How do I get out of the "Friend Zone?" Help!!!

[Maritime Q-Scout]

One important note.

While humour is important, and girls like to laugh. I think it was Chris Rock that said "no one wants to fata a comedian, they want rock stars, and actors. No one says Chris Rock, man I want to FATA HIM! They'd be strategic about it, have to think about it, you know if I was to fata Chris Rock, I bet he'd pay my Visa bill."

In my before mentioned scenario, I could make that girl laugh like no one else, I'd still argue I can. A simple look, or tone of a response would make her break down into tears from laughter (in part why I never understood why she didn't want to date). In the end it's a combination of things, while humour is important, it's not the most important thing.

And I agree with Pyro, honesty is the best policy (as lame as it is). When it comes to advice or needing a shoulder to cry on, I'm the guy that will tell it like it is, and not sugar coat things because you're upset. My theory is, if I'm upset I want the truth, and I want to know where I stand. If you lie, or sugar coat things for me I won't know and that doesn't help nor solve things.

On that note, slow and steady wins the race, it's a long shot, but a long shot is better than no shot if you don't try.

Good luck.

[CaramonLS]

Why say anything? Just send her a link to this thread.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by CaramonLS

Why say anything? Just send her a link to this thread.

That would be romantic.

[the-rasta-masta]

I personally think you should just go out on a limb and ask her. When I was younger I was so afraid of rejection that I would never reveal my feelings to a girl or approach them. But I remember one time a buddy of mine had the biggest crush on this girl, just head over heels love at first sight. She was a super nice girl but just one of those girls you had to consider out of your league. But he asks her on a date anyways. She politely declined. I was talking to him later on and asked him if he was feeling pretty bummed out. He looks at me and says that he is actually feeling pretty good because he summoned the courage to ask her. He told me he would rather be rejected than spend a whole bunch of time wondering what might have happened if he hadn't asked her. I had a moment of sudden apprehension and realized that the worst thing to do is not to make a move, and having to wonder what if. Hope that helps.

[gottabekd]

Originally Posted by the-rasta-masta

He told me he would rather be rejected than spend a whole bunch of time wondering what might have happened if he hadn't asked her.

Well, that's always a good lesson for a young lad to learn. Of course, it also helps if she says "No" the first time, instead of something lame like "Umm...sorry, I can't this weekend", which should be obvious enough that she isn't interested, but when you've had this crush for some time you don't think rationally, and keep hoping that maybe she really was super busy, or she is a little shy and needed some time to think about it, so you keep that hope alive, and you become pretty good friends, which maybe then complicates things because when you keep wanting to hang out, she doesn't want to reject her friend, and she's still single, so maybe she is just holding out for you, maybe. Yea, that sucks when that happens. But in the end, it is more of a relief than anything.

Moral: It is best to get "feelings" out in the open as soon as possible, so that your hopes and dreams get crushed before they get too big.

[Azure]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Post of the year. Well said.

Agreed.

Good stuff.

[arloiginla]

Originally Posted by Gugstanley

This time of year you need to put a nice bow on the box. I'm not experienced in this gift but would imagine box size is important. To large of a box and well you might look

Would you please man up and take care of business already? Tell this girl what is going on and let the good times roll. If you want give me her phone number and I will call and tell her what is going on

I can't, I'm about 6,000km away from her, working on a tan, cliff jumping and getting in some surfing in Maui...oh and meeting some fabulous Hawaiian chicks in the process
and thx to Pyromaniac for the hard-to-find access to understanding women

[PYroMaNiaC]

No problem! Women love being in love, helping love, smoothing love when it's rough. I'm just doing my part.


Besides, this is very good explanation of my actions should Local Woman's Union 80085 decide they need to pay me a visit.

[Torture]

Originally Posted by arloiginla

I can't, I'm about 6,000km away from her, working on a tan, cliff jumping and getting in some surfing in Maui...oh and meeting some fabulous Hawaiian chicks in the process
and thx to Pyromaniac for the hard-to-find access to understanding women

What are you doing on CP then!?

[Locke]

Originally Posted by PYroMaNiaC

No problem! Women love being in love, helping love, smoothing love when it's rough. I'm just doing my part.


Besides, this is very good explanation of my actions should Local Woman's Union 80085 decide they need to pay me a visit.

You just better hope they arent Teamsters. Your body will never be found.

[sadora]

Originally Posted by foofighter15

Well you are pretty freaking deep in the friend zone.
This is gonna sound bad, but maybe next time you two are drunk have a drunk talk. Or even if you're drunk enough make a move? I dunno. It seems low, but I think you can understand the theory behind it.

But I think the real question you need to ask yourself is: Do you want to be with her bad enough its worth the risk of putting the friendship in danger. Because if she does decline its going to be awkward for a bit.

