Calling all crotchety married people.

[MarchHare]

Now that all the merry money wasting is over, we have a few realities to take care of. One of the more important ones of course is how to divy up financial responsibility, banking accounts, and general money handling matters. I'm looking to prevent any future mental anguish.

How do you married folks handle your finances? Does everything go and come from one joint account? Or do you still keep your individual ones? What spending amount is realistic to consult the other about?

I've been married for about five years, and my wife and I have not had a single fight about money in that time. Here's how we do it:

Create a budget for shared household expenses that are (roughly) the same every month, such as mortgage payments, property tax, car payments, insurance, Internet, cable/satellite, electricity, etc.

Create a second budget for shared expenses that vary from month to month, such as groceries or going out together to restaurants and movies.

Once you've figured out exactly how much you're spending on each of these two budgets, go to your bank and setup two joint accounts. The first is your "bills" account, and the second is your "food and entertainment" account.

Next, figure out how you want to divide the expenses. My wife and I have pretty similar salaries, so we split all shared expenses 50-50. If there's a large income disparity between you and your spouse, though, you might want to divide it up proportionally based on percentage of household income instead. For example, if one partner makes 60% of the household income, he or she pays for 60% of the shared expenses. How you choose to divide your joint costs is entirely up to you.

Once you've created your two household budgets and decided how much both spouses are going to pay towards each one, setup automatic transfers so that whenever you get paid, you deposit your share into the two joint accounts.

With all shared expenses accounted for, any money remaining in your personal accounts is yours to spend as you each see fit. If she wants to buy a new pair of $300 shoes or you want to fly to Vegas for a weekend of hookers and blow with the boys, knock yourself out. You don't need to ask permission because all money needed by the household has already been covered.

[Edit]
Here's a summary of the accounts my wife and I have:

Joint account for shared recurring bills (mortgage, utilities, etc.)
Joint account for shared food and entertainment (groceries, restaurants, movies, etc.)
Personal accounts for everything else (payroll deposits go here)
Personal accounts for RRSP and TFSA contributions
Personal credit card accounts

As I said, we've been married for nearly five years and have never had a fight about money. It takes a bit of initial setup time, but the system has works fantastic for us.

[VladtheImpaler]

Originally Posted by Table 5

Ouch, that one stings....


All of the above. I guess the only issue is that since we've been living together for 2 years, some of it was acquired while we were together and with the idea that I'd use it for us in the future for....but all still 100% paid for by myself.

I just meant that, as a fellow lawyer, you should have some idea of matrimonial rights, even if it's not your specialty...
Troutman can offer much better commentary on that, plus it's NY law, which may well be different... but I would think anything acquired while living common-law would be considered joint property, regardless of who "paid" for it... Trout?

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

I just meant that, as a fellow lawyer, you should have some idea of matrimonial rights, even if it's not your specialty...

I'm a weeny graphic designer. My speciality is making crap pretty.

but I would think anything acquired while living common-law would be considered joint property, regardless of who "paid" for it...

That's kind of what I assumed too, but have no idea.

[Stay Golden]

Originally Posted by OilKiller

Joint bank account. All bills come out of the account. We share all the money. We make big purchases together.

There will always be fights about money. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

perfectly said. That is the way my marriage works. Small purchases are mutually respected. Most of my friends are the same. I have a 2 other close friends that get griped at by their wife when they buy any personal purchases say like a hockey jersey. To me that doesn't work.
Funny coincidence both of them make less than their wife.
For me it comes down if you trust your wife or you don't. If you don't then perhaps proceed with caution. Just like if a wife doesn't trust husband there probably is good reason.

Table 5 share the money, compromise and have a happy marriage

[Nufy]

Wait for that day when she says she no longer wants to work but still keep up the 2 paycheck lifestyle.

Then you'll know if she really loves you / you her etc....

[Frequitude]

We're just getting this sorted out now. It'll be 3 accounts: His, hers, and ours. Haven't sorted out if my income will go into "His" and I'll transfer into "Ours" for house stuff, or into "Ours" out of which we'll take allowance...

[Flash Walken]

Vlad thinks everyone is a scummy lawyer like himself.

I think it helps him sleep at night.

