Family tension over will and estate?

[Twitchy15]

My father passed away 7 days ago, Him and my mother divorced when me and my sister were both under the age of 5.

He was an alcoholic and we never had a great relationship with him. My sister stopped seeing / talking to him 15 years ago.

I have been seeing him the entire time but when he was healthy might see him 1-4 times a year not totally sure but we were not super close.

He was a hard person to deal with and be around so that was part of it but you always hope things will improve.

The last 5 years he has been sick and I have visited way more often and helped out with things appointments and such.

When he was figuring out his will he asked if he should put my sister in it and I told him it was up to him.. he said because she doesn't talk to me I won't.

He has never had much financially so did not expect to get much. Turns out he had some life insurance and the sum of money is larger than expected but not huge.

mistakenly I told my mother how much.. We are very close and I am open and tell her more information then I should. She has been weird about money in the past as well.

Before knowing the amount she never said anything about giving some to my sister.

The frustrating thing is he just passed I am not even thinking about the money and on the 4th or 5th day after she made a comment about sister getting 50%.

She brought it up again today basically saying she deserves 50% and she raised me to do the right thing and she should get 50% of the money. Also mentioning basically it will sour our relationship if she doesn't


Unsure how to feel since finding out the dollar amount she is now kind of blackmailing me to give 50% to my sister.

I was going to give some money to my sister probably not 50%. But my mom states she is entitled to 50% and also saying because my sister works minimum wage job etc. Unsure if I am being selfish or not just kind of angry she is demanding I do it.

any thoughts or opinions on the matter? sorry for the long read

[Geraldsh]

Read the will, if the money goes to you it goes to you. If you want to buy your sister’s affection with some of it - that’s up to you. You may want to buy off your mother also. If you’re married you need to get the opinion that matters.

[Geraldsh]

Double post

[iggy_oi]

Firstly, I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. Even though you weren’t close I’m sure this has been an emotionally difficult time.

As far as the money goes, and this opinion might not be shared by others, it’s your money. Your dad left it to you for you to decide what to do with it. You could choose to give some to your sister or you could choose not to. You could donate it all to charity or spend it all on frivolous things you might not have otherwise bought. There’s really no right or wrong choice. I’m sure your dad would have been ok with whatever you decide to do with it, otherwise he wouldn’t have left it to you.

[Slava]

It doesn't have to be in the will though. With life insurance it could be a named beneficiary and that's outside the estate.

[Twitchy15]

Originally Posted by Slava

It doesn't have to be in the will though. With life insurance it could be a named beneficiary and that's outside the estate.

I am the sole beneficiary for everything and the executor.

[Twitchy15]

Originally Posted by iggy_oi

Firstly, I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. Even though you weren’t close I’m sure this has been an emotionally difficult time.

As far as the money goes, and this opinion might not be shared by others, it’s your money. Your dad left it to you for you to decide what to do with it. You could choose to give some to your sister or you could choose not to. You could donate it all to charity or spend it all on frivolous things you might not have otherwise bought. There’s really no right or wrong choice. I’m sure your dad would have been ok with whatever you decide to do with it, otherwise he wouldn’t have left it to you.

Thank you

Really disappointed that my mother is even talking about this stuff when it’s only been 7 days

[firebug]

If there is a valid will you only need to follow the testator's directions.

If there is no valid will, or no will at all it will go through the administration process and the residue will be split equally between his surviving children (this would not include any amounts from life insurance, rrsps or other instruments that have a named beneficiary).

I do probate work full-time and would be more than willing to answer some questions if you have any.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Twitchy15

Thank you

Really disappointed that my mother is even talking about this stuff when it’s only been 7 days

Well, I'll level with you.

Get used to it.

I'm sorry but after almost two decades in Professional Financial services I can unequivocally tell you an almost immutable truth:

"Inheritances make people crazy."

[Johnny199r]

Originally Posted by Twitchy15

My father passed away 7 days ago, Him and my mother divorced when me and my sister were both under the age of 5.

He was an alcoholic and we never had a great relationship with him. My sister stopped seeing / talking to him 15 years ago.

I have been seeing him the entire time but when he was healthy might see him 1-4 times a year not totally sure but we were not super close.

He was a hard person to deal with and be around so that was part of it but you always hope things will improve.

The last 5 years he has been sick and I have visited way more often and helped out with things appointments and such.

