Stress

[Maritime Q-Scout]

thanks guys, was out all afternoon, and couldn't wait to get home and read this thread.

Few comments I'll make

the "favourite friend" comment was made after I asked her out. I have this compulsion to help people when they need it, regardless of who it is.

the cutting off idea, is naturally gonna work out anyway (could have been avoided if there was a relationship, not hard to avoid, but I ain't makin' no effort)

the two ways of dealing with stress: forget and move on, or confrontation. I'm a confrontational guy with stress, I like to tackle problems head on. I want to see her one last time before I can go back to Halifax just to get some closure, and meet this guy. I'm a really realistic person, if he's a good guy I'll be happy with that (end goal is her being happy right, even if I'm being treated like shingaurd). It's given me closure before. Also the last time we say each other in Halifax it was really abrupt the ending, as we were at a bar, it was crowded, I had an early meeting, and had to go early, was mostly a "ok I'll see you later I need to be up in 6 hours" type deal. I assumed I'd see her before she left, but I assumed wrong.

it's kinda funny how being an intellectual whore is shallow, yet the guy she's with won't ever make REMOTELY close to what I'll pull in as a paycheque (and I'm told he's no worse looking than me, not like he's drool worthy)

I don't do the whole pick up the first thing that responds to "nice shoes, wanna fata". I'm classy, I'm selective, and I have INCREDIBLY high standards (doesn't mean I don't get threated badly, but there's definately a big checklist of things, I guess I have to add "not being a bitch if you don't want to go out with me" to the list, it's never come up before).

And yes, I've been drinking quite a bit. I figure when I see her next, I'll be having mixed shots that night. It was supposed to be a week ago Saturday, but that didn't materialize, then last Sunday again didn't happen (but that's when I found out about the new boyfriend), last night she was supposed to be out and wasn't. Now it's supposed to be Wednesday for wings (something we went for on a weekly basis in Hali) but I wouldn't be suprised if she doesn't show up, and that was her idea to get a crew of people to go out Wednesday. If anything I'd say she's avoiding me.

Now when I asked her out I told her I didn't need an explination for why she didn't want to. I said I was making the attempt to change our friendship, and if it backfires that's my fault she shouldn't have to explain yourself for an action that she had no control over.

However,

Explination on this... oh yeah I'd like that.

Edit: I listen to music that reflects my mood, sappy love songs aren't it right now. I've been listening to "fata the World" by the Insane Clown Posse on repeat on my diskman.

Also in reference to the car driving thing, I usually go for a walk, and walk until I get it sorted out in my head then walk back. I've been sick, and busy lately so I haven't had the chance to do that. I think I want to do that AFTER I see her, as frankly I want to know what is going on, I think that's only fair, if I sort it out I won't probe for answers.

[I-Hate-Hulse]

From someone who's been in that situation all too many times, you need closure. Like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber, as long as there's a remote chance you'll keep tormenting yourself about the one that got away.

My advice: Lay your cards out on the table. Tell her how you feel. Even if she doesn't go for that at least you've played that card and gotten it out there. So what if it torches things in the future. The big thing is to get it out there and it gives you closure because at least you've done your part. No regrets right? After that it's her call. But don't wait around for that, move on.

Closure and moving on, just focus on that.

[REDVAN]

Girls can suck the big one.

As most of the guys have said, two solutions. ONe: forget about her and find a new girl. That is always the best way. To get over someone, find a new one!

two: tell her how you feel. that way it puts the ball in her court, you did everything you could, and the stress should disappear forever. for a while. till you find a new lady and then the other one comes crawling back. Bitter? no.

[Tron_fdc]

Originally posted by REDVAN@May 3 2005, 10:47 PM
Girls can suck the big one.

As most of the guys have said, two solutions. ONe: forget about her and find a new girl. That is always the best way. To get over someone, find a new one!

two: tell her how you feel. that way it puts the ball in her court, you did everything you could, and the stress should disappear forever. for a while. till you find a new lady and then the other one comes crawling back. Bitter? no.

