To move to another city for your GF or not?

[ResAlien]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

I love her, she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with but I do worry about resentment with both of us no mater which way we decide to go. I just don't get why I should give up everything for her while she gives up nothing and she feels the same way.

It sounds like if she was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with you wouldn't worry about resentment or that you have to "give up everything and she gives up nothing" and neither would she. It's not a competition.

If she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then move, it's that simple. If you're not sure then maybe you have some thinking to do.

[Rutuu]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

And just so we have all the info. She just took this job in November and it's a great opportunity for her to get experience as an EMT. Yes she could get work closer to Calgary but she doesn't seem to want to, she says this is the best opportunity for her.

I love her, she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with but I do worry about resentment with both of us no mater which way we decide to go. I just don't get why I should give up everything for her while she gives up nothing and she feels the same way.

I feel like we're stuck as neither of us want to compromise.

Thanks for all your opinions thus far

How old are you two because 21 is different than 51 with these things.

[Jbo]

How old are you both, if you don't mind me asking?

I know it would rattle me to move away from my buddies (I'm 28)

[Hi-Psi]

We're both 28

[malcolmk14]

Is Edmonton an option? I know Edmonton's gross but it's closer to an airport for you, closer to Wetaskiwin for her, and there's much more to do than in Red Deer. It smells and the Oilers suck but the city really isn't THAT bad.

If you're worried about leaving your buddies... It does suck for a while but gets better. You'll meet new people who have similar interests. You wouldn't be the first guy to move to a new city.

I'm 26. My girlfriend has a job that has high potential for relocation. I'd move with her, even though all my friends are here. I've had plenty of friends move to Edmonton, Toronto, Red Deer, Lethbridge, Dubai for jobs or significant others, away from all their friends. They all did okay. Worst case scenario you hate it and just break up and move back.

[Hi-Psi]

We have a core group of friends of nearly 20, friends we see on a weekly basis and I find it tough to walk away from everyone because of a job. I personally feel that it would be smarter to find a job closer to Calgary and keep our group of close friends.

[Hi-Psi]

Edmonton is the same issue as Red Deer.

[DuffMan]

flip a coin, seriously. it'll be a huge life change for one of you.

[malcolmk14]

Honestly it sounds like your mind is made up already!

[Kybosh]

I think you need to consider the maybe down the road item - kids. She refuses to have a family in the city, so at some point you're going to have to move out of Calgary anyway if you want kids with her.

[DuffMan]

What do your 20 good friends say? actually what do you think they would do in your shoes.?

My wife dragged me away from Calgary years ago when we had a kid and neither one of us had any immediate family there. We moved closer to her parents and her sister, to a small town. I don't regret it at this point in life, as in I work about 7 minutes drive away. No rush hours. Golf course is 20 minutes away and isn't ridiculously overpriced. You meet new people to be friends with. I wouldn't have done it when I was a younger, horny, drunker single guy, but it works now.

[wpgflamesfan]

Originally Posted by Kybosh

I think you need to consider the maybe down the road item - kids. She refuses to have a family in the city, so at some point you're going to have to move out of Calgary anyway if you want kids with her.

This puzzles me. Why would someone not want to have a family in the city?

[burn_this_city]

Something doesn't add up to me, why is she so attached to this job? Also what's wrong with Calgary?

[metallicat]

Is her job more career-ish than yours? If you love her, move.

[Trojan97]

Not sure what your joint financial situation is like but what about a hotel room in Red Deer for her work days? If this is a job that she loves or isn't willing to leave, compromise by getting a place in Airdrie. She could potentially drive up the morning of the first day before her shift and drive home after she's off the second day. There are tons of cheap hotel options in Red Deer and it's "only" a 70-80 minute drive.

Buy her satellite radio or something to make her drive easier for bonus points. Seriously tho, you don't want to move on her behalf and you don't want her moving just for your benefit as she will never let you live it down if she doesn't like Calgary. For your joint happiness, consider something like this.

[MrMastodonFarm]

Give Calgary a try, a real try for a year. Calgary is obviously the best bet, for both of you. Her hang ups seem to be typical ignorant small town crap. Calgary has more to offer then anywhere you mentioned. You need to talk to her and see about giving Calgary a go. Tell her not to be twatty and stuck up about it either.

[ricosuave]

Olds. Both of you move to olds.

[corporatejay]

Originally Posted by ricosuave

Olds. Both of you move to olds.

"If you love her, you both should be unhappy".

[Yeah_Baby]

My relatives in Red Deer are way more messed up than anyone I've met in Calgary or Edmonton.

So Edmonton is your compromise. If neither of you want to compromise, you know what you have to do. Stop wasting your time.


/uninvolved internet stranger.

[RougeUnderoos]

If your girlfriend finds out about this thread, the decision might be made for you.

Considering the level of personal detail you've gone into here, it's certainly not outside the realm of possibility that she will.

My advice is to take down some of the details. And your name.