I suppose I'm lucky in that I'm in my late 30's and have several very close guy and girl friends / a large social circle, whom I go out very frequently with. Food, music, travel - many of us have the same interests, which is great. Just started up a beach volleyball team too, so there's always something going on. We like to include new people in the group too, always keeping the door open for more.
That said, I also made the decision to not have kids or a wife/girlfriend, so there is a trade-off. Is one lifestyle better than the other? No, not at all. For me, I just love my independence, and prefer to keep it like that unless something fundamentally changes. And as time goes on, I love my independence more and more.
I realize I'm missing out on starting a family and all the stuff that comes with it, but I'm cool with it. I think the most I'd ever become is a DINK (dual income no kids, haha) - I think I like the social aspect of life with friends more than having a family, personally. Plus, I have my immediate family that I can see all the time, and as an uncle to several kids, I get to see my bloodline grow up anyways. At the end of the day, it's your own life and you can do what you whatever you want with it. There are trade-offs along the way for sure though.
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I suppose I'm lucky in that I'm in my late 30's and have several very close guy and girl friends / a large social circle, whom I go out very frequently with. Food, music, travel - many of us have the same interests, which is great. Just started up a beach volleyball team too, so there's always something going on. We like to include new people in the group too, always keeping the door open for more.
That said, I also made the decision to not have kids or a wife/girlfriend, so there is a trade-off. Is one lifestyle better than the other? No, not at all. For me, I just love my independence, and prefer to keep it like that unless something fundamentally changes. And as time goes on, I love my independence more and more.
I realize I'm missing out on starting a family and all the stuff that comes with it, but I'm cool with it. I think the most I'd ever become is a DINK (dual income no kids, haha) - I think I like the social aspect of life with friends more than having a family, personally. Plus, I have my immediate family that I can see all the time, and as an uncle to several kids, I get to see my bloodline grow up anyways. At the end of the day, it's your own life and you can do what you whatever you want with it. There are trade-offs along the way for sure though.
Oh man, we're the worst in my group. We literally have a tagline: No Plus Ones. The reason is we're all so busy and it's hard to carve out time to get together as much as we like. So when we are together, we have the perfect vibe that we don't want to mess with. We can all just carry on with our same old stories and jokes and the dynamic is spot on. Whenever somebody fatas up and brings somebody new, it's annoying AF.
Glad to hear other groups are more open. I think if I had more spare time I'd have room for new friends, but not right now. If I tried to make a friend I know it'd go down exactly like this:
I realize I'm missing out on starting a family and all the stuff that comes with it, but I'm cool with it. I think the most I'd ever become is a DINK (dual income no kids, haha) - I think I like the social aspect of life with friends more than having a family, personally. Plus, I have my immediate family that I can see all the time, and as an uncle to several kids, I get to see my bloodline grow up anyways. At the end of the day, it's your own life and you can do what you whatever you want with it. There are trade-offs along the way for sure though.
Having close friends and raising kids isn’t mutually exclusive. I have a group of 7 or 8 buddies who I’ve grown up with since we were kids. In our teens and 20s we partied together. When we got married our wives became friends. When we had kids, we went to each others’ kids birthdays and our kids became friends. Now when we have parties and BBQs the kids rampage in the basement or on trampolines and we have adult fun. At the big get- togethers (Christmas, New Years, Canada Day, BBQ season) we even include our parents. So we’ll have three generations, 25- 40 people, built around a core of friends who were playing with Star Wars action figures at Oakridge Elementary playground in 1979.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by fotze
If this day gets you riled up, you obviously aren't numb to the disappointment yet to be a real fan.
Having close friends and raising kids isn’t mutually exclusive. I have a group of 7 or 8 buddies who I’ve grown up with since we were kids. In our teens and 20s we partied together. When we got married our wives became friends. When we had kids, we went to each others’ kids birthdays and our kids became friends. Now when we have parties and BBQs the kids rampage in the basement or on trampolines and we have adult fun. At the big get- togethers (Christmas, New Years, Canada Day, BBQ season) we even include our parents. So we’ll have three generations, 25- 40 people, built around a core of friends who were playing with Star Wars action figures at Oakridge Elementary playground in 1979.
That's great, but I never said they were mutually exclusive. Mine and my friends' lifestyles and preferred social activities aren't conducive to having kids around. Yours is, which is great by the sounds of it. To each their own.
Solid topic for sure. Does CP seem to attract similar personalities… those that tend to express themselves moreso anonymously online but not nastily like many other social media sites?
Somewhat alluded to but not clearly suggested:
- take a few online personality tests to figure yourself out.
- triggers, likes, dislikes, personality trait stuff.
- also get into how to communicate with others.
Having close friends and raising kids isn’t mutually exclusive. I have a group of 7 or 8 buddies who I’ve grown up with since we were kids. In our teens and 20s we partied together. When we got married our wives became friends. When we had kids, we went to each others’ kids birthdays and our kids became friends. Now when we have parties and BBQs the kids rampage in the basement or on trampolines and we have adult fun. At the big get- togethers (Christmas, New Years, Canada Day, BBQ season) we even include our parents. So we’ll have three generations, 25- 40 people, built around a core of friends who were playing with Star Wars action figures at Oakridge Elementary playground in 1979.
