Whats the funniest thing you've ever seen? - Page 2 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

4X4 · 05-05-2005, 04:44 PM

Not quite... I don't wear glasses...

4X4 · 05-05-2005, 05:07 PM

Heres another one...

My buddy (actually, it's victim from THE COUCH) has a younger brother with Downs Syndrome. His name is Davey & he's actually very smart, he just can't speak coherently & has poor motor skills. We've all known Davey for years & he's like a little brother to all of us.
We all know that he's a total perv (like any red blooded male), but his mom thinks that he's a pure-minded angel. Just to add a little more reference to this story, they are filipino.
So his 18th birthday rolls around. We decide to take him to the Speakeasy for some drinks & entertainment. Naturally, mom asks where we are going, so we tell her we are going for beers at a pub, and reassure her that Davey will come home in one piece.

Fast forward to the front row at speakeasy. Two blondes on stage, one of them has adorned Davey's head with her panties, and Davey is waving his arm around making noises that only he can make. The night is a total success. Davey has a blast, we all feel pretty good about ourselves for taking him out, everyone is happy until...
Out of the corner of his eye, my buddy (couch victim) sees his mom come storming into the bar, heading straight for us screeching (whatever) in tagalog.
Victim jumps up just in time to defend Davey from mom. Turns out that she followed us, but sat in the car for two hours to make sure that we didn't drive drunk. Then got impatient, and came inside to see why we were in there for so long. Obviously, she was quite surprised to see her angel 5 feet away from a naked woman, with panties on his head.

Oh man... The peelers didn't know what to do, patrons were stunned, even the bouncer was afraid to tell mom to GTFO.

We all had to pack up & leave. Davey kept the panties & between the rest of us, a few posters to boot.
I bet he still has the panties...

Table 5 · 05-05-2005, 05:43 PM

a little while back, we were walking along one snowy evening, drunk as shinguard, when my buddy for some reason tried to body check me. except that he missed, slipped on the ice, fell, and bounced his head head right off the side of a car door, setting of the alarm and waking up the whole neighborhood.

Bend it like Bourgeois · 05-05-2005, 06:02 PM

This won;t top the couch story, but I still laugh thinking about it.

I worked as a waiter / bartender for years through school etc., and there were lots of pranks and stupidity.

But the funniest story, at least for me, was one Sunday moring when the Manager got chewed out for 20 mins by a good christian woman in for Sunday brunch.

It's funny for a couple reasons. First, our manager was famous for walking around with coffee cup full of white wine (in a twist, he called it a Bingo). He'd down cup after cup, and left each saturday night smashed, where he'd go home and drink more. So Sunday morning were never a good time for him.

That particular saturday night however a couple of us stayed to play Sega hockey on the big screen in the lounge and drink beer all night. Two of us turned out the lights at about 4 am, and wandered down the street in a drunken stupor to grab a bite to eat. At least, until we saw the sign.

The restaurant had added one of those big black signs with the neon letters to promote the Sunday brunch.

Convieniently the letters allowed us to spell out 'Join __'s on Sunday's for great T___ and Ass'.

The manager, in his sunday morning hangover, hadn't noticed coming in. And no one told him. We just about crapped ourselves when we showed up for the Sunday morning shift and the sign was still there, but there it was.

It was 10 minutes before our hungover manager even figured out what was going on. Another 10 minutes before he managed to calm the church crowd down.

We never fessed up.

4X4 · 05-05-2005, 06:46 PM

That sign story reminds me of the time a buddy & I changed the Starlight's (a pub in Acadia) sign to read "Pot for me and LSD all day".
We did it at about 3 am, unfortunately it was gone by morning.

4X4 · 05-05-2005, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by fotze@May 5 2005, 04:22 PM
That's a good one. My old best buddy from high school was filipino, his mom was INSANE. She would lose it for no reason and SCREAM for hours (no exagerration) at him for absolutely nothing, in philipino, so I can picture it just perfectly.

and yes I know all phillipine mothers are not the same, bakla

Funny you should say that... The mom in my story is typically quite laid back. Conversly, I had another filipino friend whose mom would shriek like a crow, non-stop until he did whatever she was telling him to do.
Honestly, there's nothing more intimidating than a 4'6" woman who is not afraid of you, and with the balls to say errr scream it.

4X4 · 05-05-2005, 07:15 PM

This is not quite as funny, but I used to tell my little brother things that were total crap, but he'd believe them...

Examples:

When he was about 10 years old, I convinced him that "office" meant a job that was not on ice. In other words, the entire world revolved around hockey, and if you weren't a hockey player, you were an off-ice worker. Hence the word office.
His grade 6 teacher had to sit him down & tell him the truth. My dad was torn between laughter & anger.

Another trick I played on him (wayyyy back in like 1994) was to tell him that his birthday (may 28) was stricken from the calender because Jean Chretien's Mom, brother, sister, dog, dad, grampa, etc had all died on that day. It was a series of unfortunate may 28ths, ovewr the course of a couple of decades that these calamities took place. When he got into power, first thing on the agenda was to remove that day from the calender. Therefore, my bro was to remain 5 years old forever. fata was he p*ssed off when he heard that there would be no more birthday presents.

