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Old 02-01-2026, 02:52 PM   #28221
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Like WTF are you going to do with that? Pour it into the bathtub and just bathe in it?

I could have made a life-sized effigy of John Candy out of lunch meat were I so inclined. It doesnt seem like an appropriate use of my time, energy or funds, but I could have!
I need a few per year to maintain my beautiful physique.
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Old 02-01-2026, 02:55 PM   #28222
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I need a few per year to maintain my beautiful physique.
Who needs the blood of Virgins and Orphans when you can bathe in Maple Syrup and come out like a Canadian Armus?
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Old 02-01-2026, 02:58 PM   #28223
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I'm eating some Costco butter chicken right now.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:02 PM   #28224
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I'm eating some Costco butter chicken right now.
Its just a Rotisserie chicken covered in butter isnt it? ISN'T IT?!?!

Don't lie....

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Old 02-01-2026, 03:04 PM   #28225
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Do some of you blithering idiots not realize small business/restaurants use Costco too?

herpy derp derp derp mayo in giant tubs!!!!
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:04 PM   #28226
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No it isn't!

Its two Rotisserie chickens.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:09 PM   #28227
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No it isn't!

Its two Rotisserie chickens.
Oh...they're going to be fighting each other...later...in your stomach. Your day is going to end in lamentable regret.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:12 PM   #28228
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Do some of you blithering idiots not realize small business/restaurants use Costco too?

herpy derp derp derp mayo in giant tubs!!!!
Speaking of 'herpy derp derp' I specifically mentioned that I was a single resident of an apartment working for an accounting company.

Not running a small business at the time. Reading comprehension.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:13 PM   #28229
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Oh...they're going to be fighting each other...later...in your stomach. Your day is going to end in lamentable regret.
Oh well.

No reason why today should be any different.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:14 PM   #28230
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Well anyways wish my luck, we're out of puppy food so I am going tomorrow.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:15 PM   #28231
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Oh well.

No reason why today should be any different.
Once more unto the breach!
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:16 PM   #28232
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Well anyways wish my luck, we're out of puppy food so I am going tomorrow.
How many puppies do you have?

Seventeen?
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:18 PM   #28233
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Well anyways wish my luck, we're out of puppy food so I am going tomorrow.
Theres a ton of places to buy dog food, why Costco? Is it significantly cheaper?

Its like my mom...she only gets gas at Costco because its a few cents a liter cheaper but she waits in line forever and its out of her way. By the time she's gotten the gas the savings are gone just for getting there and back and the time spent waiting.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:19 PM   #28234
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How many puppies do you have?

Seventeen?
He is the Radagast of puppies.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:31 PM   #28235
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Do some of you blithering idiots not realize small business/restaurants use Costco too?

herpy derp derp derp mayo in giant tubs!!!!
Have you seen their eggs and dairy section??

Think of the assembly line of cows and chickens it takes to fill that! The horror… the horror! Imagine it!

Oh the dairy cartel… they’re loving it. I guarantee it. I guarantee they are loving it.

They sell eggs in packs of 50! Now a dozen I can do. I’m sure of it. I could do a dozen. But I’m only one man. I am only. One. Man.

50 eggs!

What am I supposed to do with 50 eggs?? Imagine the size of that omelette! I could feed an entire Timbits Hockey Tournament. World hunger? Solved. That’s it. They’d put up a statue of me. Why has nobody thought of that?

I’ll tell you why.

You buy a dozen eggs, nobody thinks twice. Maybe a couple packs. I don’t judge. Maybe you love eggs. Who am I to judge?

But 50?

People start asking questions. Word gets back to the farm. The chickens start asking questions. Next thing you know the chicken mafia gets wise. I’ve opened myself up to revenge killings. The chicken mafia should not be crossed. Do. Not. Cross. Them.

50 eggs? Unbelievable. No sir.
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Old 02-01-2026, 03:58 PM   #28236
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Speaking of 'herpy derp derp' I specifically mentioned that I was a single resident of an apartment working for an accounting company.

Not running a small business at the time. Reading comprehension.
lmao you're such a dolt sometimes. I know I broke into your fantastic and not at all hack comedy routine but yes you said your situation, but then you (along with Corsi) can't seem to wrap your head around the fact Costo serves people in other situations, including small businesses. I mean the John Candy deli meat bit was great, just great, topical too, but maybe someone else wants a lot of deli meat.
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Old 02-01-2026, 04:00 PM   #28237
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Have you seen their eggs and dairy section??

Think of the assembly line of cows and chickens it takes to fill that! The horror… the horror! Imagine it!

Oh the dairy cartel… they’re loving it. I guarantee it. I guarantee they are loving it.

They sell eggs in packs of 50! Now a dozen I can do. I’m sure of it. I could do a dozen. But I’m only one man. I am only. One. Man.

50 eggs!

What am I supposed to do with 50 eggs?? Imagine the size of that omelette! I could feed an entire Timbits Hockey Tournament. World hunger? Solved. That’s it. They’d put up a statue of me. Why has nobody thought of that?

I’ll tell you why.

You buy a dozen eggs, nobody thinks twice. Maybe a couple packs. I don’t judge. Maybe you love eggs. Who am I to judge?

But 50?

People start asking questions. Word gets back to the farm. The chickens start asking questions. Next thing you know the chicken mafia gets wise. I’ve opened myself up to revenge killings. The chicken mafia should not be crossed. Do. Not. Cross. Them.

50 eggs? Unbelievable. No sir.
7/10, punctuation and capitalization were way too correct however, work on making those worse. Some nonsensical 90s references are a hoot as well. Make sure they don't have anything to do with anything. Random = Funny.
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Old 02-01-2026, 04:17 PM   #28238
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I think Costco would benefit from traffic lanes/lights for the carts.
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Old 02-01-2026, 04:25 PM   #28239
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When I go to Costco I make sure I'm not in a rush to be anywhere. I zen out and let the wave of blissful consumerism wash over me. The $1.50 hot dog is my reward for being patient.
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Old 02-01-2026, 04:27 PM   #28240
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I think Costco would benefit from traffic lanes/lights for the carts.
Screw that...turn the whole thing into a Bumper Cars track. You get in, you get a car and then its everyone for themselves. Pure mayhem.
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