12-08-2006, 01:57 PM
|
#1
|
|
#2 960 Prankster
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: In a Pub
|
CPHL Biography #10 - HelloHockeyFans
HelloHockeyFans - Noob, fact or fiction?
Drag performer, music video director, born Kevin Boon Wu on Mar 14th 1978 in New York. His parents Stu and Lulu Wu owned and operated Pocket Miracles a family owned business that produced miniature statues of Mother Theresa.
HelloHockeyFans’ tumultuous youth was marked by a highly publicized incident from his Junior High School days. While in grade 8 (1993) HelloHockeyFans had installed a camera in the teachers washroom and was caught blackmailing female terachers for sex. HelloHockeyFans was sentenced to a youth detention facility for 3 years. While incarcerated and with the help of Bubba (his 320 pound cellmate) HelloHockeyFans got in touch with his feminine side and changed his name to Noob.
Immediately after his release from detention, the 18-year-old Noob moved to Los Angeles and began working as an editorial assistant at Spokes, a biker magazine. In 1995, he helped found The Flying Buttresses a short-lived spin-off of the popular teen magazine Sassy aimed at teenage male readers.
His first music-video gig came in 1998, when he was hired to shoot surfing footage for Hot Banana Thrust‘s “Charmed Genitals”. His breakthrough video, for “Bathing Apes” by Cannonball Enema, was an inspired take-off on the 1982 cop show TJ Hooker. That earned four MTV Video Music Awards, including one for Noob as Best Director.
After all this success however, his life began to quickly unravel as he moved about from city to city, drinking heavily, and courting several older women.
Noob struggled as a musician and filmmaker in Dallas during the early 2000’s. It was there that he participated in underground cinema, helping create the low-budget adult film “Mucus Fantasies” (and an album by the same name). He re-entered the public eye in 2003 with a cameo in the music video for Justin Timberlake's popular single "Rock Your Body".
In 2005 Noob won the race at the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling festival in Brockworth England. Thousands gathered to see competitors race 200 yards down a steep slope in pursuit of a speeding 7 pound wheel of cheese (not too be confused with the 225 pound CPHL Cheese). Noob stepped on 2 young girls (paralyzing one of them) and broke the arm of an unfortunate Australian man who got in his way.
Moving back to New York in 2004 Noob became a fixture in the club scene, eventually voted "Queen of the Pixies" by area party promoters and DJs. He was often seen pushing a wheelbarow full of lime Jello outside of dance clubs, and distributing flyers for upcoming events.
Lately Noob is caught up in the toy dog in a purse craze. He no longer goes anywhere without his prized dog Fifi tucked into a Prada bag under his arm.
With the CPHL Rangers having a Metrosexual as a General Manager, the Islanders had to go one better and hired Noob the Drag performer to Manage their team. While his knowledge of actual hockey is very limited, Noob has the best decorated arena in the league.
Stay tuned for the next Biography: Hesla – The Godfather of Air Guitar.
Last edited by HalifaxDrunk; 12-08-2006 at 04:34 PM.
|
|
|
|
12-08-2006, 02:01 PM
|
#2
|
|
Franchise Player
|
hahahhahahahaa....Hilarious!!
|
|
|
|
12-08-2006, 02:13 PM
|
#3
|
|
Appealing my suspension
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Just outside Enemy Lines
|
Ha ha, I think Noob will retire to Bangkok when his CPHL days are finished.
__________________
"Some guys like old balls"
Patriots QB Tom Brady
|
|
|
|
|
12-08-2006, 03:26 PM
|
#4
|
|
n00b!
|
Noob is neither a drag queen nor a homosexual! 
Funny story though Drunk! LOL! Good job!
|
|
|
|
|
12-08-2006, 04:35 PM
|
#5
|
|
#2 960 Prankster
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: In a Pub
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloHockeyFans
Noob is neither a drag queen nor a homosexual! |
Nothing in there says you are a homosexual, in fact it says you blackmailed female teachers for sex and courted several older women.
As far as the Drag Queen part...if the stiletto fits....
Last edited by HalifaxDrunk; 12-08-2006 at 04:39 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
12-08-2006, 04:45 PM
|
#6
|
|
Appealing my suspension
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Just outside Enemy Lines
|
Well, he (or former he) doesn't dismiss any allegations of being bisexual either. Assuming that someone who's homosexual is automatically heterosexual is an assumption afterall. As for the drag queen stuff.....Noob doesn't flatly deny having had a sex change in recent years. So perhaps thats not drag, but regular accepted attire for the Noobs new sexually altered body.
__________________
"Some guys like old balls"
Patriots QB Tom Brady
|
|
|
|
|
12-08-2006, 06:59 PM
|
#7
|
|
Franchise Player
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: N/A
|
Another great Bio....Noob is cool.
|
|
|
|
|
12-09-2006, 12:19 AM
|
#8
|
|
Crash and Bang Winger
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ocean, NJ
|
lolololololol
__________________
Who will put up more points?
|
|
|
|
|
12-09-2006, 10:22 AM
|
#9
|
|
First Line Centre
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Kalispell
|
You must have an awfully large Prada purse to stuff Fifi in there
|
|
|
|
| Thread Tools |
Search this Thread |
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:04 PM.
|
|
