I hate doing it at work. I work full time, and there is no other option... when you gotta go, you gotta go. Why do I feel strangely embarassed if I come out of the stall and someone is waiting for it or someone is washing their hands?
I hate those stalls where the door crack is right in front of you too. People can see you crapping... what's that about? I don't need that. Pooping should be fun... like, you read or have a great time while you crap at home right? Why is it so different at work or in public?
I hate public bathrooms... #1 is completely OK, but #2 just sucks. I can't believe women sit on toilets every time. I double TP the rim every time.
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and why do some people feel the need to have a phone conversation while in the stall. yesterday i overheard (and i mean 'overheard' as in 'he was talking freely and loudly') a guy talking about his diarrhea.
I LOATHE when someone else takes the stall next to me and there's 5 freakin' stalls. Makes me want to reach my hand in and sling a brown mud monkey over the top into his toilet.
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I work in a nice office tower DT. The bathrooms are finished in granite tile, kept much cleaner than my throne at home, and has multiple newspaper subscriptions stocked. I actually prefer #2 @ work over at home. The only time it's not so nice is when an old guy with possible colon/prostate/regularity problems come in and occupies the next stall over. The smell and the sound effects are quite terrible.
Nope don't care have no problems going to the washroom in public, as long as the toliet is clean it's not a big deal to me I have no hang ups and I don't understand people who do.
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Nope don't care have no problems going to the washroom in public, as long as the toliet is clean it's not a big deal to me I have no hang ups and I don't understand people who do.
Oh you're that guy.
People like you scare me... you and all your pooping confidence.
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I don't get the whole covering the toilet seat in TP. Unless you are actually sticking the toilet seat up your ass, you aren't going to catch anything.
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I don't get the whole covering the toilet seat in TP. Unless you are actually sticking the toilet seat up your ass, you aren't going to catch anything.
It's not just about catching something. I don't like having other people's urine on my ass. Many people pee on seats. What, wiping it off makes it sanitary?
Call me a germaphobe, but I do not like having my ass touch what other people's asses and urine have touched.
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A friend of mine can't go if someone is beside him and we only have 2 stalls. I offered him the simple trick of pullinmg the second stall door closed. 9 out of 10 times people won't check to see if its occupied and just leave. Now he enjoys the work duece.
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Ahh yes, time to post the Pooping at Work Survival Guide again.
ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
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#2
