Lending money to a friend.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by puffnstuff

A bigger help might be seeing if you can find a way to help deadbeat boyfriend get a job.

If you are able to find the guy a decent job and it becomes obvious he simply does not want to work, this could be a huge wake up call for her.

[T@T]

Originally Posted by Handsome B. Wonderful

Never "lend" anyone money unless you expect to never see it again.
Never "lend" a friend money unless you expect to both never see it again and see it wasted.

Agreed, Never lend money to a friend,give it to them if you can with the understanding that if I ever need it back and you have it...great.

Friendship is priceless.

[Deviaant]

Thats a really good idea I think I will try and get the guy a job. It wont be the best job but it will help pay the bills. Ill give him a call and maybe play it like hey saw this job come up and thought you might be interested.

[Caged Great]

I once lent money to my best friend. Like you, I didn't care about the money. It still ended the friendship almost immediately as she began to think of me as an ATM, bugging me any time she was in financial problems.

It really is pandora's box. Find other ways to enable your friend.

[CaptainCrunch]

Be prepared to lose the friendship plain and simple.

As long as the deadbeat boyfriend is there, there is no point you will just become a personal begging bank and she will use guilt.

Once that spigot is on its impossible to turn it off, its probably easier to deal with a heroin addict that you don't know.

Just say no.

Don't get involved.

[Dienasty]

I think it is fine to lend money, just ask for post dated cheques and inform them when you will be cashing them, state a schedule and post date the cheques to those date. However someone who is stupid with money, is not someone you want to lend money to, as they will just consume it the same way they have been consuming there money on frivolous items. What I would do is a) buy dividend paying shares for them and explain that they need to use the dividends to pay off credit card debt. That way it is like you have control over the money and have a chance for it to appreciate, while they can get some monthly income. Maybe when they see how nice it is to have passive income they might try to save some cash to get more. You can also put more in the investment as you have control over it. I would look at banks or pipelines to keep the initial investment fairly safe.

[puffnstuff]

Originally Posted by Deviaant

Thats a really good idea I think I will try and get the guy a job. It wont be the best job but it will help pay the bills. Ill give him a call and maybe play it like hey saw this job come up and thought you might be interested.

Not where you work though. Or with someone you know...odds are he won't do a good job, right? Do some footwork for him, search some ads up for him, help with his resume, that kind of thing. And good luck.

[DuffMan]

Get a new BFF and stop being an enabler.

You've gotten a lot of solid advice in this thread, I think.

[St. Pats]

Originally Posted by DuffMan

Get a new BFF and stop being an enabler.

You've gotten a lot of solid advice in this thread, I think.

Exactly. This is a ridiculous situation. A guy who won't look for work and you intend to enable him? This isn't helping your friend. Side with the mother and help your friend boot the loser out the door.

[TheGrimm]

Plot twist: Her kids are your kids too!?

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Deviaant

What is your take on helping a friend out?

I have a friend (my best friend actually) and she has fallen on some rough times. She has 4 kids and her bf is in my words a deadbeat, he is lazy and very unmotivated to do anything to improve the situation. I am doing renovations and have offered work for cash on numerous occasions. He has refused every offer.

My bffs mom is very well off and what I cant figure out is why my friends mom wont help her daughter out. When I asked my friend she gets a bit defensive and upset. I know my friend of under a lot of stress right now, so much in fact she is on medical stress leave from work. Her bf is not working a steady job so they live very lean.

I can afford to help them out the money is not really a concern to me however what I dont want to happen is to lose a dear friendship.

I have asked how much she needs but she only says whatever you can afford. To me it sounds like she needs a fair chunk of change but I also know her and speaking about money is an uncomfortable topic.

To prevent losing a friendship what I was considering was just buying a bunch of groceries for them and maybe slipping her $500. $500 is an amount id be ok with never seeing again. I feel if I lent her more and she had issues paying me back id be a bit upset and I am just not prepared to lose my best friend over some money.

The only thing that really makes me question things is why wont her mom help her out. I will say I do know her mother and she is pretty self centred and nasty so her refusal to help her daughter is not really a shock to me.

Any ideas/advice?

Was the offer of cash work made in front of your best friend? If she's still with him after realizing he's completely unwilling to work/help support them, it's probably a lost cause, imo.

[Gary83]

I will say that if my wife's BFF was a male I would be annoyed and pissed and I sure as hell wouldn't want to work with him either.

I have literally zero female friends outside of women that were/are already friends with my wife. Seems weird.

Also, after three failed friendships due to lending money to friends I would definitely not do it.

[To Be Quite Honest]

First of all, why is she with him? Does she think that having 4 kids is a problem? Most guys won't go into a relationship with that kind of responsibility. She needs to understand where she is and why she is doing what she is doing before she can either adjust or stay where she is. If you are willing to invest in her financially then she is certainly worth investing in emotionally so ask her. Where does she see herself in the next five years. Where is he? Where are they? After such a talk I am sure doors will open or understandings will be made. / Confucius

[jammies]

Use the money to hire a hooker and a private detective. Send hooker to their house when she is at work, with PI ready to take pictures. I think you know how this turns out.

[CaptainCrunch]

related question, where the hell are these woman that are totally willing to hook up with guys like this. Seriously, I seem to find every chick that obsesses about jobs and money and having a stable guy with a good house and job.

Gentlemen, I'm plainly looking for a stupid woman with big cans.

[The Coppernian One]

Originally Posted by Deviaant

Thats a really good idea I think I will try and get the guy a job. It wont be the best job but it will help pay the bills. Ill give him a call and maybe play it like hey saw this job come up and thought you might be interested.

Agree with Cowperson's statement about the mother.

Uninformed about the dynamics of the situation, but if you go this route it may be a good idea to include her in the process - ie - heard about this opportunity, think (boyfriend's name) may be interested? I could help him out with a resume, etc. If he is a deadbeat this may help her realize it and help her make her choice about what her future holds (as another poster above said).

You're the only one who knows the dynamics the the relationship between the two of you and how any of this advice may affect it.

[mykalberta]

In my past with friends $1000 one time per friend has been my "throw away" limit.

With gift/throw away money you have to be prepared that they wont spend it wisely and you have to be ok with that and not condescending about it. Just make sure you stick to your only $X amount and thats it.

You sort of know the quality of your friend after that so it can be a good thing, if in X years when they are back on their feet and you get an unexpected payback like I did from a friend you know they are stand up people. If you never hear about it again then you also know something about your friend which will allow you to judge your friendship better in the future.

[DuffMan]

Would she perform oral sex on your for cash donations?

[Minnie]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Gentlemen, I'm plainly looking for a stupid woman with big cans.

Target opened today...

[blankall]

Just thought about it, maybe we are being too hard on the deadbeat.

OP, is he some sort of stay at home husband? Does he do all the cooking/cleaning/etc. while she works? If so, that could change our view of things.