What is an “acceptable” cash gift for attending a wedding?

[MoneyGuy]

Originally Posted by GomerPile

If I have to travel to some place out of the norm - My presence is my gift.

So your presence means no presents?

When my nephew got “married”in Mexico they specified no gifts from anyone who attended. I wrote “married”because it was a faux wedding as they married officially a few days earlier in Canada because of legal issues.

We normally give about $200 but have gone as high as $500 for my best friend’s daughter, which is what he did for our kids’ weddings. We each have two adult children and I doubt his second will ever marry so we’re ahead.

[GordonBlue]

If someone is doing a destination wedding, there is no way in hell they are also getting a cash gift from me if I go.

the 5k I spend to attend their dream wedding should be enough.

[activeStick]

Hmmm $100 for a couple seems low. I agree with the other poster who said that $100 per person is the minimum and it goes up from there based on your relationship to the couple. The most I've ever given was $500 for myself to a guy who was one of my best friends.

Weddings are definitely expensive these days and you really have to sometimes pick and choose which ones to opt out from in a year busy with weddings.

[CaptainYooh]

Getting invited to weddings or birthdays at exotic locations is another story. If someone has the money and want to celebrate on a beach in Mexico or Waikiki, good for them. If they invite people to join them; thus, unexpectedly taking a week off someone's vacation time and spending $6,000 - $7,000 for the privilege - that's OK too; a meaningless courtesy invitation is nothing new. But when they pretend to be offended/insulted by nobody's willing to go there - that's a huge pet peeve for me. Not only you are being inconsiderate, you are also being narcissistic.

[GP_Matt]

When we got married I don't recall ever thinking about the value of the gift vs. the cost of the event.
The only cash gifts that I remember was $105 from one brother. You could tell that my brothers discussed an appropriate amount and settled on $100. One of them decided to one-up the other with an extra fiver which was greatly appreciated.

[DoubleF]

Ugh, the cash gift thing for weddings is like tipping. It's all on a need to know basis and people make up rules and act like it's a gold standard for everyone else.

A wedding is a party. End of story. People however are turning them into crazy huge productions these days. Your attendance is akin to agreeing to being a prop or movie extra to someone's documentary/mocumentary. The mentality that some have that the money gift is to cover the entire cost and/or allow the bride and groom to have excess afterwards is stupid and greedy in our opinions. This on top of the fact that many people use their weddings in a one-uppance and pissing contest. It's outright disgusting the attitude some people have about a wedding.

When I got married, my wife and I in general expected nothing in cash gift from each individual. We were expecting to take a loss for the "party" that she and I wanted to throw. We still received quite a bit to cover a huge chunk.

Our rule of thumb for ourselves is:
- Sorta know them, more acquaintance than anything or friend we rarely hang with... $100/head ($200 both of us)

- Friend. $150/head

- Close friend or family. Depends on the feeling/see below.

Travel for wedding. $50-150/head. (Usually only travel for close friend or family).

We received between $0 and $300 for the money gifts with an average of approximately $110 per guest. But we also had a ton of out of town guests whom we didn't totally expect a lot of cash gift from (so any was appreciated). We also had a smaller venue so we weren't raking in numbers based on economies of scale or anything like that.



Now... question. How the hell does factoring into being part of the bridal party, having to fund the bridal trip/bachelor trip and bridal shower, factor in? We had someone who blew up their production then became upset that a minimum of $100 was not gifted by us on each of the 3 topics when:

1. Neither of us went on their bridal/bachelor trip. (We did chip in didn't chip in "enough")
2. Bridal party formal wear (matching) was already in excess of $400.
3. We submitted $100 / head for food as we had already given significant funds for the previous two.

Those who got married were angry about 1 and 3. So, the wife and I looked at the amount we had spent on their production (In excess of $800 plus time which was far more than what they had submitted to our wedding), decided it was time to call a spade a spade and ended that toxic relationship.

What would you have done?

[calf]

I add 30% to the gift whenever the couple doesn't have a slide show.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

Ugh, the cash gift thing for weddings is like tipping. It's all on a need to know basis and people make up rules and act like it's a gold standard for everyone else.

