Youth Sports Tryouts, Team Selection, and Subsequent Rejection

[manwiches]

Originally Posted by Harry Lime

I always played a lot of soccer as a kid. Played at a pretty competitive level, with the same general group from when we were little kids to the end of junior high. The last season that I played, I had a bad tryout and ended up a division lower than my friends.

I shifted from back to forward and spent the year scoring goals, but it wasn't the same experience anymore, and that was my last year. I guess that you can say that I went out on a high of having fun, but it was a lot less competitive.

He could fight to move up in the next year, and rejoin his friends, but if he just has fun and transitions to something else, it's not the end of the world, and honestly it's only a couple of years until his entire peer group hits the end of the road, as well.

The takeaway, I guess, is to just have fun and enjoy the game. It's different, sure, but this might be a chance to show off a little!

This sounds very similar to my experience in soccer as well.

We gently tell him that this is nothing but a bump in the road, and that he could excel in a lower division now. if he truly wants to, he can put in the work and give him a chance to rejoin his team next year. Deaf ears, and understandably so, given it's rawness.

Appreciate this! Thank you

[SutterBrother]

Originally Posted by manwiches

This sounds very similar to my experience in soccer as well.

We gently tell him that this is nothing but a bump in the road, and that he could excel in a lower division now. if he truly wants to, he can put in the work and give him a chance to rejoin his team next year. Deaf ears, and understandably so, given it's rawness.

Appreciate this! Thank you

Reminds me of the early 2000’s where I spent a couple years in Dallas.

A co-worker found out I was Canadian and invited me to play on his men’s league team. They were a bunch of 40+ guys who started playing after the Stars won the cup in 99.

I was a pond and rec hockey player at the UofC. Nothing special.

Down there?

Mario Lemieux. And celebrated as such.

#worth it.

[indes]

Ugh that sucks. We're in an almost similar boat where my kid who was one of the better kids on his team last year, is 1-2 divs lower than all his friends.

Our difference is that he absolutely #### the bed in tryouts lol. Sherwood park minor hockey has time trials for the kids that determine which tryout group you end up in. I do like the time trial approach because it takes a lot of the politics out of it. I don't think he's ever skated that slow in his life lol, ended up in a low tryout group - scored 9 goals in his game but you could only move up one group.

My initial reaction was anger and embarrassment (not to him, just internally). He ended up with the anger and embarrassment later but we're just going to use it as a development year and he's already having a blast and making new friends.

[MillerTime GFG]

I coach both my son's soccer teams....my 2012 is on the tier 2 team, and my 2014 is tier 1.

Every couple seasons, my 2012s "graduate" a player, and one from tier 1 comes down. This is VERY tough for the boy that comes down. I always make sure to address it in the very first practice. For me, it's made easier because I can share a personal story. I played tier 1 my entire life, except for one season, where I was pushed down to tier 2. (I was too small and hit puberty late...couldn't keep up physically). I pouted for a month or two, but then I got to work, and eventually made it back up to tier 1, played in university, and semi-professionally.

Being able to relate has always helped. I also use a current Cavalry player as an example. He played tier 2 and 3 growing up with Foothills, and now plays professionally. I might recommend finding a similar story in the hockey world as an example. Not to say your kid wants/needs to go pro, but I do find this can help on the competitive side.

[fotze2]

It is always this way. The tryout roulette. There is no perfect way to evaluate. Long winded scattered nonsense coming.

You can bring in Mount Royal Cougar players to evaluate. But they don't care.

Non-parent coaches is one solution, they seem to do that at the higher levels, but again, for a lot, they are just adding this to their hockey resume. Parents = bias, non-parent = DGAF (in some cases).

My kid never got the rejection crap until he was 16 and it destroyed him, his give a #####ter after that waned and now he is done (I think pre-maturely). Best your kid gets a taste of the sting earlier than later.

I can tell you tales of kids getting the crap sandwich. There are so many potential reasons, all of which I have seen and know has happened.

a. just not as good (or they see it that way)

b. coach bias - Yes they say there may only be a certain number of coach picks but there is more to it than that.

c. The excel spreadsheet is being operated by excel moron volunteers - I have seen this happen so many times. Like first two minutes you can tell this kid is lights out better than anyone on the ice. All the evaluators went to the spreadsheet lady and told her something has gone wrong. In fact something was, and would be rectified. Next day, the kid was in an even lower group, just ridiculous. I saw the dad visibly angry, so I went up to him and said we all see it and he needs to go to the org to complain. But no one wants to be "that parent".

