How much do you assess your financial value in marriage consideration and thereafter?

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by JohnnyB

In modern China, nobody gives a s#%t what the scholar thinks because he isn't driving a BMW and can't afford any mistresses....

Go to sleep

I'll craft an answer for you by morning.
Girl's point of view.

[JohnnyB]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Go to sleep

I'll craft an answer for you by morning.
Girl's point of view.

Good deal!

[Kybosh]

Why wasn't I informed of this last November when I was in China?!?!

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by Kybosh

Why wasn't I informed of this last November when I was in China?!?!

You weren't looking hard enough. Or you should have advertised on the shanghai singles board.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by Bertuzzied

Why are you bitter? is it because they have snow white-like skin? hehe

This guy my wife knows did some sort of crazy immigration marriage where he got like $40,000us. Big bucks but he was really sad she wouldn't sleep with him though.hehe

Not that I would ever consider it for any reason in any circumstances that I can imagine, but if I am getting married to someone for financial reasons, sex better be part of the understanding. Either from her, or a live in 'nanny'.

[flylock shox]

Ha ha. Someone's been at the Belgian beer bar til 3AM methinks...

I'm not quite sure I understand this either, so I'll try to cover all the bases here.

In considering her financial worth, I wouldn't give it a second thought: it would offend what my gf calls my "heteronormative masculine" values (i.e. I don't like the idea being a man-ho who doesn't "stand on his own two feet").

In considering my financial worth, again, I probably wouldn't give it much thought, with the proviso that I would be vigilantly guarding against gold-digging in any relationship I entered. Or visa-digging, or whatever.

In terms of exploiting my own financial worth in pursuing a relationship, it's a card I'd be hesitant to play because, again, I'd be concerned I was just getting involved with a gold-digger.

So, basically, I'd have no problem dating a rich chick, but wouldn't rate her wealth as a major factor in my attraction to her, and I wouldn't exploit my wealth to try to pursue a woman who considered it to be that important a factor in her relationship with me.

Good thing I'm poor. Keeps things simple

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by JohnnyB

Edit： I know this is probably an ' important in the rest of the world but not here' type of conversation, but here goes anyways...

Just finished having a very interesting conversation with a good friend of mine on a broad variety of topics including your worth upon entering a marriage. This was interesting to him because we are both in China and he knows well from the position that he is in that people here will pay as much as 30,000,000rmb for citizenship to Australia or to the UK. He has both citizenships and has had two multimillionaire women propose to him in virtue of such. He has turned them down because he is confident he can find a multimillionairesse who he also wants to be with.

I'm already a married guy, but he was pushing me to consider the fact that my Canadian and British citizenship carry a combined 60,000,000rmb value to people here in dealing with family issues and that I should constantly be conscious of this.

In reality, I know this is how people think here in China, so I think he has a great deal of reason on his side. Life in China has often made me think that my idealism is a phenomenal practical failing.

What do others on here think about it?

Originally Posted by JohnnyB

The thing is that financial worth is a standard consideration for marriageability here in China, especially in Shanghai. I don't agree with it from a moral point of view, but I know that is how many people here function and that it is a serious practical consideration.
Just want to get others weighing in on how they would consider the wealth a person brings in assessing the viability of a marriage, or how someone should assess the value of individual wealth in ongoing family relationships thereafter.

Edit: If you were worth say $10,000,000 and you knew that family relations only cared about money, how would this affect your relationship with them?

Originally Posted by JohnnyB

To be clear, that's not what my wife is about at all. But, for the rest of the family, I don't know.

Personal worth in Shanghai is related for many, many people to monetary worth only. Obviously something like a citizenship isn't something that is provided a clear financial value upon entering into a marriage, but it does hold a clear financial value if you are in China. That's kind of how things are here. When you're in shallow circumstances, should it be considered in dealing with family? Would you?

I quoted you a few times just to put everything in context. I'm going to approach this in a bit of a different way. I may use terms like the marry-er (the person giving the money) and the marry-eee (the person receiving the money) from time to time so bear with me.

