HD's Very sad news.

[BuzzardsWife]

Originally Posted by firebug

Mike,

I know exactly what you are going through. On August 22, 2006 my daughter, Evie, was born silently at 39 weeks 6 days.

Like you, we were fortunate to have the strength of a 2 1/2 year old son to get us through the worst of the grief. What strength he gave us, and the debt of gratitude I owe him, he will likely never comprehend. He realized that when people came to visit an console us, when I started to talk and tell the story of how everything played out, everyone would start to cry, so he would run over and cover my mouth with his hands (funny the moments you remember).

The grief you suffer will be different that what most others experience as you can't long for how things once were, but mourn what never was or what will never be. Remember that you get to have your own grief and mourn the way that is right for you and your family, so don't let anyone else tell you what you should do or how you should feel. We had a funeral and ran an obituary in the newspaper. She is buried out at Edenbrooke and when I visit her grave I can see the mountains. On her headstone we have the following phrase: "I thought of you today Evie, but that is nothing new; I thought about you yesterday and will tomorrow too."

That being said, it is possible to recover from this. I think about my daughter every day. I wish I knew what her eyes and her smile looked like, and what her cry and laugh sounds like. When people ask me about my kids, I tell them about her. I love her as much as any of my other kids. Within a week of the loss, my wife was able to say that if she had the option of going back in time and be able to choose whether or not she got pregnant (and knowing the ultimate result), that she would choose to do it again. The 39 weeks she spent with Evie were that important to her.

We have since been fortunate to have a healthy daughter (14 months old now). So don't give up on continuing to have a family (if that is what you would like).

Feel free to PM or contact me if you would like. Sometimes it is nice to be able to talk to someone who has felt how you feel.

~firebug (Craig)

Craig, I just had to tell you I burst into tears reading your post. To know that you feel so blessed for the short time you had with Evie is so touching. Your son and daughter are very lucky kids to have a Dad like you. You and your wife seem to be such loving parents. It's just nice to hear that at a time when the world seems to be going crazy. The poem you wrote on Evie's headstone is the most touching one I have ever heard.

[malcolmk14]

Wow. I missed this thread before, but just read through it now.

HD, so sorry to hear about your loss. My deepest condolences.

Firebug, wow. That's all I can say, really. I was not able to make it all the way through your post without having to stop and collect myself. Very touching.

[Incogneto]

I am with Malcolm. So sorry to hear about your terrible news, HD.

[Winsor_Pilates]

I somehow missed this thread too. My condolences to the HD family and to anyone else in here who has been through similar hardships. Your courage is inspiring.

[Mayer]

I too missed this thread while on vacation.

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss HD. My parents lost a child shortly after birth as well. While I can't say I know how you feel, I understand this must be a terribly difficult ordeal.

[Jagger]

I'm so sorry that I too missed this thread when I was out of the country.

My heart feels for you HD, it truly does. I am truly blessed with four wonderful children but we have also lost three more to miscarriage. We were totally devastated by them so I cannot begin to fathom how it must have felt to have your little Butter ripped away from you so near to the due date.

I would urge you to try again. We could have given up after any of our losses but we never did and we have 2 boys and 2 girls now. I simply cannot imagine life without our brood and I'm grateful to my wife that she had the courage and willpower to keep going. I might have quit without her and then I would have been without my two wonderful girls.

My thoughts are with you and your family, Mike.

Mark (Jagger)

[Savvy27]

I'm very sorry to hear that HD. My deepest condolences.

[HPLovecraft]

Really sorry to hear this, HD!

You've always been a light-hearted presence here at CP, and to hear something so tragic happen to you, it's really a shame. I hope you and your wife, with time, are able to get by this and carry on, with Butter in your memories.

I'll be thinking of yas. Maritime fellows have to stick together, after all.

[KevanGuy]

Welcome back bud. We missed you.

[sparky69]

Originally Posted by KevanGuy

Welcome back bud. We missed you.

agreed

[HelloHockeyFans]

Wow, totally missed this the first go around HD. My condolences to you and your family.

[OilersBaby]

HD - I also somehow missed this thread. I haven't been as active on CP this summer, so that probably explains it. I can't believe how tough it must have been for you and your wife, but your son and the love that you and your wife share will help you through it.

firebug - I too burst into tears reading your story, but then realized just how you (and HD) are to have other children that will help you.

Hang in there..it is tough, and it will always be tough..but your babies are always with you.

[steveo]

wow suprised I missed this thread.

but condolences to your family for your loss.

my aunt as well went through something like this a few years ago. she had a mis-carriage and the whole family felt pain..keep looking for the light of day because it is your daughter who is shining that light for your family to keep your heads up high.

time heals all wounds but, at a time like this you are allowed to feel how ever you feel and do what you need to do to get better.

may your daughters strength guide your family to a better tomorrow!