Solution 3:

phone her constantly, email her, and follow her every move in the hopes that she finally realizes how you REALLY feel and how she should have been thinking like that all along and how it's just a big misunderstanding how you stuck a fork in the other guy's arm and drowned his cats while lighting his front porch on fire.

Not sure if that works or not though

[dustygoon]

Originally posted by REDVAN@May 3 2005, 10:47 PM
Girls can suck the big one.

As most of the guys have said, two solutions. ONe: forget about her and find a new girl. That is always the best way. To get over someone, find a new one!

two: tell her how you feel. that way it puts the ball in her court, you did everything you could, and the stress should disappear forever. for a while. till you find a new lady and then the other one comes crawling back. Bitter? no.

three: tell her she is a beeach and was crap in bed.....although you see some raw talent that can be developed. treat her like shinguard and she will come back.

[CaptainCrunch]

I've gotten by the whole your my best friend thing by being a jerk

When she breaks up with you with the old line

"Its not you, its me"

my response

"Your right, it is you, you've gotten a little chunky lately"

"Can we still be friends?"

"Yeah, as a friend you'd let me nail your sister, aunt, best friend, hot mom, whatever. I mean I set my friends up with hot chicks all the time"


She asks "Are you ok?"

I answer "Ummm you just tore my heart out and flushed it down the crapper, destroyed my self esteem, and took away my guaranteed source of sex, I'm swell"


She asks - "Can I pick up my stuff later?"

I answer - "Yeah, bring a dust pan and a broom"

She asks - "Can I keep the ring?"

I answer - "Are you kidding, there's a pawn shop with at that ring written all over it"

She storms off in a huff - "Hey, how bout some see ya action"


Burn that bridge brother, burn it wide, and deep, destroy it beyond all recognition, and make it so it can't be rebuilt. Send her snivling to her hot friends who will hear what a jerk you are. then call em up.

[Tron_fdc]

.....and took away my guaranteed source of sex, I'm swell"

Since effin when has that shinguard ever guaranteed?

Burn that bridge brother, burn it wide, and deep, destroy it beyond all recognition, and make it so it can't be rebuilt. Send her snivling to her hot friends who will hear what a jerk you are. then call em up.

Holy crap, I think I know you.....have we met before?

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally posted by Tron_fdc@May 3 2005, 10:59 PM

Since effin when has that shinguard ever guaranteed?

Holy crap, I think I know you.....have we met before?

If I'm in a relationship with somebody it had better be guaranteed. I'm not the pope here.

[RogerWilco]

I tend to think that Captain Morgan and Dr.P help me out alot.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Captain Morgan was helping me last night. Rum puts me in a happy place. Where it was still bothering me as I was talking about it, but in humours fashion.

convo between two female friends of mine last night

Me: oh yeah girls think I'm perfect, and can't find any flaws with me at all... until I say one simple phrase and all of a sudden I'm Lucifer himself and they run and hide!

Girls: Oh yeah??? What????

Me: Will you go out with me?





There was also the classic:

I have really high standards, when I look for a girlfriend I look for someone with intelligence. Problem is it puts me in a catch 22. I'd never go out with a girl dumb enough to go out with me





I want to thank EVERYONE who's posted here. The knot in my stomach is gone. And while I worked it out in my head on a long walk today, I still want answers. Next time I see her, I won't be as stressed and will be able to carry on a conversation better.

I had a hard time accepting the fact she was being a bitch, as she's such a sweetheart. But I guess for every ounce of sugar there's an ounce of spice. Even the nicest people can be manipulative, and treat you like you're less than scum. :unsure:

[La Flames Fan]

Hey nice Spirit of the West reference by the way! That is a band that definitely needs to be more out there, I love them!