When he was figuring out his will he asked if he should put my sister in it and I told him it was up to him.. he said because she doesn't talk to me I won't.

He has never had much financially so did not expect to get much. Turns out he had some life insurance and the sum of money is larger than expected but not huge.

mistakenly I told my mother how much.. We are very close and I am open and tell her more information then I should. She has been weird about money in the past as well.

Before knowing the amount she never said anything about giving some to my sister.

The frustrating thing is he just passed I am not even thinking about the money and on the 4th or 5th day after she made a comment about sister getting 50%.

She brought it up again today basically saying she deserves 50% and she raised me to do the right thing and she should get 50% of the money. Also mentioning basically it will sour our relationship if she doesn't


Unsure how to feel since finding out the dollar amount she is now kind of blackmailing me to give 50% to my sister.

I was going to give some money to my sister probably not 50%. But my mom states she is entitled to 50% and also saying because my sister works minimum wage job etc. Unsure if I am being selfish or not just kind of angry she is demanding I do it.

any thoughts or opinions on the matter? sorry for the long read

Your mother has no right to tell you what to do with the money. It is entirely up to you. Do not listen to her. Set your boundaries and explain to her how it is your decision alone.

[GirlySports]

Take 100% of what you're entitled to first. See how everyone reacts. Then go from there.

[Twitchy15]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Take 100% of what you're entitled to first. See how everyone reacts. Then go from there.

Yeah I have no idea when I will even see any money could be months to a year? Who knows

[CaptainYooh]

Why wouldn’t you want to give half of the money to your sister? Would being estranged and despised by not giving her a half be worth keeping that half? You said it’s not a huge amount and you didn’t expect it. It was her dad too regardless of anything else. Give it to her and keep the family ties strong. Ignore all the “it’s your money!” crap. You didn’t earn this money. It just came your way. This is the best advice you are gonna get. Don’t even think about keeping it all to yourself. Tell her that you will share and enjoy peace in the family.

[Shazam]

Originally Posted by Twitchy15

Yeah I have no idea when I will even see any money could be months to a year? Who knows

Apparently you have to file a claim?

[calgarywinning]

I'm sorry about the loss, but I kind of agree with CaptainYooh.

Your dad should have done the outstanding thing and left his estate equal to his children. Instead you end up in this precarious situation where you get to know continue on in your dad's ill will/bad faith scenario or make the unexpected gain benefit you both equally.

Also, it is crappy over the angling especially in the time of bereavement. Either which way, wish you the best with the scenario. I've seen some really bad wills in my day where the family ends up suffering.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Twitchy15

I am the sole beneficiary for everything and the executor.

But, the insurance policy could have a named beneficiary, taking it out of the Estate.

If you did have to probate the Will, there is a new process in the Surrogate Court, meant to speed up the issuance of Grants. It is early on, but some Grants are coming back within days.

[activeStick]

I agree. She's your sister, give her half. Not because your mom asked you to, but because she's your sister.

[Scornfire]

Why exactly? She voluntarily removed the father from her life. Her reward was not having to deal with, by OPs admission, a ####ty dad. There are consequences to that choice though. Tell your mom you intend to respect your father's wishes, and if she doesn't want hard feelings between her children, she should stay the hell out of it

[Amethyst]

Sorry for your loss.

It's your money to do with as you wish.

That being said, if it was me, I would split it with my sibling. It sounds like he was a difficult person to have a relationship with and your sister may have done what she needed to do for her own peace of mind. I think the choice comes down to - share the money and do what you can so the rest of your family has a better relationship than the one your dad had, or keep it and continue with the tradition of difficult relationships.

Finally, I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying you want to wait a few weeks / month / whatever before you deal with it.

[Titan2]

My father was an alcoholic and when he died he left his entire estate to his "wife". I was estranged but my brother still had a relationship with him. I expected nothing and that is what I got. My brother expected something and got squat. I made my choice and am fine with it. I feel bad for my brother. Had he gotten something, I would not expect anything.

If your sister feels she should get something, that is the problem you have to deal with. If you want to "purchase her affection" that is what you should do. You don't really state what your relationship is with your sister. If you are close, then you may want to nurture that by sharing. If not, explain she made her choice to not have a relationship and he made his choice not to give her anything, and you are respecting that choice. Do be prepared to become estranged from her and apparently, your mother. Essentially, you have to determine the price of those relationships if you want to be the 'bigger' person. ####ty situation.