[MRCboicgy]

Wow, I missed this thread too when I was out of the country. I generally don't post in the serious threads even though I read them, as I don't know how my serious side would come across on here. But I do hope I can add something in addition to condolences.

Since I doubt I'll ever be a father--unless I find the right guy and adopt, but I digress--many of my friends actively us me to be an uncle to their kids. I enjoy this a lot and the parents and kids like it, I'm called "Auntie" by some all in good fun. I really enjoy having an extended family in this way and would do anything for these people. When my best friend and his wife were having their first kid, I was pretty excited. I helped paint a room, and do months worth of preparation stuff. It was like he was coming into my family too. I was relishing the experience.

Anyway, she got really sick about 4-5 weeks before the due date. Since I was best man, MC, etc at their wedding I was leaned on during this time, and helped out where I could with hospital visits, offering rides and most of all, listening a lot. I didn't feel like I was doing enough, though and it tore me up. Sadly, things went downhill and she lost the baby. It was rough on them and as terrible an experience as I could imagine for a young couple trying to make a go of life, and who really really wanted to start a family. All of us felt so helpless, and I felt totally inadequate as a friend, so i did something rash and adopted them a kitten. Everyone around thought it was the most crass thing ever, but the couple thought it was perfect for them at that time (until cat turned 2 yrs old and became the spawn of satan, but again I digress).

3 years ago she got pregnant again, and it was a tense time the whole duration, there was really no excitement or anticpation, just worries. She got sick again, but the docs knew what to do and both mother and daughter made it through fine, albeit a bit premature for the kid. 2+ years later, the family is happy and healthy and with a new, lovable cat too!

I guess my point is, in some way, even I can feel what you went through. It tears at my heart when I hear these stories because of what i have seen and felt firsthand. The one great thing is that people do heal and are able to continue and progress.
I can't imagine going through something like that myself and pray that I have loving friends and family around if I ever do, god forbid. And for all the rest of you, never underestimate the value of your friendship to others.

[kn]

I missed this thread. My condolences.

[firebug]

Originally Posted by HalifaxDrunk

Hello CP,
It is long overdue for me to post in this thread again. While I have slowly become active in CP again I could not bring myself to post in here, until now.

Firebug (Craig) , your post moved me more than anything I have ever read - anywhere.

Thank you Calgarypuck!
HD (Mike)

Good to have you back!

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad that what I was able to share was able to ease some of your suffering, and let you wife know I am always up for a hug.

If you were at all like me, you might be starting at this point to feel a bit guilty about healing. Know that getting better is important for both you and your family, and there is no shame in being able to laugh and enjoy yourself once again.

Give my best wishes to your wife. As miserable as the experiences you and I went through, what our wives have endured has surpassed it by an order of magnitude.

Thank you as well to the other CP posters who have shared kind words and good wishes. I apologize that I may have assisted in sending a mosquito into an eye or two. All in all, I actually went pretty tame in my description of the events.


~firebug

[Pastiche]

Just saw this thread now.

Epic Bummer

[zukes]

I am sorry for having missed this thread the first time, I actually have tears in my eyes at work right now. I am so sorry for your loss and am glad to see you resuming some normal activities.

It''s amazing how much we have similar. I am a Mike, I like to drink, my son was born shortly after yours, my daughter was born shortly after yours as well. We used to both post on another much smaller Flames web board as well.

I have no idea how this must have affected you but I wish you and your family happiness and continued memories of your time with your daughter, those can not be taken away.

[Methanolic]

I as well did not come across this before.

Years ago my best friend lost his beautiful daughter after only 3 days. Although I was there for my friend and saw how devestating it was for him, I in no way could imagine the incredible heartache.

My most heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

God Bless.

[HalifaxDrunk]

Well, this is a thread bump I wish would never have been necessary. After losing my daughter 2 years ago I am now going through this horror again.

After a year and a half my wife was finally pregnant again and we were expecting a new baby in early August. We found out on Friday that this baby has also been taken from us. Four and a half months (18 weeks) into the pregnancy and now I have to survive my worst nightmare for a second time.

We should be able to get some answers this week, at this time it appears to be totally separate from what happened to my daughter back in 2009. No answer will make me feel any better but at least it may determine a cause.

Having our son Gabriel (4 years old) sort of helps as he doesn't want us to be sad and is constantly playing games with us to try and cheer us up. It does work for short periods of time. He does understand what happened but is to young to really grasp the emotional side, he is the single greatest thing in our lives.

I do expect to be around CP as I found it helped some last time as the momentary distraction eases some pain (if even for a few minutes). However like before I may not be posting much for a while.

Mike