Just know that all those volunteering for evaluations are "that parent", they want some advocacy for their own kid even though no one admits it.

d. Never underestimate who the coach has played with in junior or dub or wherever. Many a time I wondered "how the F did that kid make it". Check out the coach on Hockeydb, check a few of the teams and low and behold that kids dad played with the coach at some point.

e. Crazy parent - If you are known as a crazy parent, that will 100% affect his chances. They point blank say it will.

f. Time trials - they are nice and take bias out but always a total unorganized cluster. Have seen kids completely screwed because of malfunctioning equipment or errors in the chaos.

g. Hot mom - 100% that the kid with the hot mom will get a longer look. I am 100% sure this happens because I have been told by coaches that they picked kids for that reason.

h. get ice just before the try outs with a bunch of other kids and do the drills. We always would get invited to that and I swear it made a huge difference.

i. Don't talk about this to non-hockey people, they just won't get the issue and think you are being ridiculous. I totally get it and the hockey people will, but others will not. It's ridiculous to those not into this dumb crap.

j. All roads lead to beer league.

k. He will have a wider friend group playing on teams not with that same group. My kid is attending University out of the city in his first year. There are at least 25 kids he knows well from hockey there and it has made the transition to dorm life and absolute joke and he is happier than he ever was playing hockey. That is the stuff that really matters. Its because he played on so many different teams.

l. The ability/skill to meet new people/kids is underated. My kid is out in BC and he now has 17 new best friends. Would have been tough if he played with the same group year after year.

Sorry for the rant. PM me if you want to chat further. I love talking about this stuff.

[undercoverbrother]

There is a lot of good posts in here.

Respectfully you son is U9. It might be of use reminding him that athletic development isn't linear, there are bumps, high points, low points, increases and deficiencies.

U9 is nothing to concern yourselves about, is he having fun and does he want to keep playing, that is all that matters.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

There is a lot of good posts in here.

Respectfully you son is U9. It might be of use reminding him that athletic development isn't linear, there are bumps, high points, low points, increases and deficiencies.

U9 is nothing to concern yourselves about, is he having fun and does he want to keep playing, that is all that matters.

I don't even know what U9 is. Is that Novice?

Oh ya. This process is pretty much the reason that the CSSHL and "rogue" leagues exist. People are willing to pay massive premiums for certainty and take the randomness out of the equation. You can plan your life accordingly. Still stupid but that is why.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I don't even know what U9 is. Is that Novice?

Yeah at the age of 9 it might be first year Atom?

I'm terrible with this translation.

[manwiches]

First year U11 (Atom).

Fotze made a ton of great points. Agreed on all of them tbh.

And I'm not blind to all of this either. I've been through it personally, seen other parents/kids go through it, and had thought I was prepared. But nothing prepares you when you can see the happiness and joy just being ripped from their body and sadness and despair set in. It truly is heartbreaking

I really needed a place to write and felt that others would be able to relate too. Our friends are his friends parents, and are treating us like the pity party (well... most of them), so we dont' want to reach out to them. Our parents are saying typical platitudes. So yea, as a family, we are feeling it all for him, and just trying to help him navigate it.

When he broke down last night, crying himself to sleep, shattered me tbh. I just held him until he fell asleep. Better this morning, and i know he'll have ups and downs. I'm just trying to encourage him to take one step forward and not sit in his grief. I know that things will be much better the second he meets his new team mates, but yea. Still a rocky time.

Appreciate everybody's comments. I knew many of you would have similar stories. I asked him how he was thinking this morning, and while sad, he said he was determined to work hard. He makes me proud regardless.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by manwiches

First year U11 (Atom).

Fotze made a ton of great points. Agreed on all of them tbh.

And I'm not blind to all of this either. I've been through it personally, seen other parents/kids go through it, and had thought I was prepared. But nothing prepares you when you can see the happiness and joy just being ripped from their body and sadness and despair set in. It truly is heartbreaking

I really needed a place to write and felt that others would be able to relate too. Our friends are his friends parents, and are treating us like the pity party (well... most of them), so we dont' want to reach out to them. Our parents are saying typical platitudes. So yea, as a family, we are feeling it all for him, and just trying to help him navigate it.

