Twins (or even just one kid) - Not Happy/Ruining your Family

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by Baxter Renegade

I couldnt even imagine 2 babies at once... Man, one will suck your very life force and sweet, sweet slumber from your core...

2? One wakes up, wakes the other... The other wakes up, wakes the other. Feed both, burp both, one gets gassy and wakes the other.... Holy crap. Babies are not cool. Kids are alright, but babies test your humanity like no other...

Maybe my kids are an anomaly, but they sleep through almost anything happening with one of the others. For example, my oldest (6) has night terrors on occasion and sleeps in the same room as our youngest (2).

Youngest is the worst sleeper of all of my kids, by an astronomical margin, and I can count on one hand the times she has been woken up by another kid in the same room.

[Table 5]

Personally, one of the reasons why I wouldn't like to have multiples at once is because it would make breastfeeding a lot harder for the mom. I had no idea before how much actual time that takes. Nurse for 30-45 minutes, then repeat in an hour or so....for 24 hours a day. For the first few months my wife was pretty much a non-stop dairy shop.

Thank god they speed up as they get older, but it doesn't matter how many extra hands there are, there's only one person who can nurse. Having to formula feed would be something we would like to avoid as much as possible, and that seems a lot harder to do with twins/triplets.

[guzzy]

my wife and i have one son. Absolutely no regrets there. We stopped there though and do not regret our decision. Neither of us were really moved by the whole "first three months" baby thing. Crying, crapping, whining. We couldn't handle it. Our son is great and started school this year.
we both realize that children are not easy. Once they are adults the benefits of having a large family are definitely worth it. The price of getting there wasn't worth it for us.

[GGG]

I think the people in the article are pretty whiny especially because they chose to implant multiple embryos rather than just one. In Canada it is recommended to only implant one due to the risk of multiples. In Quebec where IVF IS funded they will only implant one. The cost of implantation after the embryos have been created is also quite low at 2-3 thousand including drugs. So people are definately taking a risky approach when roughly 50% of embryos will implant.

[bossy22]

I have twin 15 year old boys. The first 1.5 years was tough. No sleep whatsoever. They always alternated things, like teething, being sick, ear infections, etc. So teething lasted twice as long...which means crying and not sleeping. However, after the first 1.5 years, I think it became a lot easier. Friends with only one would have to entertain their kid and provide all of the attention. With twins, they have each other. I'd play with them, but when I need to make lunch, supper, clean, etc, it was no big deal, I'd just do it. With only one, stuff doesn't get done because you have to spend your time with that kid. Or you plop the kid in front of the tv to babysit for you.

[bossy22]

The people who are selfish are the ones who want kids but still try to have their non-kid lifestyle. I have a friend who wants to have a child, but she won't give up her bike racing all over BC. Plus she has a full time job. She doesn't get that something will have to give. Fortunately her husband does, so they aren't having kids.

[Buff]

I wish my sister never had kids. They are ruining the extended family.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by guzzy

my wife and i have one son. Absolutely no regrets there. We stopped there though and do not regret our decision. Neither of us were really moved by the whole "first three months" baby thing. Crying, crapping, whining. We couldn't handle it. Our son is great and started school this year.
we both realize that children are not easy. Once they are adults the benefits of having a large family are definitely worth it. The price of getting there wasn't worth it for us.

Am I the only one who finds this post full of contradictory nonsense?

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by bossy22

The people who are selfish are the ones who want kids but still try to have their non-kid lifestyle. I have a friend who wants to have a child, but she won't give up her bike racing all over BC. Plus she has a full time job. She doesn't get that something will have to give. Fortunately her husband does, so they aren't having kids.

Yeah, if you don't want to give up your lifestyle, there's nothing wrong with not having a child. A lot of people shouldn't and I'm glad some people realize that. But as soon as that kid pops out, the decision has been made for you. Life is not about you anymore, whether you like it or not. I think a lot of people have trouble adjusting to that after so many years of only thinking about themselves. I know I had to adjust my expectations... and its 100x harder for the mom than it is for us dads.