I hope you realize you're living the dream that I'd gather most have on here.
As a fellow introvert, I can totally relate to the OP. I've rarely ever made any new close friends. I have made some good friends from work, where we can still hang out, go for drinks, or go golfing together. But I wouldn't call them super close friends if I had to choose. I am very lucky though that I have 3 cousins that are the same age as me growing up, and we've continued to live close to each other, so I've pretty much had them as my best friends along with my younger brother since as long as I can remember.
I hope you realize you're living the dream that I'd gather most have on here.
Yes, I’m fortunate. I chalk it up to A) my parents setting an example of maintaining lifelong friendships and socializing regularly (at least twice a week) when I was growing up, and B) staying in the same city I grew up in and having almost all of my friends do the same. In some ways, I feel like I live in a small town.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by fotze
If this day gets you riled up, you obviously aren't numb to the disappointment yet to be a real fan.
I've been taking my time thinking about my reply to this thread. I've read every reply and even the PM's that some of you sent me. I appreciate the comments and suggestions. I also take some solace in that my post seems to have resonated with some of you. I knew I wasn't alone, but there's power in hearing it expressed back at you. I truly appreciate those of you that shared your own life experiences.
I struggle with looking back and regretting some of my life decisions that got me to this point. Things I should have done, or personality traits that I should have not allowed to creep in. I deeply regret losing contact with my high school friends, who have all seemed to stay in a close group to this day. But I also know that looking back won't do me much good in terms of fixing this issue. I need to move forward.
I've shared all of this with my wife, and she is supportive. She is someone who makes friends relatively easily, and is still close with some of her childhood friends. But there was a relief in sharing it with others, besides just her. Thank you.
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Back in the early 2000s I sat next to a guy in university for a semester or two in a couple of different classes. We ate lunch one or two days a week when we had classes before and after the break, had a lot of the same interests such as movies and media, sports, video games, the internet and where it was going, I think he was also from Calgary and was a Flames fan (if he wasn't from Calgary, we were certainly both foreigners to Lethbridge).) We just got along so well.
Occasionally I wish I even bothered to learn his name.
Solid topic for sure. Does CP seem to attract similar personalities… those that tend to express themselves moreso anonymously online but not nastily like many other social media sites?
Somewhat alluded to but not clearly suggested: - take a few online personality tests to figure yourself out.
- triggers, likes, dislikes, personality trait stuff.
- also get into how to communicate with others.
I've been taking my time thinking about my reply to this thread. I've read every reply and even the PM's that some of you sent me. I appreciate the comments and suggestions. I also take some solace in that my post seems to have resonated with some of you. I knew I wasn't alone, but there's power in hearing it expressed back at you. I truly appreciate those of you that shared your own life experiences.
I struggle with looking back and regretting some of my life decisions that got me to this point. Things I should have done, or personality traits that I should have not allowed to creep in. I deeply regret losing contact with my high school friends, who have all seemed to stay in a close group to this day. But I also know that looking back won't do me much good in terms of fixing this issue. I need to move forward.
I've shared all of this with my wife, and she is supportive. She is someone who makes friends relatively easily, and is still close with some of her childhood friends. But there was a relief in sharing it with others, besides just her. Thank you.
Are you certain there isn't some untapped potential there? There isn't a single friend from high school that I wouldn't enjoy hanging out with. Something about spending time with people in your adolescence gives you this common ground/familiarity/comfort that just somehow can stay with you as you age. If I brought an old friend to wing night with my squad, we'd all be super stoked and it would not jeopardize our No Plus One rule. IDK, that'd be my starting point if I were you. I bet they'd be so happy to reconnect with you.
There's something to be said about building a tribe. Gen Z and Millennials have expanded that scope from simply family to family and friends, mixed in with co-workers and classmates.
Most people need a tribe - even if you're an introvert. And a good tribe will be one you can leave for a while and come back like nothing has changed. And you can build new tribes over a lifetime.
b1crunch - if it's any consolation, don't have regrets. Our bodies are all going to be six feet underground no matter what your life turns out to be and we're all going to end up as balls of energy peacefully spinning together in the astral plane anyways, so don't feel like you need to go back and fix things if you could. We'll all get back together to the same place at the end of it all.
I've been taking my time thinking about my reply to this thread. I've read every reply and even the PM's that some of you sent me. I appreciate the comments and suggestions. I also take some solace in that my post seems to have resonated with some of you. I knew I wasn't alone, but there's power in hearing it expressed back at you. I truly appreciate those of you that shared your own life experiences.
I struggle with looking back and regretting some of my life decisions that got me to this point. Things I should have done, or personality traits that I should have not allowed to creep in. I deeply regret losing contact with my high school friends, who have all seemed to stay in a close group to this day. But I also know that looking back won't do me much good in terms of fixing this issue. I need to move forward.
I've shared all of this with my wife, and she is supportive. She is someone who makes friends relatively easily, and is still close with some of her childhood friends. But there was a relief in sharing it with others, besides just her. Thank you.
Call them. I left Calgary in 89, junior high. I went back in 2018 and called a bunch of friends I hadn't seen or spoken to since I left. Maybe a dozen or so of us went out and it was a great time and we still keep in touch and get together when we can. These were people I knew in elementary school and we got together as old ass adults. It was a blast. It doesn't hurt to try.
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