Life Question

[Calgary14]

Bury the hatchet and offer your support. Tell him how you feel. $7k (or any amount really) isn't worth it. After he passes away you'll be kicking yourself for not reaching out. Life is too short for grudges and this is a prime example

[Cheese]

After 15 years? You clearly have moved on with your life and obviously, he wasn't an important part of your life or both of you would have found a way to resolve. $5gs was obviously more important to him then your friendship.
That's not a grudge on your part, it's clearly a lack of friendship on his.
Your conscience knows what to do.

[Northendzone]

to me this friend valued the money more than the friendship - I'd send a note back, but then leave it at that.

[transplant99]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

Life is too short for grudges, and there’s no benefit to teaching lessons of principle to the dying.

Forgive.

This.

Be the bigger person here. There is literally no upside in holding onto anger (over this amount of money especially...as significant as it may seem) towards someone who faces a very dark and short future. You dont have to get back to how close you once were and still allow him back into your life. Keep it at a distance you are OK with.

In fact not forgiving and re-connecting may come back to haunt you in your inner most thoughts. You will likely find some real inner peace as well.

I understand, more than most, how this kind of situation can affect oneself after the offending party is no longer around. Just some advice from a personal experience,

[username]

Wow, you let a 5000 dollar issue over a jet ski ruin a great friendship? Yikes, couldn't have been that good of a friend. Seems pretty trivial to me.....

Anyway, definitely reconnect with him. Like Pepsi said, life is too short to hold grudges, most of all over something stupid like money - no matter the amount.

[Regulator75]

Maybe he'll include you in his will for the amount owed...

[TheFlamesVan]

I don't like to hold grudges either, but this guy seems pretty selfish. Wish him well and continue moving on from the situation.

[OMG!WTF!]

Originally Posted by username

Wow, you let a 5000 dollar issue over a jet ski ruin a great friendship? Yikes, couldn't have been that good of a friend. Seems pretty trivial to me.....

Anyway, definitely reconnect with him. Like Pepsi said, life is too short to hold grudges, most of all over something stupid like money - no matter the amount.

It's actually not the amount that's important at all. If you go out to the pub after the game or something with the same group of guys, eventually everybody gets sick of the guy who doesn't chip in enough. It's 100% the symbolic meaning of money. It's saying I'm more important than you. It's also an indication of what your friendship actually is...he wasn't a good friend after all and why bother with a lousy friend.

Also, what if that 5k was super important? What if he couldn't fix his car and get to work? Or what if he couldn't pay his bills and it damaged his credit? It is so incredibly naive to say money is trivial compared to friendship. Exactly the opposite is true.

[Buff]

I would recommend that you try to find it in you to forgive and forget. You aren't getting money back, especially not after all this time. Get a friendship back, even if it is to make him feel better. I find making people feel better is very heart warming for myself, maybe it will do good for you too.

You can even tell him something like this: "I would like to try. I'm still hurt by what happened because it was my immediate though. It will be hard for me to do but lets try to put that behind us and work towards building a new friendship."

It may do wonders within your own heart for you to work towards building a friendship with him again.

[rotten42]

Originally Posted by username

Wow, you let a 5000 dollar issue over a jet ski ruin a great friendship? Yikes, couldn't have been that good of a friend. Seems pretty trivial to me.....

Anyway, definitely reconnect with him. Like Pepsi said, life is too short to hold grudges, most of all over something stupid like money - no matter the amount.

Look at you blaming OP for the indiscretions of his "friend". He didn't ruin the friendship. His friend did by not having the common decency and respect you would expect from a friend.

[mikephoen]

Life is short, so don’t waste your time on someone who obviously wasn’t a good friend. Spend your very valuable time with the friends who have been there for you for the last 15 years. I’d send a message wishing him luck in his battle, but that would be it.

[CaptainCrunch]

I like you all, you're all great people.

He screwed you over not once but twice, he put money over your friendship, not once but twice. He had a bunch of years and when everything was fine for him you didn't matter, but as soon as things go sideways he reaches out to you because he's dying. He doesn't care about the friendship, he wants to ease his soul, and that's fine, you can do that, its probably good for you to. But at the end of the day, to me his motives are still greedy and selfish.

He reached out, and that's great, but he didn't apologize so he still doesn't get why he's wrong unless there's something about the story that's not being told. He's still being an a$$, but now he's going to transfer pain to you.