A wedding is a party. End of story. People however are turning them into crazy huge productions these days. Your attendance is akin to agreeing to being a prop or movie extra to someone's documentary/mocumentary. The mentality that some have that the money gift is to cover the entire cost and/or allow the bride and groom to have excess afterwards is stupid and greedy in our opinions. This on top of the fact that many people use their weddings in a one-uppance and pissing contest. It's outright disgusting the attitude some people have about a wedding.

When I got married, my wife and I in general expected nothing in cash gift from each individual. We were expecting to take a loss for the "party" that she and I wanted to throw. We still received quite a bit to cover a huge chunk.

Our rule of thumb for ourselves is:
- Sorta know them, more acquaintance than anything or friend we rarely hang with... $100/head ($200 both of us)

- Friend. $150/head

- Close friend or family. Depends on the feeling/see below.

Travel for wedding. $50-150/head. (Usually only travel for close friend or family).

We received between $0 and $300 for the money gifts with an average of approximately $110 per guest. But we also had a ton of out of town guests whom we didn't totally expect a lot of cash gift from (so any was appreciated). We also had a smaller venue so we weren't raking in numbers based on economies of scale or anything like that.



Now... question. How the hell does factoring into being part of the bridal party, having to fund the bridal trip/bachelor trip and bridal shower, factor in? We had someone who blew up their production then became upset that a minimum of $100 was not gifted by us on each of the 3 topics when:

1. Neither of us went on their bridal/bachelor trip. (We did chip in didn't chip in "enough")
2. Bridal party formal wear (matching) was already in excess of $400.
3. We submitted $100 / head for food as we had already given significant funds for the previous two.

Those who got married were angry about 1 and 3. So, the wife and I looked at the amount we had spent on their production (In excess of $800 plus time which was far more than what they had submitted to our wedding), decided it was time to call a spade a spade and ended that toxic relationship.

What would you have done?

So you chipped in for a trip you didn't go on, and the people whose trip you paid for were mad you didn't pay for enough of it?

Those people are narcissists.

[MoneyGuy]

I would never attend a wedding for a casual acquaintance let alone give $100 a head. My rule of thumb is like Facebook friend invitations. If I’ve been to your house or you’ve been to mine, I may accept your friend request.

My standard for wedding attendance is more strict. I neither expect a wedding invitation from an acquaintance nor would I attend.

[CliffFletcher]

I'm just glad I got married before people started going bananas on these things. Dinner at a golf club for 60, reception at a community hall for 140, and a registry at Sears. Whole thing cost about $8k. We got some kitchen utensils and linen out the deal.

[GordonBlue]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

I'm just glad I got married before people started going bananas on these things. Dinner at a golf club for 60, reception at a community hall for 140, and a registry at Sears. Whole thing cost about $8k. We got some kitchen utensils and linen out the deal.

I'm just glad I didn't have a wedding. getting married cost my wife and I about $300.
We then used the money we didn't spend on a wedding to go to the UK for three weeks.

[FireFly]

I've always assumed that when people write "Your presence is gift enough" they actually mean it. I mean, I throw a little cash in a card, but certainly not $200 because my presence was gift enough. Are these people liars?

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by bizaro86

So you chipped in for a trip you didn't go on, and the people whose trip you paid for were mad you didn't pay for enough of it?

Those people are narcissists.

Yeah, pretty much.

To clarify though...

We chipped in on a bridal party/bachelor party we didn't even go on. We assumed (I guess wrongly) that the amount we chipped in on that trip would be ok to be also associated with the cash gift at the reception.

Angry bride/groom contacted us stating the amount they saw in our envelope was hurtful and insulting as they thought we were closer friends than the amount indicated. They ignored all other contributions previously given that we did not participate in (and our time to help out).

We were told several times it had nothing to do with money, but the amount we contributed as cash gift showed we didn't support them enough. The couple also inappropriately revealed amounts others had contributed and made statements about how these people were better friends, or something like that. After a few weeks of trying to discuss our POV, we gave up and decided mending the relationship wasn't possible.

Maybe my wife and I should have decided against chipping in on the bachelor/bridal party and had our higher cash gift, I dunno. . We could be wrong, but in our opinion, weddings aren't unofficial go fund me for a ridiculous production, and we had contributed a significant amount... Just not on the cash gift that they received at the reception.