[Bunk]

It really depends on your personalities and how laid back you are about money.

We've kept our primary chequing accounts separate, but we also joke when we buy big things that it really is all coming out of the same pot anyway. Each of our paycheques go into our own accounts.

We make roughly equal, so I pay for the big bills like the mortgage, condo fees and car payment as well as insurance. She pays for some of the smaller bills like utilities, property taxes as well as purchases most of the food and gas. Almost all of our discretionary spending like entertainment, clothes shopping, travel is paid by her, so it ends up fairly even.

Where we do share is long-term investments and savings. We both funnel our money into joint accounts for these purposes.

There is no magic formula or one right way to go. Just do what suits you guys.

[Bigtime]

I should also point out having a plan for this prior to getting married is usually the best plan. Heck you could discover some warning flags about your future spouse as well.

Table 5 is better than the average man and that is why he can do this after the wedding.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by Bigtime

I should also point out having a plan for this prior to getting married is usually the best plan. Heck you could discover some warning flags about your future spouse as well.

Table 5 is better than the average man and that is why he can do this after the wedding.

My wife and I came up with our system when we were unmarried but living together. She moved into my apartment, so for the first few months she paid me cash for her share of the rent and utilities. When we went out for dinner together, we'd have conversations like, "You paid last time, I'll pick up the tab tonight." "No, I think you got the last one, it's my turn." After a few months of this, we figured it was easier to open two joint account (described above) for our shared expenses but keep our personal money separate. It's been working fantastic for us ever since.

This is another great reason to live together before getting married, IMO. If we had vastly different attitudes towards money that would have caused marital strife down the road, we would have realized it very early.

[Bigtime]

Great points, my wife and I also lived together for a few months prior to getting married. Money is one of those issues that if both parties don't talk about it openly right away it could very well lead to some big trouble down the road.

[Icon]

We just have a joint account. /shrug

[DuffMan]

postnup?

we have seperate accounts + 1 joint that pays mortgage, bills, etc.

[Displaced Flames fan]

Originally Posted by Table 5

So I did something foolish and got myself married over the weekend.

Now that all the merry money wasting is over, we have a few realities to take care of. One of the more important ones of course is how to divy up financial responsibility, banking accounts, and general money handling matters. I'm looking to prevent any future mental anguish.

How do you married folks handle your finances? Does everything go and come from one joint account? Or do you still keep your individual ones? What spending amount is realistic to consult the other about?

I was thinking it would make sense for us to have one big joint account that all income goes into and bills come out of, but to also make small contributions monthly to individual accounts for each spouse to do with as they please (ie, pretty much like an RRSP, but for fun). I don't buy a lot of things in general, but I have gotten used to having the ability to buy random toys (ie, cameras, watches) every once in a while that I'd like to continue doing if possible!

Also, the assets I'm bringing into the marriage are definitely more than hers (not a huge amount by any means, but relatively speaking). How would you recommend handling these assets going in? It's money that I worked long and hard for, but I also don't want her to feel like she can't touch it.

I want any solution to be as simple as possible, fair as possible, and most of all, prevent any future argument.

The highlighted paragraph is good. Money will kill a marriage faster than anything. What's yours is hers. What's hers is yours. I don't know how folks make it any other way.

Also, you should have had this discussion with her before getting married!

Congratulations!

[You Need a Thneed]

Everything we have is shared.

[Itse]

We started off with just keeping our own accounts, which worked fine until we got a kid, after which the "common" pot of expenses started to grow and there started to be some griping back and forth. After that we did kind of what MarcHare did with a joint account with set amounts going in there every month from both of us (50-50 split), except we set it up so that we put some extra on the joing running expenses account and occasionally if there's more extra than needed we sometimes spend that extra together.

It's been a pretty good setup.

One of the relaxing things is that it's much easier for me to see if I have money for that something I want but don't really need, and since it's my money, I can just go and buy it without asking.

I'm not great with money generally speaking, so for me it's nice to know that I can't accidentally spend more than I/we can afford.

[Pacem]

Ahhhh money.