When he broke down last night, crying himself to sleep, shattered me tbh. I just held him until he fell asleep. Better this morning, and i know he'll have ups and downs. I'm just trying to encourage him to take one step forward and not sit in his grief. I know that things will be much better the second he meets his new team mates, but yea. Still a rocky time.

Appreciate everybody's comments. I knew many of you would have similar stories. I asked him how he was thinking this morning, and while sad, he said he was determined to work hard. He makes me proud regardless.

Keeping perspective helps.

Again, first year Atom doesn't mean anything in the long scheme of things.

[manwiches]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

Keeping perspective helps.

Again, first year Atom doesn't mean anything in the long scheme of things.

100%. I mentioned earlier, but I never expected much for him with hockey. Just have fun. And i knew this would come eventually, but I didn't prepare myself for how much it would affect him.

We're trying to get him to focus on the positives. New friends, leadership opportunity, opportunities to shine. He can't see the forest through the trees yet, but he will. We know he'll look back on this as a learning point in his life, and our job as his parents is jus to make sure he knows he's supported.

[you&me]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

There is a lot of good posts in here.

Respectfully you son is U9. It might be of use reminding him that athletic development isn't linear, there are bumps, high points, low points, increases and deficiencies.

U9 is nothing to concern yourselves about, is he having fun and does he want to keep playing, that is all that matters.

Came to say this.

My son has done evaluations but we haven't heard his placement yet (not holding our breath - he didn't perform well).

I was talking to a friend over the weekend that coaches and did evaluations for another club, and he told me at this age, they're still mostly trying to seperate those that demonstrate some athletic promise from the nose pickers.

But that isn't just based purely on skill - a big part of it is their "coachability" as-in, which 8 year olds can listen and not be a net distraction for the rest of the team. As you said, development isn't linear, which is especially true with boys at this age and placements can reflect a lot more than just straight up athletics.

[mrkajz44]

This sort of happened to me when I was playing hockey in Jr High, and it was the beginning of the end of hockey for me. That sounds bad, but it was the best thing to happen to me. I realized I didn't really like playing hockey that much - it was just what my friends did. I picked up another sport instead and excelled at it, which was so much better for me. Made new friends in that community and never looked back.

I'd say use this year to see if you kid is actually that interested in hockey. If they take the lead on the "lower" team and really show some stuff then it's likely they will be put on a more proper team next year. If they don't, then maybe it's time to look at other sports or activities - there are so many out there.

[Locke]

I'm just glad to be done with all that crap.

Sorry to those of you who arent, but I jumped through those hoops for decades as a kid and young adult and then another decade as a coach.

I enjoyed coaching for the most part, but every time my wife asks me if I want to take it up again I just remember everything about it and I just...

I dont think I have the energy anymore, and I dont think I'd be able to let that much BS slide anymore...

It can be really hard on the kids, I get that and I liked fotze's post!

My God...I remember my very first time as an evaluator at a try-out and as a coach selecting a team out of the kids that I see and I was astonished...I just couldnt believe it.

These people didnt know a goddamned thing about what they were doing. I'm not even sure any of them even played soccer before...or even just watched soccer?

This was pre-Moneyball, and I'm not talking about statistical analytics, I'm talking about those scenes where you've got elderly scouts talking about toolboxes and all kinds of other eclectic crap that doesnt mean anything.

Like Holy Hell...they dont know what they're talking about.

Just remembering it upsets me. Ugh...it was awful.

[2ArmBands]

Originally Posted by manwiches

First year U11 (Atom).

Fotze made a ton of great points. Agreed on all of them tbh.

And I'm not blind to all of this either. I've been through it personally, seen other parents/kids go through it, and had thought I was prepared. But nothing prepares you when you can see the happiness and joy just being ripped from their body and sadness and despair set in. It truly is heartbreaking

I really needed a place to write and felt that others would be able to relate too. Our friends are his friends parents, and are treating us like the pity party (well... most of them), so we dont' want to reach out to them. Our parents are saying typical platitudes. So yea, as a family, we are feeling it all for him, and just trying to help him navigate it.