At first I thought it was a one off situation, but I ended up reading a few other stories online of similar things happening at other weddings. Honestly speaking, my wife and I don't really harbor ill will against that couple. But it does bug us that more and more couples seem to have that mentality.



EDIT: and just another general question. My wife and I assumed that we shouldn't expect a cash gift from our bridal party since they had additional costs for apparel etc. at our wedding in excess of $100-150. We assumed the same for guests who had to travel to be at the wedding as they too had to front additional costs to be at the wedding. Is this a prevalent perception?

Or are the bridal party/out of town guests still expected to give a "full and appropriate" cash gift equivalent on top of all the additional costs associated with the wedding?

Because I feel like there are many people with the latter perception.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

EDIT: and just another general question. My wife and I assumed that we shouldn't expect a cash gift from our bridal party since they had additional costs for apparel etc. at our wedding in excess of $100-150. We assumed the same for guests who had to travel to be at the wedding as they too had to front additional costs to be at the wedding. Is this a prevalent perception?

Or are the bridal party/out of town guests still expected to give a "full and appropriate" cash gift equivalent on top of all the additional costs associated with the wedding?

Because I feel like there are many people with the latter perception.

Just got married and have been in a few wedding party’s:

We said no gifts and no cash, and meant it. We budgeted what we could afford and invited who we wanted. Most people gave cash anyways, some more some less. Some not at all. Worked out great, no pressure.

Wedding party doesn’t owe you anything (although we noticed some nice gifts just because we are close friends). And we bought the wedding party gifts as they covered the costs of outfits.

People who travel there don’t owe you anything. Presence present.

The rest of your story is ridiculous.... I can’t fathom being upset at not receiving a gift. Or a gift that wasn’t good enough?? Yikes.

If you expect a gift, anytime, you’re an a##hole.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

Yeah, pretty much.

To clarify though...

We chipped in on a bridal party/bachelor party we didn't even go on. We assumed (I guess wrongly) that the amount we chipped in on that trip would be ok to be also associated with the cash gift at the reception.

Angry bride/groom contacted us stating the amount they saw in our envelope was hurtful and insulting as they thought we were closer friends than the amount indicated. They ignored all other contributions previously given that we did not participate in (and our time to help out).

We were told several times it had nothing to do with money, but the amount we contributed as cash gift showed we didn't support them enough. The couple also inappropriately revealed amounts others had contributed and made statements about how these people were better friends, or something like that. After a few weeks of trying to discuss our POV, we gave up and decided mending the relationship wasn't possible.

Maybe my wife and I should have decided against chipping in on the bachelor/bridal party and had our higher cash gift, I dunno. . We could be wrong, but in our opinion, weddings aren't unofficial go fund me for a ridiculous production, and we had contributed a significant amount... Just not on the cash gift that they received at the reception.


At first I thought it was a one off situation, but I ended up reading a few other stories online of similar things happening at other weddings. Honestly speaking, my wife and I don't really harbor ill will against that couple. But it does bug us that more and more couples seem to have that mentality.



EDIT: and just another general question. My wife and I assumed that we shouldn't expect a cash gift from our bridal party since they had additional costs for apparel etc. at our wedding in excess of $100-150. We assumed the same for guests who had to travel to be at the wedding as they too had to front additional costs to be at the wedding. Is this a prevalent perception?

Or are the bridal party/out of town guests still expected to give a "full and appropriate" cash gift equivalent on top of all the additional costs associated with the wedding?

Because I feel like there are many people with the latter perception.

For the first part, eff those people. Who contributes to a bridal/bachelor party for that much anyways? You want me to pay up to 3 times for your wedding? First I pay for your pre wedding party, then I pay for getting to your wedding if out of town (or apparel if in the wedding party) and then I have to give you a gift on top of that?


Yeah, screw that. I could not ever imagine expecting my friends to pay for everything I want to do. If they end up doing it unexpectedly, sure I wouldn't say no, and I certainly wouldn't have a problem if some friends of the groom asked me to chip in for a cool bachelor party, but it really sounds like these people expected you to just pay for their entire wedding experience, beginning to end.

As for out of town travellers, it depends on how far they travel, how much it costs and whether it costs them a lot to stay. Most of my family is from Sasky and none of them gave lesser gifts when my sister got married, same when we attended their weddings. It's a cheap trip and we stay for free.