You open saying that this is ' important in the rest of the world but not here' which I totally agree with. I don't think Canadians can grasp the concept of marriage being a financial transaction or a business proposition. It's total culture shock.

We have a couple of issues here to differentiate... Chinese paying to marry abroad and leave China.. and Chinese marry each other.

China has turned into a cash-only society. Everyone is measured the size of their bank account. However even the really rich want to leave China. Why? To have money in China may seem like a good deal.. but having money in China, it isn't really your money. The banks are controlled by the government, currency is controlled by the government (the government can at anytime not let you withdraw money) and even your house that you bought, you can only own for 50 years or something weird like that. So no matter how rich you are in China.. leaving China is still the better option.

Marrying to leave China

I actually think your friend is pulling your leg. Why would a multi-millionaire Chinese woman have to marry someone from abroad for citizenship? Canada and the US have 'investor immigration' programs. In Canada, a foreigner simply has to invest $800000 and prove net assets of $1,600,000 to apply for permanent residency. There is a cap of 700 people allowed to do this per year. So the figures that your friend is giving are way too high. The $40,000 Bertuzzied mentioned earlier is more around the ballpark figure that I know of.

http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigra...tors/index.asp

So if you're friend's story is true and he's reject million dollar deals, he's stupid.

You ask "how they would consider the wealth a person brings in assessing the viability of a marriage, or how someone should assess the value of individual wealth in ongoing family relationships thereafter." I don't know think this matters at all. A fake marriage is what is it, a fake marriage. The marry-er from China pays marry-eee from Canada $40000 to marry her and bring her to Canada so she can start a life. There is no contact with in-laws, there probably isn't even a wedding. Just all paperwork. You don't even get to touch her. In Canada, the couple stays married for awhile because getting divorced right away would be suspicious, doesn't even live in the same house, doesn't even see each other. It's just a contract.

Marrying Within China

This is the issue Chinese struggle more of on those Chinese forum Johnny mentions. Marrying based on class and marrying based on money.

In China, they mostly still follow the tradition of the women marrying into the groom's family. You say "financial worth is a standard consideration for marriageability here in China, especially in Shanghai." I'm trying to think of an example. Would it be a rich middle-aged man buying an early-20s girl to be his wife? Or do you mean just 20-somethings marrying within their own class (or a bit higher up)? Or gold-diggers? I'm not sure which of the 3 scenarios you think is a shallow circumstance. I think here you are a bit unclear and that's why some other have asked questions.

I'll stop here and wait for more clarification.....

[Northendzone]

So your friend has turned down marriage proposals from two women whom are millionaires?

If he gets one more proposal he should accept it. I mean what are the odds of getting a fourth proposal from a 4th woman who has millions.....

[afc wimbledon]

I am having a bit of a fling with a 35 year old girl from Singapore right now so this thread is aprapo, I am 50 and feel like a bit of a perv but it would appear being relatively well off and a home owner knocks 10 years off to asian women.

Have no intention of marrying anyone though, I like my #### and want to keep it all.

[The Yen Man]

Here is the sad reality of Chinese society, especially in Shanghai. It doesn't matter how good looking or how charismatic you are, Shanghainese women are only attracted to guys with status and money. They don't care how old or ugly the guy is, as long as he has money, he'll attract the best looking women.

Having recently watched a documentary on this, money rules all in China. An average 600sqft condo in the city costs roughly $3M RMB. Your average worker with a decent job makes about $6,000 RMB a month. In China, you need to put 50% down, so people have to come up with $1.5M in cash before they can even get into the market. Chinese people realize that no matter how hard you work, the average person will not be able to afford a house in their lifetime.

A woman's dream in China is to find a rich husband. If they can't do that, the next best thing is to be a mistress to rich people. In China, women are literally like cars. Rich guys will show off to each other their mistresses. It really is like a status symbol. Its to the point where it's not even enough to have one, you have to have multiple ones. I have a friend who proudly shows off his 3 mistresses to me.