[Hack&Lube]

Originally posted by Maritime Q-Scout+May 3 2005, 09:05 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Maritime Q-Scout @ May 3 2005, 09:05 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>

done, following quote kinda touches on the subject

<!--QuoteBegin-Cheese@May 3 2005, 11:40 AM
sex is good....

incredibly long story short:

Girl I like rejects me after months of hanging out, flirting, building up the courage to ask out etc.

No biggie, not the first time won't be the last. Heartbroke yes, but I can handle it.

Girl leaves school for the summer, immediately meets NEW guy (not like an old friend) and starts dating.

I know it's a new guy as her best friend (who grew up with her) has no clue who this guy is.

I find out through the grapevine, and am left thinking, who the hell is this? Less than two weeks? WTF?

Also of note, she's told me stuff like "you're my knight in shining armour" and "I don't know how I would have gotten through the school year without you" "you're my favourite friend, thanks for everything" through helping her, being with her, easing stress etc.

I feel like I've been kicked in the nads. [/b][/quote]
I've gone through almost this exact thing just in the past year. It hurts and it's difficult to let go. Sometimes I don't think it will ever go away. Hold on, it happens to so many guys.

It's not a stress that gets to me, but continuing depression over it and it literally sucks the life out of me and saps all the energy out of me at the worst moments in life when I really need it to so go about my daily work.

Don't take up drinking and smoking like I did. It doesn't help.

Seriously, this has happened to so many guys, exactly in the way you describe it later on. It's just a part of life. It's hard to jump from the friends ladder onto the relationship ladder. You usually end up in the abyss. Girls really seem like they're leading you on sometimes even if they have the best of intentions. The frustation is that feeling of inadequacy and everything that you might've done differently, you can't figure out what that guy has that you don't, especially when you've known her for so long and you were so close. I have no answers for that, I'm looking for it myself.

I tried confronting, it didn't work, she just blamed me for making her feel guilty. In the end, there is no solution but the cold cutoff and hopefully, time will heal everything (but it seldom does).

I'm glad you guys are talking about it in this forum, because my own friends think I'm crazy for not being able to deal with it. I hope you have a better support group in your friends, it's better than drinking. As for music, I bought an Mp3 player that I carry around wherever I go. It helps alot to distract from the problem if I have my personal soundtrack playing everywhere. I also took up playing the guitar which is a lot healthier.

[Reaper]

I'm telling ya, man.

The best way to get over a chick is to get under another one.

Find a chick to ride you off into the sunset.

[jam26]

Get closure...sign up on Lavalife and you can go on seven dates a week...even multiple dates per night if you want.
Lots of good fish in the sea.

[Hakan]

Originally posted by Reaper@May 3 2005, 10:18 PM
I'm telling ya, man.

The best way to get over a chick is to get under another one.

Find a chick to ride you off into the sunset.

Easier posted on a hockey message board then done. Especially if you've been toddling around some girl who's been using you for the past 6 months and haven't wised up until it was spilled all over your nice new rug.

My advice, the only thing you can do is examine what you did wrong so you wont repeat the mistake for the next girl you meet.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Hawk & Lube, as much as it sucks and I wish what I went through on nobody, and I'm not glad you went through it, I'm glad to hear what it's like and what's coming.

I'm pretty much set on the confrontation thing, but it doesn't mean I'll go up and be like "WHO IS THIS FATAING DONKEY WHERE A RABBIT LIVES?!?!" I'd be more if it comes up in coverstation we'll talk about it. Thing is with a new boyfriend it'd be hard not to bring it up.

What if I make her feel guilty? I thought about that, and frankly... I no longer care. I look what she did to me over the past 6-10 months, how some guy puts less than 2 weeks in (less than one actually) and get her. Then she doesn't have the decency to tell me she met someone? Will I make her feel guilty? Probably, but SHE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY! She should be upset over p*ssing a guy like me off! She should feel scared knowing her rock just sank. She should know the guy that has ALWAYS been there for her over the past few years (was there before I developped feeling for her) won't be next time.

