Lending friends and family money

[getbak]

The only way I would consider it is if I was the one responsible for him wanting to take the trip.

For example, if you were going to have a bachelor party in Vegas and had 10 people you wanted to go, and 9 of them were all people you met in University or at work and they all make tons of money and can easily afford the trip, but the 10th guy is someone you've known forever but doesn't have a high-paying job and lives from cheque to cheque. You don't want to say no to the trip but you also don't want to force your friend into a crippling debt just to attend your bachelor party.

In that situation, I would consider giving the friend the money.

[old-fart]

My personal rule is that I never lend money to friends or family unless I am prepared to consider it a 'gift' (i.e. yes, it is a loan but one I'm fully prepared to forget about as to not cause other grief). This rule for me basically means I don't lend out large sums of money very often, and then only in very specific cases like the one Ken mentioned above (a family emergency type deal).

The good news is this had led to me never having to worry about it - I lend when I think it is ok and if I get it back, great. If not, I'm still good with it. Incidentally, I think I've always gotten it back except for perhaps a few very small amounts that just got lost in time ($20 that I never saw again type things).

[BlackArcher101]

I have one policy in life that I stick to, and that's don't mix friends and/or family with my employment or financials.

[Canada 02]

you should go on the vacation and send him a postcard

[getbak]

Originally Posted by chemgear

Isn't this why people tap the crap out of their line of credit(s) anyhow? Why would you ask somebody else for vacations?

He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would get a LoC from a bank.

[JMN]

Nope, you're not a bad friend. I would never lend a friend money so that he can take a vacation that he can't afford. That's just sad.

[Pizza]

Have to agree with everyone else in this thread.

Though the fact that he's mad at you for not lending him money sounds like he's got some major entitlement issues. Why would he plan, or even think about planning a vacation when he doesnt have the money, or credit facility to fund it? It's like he's believing your money is his money

I have to ask, Is he an Occupy Calgary Hippie?

[afc wimbledon]

Offer to lend him a tent, that should heal the rift!

[MelBridgeman]

You did the right thing. And you being a good friend, maybe this will motivate him not to live paycheque to paycheque - thats a good thing.

And has stated if he truly is a friend he should come around quickly

[sa226]

It's not the point but I almost don't believe the OP, and think hes just trying to generate some form of discussion.

I can't fathom in a million years ever asking a friend for thousands of dollars for anything let alone a vacation.

Do I live in some fairytale life that I think this never happens?

How good of a friend is this person that would put you in a position to have to say no?

[jtfrogger]

I someone close to you asks you for a substantial loan, I personally wouldn't do it unless you were willing to let the money disappear. I can't remember where I first heard that advice, but I am glad that I did hear it and in fact taken that advice.

I have been in this situation twice, where someone asked for a substantial loan. Strangely enough, they were both a result of gambling debt.

In the first case, my best friend from high school asked me for a loan to help pay for his schooling. I already had my university degree. He was really smart and for some reason kept dropping out of programs and was on his third or fourth program. We had been living in different cities for a number of years and I didn't know all the details of how his life was going. His parents were reasonably well off and considered education extremely important. This smelt fishy to me and I didn't loan him any money. I found out a few years later that he was a gambling addict and the money he was asking for was to fuel his gambling habit. Luckily, he has turned his life around.

The second time, was my sister. Her husband had run them into severe debt through gambling. They had separated and my sister wanted $2000 so that she could do a few renovations in her home. She was in pretty bad financial shape at the time. I lent her the money and figured there was no chance that I was getting it back. She was a single mother with low or maybe even negative net worth. To my surprise, she did eventually pay me back. However, it did take a long time (something like 8-10 years). Most of the repayment came about $100 at a time. The fact that I mentally got myself to a place where I had no expectation of getting it back meant that I never mentioned it to her. I never asked her when I would get my next payment. In fact, by the time she paid it off, I had lost track of how much was owing. I can't imagine what our relationship would be like now if I did demand the money at any time. My approach could have lost me up to $2000. An alternative approach could have lost me a relationship with my sister. In the end, I got to keep both. I did remember thinking at the time that her repairs seemed somewhat frivolous and they could be deferred. Looking back now, they really weren't that frivolous. I am glad I didn't give my opinion, because my opinion was wrong.

[Acid Rush]

You have to teach him about responsibility and living within means.

If I were to lend money to a friend or family member, it has to be for something important and not wasteful.

[puckluck]

Originally Posted by sa226

It's not the point but I almost don't believe the OP, and think hes just trying to generate some form of discussion.

I can't fathom in a million years ever asking a friend for thousands of dollars for anything let alone a vacation.

Do I live in some fairytale life that I think this never happens?

How good of a friend is this person that would put you in a position to have to say no?

Yeah, no. What a weird thing to lie about. I'm sure he's not the first person in this world to go on a vacation he can't afford.

[CaptainCrunch]

You guys aren't seeing the big picture here, lend him the money at a substantial but legal rate of interest and a 90 day window to pay the loan back.

If he doesn't pay him back tell him that you'll either

a) Sell his kidney's on the black market to recover the funds.

or

b) You'll pimp him out on craig's lists man seaking man section at a rate of $50.00 per hour with the intent of getting your money recovered in a month. You'll SCWE

Then ask him if he still wants the money.You'll advertise him as a virgin curious male who needs money for tuition who possesses soft girl like hands.

[Buff]

A few bucks here or there. No big deal. I don't care if they don't pay me back that $2.19 I spent on their slurpee. We're friends. Friends do stuff like that.

Larger quantities of money is an entirely different thing. I haven't had to lend much money like that in a long time so I don't know where my cutoff would be. I used to have a friend who got himself into money issues and he needed money in his account at a certain date but he didn't get paid until a couple of days later so he was short. I'd loan him a few hundred for a few days. After three months in a row, I told him we have to stop because I don't to risk things going sour and he never asked me again.

I agree with the sentiment of everybody else here though. Money for a vacation? Nope.

[Yasa]

Originally Posted by fotze

Are you being paid by itravel2000 dot com? That's i travel two thousand dot com.

Alternatively, you could call 1-866-wow-deal, to get away for less. 1-866-wow-deal.

So this friend doesn't work much in the winter, you say. Why?

[TurnedTheCorner]

If I'm ever approached for money from family, I only give what I can afford assuming I will never see it.

[flamesfever]

I think in lending money to someone, it requires taking each situation on its own merit, and using good judgement. In the OP's case I believe it would be using very poor judgement to lend his so-called friend money to go on a holiday.

I had a brother-in-law back East who operated a small grocery store. When anyone did not have the funds to pay for their food, he just took back items until they had enough to pay for it. He did this because he found that if he said they could pay the difference the next time, they never came back.

[Slava]

I've lent money to my younger siblings and for family I would do it again. I've never been asked to lend money to anyone else actually and have never asked friends to borrow money either....it just seems strange.

With my youngest sibling I lent the money with the full intention to collect. They were young at the time and my thinking was that this was a good way to help reinforce good spending habits. I could've gifted the money but I'm not sure that would be helpful in tje long run.

[Phanuthier]

My sister wouldn't' even lend me money when I did need it, and I could pay her back! (I was changing money between international banks, needed to pay tuition, there was a 24 hr overlap and I had a deadline to pay tuition, and my sister said "too bad, take out a loan" even though I could pay her back 24 hrs later)