The wrong thing to do is to make any kind of move when you're drunk. That approach turns you into just another sex craved drunk guy. What you have to do is make her see you in another way. It's a tough thing to do, moving from the friend zone to something romantic but it's not impossible. Put the moves on but do it in a subtle way. You almost have to approach it as if you were pursuing someone new. One of the problems of being in the friend zone, especially with someone that you're attracted to, is that you may begin to be there to her every need, it's almost as if you're doing all the work that a boyfriend should be doing without getting any. By doing so you become a wuss and most women will not feel any physical attraction to men they can control. You don't have to be an a'hole either but you have to get yourself away from being the guy they call to go shopping with, or the shoulder to cry on when another a'hole hurts them. There's nothing worse than being the guy friend that they can talk to about all their little dating problems. Get yourself away from everything that a gay friend should be doing and turn yourself into the guy she calls to go out and have fun with. Good luck man because what you want isn't easy but hey, nothing without a challenge is worth it, especially when it comes to dating.

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by PYroMaNiaC

And if you get this far, we also want men who

H) don't make a big gift box look empty. That's only part of the equation though - in fact, 1/4 of it. The only quarter we can live without. The other 3/4 comprise of magic hands, mouth, and being detail orientated.

Perhaps said gift boxes could have had a few less three ways on vacation to the Bahamas and Hawaii over spring breaks and college?

[PYroMaNiaC]

Originally Posted by Reaper

Perhaps said gift boxes could have had a few less three ways on vacation to the Bahamas and Hawaii over spring breaks and college?

Oh, I don't know about that. Refer back to "B". Also, women of a certain age (young) tend to run in packs, like and dislike things as packs, hunt in packs. If other girls of that age show interest, then it must be good. And, it's not like he's in a commited relationship where such activities could result in a negative label. I say that he's only young once - he should be having as much fun as he can squeeze out of his vacation. That said, playing safe is a must. He'll never land his dream girl with a dirty gift box.

[J pold]

Wow this thread is rather interesting and I have to giver credit to Pyromaniac it took me along time to figure out what she is trying to say

Whenever you ask a woman what she wants in a man somewhere somehow you will get the combination of the words “a real man”

But what is a real man? Does he have a ton of money, is he really good looking? He may have those things but he is a lot more than money and looks

He is someone who is in control not just in the relationship but in everything he does, he knows where he is going and he knows how to get there. He doesn’t need a women or anyone to come with him, he would love her to be there but he is going either way

He doesn’t seek approval from women because he is self sustaining and confident in who he is. He will never ask her “what is wrong?” or “did I do something wrong” because he doesn’t have time to get into emotional mind games. When he uses the word “sorry” it won’t be every 2 seconds for everything he does, but rather when he knows he is wrong he will apologize sincerely for his actions but never for the person he is.

What a lot of men need to realize is that every women wants one of these “real men” but there are so little of them out there. Most men in our society have turned into backboneless yes men who are so needy they will take any amount of abuse to get a shred of love in return.

[J pold]

Ha! I wish clearly the only one I have ever encountered is a Mr. ken0042

[Got Miikka?]

...and even then it still took 42 tries for them to get it right.

[flip]

this is a very difficult situation to be in.

Having gone from really good friends to b/f and g/f before the only advice i'll give is that if you don't think you can give it a real serious shot then don't bother.

in my experience we lasted a couple of years but now i really look back on it and regret it because a 20 year friendship would have been better than a 2 year relationship.

that being said i am not sorry i gave it a try. just with hindsight knowing it wouldn't work out (and that we're not friends after) it is a let down because i lost a friend and a g/f.

good luck though. one thing i wouldn't do is only continue to be friends with her to try and hook up romantically. if you only want a romantic relationship don't cheapen your friendship by maintaining it for the sole purpose of furthering your own wants.

[arloiginla]

I'm home, its time to tee 'em high and hit 'em hard

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by arloiginla

I'm home, its time to tee 'em high and hit 'em hard

Make sure you wear a cup for the inevitable shot to the junk

[arloiginla]

Ok so after a few days of hanging out and turning up the flirt, I realized the approach wasn't going to do any good. Since I've always flirted a lot she didn't even catch on that I was serious in my attempts.

So I took her out for dinner and basically had a very long conversation, which I eventually turned to the topic on my brain and flat out asked her out, this time on a "real" date. She was somewhat amused and flattered at the invitation, and took it quite well before simply declining, saying she just didn't think of me that way, that were too good friends and had known each other too long, finishing it off with a "even though you are dead sexy."

And I don't feel disappointed at all, no regrets, just like a million bucks for acting on my feelings and also taking a potential disaster situation, and basically coming out of it having done what I needed to do, and not harmed or hurt a relationship in any way. And I've moved on and have no lingering feelings, though the next time I take her to a hockey game I'll be sure to get her drunk anyway

Thanks CPers for all the advice, much appreciated and all the laughs too