Personal Dilemma

[gallione11]

Originally Posted by Winsor_Pilates

Just try not to let J be the deciding factor with your current GF. If your current relationship is or isn't gonna last long term, you need to decide that regardless of J.

You may end up without either girl and that would be ok too. If the current one's not right, you will find another J or K or L along the way.
Treat it as a 2 step process.
step 1)Sort out your current relationship
step 2)Sort out the J situation
don't jump to step 2 until you're sure about step 1

Yeah, I'm trying not to. If I make the wrong conclusion on two and act on 1 because of it, I may be up the creek with no paddle.

I've been trying tonight to focus on my GF, and on the many positives of the relationship. I don't see how things could go from perfectly fine less than a week ago, to WDF it's time to move on. That's the one thing I'm having a hard time believing. It's like a switch got flipped. Is that something that happens to people and it just hasn't happened to me yet?

My other two breakups were a relatively long process of issues that kept piling up and both of us just saying it ain't worth it and moving on.

[shane_c]

Originally Posted by gallione11

I don't see how things could go from perfectly fine less than a week ago, to WDF it's time to move on. That's the one thing I'm having a hard time believing. It's like a switch got flipped.

You, your GF and J work at the same place. And it was just recently that J left for vacation and you gave her a hug. I say either she saw that or someone told her about it and given that she thinks J is a threat and likely picks up on a vibe from you I'm sure she's hurt by it.

As for you, I'm sure it was also the "friendly" hug that brought it all on given that you have feelings for this girl and can't stop thinking about her.

You have stuff you need to figure out and honestly I feel bad for your g/f who may or may not know anything of this after you both invested the time you have in the relationship.

Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do.

[llama64]

Just because you are attracted to another girl does not mean your current relationship has gone south. If it's just physical, there is nothing to worry about as that's perfectly normal. Of course acting on that attraction would not be the best idea if you wanted to keep your current girlfriend.

However, if it's more emotional, something is missing in your current relationship. You need to figure out what you are not recieving from your current girlfriend (and what she is not getting from you) and decide if it's possible to rectify things. Every relationship you will have will require work. This will never end. There is no such thing as "meant to be", just people who are committed to each other. If you don't think your relationship is worth the effort, you are only prolonging the inevitable.

I suggest you answer these questions:
1) Are you happy in life with your current girlfriend?
2) If not, do you think you can achieve happiness with her?
3) If so, what needs to be done to get there?

Whatever you do, figure this all out yourself. Do not involve either girl or you will end up shooting yourself in the foot.

Really, I'll bet you already know how things will turn out. It's just a matter of getting to the point where you are willing to act on it, either way. I wish you luck in this tricky navigation

[suegate]

Originally Posted by Ford Prefect

Regardless of the situation with J, you are on a dead end road with your current girl friend. The fact you are even entertaining thoughts of a different person (J) shows your current live-in girl friend is not the right life partner for you. Take it from someone who has been there and done that. In my case it lead to living with a girl for few years, eventually getting married and eventually getting divorced. In hindsight, I knew all along she wasn't the one, but was too lazy to do anything about it because even though things weren't perfect, they could always be worse. But relationships with people who aren't compatible as a life partner are kind of like wisdom teeth. At first the signs of trouble are minor, but eventually you've got a pain that nearly blinds you and the source of it has to torn out. After divorcing my first wife, I met my second wife, and from the moment I met her I knew she was the person I wanted to spend my life with, and she felt the same. After meeting my second wife I have never once looked at another woman and wondered "What if?" Sure, I've looked at other women and thought "Wow, what a knockout." But not once have I projected myself actually being with someone other than my wife, at least so far, and so far has been 20 years. At this point I certainly don't expect anything to change. When it's the right person you know it. And when it's the wrong person you know it too, even if it's on a subconscious level, and that's why you're looking at other women, like J.

Wow...well said. I couldn't agree more. The right person is out there for everyone, it just takes some of us (a lot of us, actually) more than one try to find them.

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by gallione11

Yeah, I'm trying not to. If I make the wrong conclusion on two and act on 1 because of it, I may be up the creek with no paddle.

You've mentioned something similar before about finding your next girlfriend before breaking up with your current one, (You said that about your last relationship, IIRC) so my question for you is, why are you scared to be alone? You don't sound like you even have any idea of what you want out of your own life, let alone any relationship you'd be in... My suggestion to you might be to break it off or separate from your current girlfriend, and try living with just yourself for a while and see what happens instead of going right from one relationship into another. Forget about both and worry about yourself and what you want out of life instead of what you want out of a girlfriend.