I think it gets easier when you realize, and are ok with, not having it all. Career life, Family life, Social life....something has to give...but it shouldn't be the baby.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by fotze

I don't see how people can say those who do not have kids are selfish. Having kids when you do not want them is the ultimate in selfishness. To bring a life into the world for some carrying on of your precious genes is...well there is nothing more selfish than that. Raising them is what takes selflessness, but having them that was about you and only you.

I agree with that. I have also seen some people that didn't want to be parents at first, turn out to be parent of the year candidates.

It is something you have to be ready for.

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by fotze

There is also the other extreme where the parent scraps every thing and just smothers the child.

No doubt you have to find some sort of balance, but I'd rather a newborn get too much attention from their parents than not enough. Obviously you don't want them turning into a clingy wiener of a child, but I think thats much more relevant when they get older.

[jeffman]

Originally Posted by fotze

There is also the other extreme where the parent scraps every thing and just smothers the child.

Yikes do you think they'll get the chair?

[DuffMan]

If I had twins or more, I 'd just keep the better one and sell the other(s).

[Muta]

I have decided to not have kids, and I have prepared myself to accept the incoming flak from relatives. I can't even consistently make my lunch, let alone having mini-terrorists ruining my daily routine. If that's selfish, so be it. Atleast I'm honest about it.

Plus, I cannot contribute to the overpopulation of the Earth. It's too high as it is.

[undercoverbrother]

The weakest of the twins should be killed.

[Nyah]

I don't understand where all of you are seeing this negativity directed towards people who choose not to have kids. I've never been called selfish, and the worst reaction I got was from my Mom, because she wasn't getting any grandkids out of me and that was teasing disapointment at best. She wasn't upset at all.

I even did a Google search to try to find & read articles and blogs calling the childless selfish, and all I found were articles and blogs with the childless defending themselves. I couldn't find a single (reputable) article accusing people who choose to not have kids 'selfish'. From what I read it just seemed like a bunch of people trying to justify their choice for not having kids even though there really was no need for justification. I don't get it. Does this supposed negativity come from family, friends, coworkers, etc.?

[GoinAllTheWay]

Originally Posted by Muta

I have decided to not have kids, and I have prepared myself to accept the incoming flak from relatives. I can't even consistently make my lunch, let alone having mini-terrorists ruining my daily routine. If that's selfish, so be it. Atleast I'm honest about it.

Plus, I cannot contribute to the overpopulation of the Earth. It's too high as it is.

And you thought it through, that's about 100x more effort than some of the parents I see out there. I've seen so many parents that had kids simply because "it's what you do" and that is a terrible reason to have kids IMO.

Personally, I've wrestled BIG TIME with the choice as to wether or not I want to have kids and it really does suck. I figured if I didn't want one so bad it hurts, maybe I really shouldn't. That being said, there are days when I'm sitting in the food court of Chinook or something and look at dads with their sons/daughters and I do feel a pang of jealousy. That's hard sometimes.....

Personaly, I've never been callled selfish for not having kids yet, I think it's quite a bit more common place these days. That would have to be one of the most igorant things someone could say though. I've often thought about what my reasons for having a kid would be and all of them have to do with me, not the kid.

[The Goon]

I felt this cover really rubbed salt in the wound.

[tete]

Originally Posted by GGG

I think the people in the article are pretty whiny especially because they chose to implant multiple embryos rather than just one. In Canada it is recommended to only implant one due to the risk of multiples. In Quebec where IVF IS funded they will only implant one. The cost of implantation after the embryos have been created is also quite low at 2-3 thousand including drugs. So people are definately taking a risky approach when roughly 50% of embryos will implant.

The reason why many will implant more than 1 (most clinics will only do 2, maybe more if they're poor quality) is the sheer costs - when you're shelling out 10K + for fertility treatments, you kind of want to ensure you get a successful pregnancy the first time, instead of shelling out more cash for frozen embryo transfers or a fresh round. 2-3K can still be a huge amount, particulary after the first outset of cash for couples. Throw in the emotional side of fertility treatments, most just want to undergo the procedures once. I totally support Single Embryo Transfers but I can't see that happening unless the province steps up and funds IVF.

[SeeBass]

Well as a couple who chose to never have kids we will be leaving for Hawaii for the third time in 12 months tomorrow, to a hotel on the beach during off peak hours with minimal kids.

Selfish indeed.