Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[missdpuck]

I have become comfortably numb (except for a few random moments here and there, and those are short but treacherous).

[Russic]

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

...

I just wanted to reply to this small point quoted. Not to dismiss your feelings, but I don’t believe it’s bleak to live in the moment. That’s real. Today is literally the only thing that actually exists. Cliche return: tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

I’ve had to work hard at erasing 99% of my future expectations for myself and my kid. I was spending unsustainable amounts of time and stress worrying about the future, and I did so for a long time.

If I can add to this... the original comment was that you're (Scrambler) living in the moment to not think about the future. This is half-awesome, and I commend you! Living in the past and future is basically a depression/anxiety cocktail.

What if we reframed it slightly to living in the moment is important because humans are comically terrible at predicting the future? I find it's critical to realize we're supposed to be worried all the time. That doesn't make it true, it just means your human brain is humaning like a MFer.

I totally get the fear about your kids. I've got one looking at entering the last quarter of his schooling which means we're looking at University/College options, and I admit fully I have zero idea what to recommend he do. The most important thing is we super don't know what's going to happen. AI could kill us all or provide us a level of abundance unheard of in human history. If the latter happens, those of us who worried too hard are going to look like total ass clowns. If the former happens... well... great news, the debate won't matter much.

For me it's helpful to realize that this planet and society has been rapidly exploding since I was a kid. That's not to say that we ignore all problems, but more to say we tend to figure it out. Things get better but it feels like they get worse. Sometimes they have to get worse first. The graph by and large though is moving up and to the right.

[CroFlames]

Russic again with the top shelf psychiatry lesson.

I need a constant reminder to live in the moment. I auto-worry about the future the moment I wake up. Maybe that's because I have kids? Nothing brings me more pure joy than being in the moment with the kids, so I should be able to recognize this more.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Russic

If I can add to this... the original comment was that you're (Scrambler) living in the moment to not think about the future. This is half-awesome, and I commend you! Living in the past and future is basically a depression/anxiety cocktail.

What if we reframed it slightly to living in the moment is important because humans are comically terrible at predicting the future? I find it's critical to realize we're supposed to be worried all the time. That doesn't make it true, it just means your human brain is humaning like a MFer.

I totally get the fear about your kids. I've got one looking at entering the last quarter of his schooling which means we're looking at University/College options, and I admit fully I have zero idea what to recommend he do. The most important thing is we super don't know what's going to happen. AI could kill us all or provide us a level of abundance unheard of in human history. If the latter happens, those of us who worried too hard are going to look like total ass clowns. If the former happens... well... great news, the debate won't matter much.

For me it's helpful to realize that this planet and society has been rapidly exploding since I was a kid. That's not to say that we ignore all problems, but more to say we tend to figure it out. Things get better but it feels like they get worse. Sometimes they have to get worse first. The graph by and large though is moving up and to the right.

You are Higgins from Ted Lasso.

[Scrambler]

Originally Posted by Geraldsh

Try to spend more time with your kids, especially outside. Walk in a park, toss a ball around, whatever they like doing. Their enjoyment will naturally lift your spirits too. You may be surprised to find it works better than gummies or beer.

Thank you. I don't use gummies too often really. And I'm with my kids in the evenings. My favorite part of the day. If anyone is keeping me alive it's those girls. I just try to not think too much about their future with or without me.

I also decided that with less income, I focus more on their RESP's instead of my RRSP.

[Russic]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Russic again with the top shelf psychiatry lesson.

I need a constant reminder to live in the moment. I auto-worry about the future the moment I wake up. Maybe that's because I have kids? Nothing brings me more pure joy than being in the moment with the kids, so I should be able to recognize this more.

And yet, almost nobody does... being in the moment is incredibly hard and it takes work. You're trying undo sh*t-tons of evolutionary wiring, so go easy on yourself. In many ways (as you point out), having kids can make it both easier and harder to be in the moment.

Originally Posted by Locke

You are Higgins from Ted Lasso.

I've never been so close to changing my avatar.

[Nancy]

0/10. Record anxiety levels. Wondering if anyone has recommendations for a counsellor or psychologist, particularly for someone dealing with a spouse with severe mental illness, and potential separation and divorce issues. My wife is in a relapse but she has a complete lack of awareness of her symptoms and is also making a lot of bad decisions, work, financial, friend, and marriage wise. I feel powerless to do anything with her divorce request, and her having cut everyone out who was in her support circle.

[Erick Estrada]

Sorry to hear. My wife didn't have mental illness but her midlife crisis certainly teetered on her being a little crazy and making poor decisions. My aunt's diagnosis with terminal cancer during the same timeline provided a bit of a distraction for me and I probably should have seeked more help than I did as it wasn't easy dealing with a partner of 30+ years in the blink of an eye turning on me. That said after a couple of years I'm slowly building myself back together and it's important to realize that no matter how bad you feel today, it's a long game and things will ultimately get better once this timeline is put behind you.

[troutman]

I’m proud of you Erick. You are coping with your situation with grace.

[dissentowner]

The long game is no better than the current game. The game is rigged to f you over. Again and again and....

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by Nancy

0/10. Record anxiety levels. Wondering if anyone has recommendations for a counsellor or psychologist, particularly for someone dealing with a spouse with severe mental illness, and potential separation and divorce issues. My wife is in a relapse but she has a complete lack of awareness of her symptoms and is also making a lot of bad decisions, work, financial, friend, and marriage wise. I feel powerless to do anything with her divorce request, and her having cut everyone out who was in her support circle.