Personally, I wouldn't go. It wasn't much of a friendship, and he might miss the friendship, but he doesn't understand or want to understand that he screwed you over not once but twice.

I wouldn't personally go, because I would tell the guy, not that I want the money back, its beyond that, but we aren't friends, we aren't likely to be friends, you were a lousy friend, and while I hope and pray that things go better for you, we're not going to be hanging out anytime soon, because I want friends that are actually friends.

[jammies]

If he had just suddenly died from a heart attack, instead of developing cancer, and you'd never talked with him again, would you have felt guilty about never reconnecting? If so, then respond. Else, don't.

That he is dying from cancer is irrelevant - we all die eventually, knowing that it is sooner than later doesn't change the central issue that lies between you. Either you are forgiving enough to move past that, or not, and you shouldn't feel guilty if you decide "not", nor weak if you decide you can.

[troutman]

Just sign this codicil to your Will . . . buddy!

[Wormius]

Emotional stuff aside, if he has a judgment against him, won't you be getting the money owed when the estate is settled?

[jwslam]

Originally Posted by hayduke's dad

Seeing we weren't friends anymore I took him to small claims court. Before it was decided on by judge I tried one last call to work it out before a ruling. Again he declined.

Recently he has been diagnosed with cancer and outlook isn't good. He sends me a Facebook message after not talking for 15+ years saying he misses our friendship and wants to be friends seeing he doesn't know how much time he has left.

Umm... Not friends anymore 15 years ago. And now you're facebook friends? or how did you get the message?

I would definitely look at the 2 posts below; define whether this he has any meaning to you anymore. Are you looking at his message thinking "this deadbeat is still making excuses over the money" or are you thinking "yea I miss him too?"

Originally Posted by calf

Ask yourself how you'd feel if he passed tomorrow and you didn't reach out today. What if you did reach out - what would you say?

If you choose to reach out, do the following.

Originally Posted by Dion

I would express my feelings in an honest and open way by saying that what he did and his failure to pay for the damages was the reason why the friendship ended. Give him a chance to reflect on that and see if he does apologise.

Moving from there:
-Do you accept his apology?
-Is he a friend again? Are you gonna stick around until the end?
-Is just someone that you no longer have a grudge against and have no feelings towards, and this was just closure for you?

[#-3]

I hate to be the one to say this, but are you certain that you are not partially to blame for the whole situations?

I'm curious about what it is this friend did to cause the damage.

Did he crash it? did you not have insurance?

Did he get a bunch of sand in the scoop? $5000 sounds like a big bill for this type of problem, but it still seems like you would be somewhat responsible to insure people using your vehicles know how to drive them properly.

Was there mechanical failure? would you not be the one responsible for the care and maintenance?


Whatever the circumstances are, I would say what you need to get over this is to accept personal responsibility for your own property, and stop griping over thousands of dollars of interest. Without knowing the circumstances I couldn't comment on whatever principle amount remains unpaid.

[Playfair]

There is power in forgiveness. No matter what he did or if he apologized or not, the one you free by forgiveness isn’t just him - it’s you. Visit the man

[Poe969]

Originally Posted by #-3

I hate to be the one to say this, but are you certain that you are not partially to blame for the whole situations?

I'm curious about what it is this friend did to cause the damage.

Did he crash it? did you not have insurance?

Did he get a bunch of sand in the scoop? $5000 sounds like a big bill for this type of problem, but it still seems like you would be somewhat responsible to insure people using your vehicles know how to drive them properly.

Was there mechanical failure? would you not be the one responsible for the care and maintenance?


Whatever the circumstances are, I would say what you need to get over this is to accept personal responsibility for your own property, and stop griping over thousands of dollars of interest. Without knowing the circumstances I couldn't comment on whatever principle amount remains unpaid.

Are you kidding me? They went to court, without knowing the whole story we already know that the law deemed the other guy responsible. It's not his fault that he let his friend use it, it was a friend. Turned out the guy did something to screw things up and played the same card you're trying to play now. If someone breaks into your car, is it your fault for parking where you did or for owning a car?

The other guy was clearly in the wrong. Others found him guilty of whatever happened and the guy himself admitted guilt by paying him (what little he did pay).

If the other guy was adamant about it not being his fault, he would have fought it more or not paid at all. Blaming the OP here is insulting.

[rotten42]

There is also power in leaving the toxic/sh*tty people behind going forward in life.