It took me a while to realize good people, girls that are sweethearts, that you love, can be awful to you. Is it unintentional? In this case, probably. But if they're not told they're being a bitch (espeically when they aren't in any other aspect in life) how are they to know for next time? What about the guy after this?

I know I won't be the next guy. The way I look at it, she had her chance. She had from before Spring Break until she stared screwing around with this guy to be treated like a queen, worshiped like a goddess, and be the centre of the universe. If I'm not going treat her like a backup plan, second thought, or number two, why should she get away with treating me like that?

Also, alcohol helps, I don't smoke (I gag at the thought of breathing in smoke period) but it's not like I drink night over it.

Do I wanna know what happened? Yes, yes I sure do. Frankly I think I deserve to know what's going on. After all I did, it's the least she could do.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally posted by Reaper@May 4 2005, 02:18 AM
Find a chick to ride you off into the sunset.

I thought I did

[notoepik]

Originally posted by Maritime Q-Scout@May 4 2005, 07:39 AM
She should know the guy that has ALWAYS been there for her over the past few years (was there before I developped feeling for her) won't be next time.

So you have been friends for years?

YOU change the relationship by developing feelings other than friendship for her and she is the one that is to blame because the friendship didn't evolve into love?


Have I got this right?

[Flames89]

Originally posted by notoepik+May 4 2005, 10:25 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (notoepik @ May 4 2005, 10:25 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Maritime Q-Scout@May 4 2005, 07:39 AM
She should know the guy that has ALWAYS been there for her over the past few years (was there before I developped feeling for her) won't be next time.

So you have been friends for years?

YOU change the relationship by developing feelings other than friendship for her and she is the one that is to blame because the friendship didn't evolve into love?


Have I got this right? [/b][/quote]
Thank you for pointing out just how diabolical and manupulative that beatch was ...

tricky, sneaky, women ...

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally posted by notoepik+May 4 2005, 11:25 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (notoepik @ May 4 2005, 11:25 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Maritime Q-Scout@May 4 2005, 07:39 AM
She should know the guy that has ALWAYS been there for her over the past few years (was there before I developped feeling for her) won't be next time.

So you have been friends for years?

YOU change the relationship by developing feelings other than friendship for her and she is the one that is to blame because the friendship didn't evolve into love?


Have I got this right? [/b][/quote]
nope.


To avoid confusion we met in undergrad, live probably 30-35 minutes away from each other in different towns (I live outside of Sydney, she outside of Glace Bay). We both moved to Halifax at the same time, and there we started hanging out more.

being rejected, ppfftt I'm fine with that. Sucks, but yet part of life. As I've stated before, I don't think I should get an explination as to why as to why she doesn't want to go out with me, for the reasons you state, which are the same as I have stated above.

However, over the past few months our friendship progressed. Went from seeing each other at school, at the campus pub, live shows, etc. From being just friends, to going out once a week for wings, going for coffee when she was upset, me helping with home work (in courses I never took), etc.

Basically, went from being "just friends" to me being doing everything a boyfriend would do, but platonically and no commitment.

The friendship evolved. I asked her out, so we'd bascially be doing the exact same thing but instead of her saying "This is Jon" she'd be saying "This is my boyfriend, Jon."

She didn't want that.

That's cool, she knows how I felt, didn't want it, that's fine. Not the first time that's happened, won't be the last.

What p*ssES me off, is the fact that she still went on to use me, and treat me the same, even asking for bigger things, like going to meetings and such with her. Like an idiot (in retrospect) I went. As well, it hurt to be away from her.

Then her moving back home (from Cape Breton as well) before me (as programs ended at different times). I get home, to find out she's going out with some new guy. People her best friends from home don't know. Does she tell me? No.

Does she call me, e-mail me, or even come online on MSN Messenger? Nope. I know she's been online as her nic has changed. I feel like I've been cheated, and used.

You know a guy likes you, you get him to go to the ends of the earth for you for weeks, months even. Then turn around meet some new guy out of the blue, and cut off the old guy completely?

Pardon me for being p*ssed.