My wife is horrible with money. Impulse shopper of the biggest kind. She has absolutely no concept of shopping around for deals. She's slowly learning, as i've saved us a tonne on major purchases by shopping around. At first it was like dragging a child around to the different stores, but she is finally used to it now. The more money we save on major purchases means more money she can spend on the crap she loves.

So this is how it goes.

Seperate Credit cards. (both have to be zero'd at the end of the month)
Seperate Checking accounts. (Wont leave her Credit Union)
Joint Checking account. (Bills come out of this)
Seperate savings. (Due to differen't banks)
Joint savings that is a rainy day fund and doesn't get touched.

For the bills that we know are the same every month they come out of the joint checking. We add those up and split them. So every month we both have to deposit X amount by the end of the month. I do the actual "work" of paying the bills, they are done online.

Gas and groceries are split evenly. They are variable so we just split those costs up as they happen. Major purchases are split. Things for the home, bigger electronics, furniture, vet bills, stuff like that.

Clothes are not split. She will spend $100 on a pair of jeans or $50 on a top. I find that to be absolutely ridiculous. Conversly she thinks spending $200 on a hockey jersey to be ridiculous. Clothes are something we don't see eye to eye on, so its easier for us just to sperate those costs.

After all the bills are paid. Money is put in savings. CC's are zero'd and gas and groceries are paid for. We both can do whatever we want with the left over money. I like electronics and the casino. She likes clothes and scrap booking.

Seems kind of confusing, but it works so far and we rarely have arguments about money now. Before we were married and we were just living together it was a bigger gongshow. It was bad and we had to come up with a solution and this works for us so far.

[Cowperson]

Originally Posted by Table 5

All of the above. I guess the only issue is that since we've been living together for 2 years, some of it was acquired while we were together and with the idea that I'd use it for us in the future for....but all still 100% paid for by myself.


.

Everyone is different and in my business I see it all kinds of different ways, including husbands and wives who have only a vague idea what the other has for long-term liquid assets.

Most commonly, however, for those marrying for the first time, there is probably going to be an inclusive sharing of everything, including long-term liquid assets where possible, and joint accounts.

If folks are marrying for the second or third time, there is a much more jaded view and its not uncommon to see assets kept fairly separate, particularly if there are children from the first marriages in the picture and where one spouse would want those assets to solely benefit their own children.

For people on their first marriage, if one person is entering the marriage with more longer-term liquid assets than the other, then the intent would be to try to balance that out through time so income streams would be fairly equal in post-retirement, as one example.

Second and third marriages invariably will view the assets as separate.

There's definitely a difference between how people entering their first marriage might handle this versus those in their second or third marriages.

Most of the time when someone brings this up as a topic on this board, the first thing they talk about is the differences they have in how money is perceived between themselves and their spouse - ie: one is a spendthrift and the other has no concept of limitations.

You didn't say that right off which probably means you and your spouse probably have roughly the same point of view and should be fine if you've already had two years of experience together.

Money can destroy relationships very quickly and permanently because the spendthrift feels their personal safety is being threatened by the person who can't save a dime and is perpetually in debt.

Cowperson

[tvp2003]

Interesting to hear what works for people. I think it totally depends on the situation, i.e. if you're both financially literate, responsible and, as a couple, financially healthy. If one of those is out of whack, that could definitely lead to problems if not addressed somehow.

My only tip is to talk about it -- money is a dealbreaker and I believe it can definitely screw up a marriage beyond repair. I think I've been lucky as me and my wife are more or less on the same page (avoiding most but not all disputes), and we're both living comfortably based on our income (always being tight for cash is likely a big stressor on marriages).

Lastly, I've never been good at budgeting so having 3+ different accounts and money getting transferred all over the place would never work for me. Now, with a single income, it's easy as my wife just puts everything on her credit card and I get to pay it off each month

[loob job]

Here's an easy way and what my wife and i do. Both keep your chequing accounts, your pay will go in here. Each pay or month we both transfer in the exact same amount to a joint account that pays out the mortgage and bills, if that account gets low you both put in the same amount to get it back up. It will take a couple months to figure out how much you'll need each month in there but it works awesome. This way you and her both have your own money to do what you want with and like previous posters said you don't have to explain to her when you go out with the boys and drop $200, you come home and tell her you spent $40.