China is also a place where you will get nowhere without connections. Unlike the West, where if you are hard working and smart enough, you can be anything you want to be, and be successful. Kids can come from a poor family and work hard to become a professional (ie. doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc), and become financially stable. In China, the only way to get ahead is to have connections.

As a Chinese person, it's pretty sad to see, and I'm thankful everyday that my parents immigrated here back in the 70s and I was born in Canada. There is no way I'd want to raise my kids in a society where you raise your daughters to become rich people's toys, and your son can be brilliant but not amount to anything because he doesn't know the right people.

[GirlySports]

Shanghai Marriage Expo!

Big picture:

NSFW!

You can advertise yourself and people will select you just based on how much you make.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by The Yen Man

Here is the sad reality of Chinese society, especially in Shanghai. It doesn't matter how good looking or how charismatic you are, Shanghainese women are only attracted to guys with status and money. They don't care how old or ugly the guy is, as long as he has money, he'll attract the best looking women.

Having recently watched a documentary on this, money rules all in China. An average 600sqft condo in the city costs roughly $3M RMB. Your average worker with a decent job makes about $6,000 RMB a month. In China, you need to put 50% down, so people have to come up with $1.5M in cash before they can even get into the market. Chinese people realize that no matter how hard you work, the average person will not be able to afford a house in their lifetime.

A woman's dream in China is to find a rich husband. If they can't do that, the next best thing is to be a mistress to rich people. In China, women are literally like cars. Rich guys will show off to each other their mistresses. It really is like a status symbol. Its to the point where it's not even enough to have one, you have to have multiple ones. I have a friend who proudly shows off his 3 mistresses to me.

China is also a place where you will get nowhere without connections. Unlike the West, where if you are hard working and smart enough, you can be anything you want to be, and be successful. Kids can come from a poor family and work hard to become a professional (ie. doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc), and become financially stable. In China, the only way to get ahead is to have connections.

As a Chinese person, it's pretty sad to see, and I'm thankful everyday that my parents immigrated here back in the 70s and I was born in Canada. There is no way I'd want to raise my kids in a society where you raise your daughters to become rich people's toys, and your son can be brilliant but not amount to anything because he doesn't know the right people.

It sounds like an awful society, and a terrible place to live.

[Clarkey]

Do the Chinese idolize Westerners living in China?

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by The Yen Man

Here is the sad reality of Chinese society, especially in Shanghai. It doesn't matter how good looking or how charismatic you are, Shanghainese women are only attracted to guys with status and money. They don't care how old or ugly the guy is, as long as he has money, he'll attract the best looking women.

Having recently watched a documentary on this, money rules all in China. An average 600sqft condo in the city costs roughly $3M RMB. Your average worker with a decent job makes about $6,000 RMB a month. In China, you need to put 50% down, so people have to come up with $1.5M in cash before they can even get into the market. Chinese people realize that no matter how hard you work, the average person will not be able to afford a house in their lifetime.

A woman's dream in China is to find a rich husband. If they can't do that, the next best thing is to be a mistress to rich people. In China, women are literally like cars. Rich guys will show off to each other their mistresses. It really is like a status symbol. Its to the point where it's not even enough to have one, you have to have multiple ones. I have a friend who proudly shows off his 3 mistresses to me.

China is also a place where you will get nowhere without connections. Unlike the West, where if you are hard working and smart enough, you can be anything you want to be, and be successful. Kids can come from a poor family and work hard to become a professional (ie. doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc), and become financially stable. In China, the only way to get ahead is to have connections.

As a Chinese person, it's pretty sad to see, and I'm thankful everyday that my parents immigrated here back in the 70s and I was born in Canada. There is no way I'd want to raise my kids in a society where you raise your daughters to become rich people's toys, and your son can be brilliant but not amount to anything because he doesn't know the right people.

Cut them a break, within my lifetime they were reduced to eating grass and choosing which child they could keep alive ala N Korea, to go from that to where they are now is both incredible and massively psycholgically disruptive at the same time.