When he broke down last night, crying himself to sleep, shattered me tbh. I just held him until he fell asleep. Better this morning, and i know he'll have ups and downs. I'm just trying to encourage him to take one step forward and not sit in his grief. I know that things will be much better the second he meets his new team mates, but yea. Still a rocky time.

Appreciate everybody's comments. I knew many of you would have similar stories. I asked him how he was thinking this morning, and while sad, he said he was determined to work hard. He makes me proud regardless.

Your child is experiencing some adversity at a young age and will likely become a better human because of it. This is life and as others eluded to these same emotions are likely to be experienced by all kids in organized sport at some junction. Even the strongest players in your organization will be getting cut from AAA teams, Jr teams etc... all of them will respond and take it differently.

I have been in your shoes before with my oldest daughter. She is not a strong athlete and is conscious of it now that she is in the U16 age category. Her goal every year is to make the "B" team (A,B,C tiers) She did not make it this year and ended up in C which was devastating to her at first. The blow was softened by the fact that many of her previous years teammates and friends were not selected for B either. Then the blow was doubled when all of her friends/former teammates got selected to the other C team (there are 2) What even makes things more difficult for her is that her younger sister is a strong athlete. On top of these issues above she sees her sister consistently making A teams even in her first year of each age tier. I think its a lot for her.

Its been rocky so far this year to start... However I can tell you this. 2-3 practices, 1 out of town tournament, and a couple of league games and her switch has totally flipped. She has a new friend group and some fresh coaches that are taking some different approaches with her. She is settling in. It has only been a couple of weeks and the sadness and pain already feels distant.

I can relate to the whole "other parent pity party" as well. I think you have to look big picture... not to be blunt but who really cares? As someone mentioned above... all roads lead to beer league and its 100% accurate. Its blunt but it brings perspective... have fun playing the game, going to tournaments, swimming in pools, building relationships and becomes a better more rounded person.

[Bill Bumface]

Originally Posted by manwiches

I can't help but feel embarrassed for my son as well as myself.

I would say the most important part of this, is for you to work through the above as quickly as possible.

Your happiness or self worth needs to get separated from the achievements of your children. Your son needs to know that your sad that he's sad, but otherwise couldn't give a rat's ass about what team he's on, what sports he quits or any of it. You'll be there to cheer him on, encourage him, and do your best to make sure he's having fun and enjoying his life regardless.

Be the rock that he knows won't be affected by any of the upsetting things that happen in his life. They're hard enough for him, he doesn't need to worry about them affecting others as well. They can always tell.

[puckedoff]

Originally Posted by fotze2

g. Hot mom - 100% that the kid with the hot mom will get a longer look. I am 100% sure this happens because I have been told by coaches that they picked kids for that reason.

.

Yeah, maybe explain to your kid that if your wife was hotter he may have made the team. That ought to get things back to normal at home.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Bill Bumface

Your happiness or self worth needs to get separated from the achievements of your children. .

Thank you for putting this.

I say 1 thing to my boy post game

"I love watching you play"

[TrentCrimmIndependent]

Don't forget..

It's just a game

Make sure he doesn't forget that either. The opinions of people making cuts aren't an indictment on his ability or potential. If he was largely unnoticeable in a good or bad way sometimes it makes that person prone to being the odd one out.

Whenever parents get too invested in these things is when the kids inherit those same attitudes. So keeping it light and easy and reassuring that it's not a big deal while empathizing with the sting that is a perceived rejection is the way to go.

ALTHOUGH, a little morale boost can go a long ways too. Especially for boys, sometimes they need a little win after a hit like that if it visibly affects him. Could point out a good play and make a cheeky remark about him looking way better than this crop of kids in that instance. Filling up the kids cup consistently enough that the world can't empty it is key. That way later in life when those same rejections inevitably come around, he'll be able to bounce back and brush it off much more easily.

I need only think back on all the things I wish my dad had said playing sports as a kid, but opted to either critique or remain silent.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by puckedoff

Yeah, maybe explain to your kid that if your wife was hotter he may have made the team. That ought to get things back to normal at home.

Lol!

"Honey, tryouts are coming up, you'd better hit the gym."

And your meals will be eaten through a straw for the foreseeable future.