Its a bloody miracle that he hasn't become a mass murderer or something.

RougeUnderoos · 05-05-2005, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 4X4+May 5 2005, 06:51 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (4X4 @ May 5 2005, 06:51 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-fotze@May 5 2005, 04:22 PM
That's a good one. My old best buddy from high school was filipino, his mom was INSANE. She would lose it for no reason and SCREAM for hours (no exagerration) at him for absolutely nothing, in philipino, so I can picture it just perfectly.

and yes I know all phillipine mothers are not the same, bakla

Funny you should say that... The mom in my story is typically quite laid back. Conversly, I had another filipino friend whose mom would shriek like a crow, non-stop until he did whatever she was telling him to do.
Honestly, there's nothing more intimidating than a 4'6" woman who is not afraid of you, and with the balls to say errr scream it. [/b][/quote]
Irate moms are always good for a laugh or two especially if mom isn't yours.

A couple years ago

when I was 16 or 17 a couple buddies and I were invited over to young woman's house. This gal was younger than us (by a year or 2 which seemed like a big difference at the time) and she was known to have a very strict mom, who had a particular dislike for us older, filthyminded boys.

Lucky for us, mom wasn't going to be home. She was to be out for the night and we would have free run of the joint. So we get there and go downstairs and we were in there for maybe 2 minutes max when (surprise surprise) we hear the door open and down the stairs mom is coming with a full head of steam.

Everyone sorta starts looking at one another in a "now what"? kind of a way and then I looked down and noticed/recalled that in my right hand I was holding a 26 ounce bottle of finest Canadian rye whisky.

I wasn't supposed to be in the house, I certainly wasn't supposed to be in the basement after dark with the daughter, and I really wasn't supposed to be in the basement after dark with the daughter with a bottle of whisky.

So I snap out of it and just before she gets down the stairs I come very very close to hiding it out of sight. She didn't see the booze but she knew I was up to something and the first thing she says (as she's walking right towards me) is "what do you have over there"? I just backed off like a wimp and she spotted the whisky, picked it up, and said incredulously "a bottle of whisky in my house"?

She held it out like it was a dirty snotrag so I grabbed it, bolted, and me and my pals were up those stairs and out of the house in under 5 seconds but we could already hear the shouting and the tears before the door slammed. It was pretty intense for a minute but we were rolling before we even got off the front lawn.

As I remember it we didn't hear from that gal again that summer.

FlamesAddiction · 05-05-2005, 08:33 PM

Damn, I miss those day Rouger. To be young again!

I have a sort of funny story. It was very funny at the time, but the consequences ended up being pretty sad.

I was in Wal-Mart in the music section at around Christmas time a few years back and there was a girl in there around my age at the time (about 17) with her mother. The mother just picked up a CD and said very calmly; "It's good to give the gift music". And then she started repeating it over and over again. Then she began screaming it and throwing CDs all over the place. My friends and I were laughing like crazy, but the poor girl was crying; "What's wrong mom? Why are you doing this?".

I ended up finding out afterwards through a friend who knew the girl, that her mother had a serious nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized.

But at the time when I didn't understand what was going on, it was probably the single funniest thing I ever saw.

A close second was just recently in Lethbridge where I saw 2 really drunk guys pushing a passed out lady in a shopping cart toward the detox centre. They walked right into a pole with the cart and couldn't figure out how to get it around. It was quite the mental olympics watching them try to figure out the puzzle.

spydermal · 05-05-2005, 10:03 PM

Me and my Dad were talking in my yard one time and we seen these 2 squirrels chasing each other in our hugh honking trees. After they get up about 40-50 feet, u hear a loud wack on the laddar laying by our garage. Thats right a squirrel fell from 50 feet smack into a laddar and then got up and just flew right back up the tree.

Buff · 05-05-2005, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FlamesAddiction@May 5 2005, 07:33 PM
Damn, I miss those day Rouger. To be young again!

I have a sort of funny story. It was very funny at the time, but the consequences ended up being pretty sad.

I was in Wal-Mart in the music section at around Christmas time a few years back and there was a girl in there around my age at the time (about 17) with her mother. The mother just picked up a CD and said very calmly; "It's good to give the gift music". And then she started repeating it over and over again. Then she began screaming it and throwing CDs all over the place. My friends and I were laughing like crazy, but the poor girl was crying; "What's wrong mom? Why are you doing this?".

I ended up finding out aftewards through a friend who knew the girl, that her mother had a serious nervous breakdown and had to hospitalized.

But at the time when I didn't understand what was going on, it was probably the single funniest thing I ever saw.

A close second was just recently in Lethbridge where I saw 2 really drunk guys pushing a passed out lady in a shopping cart toward the detox centre. They walked right into a pole with the cart and couldn't figure out how to get it around. It was quite the mental olympics watching them try to figure out the puzzle.

I think I saw those two drunk guys dump her out of the cart when they failed to steer away from the curb. Not sure if we're talking about the same guys (but I wouldn't doubt it). I've been in Lethbridge for 19 years now and, well, where is the detox center?

