but i can't stop laughing...

Sorry Marty McSoremont

[endeavor]

reminded me of this

[cznTiburon]

Originally Posted by J-bo09

Give the guy 30 days in jail and a fine. Assault is assault

If charge he will probably get a couple hours community service and some probation time, which would be rediculous. The mascot could have died smackin his head off the ice

[combustiblefuel]

Originally Posted by cznTiburon

If charge he will probably get a couple hours community service and some probation time, which would be rediculous. The mascot could have died smackin his head off the ice

I think this guy will get more than that. Marty does alot for every Charity in Victoria . HE helps ours alot . And the reason I think he will get more is because He helps the cops for cancer in town Alot . The Cops always have Him Helping out with what ever they have going on . jusst a side note Marty didnt win Best mascot in Canada. He Won Mascot of the year in the world . He even beat Mickey Mouse.

He picked the wrong mascot to attack. I ws suppose to go to that game but couldn't make it . My buddy said thier were people trying to get the guy back already.

[GirlySports]

yeah what if the mascot was a girl!?

I was a mascot once, a very long time ago. And part of a mascot's job is to do goofy things, have fun with people, make kids laugh and hug hot girls/guys.

I've also been the front of a small chinese lion (lion dance)

I'm quite small so something like that might have injured me permanently!

[TjRhythmic]

They should put the dood in the green shirt in a room with Kanzig. Lock the doors, close the windows and let Kanzig loose

[Travis Munroe]

Not that it makes a difference but I assumed these guys were padded like crazy. Takes guts for Harvey to balance the rail of tier 1 and tier 2 granted I havent seen it in years!

[Bertuzzied]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

yeah what if the mascot was a girl!?

I was a mascot once, a very long time ago. And part of a mascot's job is to do goofy things, have fun with people, make kids laugh and hug hot girls/guys.

I've also been the front of a small chinese lion (lion dance)

I'm quite small so something like that might have injured me permanently!

Were you a hello kitty?

When I worked at Disneyworld most of the short mascots were girls. Best job ever. work 15 minutes get a 45 minute break. Well i guess it was +35c most days.

[nik-]

I worked as a mascot once too, and it was horrible. I might have welcomed a powerslam into the ground to end it all.

[bluloc]

####in canuck fans.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by Bertuzzied

Were you a hello kitty?

When I worked at Disneyworld most of the short mascots were girls. Best job ever. work 15 minutes get a 45 minute break. Well i guess it was +35c most days.

nah..

once I was a big TOOTH at a conference. Helping a dentist friend promote dental hygiene. This was in the 90s.

[Bertuzzied]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

nah..

once I was a big TOOTH at a conference. Helping a dentist friend promote dental hygiene. This was in the 90s.

haha. thats awesome.

[bluejays]

I'm not necessarily defending the guy, but I'm assuming he was jerking around as well and thought the mascot had a little more padding. If he wanted to beat the mascot up, he'd have kicked the #### outta him, instead he tackled him and dragged him by the leg. I say no biggie...just a brain cramp on the guys part. Maybe he had mental issues, who knows? No need for a controversy though. lol