You can use workplace employee family assistance programs often to find a counsellor / psychologist for free up to X number of sessions. Both my wife and I have used them on separate occasions for separate issues. Take a look through your works benefits to see if you have that as an option.

Addiction is a bastard to deal with for both the addict and everyone adjacent to them. Good luck.

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by Nancy

0/10. Record anxiety levels. Wondering if anyone has recommendations for a counsellor or psychologist, particularly for someone dealing with a spouse with severe mental illness, and potential separation and divorce issues. My wife is in a relapse but she has a complete lack of awareness of her symptoms and is also making a lot of bad decisions, work, financial, friend, and marriage wise. I feel powerless to do anything with her divorce request, and her having cut everyone out who was in her support circle.

Sorry to hear you are going through that. I'm out of the loop with regard to suggesting a counsellor or psychiatrist but I have had a fair amount of experience with mental illness, especially bipolar disorder. Some of the things you might consider are:

1. Avoid arguing or confronting your wife about her belief or behavior.

2. Try not to take comments or behavior personally

3. Keep surroundings quiet

4. Try to be as calm as you can be, and document behavior for the time when you do find professional help

5. Make a plan, support, don't push, and don't neglect yourself

Hope this helps

I am not a doctor. You can PM me if you want.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by Nancy

0/10. Record anxiety levels. Wondering if anyone has recommendations for a counsellor or psychologist, particularly for someone dealing with a spouse with severe mental illness, and potential separation and divorce issues. My wife is in a relapse but she has a complete lack of awareness of her symptoms and is also making a lot of bad decisions, work, financial, friend, and marriage wise. I feel powerless to do anything with her divorce request, and her having cut everyone out who was in her support circle.

I actually have no good advice for you. My buddy went through this and took his wife around north America for various treatments probably for the tune of $150k and she ended up killing herself in the end. Sometimes the demons win. He ended up selling his company for $20MM and is re-married and happy as hell but definitely has earned some wrinkles under the eyes.

This probably doesn't help but nothing said here can help that. Brutal. Fata I wish I could help.

[TheIronMaiden]

About 44 per cent of men living in Canada die prematurely, according to a new report from the Movember Institute of Men's Health.

....

Suicide was the fourth leading cause of premature death in males after cancer, coronary heart disease and accidents. Three in four of the deaths by suicide in Canada were men,

https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/movem...alth-1.7561076

[Johnny199r]

Has anyone come to the realization that they’re going to be single forever and it’s either accept it and live your life or check out? I got out of a long term relationship 2 years ago, after being optimistic, I’ve come to the realization my current position isn’t going to change, despite trying anything anyone can think of or recommend to socialize.

Meeting someone in your 20s or 30s wasn’t difficult for me but once you turn 40, I don’t understand how anyone does it. Joining co-ed sports teams, exercise classes, trying online dating etc, none of it makes a difference. Organically meeting women though work is also now seemingly impossible (they’re either in their 20s or have a husband and kids and there is absolutely no in between). The dating pool is now non existent.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Johnny199r

Has anyone come to the realization that they’re going to be single forever and it’s either accept it and live your life or check out? I got out of a long term relationship 2 years ago, after being optimistic, I’ve come to the realization my current position isn’t going to change, despite trying anything anyone can think of or recommend to socialize.

Meeting someone in your 20s or 30s wasn’t difficult for me but once you turn 40, I don’t understand how anyone does it. Joining co-ed sports teams, exercise classes, trying online dating etc, none of it makes a difference. Organically meeting women though work is also now seemingly impossible (they’re either in their 20s or have a husband and kids and there is absolutely no in between). The dating pool is now non existent.

Recent studies show that the happiest group of people is single women

4 Reasons Why Single Women Are The Happiest People On Earth—By A Psychologist
https://www.forbes.com/sites/travers...-psychologist/

[fotze2]

Had a really contentious meeting with partners today. I’m not good in conflict, especially in person being more introverted. My team members went too far and the other was quite combative as a result. Went terribly with people saying they were insulted. Probably have to fire a couple operators. I don’t think I could have fixed it but I know I’m not gonna sleep tonight because the second I close my eyes I rehearse what I should have said over and over and over. Why can’t I just shut it off without polluting my self with crap.

[nieuwy-89]

I started using a meditation app for those nights when my mind is racing or even if I’m just not tired. They work really well for me. I use peloton but I’m sure there are a lot of free apps or even YouTube clips you could use.

[malcolmk14]

Originally Posted by fotze2

Had a really contentious meeting with partners today. I’m not good in conflict, especially in person being more introverted. My team members went too far and the other was quite combative as a result. Went terribly with people saying they were insulted. Probably have to fire a couple operators. I don’t think I could have fixed it but I know I’m not gonna sleep tonight because the second I close my eyes I rehearse what I should have said over and over and over. Why can’t I just shut it off without polluting my self with crap.

I used to leave a little notebook and pen beside the bed. If something like this happened where I just couldn’t stop ruminating I would pull it out and write down everything I wanted to write down about the situation so I could come back to it in the morning. And that was the mindset, I’m writing this down to deal with in the morning. What I wanted to say, do, etc., I think that helped clear everything up and allows your brain the space it needs to then fall asleep. It’s down on paper and at the moment that’s all you can do.

[WideReceiver]

Not the same thing but this caused me to remember this technique….

A technique if you need to remember something in the morning: Put something out of place. For example, put a slipper on top of a lamp. In the morning that will cause you to recall why you did that.