These guys were on 2nd Ave, behind the 3rd Ave IGA.

Maritime Q-Scout · 05-05-2005, 10:43 PM

April Fools this would have been YEARS ago, I think I was in highschool at the time, therefore my brother was in junior high.

He wakes up and is groggy, he's talking through the kitchen to go to the shower in the basement. Mom's away, and dad's getting ready in his room. I stop him and say

"Jeff, I hate to tell you this but dad said you can't use the hot water"

Jeff: Really?

Me: Yeah, the hot water tank is broken, he said not to even touch the knob as it could make it worse. Just try and be quick with the shower.

Jeff: Ugh.... ok

15 minutes later Jeff walks up the stairs into the kitchen with just a towel around his waist, dad looks at him in complete shock, speechless. He was shivering and his lips were blue. With a straight face, I walked over calmly put my hand on his back and said "buddy go get back in the shower for 2 minutes, turn the water up nice and hot and warm up"

Jeff: Bbbbbbut.... bbbbbut wwwwhhhhaattttt ddddaaaadddd ssssaaaaaiiiiddddd

Me: April Fools buddy

Jeff: IIIIIIII''mmmmmm gggggoooonnnnnaaaaa kkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiillllllllllllll yyyyooouuuu

*goes down stairs*

Dad laughing: that was not funny

****************************************

I have a CLASSIC Bob Cole story, one my best friend is ever so proud of. It'll have to wait until morning.

I-Hate-Hulse · 05-05-2005, 10:45 PM

Back when I was still in High School at Churchill, I used to be buddies with a real goof ball, Mike. Your classic class goof

We were imprisoned in the Physics 30 room trying waiting for the teacher to arrive. It was the kinematics unit so the air track to simulate a frictionless surface was set up. Mike, being the goof, grabs a tube of the silicone grease and squirts the whole tube on the floor by his desk and smears it around. voila. Instant desk curling. Pure genious. Teacher comes in and we the class starts. No further calamity that day....

You also have to remember that back then, floors actually got cleaned every day. The janitor came in that day and buffed the whole floor, only he smeared the silicone over the entire surface of the physics room. Turning all of it into a super slippery surface!

Enter the physics teacher room carrying a garbage can. Does your classic cartoon head over heels backflip. Right out of the Flintstones or something.

He was fine, so it was all good, and he was a real piece of work. he ultimately got fired for throwing his shoe at a girl.

Table 5 · 05-06-2005, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by I-Hate-Hulse@May 5 2005, 11:45 PM
He was fine, so it was all good, and he was a real piece of work. he ultimately got fired for throwing his shoe at a girl.

wait, which teacher was this? I went to Churchill....

Hack&Lube · 05-06-2005, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Table 5+May 6 2005, 02:19 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Table 5 @ May 6 2005, 02:19 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-I-Hate-Hulse@May 5 2005, 11:45 PM
He was fine, so it was all good, and he was a real piece of work. he ultimately got fired for throwing his shoe at a girl.

wait, which teacher was this? I went to Churchill.... [/b][/quote]
Churchill's had a weird set of teachers

Regulator75 · 05-07-2005, 12:59 PM

I would also like to know which teacher this was. I too went to Churchill.

FlamesAddiction · 05-07-2005, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Buff@May 6 2005, 04:13 AM

I think I saw those two drunk guys dump her out of the cart when they failed to steer away from the curb. Not sure if we're talking about the same guys (but I wouldn't doubt it). I've been in Lethbridge for 19 years now and, well, where is the detox center?

These guys were on 2nd Ave, behind the 3rd Ave IGA.

Who knows, it could have been the same people, but when I saw them, they were on the corner across from London Drugs.

As for the detox centre, it is off of Stafford right by the Crowsnest turnoff across the street from London drugs. There is an RV place, and a Limo place right by it. At least I think it is a detox centre because I always see people who are drunk out of their minds around that building.

BlackArcher101 · 05-07-2005, 02:33 PM

That's not across the street from London Drugs. That's the old folks home

Got part of it right... end of 2A street (Save-on, The Brick) and Stafford.

http://www.google.com/maps?ll=49.700752,-1...,0.008563&hl=en

RougeUnderoos · 05-07-2005, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FlamesAddiction@May 7 2005, 02:15 PM
At least I think it is a detox centre because I always see people who are drunk out of their minds around that building.

Maybe it's a bar? Like the York or something?

Just kidding of course. Is the old train station in that neighborhood? I think that place has something to do with health care.

Papa Gino · 05-07-2005, 05:01 PM

Well here in Bonavista yesterday, me and some buddies were about to have a big road hockey game. We only had one bike and we needed two of us to carry all of the sticks. We found an old old GT RACER and tied it up to my bike, and I pulled my buddy on Canyon Meadows drive in rush hour, on a GT! We never got in trouble, and people found it downright hilarious

On another side note, but not as funny, we were at an Esso store, and my friend had just got a bank card, and bought one five cent candy, and they got in a huge arguement over how much tax is on it. So my friend just put it in his mouth and said take that and left. It was a lot funnier in person, guess you had to be there...