Coaching your Child in a Sport

[Circa89]

Originally Posted by Northendzone

I love hockey, and I feel that hockey drives a massive wedge in our relationship and because of this, I feel no joy when it is time for us to go to the rink together. I am to the point where I only want to be a chauffer to get him to the rink, or have my wife handle this stuff......

thoughts, comments, expereinces......

Sounds like you answered your own question...

I coached my son's lacrosse team for the last 4 years ( he is 9 as well) and I loved it. However, I found that I am too hard on him at times and I am not too sure that HE loved it. He tells me he does and that he wants me to continue to coach but I stepped back into an assistant coaching role so I can take the pressure of of me and him. I enjoyed it way more and he loved it just the same.

Give it a shot.

[gordo67]

I coached my kid the last few years (he is 9 as well) and found it extremely rewarding. When he didn't want dad to tell him what to do I just let one of the other coaches deal with him, and vice versa. He tried the tightening his own skates thing as well, never worked and has never asked to tighten them by himself again. I found it frustrating at times when he wouldn't respond, and tried to deal with it in a harsh manner, that didn't work either. Don't let him get the best of you, he will eventually come around and listen to you. It is way harder for me to watch from the sidelines then to be on the bench. I figure I will continue to coach until he gets to the peewee level and then see where he is at that point and re-evaluate me coaching him. Minor hockey needs as many volunteer coaches as they can get, so try to stick in there and help out.

[Northendzone]

certainly the advice offered up has given me reason to rethink this - i think my short term approach will be to stay involved, but I'll quit coaching him - it won't be easy for me as i just hate watching him make mistakes in the fundamentals - but, i'll try and leaving his coaching to someone else - which means, when he asks me why he did not make the nhl - i can say it is not my fault, you just had bad coaching........

thanks all......

[fundmark19]

I can say I hated when my dad was on the bench during my hockey years. He was never the type of dad who would yell and scream from the stands but since he played high level hockey every time he would be on the bench and offer me advice for some reason I would not listen and get pissed off at him. It could have been because I knew he was right most of the time and I was stubborn and didn't want to admit it. I had a much better time when he was on the bench when I played lacrosse because he never played so when he offered advice I knew it was something I did obviously wrong if someone who never played could point it out.

I'm a swim instructor and I'll put her in swim lessons when she's old enough. Don't get me wrong.... I'll take her to the pool and splash around with her, but to do any fine tuning with strokes; I think I'll let someone else deal with those frustrations.

I think think kids respond better when it's someone they don't know. Kinda like they have it in their heads that if I'm teaching swimming I must have gone to "Swim Instructor University" for 4 years and that I know what I'm doing.

I've also had parents say that they don't know how I do it, but their child that has a learning disability actually listens to me and get asked how do I do it? I have no clue other than maybe it's something special that they only get to do for 30-60 minutes a week and they don't want to side on the side for misbehaving and miss out?

[CaptainCrunch]

And tommorrow on a special episode of Oprah.

"I once scored 3 touchdowns in a game for Polk High School, and my son wants to join the chess club, does that make him gay?"

[Rhettzky]

Originally Posted by Northendzone

which means, when he asks me why he did not make the nhl - i can say it is not my fault, you just had bad coaching........

Better yet... when he doesn't make the NHL, blame his inability to listen to you. Then hand him an application form for McDicks.

[Red Slinger]

I've coached my sons (twins) all the way from Tyke through to 1st year Midget last season. It can be rewarding and it can be frustrating.

I really relished the opportunity to be a part of my sons activities. I also got to see how they react in certain situations (both on and off the ice) and I learned where I could help them and when I should give them a little more independence.

That being said, I think it's really important that if you feel your child is tuning you out to ask one of the other coaches to step in. If your frustration is overtaking your positive experiences it quickly becomes a negative experience and your son will inevitably have a sour taste in his mouth and will likely quit hockey given the first opportunity. When I'm at the rink with my kids I've found that I have to treat them like I would any other player on the team. We have a tendency as parent coaches to pay more attention to our kids and to generally be harder on them and less understanding.

If done right, coaching your son can be a bonding experience. If not, it can have lasting negative consequences. I'd recommend that you stay involved in coaching but discuss the situation with the other coaches so that you can come up with a win-win solution.