If I'm travelling to Toronto and staying in a hotel for 4 days then definitely you can expect to get less, especially if there is apparel involved.

There's always exceptions though. I went to a wedding out east for a good friend and it cost me a damn fortune but on the other hand I got to travel around the maritimes for a week with the brides family, got a free place to stay and my suit for the wedding party was paid for. I didn't think twice about giving a normal gift for the bride and groom.

[curves2000]

I may be in the minority here but I also do think it also depends on what type of "guest" you are when your at a wedding and your friendship with the person.

I personally have given everything from $150 a person for somebody who was a decent acquaintance to $1500, $2000 to some very very close friends who have been incredibly generous in our almost 20 year friendship. I am not wealthy or anything but I still always like to give a good gift as a thank you for the invite, thank you for our friendship and best of luck in your new life with your loved one.

Generally speaking, I usually give $300 and the vast majority of weddings I attend are open bar.

I have been to some weddings where someone has given $50 or $100 a person, will down expensive scotch and wine even when they DON'T drink it regularly, will eat like a king and might even take home some leftovers of the "midnight buffett" and the centerpiece flowers. They will then sit there and brag and talk all this nonsense about their big shot $50 gift. Like, relax buddy!

I think it's fair to give what you can reasonably afford and to be reasonable with your consumption. If you can't give then don't take an unreasonable amount. I am single and never been married so I have no experience with what I would have got.

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

Angry bride/groom contacted us stating the amount they saw in our envelope was hurtful and insulting as they thought we were closer friends than the amount indicated. They ignored all other contributions previously given that we did not participate in (and our time to help out).

If someone ever contacted me about a gift, stating that the amount was hurtful and insulting, that would be the end of the friendship. Those people are jerks and I don't spend time with jerks.

I give the same amount, whether or not it's a cash bar, but I would also drink the same amount regardless. I would probably give a larger gift to someone I was very close with, as opposed to a friendly co-worker or something.

[GordonBlue]

speaking of wedding "gifts"
could be fake, but I'm thinking likely real.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ork-1-500.html

'I specifically, I mean specifically asked for cash gifts. How could we have our wedding that we dreamed of without proper funding?' she said.

'We'd sacrificed so much and only asked each guest for around $1,500. We talked to a few people who even promised us more to make our dream come true.

So our request for $1,500 for all other guests was not f***ing out of the ordinary. Like, we made it clear. If you couldn't contribute, you weren't invited to our exclusive wedding. It's a once and a lifetime party [sic].'


Someone claiming to be Susan's cousin said the Facebook status was only up for 15 minutes before it was deleted, even speculating that the angry bride had been 'drinking while writing' it.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by GordonBlue

speaking of wedding "gifts"
could be fake, but I'm thinking likely real.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ork-1-500.html

'I specifically, I mean specifically asked for cash gifts. How could we have our wedding that we dreamed of without proper funding?' she said.

'We'd sacrificed so much and only asked each guest for around $1,500. We talked to a few people who even promised us more to make our dream come true.

So our request for $1,500 for all other guests was not f***ing out of the ordinary. Like, we made it clear. If you couldn't contribute, you weren't invited to our exclusive wedding. It's a once and a lifetime party [sic].'


Someone claiming to be Susan's cousin said the Facebook status was only up for 15 minutes before it was deleted, even speculating that the angry bride had been 'drinking while writing' it.

I should hope so.

I'm surprised she didnt claim 'hacking' or 'bath salts' because thats insane.

[Hockeyguy15]

Originally Posted by GordonBlue

speaking of wedding "gifts"
could be fake, but I'm thinking likely real.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ork-1-500.html

'I specifically, I mean specifically asked for cash gifts. How could we have our wedding that we dreamed of without proper funding?' she said.

'We'd sacrificed so much and only asked each guest for around $1,500. We talked to a few people who even promised us more to make our dream come true.

So our request for $1,500 for all other guests was not f***ing out of the ordinary. Like, we made it clear. If you couldn't contribute, you weren't invited to our exclusive wedding. It's a once and a lifetime party [sic].'


Someone claiming to be Susan's cousin said the Facebook status was only up for 15 minutes before it was deleted, even speculating that the angry bride had been 'drinking while writing' it.