So I have a tree in my backyard that is dying... - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Sliver · 05-12-2015, 10:00 PM

... But I don't want to chop it down. I want to preserve it somehow. Like lacquer the #### out of it or something to preserve it for another 10 or 15 years at least. I want to prune it so it looks like some weird tree dude with arms and stuff.

I think it will be pretty cool. Is this possible? If I lacquer it will it end up just rotting away and falling over in short order? If I have to scrape the bark off that's cool.

It's kind of like an ornamental crab fwiw. Looks a bit like a giant dying bonsai tree.

MrMastodonFarm · 05-12-2015, 10:02 PM

This is a winner.

KelVarnsen · 05-12-2015, 10:04 PM

I suggest making it look like Jesus on a cross.

jeffporfirio · 05-12-2015, 10:04 PM

Waited too long.
Garage cat, inflatable furniture. .....
TY Sliver

CroFlames · 05-12-2015, 10:04 PM

I'm not sure if stripping the bark off or not would help, but either way I bet that would look excellent!

Aesthetically, I think bark off would look nicer. I'd be interested in seeing a pic if you do that.

Flacker · 05-12-2015, 10:05 PM

Call an arborist, if it can't be saved, cut it down; a large dead tree is a significant fire hazard, and will break/fall.

Man, it would suck to be your neighbor.

Slava · 05-12-2015, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrMastodonFarm

This is a winner.

I'm not so sure. There's no controversy and I just don't see the drama here. Like when he posted the "fact" about his KD in the McDonalds thread there was all kinds of potential. The garage party was awesome. For some reason I just can't see that same hilarity here though. 6/10.

MrMastodonFarm · 05-12-2015, 10:10 PM

Very true, Slava. The KD thing was actually better but the two events so close together make me feel like we're building up to something huge here.

Sliver · 05-12-2015, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CroFlames

I'm not sure if stripping the bark off or not would help, but either way I bet that would look excellent!

Aesthetically, I think bark off would look nicer. I'd be interested in seeing a pic if you do that.

Thank you for the supportive words.

I guess my best bet at a starting point would be to prune it to what sculptureish thing I want. If that comes out okay maybe I should just start laquering. I too think bark off is the way to go. Bark on will absorb too much laquer for one, but may also just look like a big dead tree. If I strip the bark first, right away that's an indicator to people that this is not just your average dead tree.

Red LED eyes for sure though, right?

Sliver · 05-12-2015, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slava

I'm not so sure. There's no controversy and I just don't see the drama here. Like when he posted the "fact" about his KD in the McDonalds thread there was all kinds of potential. The garage party was awesome. For some reason I just can't see that same hilarity here though. 6/10.

I don't post for hilarity ever. I'm not a 'funny' guy. This is a post about an actual plan I've cooked up but am hoping a more knowledgeable poster can let me know if it will work how I'm hoping it will.

KelVarnsen · 05-12-2015, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sliver

I don't post for hilarity ever. I'm not a 'funny' guy. This is a post about an actual plan I've cooked up but am hoping a more knowledgeable poster can let me know if it will work how I'm hoping it will.

Lol

Flacker · 05-12-2015, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sliver

I don't post for hilarity ever. I'm not a 'funny' guy. This is a post about an actual plan I've cooked up but am hoping a more knowledgeable poster can let me know if it will work how I'm hoping it will.

The intention must be to provide a giant scratching post for your garage cat. When it gets to work out in the yard, under Warden Sliver's watch?

Slava · 05-12-2015, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sliver

I don't post for hilarity ever. I'm not a 'funny' guy. This is a post about an actual plan I've cooked up but am hoping a more knowledgeable poster can let me know if it will work how I'm hoping it will.

Oh I know. You're basically the Kramer of these boards because you come up with these schemes and ideas and are completely serious, but they're hilarious to me. It's not an insult, and I hope you don't take it that way. Its genuinely amusing.

Dion · 05-12-2015, 10:31 PM

Hire a chainsaw artist to turn your dying tree into a work of art

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/isleofma...00/8902176.stm

MrMastodonFarm · 05-12-2015, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sliver

I don't post for hilarity ever. I'm not a 'funny' guy. This is a post about an actual plan I've cooked up but am hoping a more knowledgeable poster can let me know if it will work how I'm hoping it will.

Love it, this is what it takes, total dedication to your craft. Like the Asian magician in The Prestige.

Sliver · 05-12-2015, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dion

Hire a chainsaw artist to turn your dying tree into a work of art

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/isleofma...00/8902176.stm

Yeah that's kind of along the lines of what I want to do, less all the detail. Think more like Burning Man. A big huge guy with vague features. Maybe I'll take a pic tomorrow morning and post it with a few of my ideas overlaid on top of the existing tree to give you a better idea of what I want to do. But I think I will debark it like the pic in your post.

Sliver · 05-12-2015, 10:40 PM

I guess really what it'll end up being is like a wacky inflatable arm waving guy but in wood. Unfortunately, I'm not artistic so I'll have to keep it within the scope of my capabilities. I think I'll be able to compensate for my lack of ability with distractions like the red LED lights and maybe I'll make some giant white-gloved hands out of vinyl or something. Put a hat on him maybe? I don't know. It'll probably work itself out once I get up there with a saw.

Flames_Gimp · 05-12-2015, 10:42 PM

for best results I think you should sand the entire tree by hand, start at 60 grit and work you're way up to 1500 grit, and then do about 10 coats of polyurethane.

and remember - before applying the final coat, do a light sanding.

post pics of your progress!

DoubleF · 05-13-2015, 12:22 AM

Why not research how to build, preserve, and maintain a totem pole? Probably some ideas and tips that will carry over? Minus the fact yours will be more crab thingy with red LED eyes vs a pole.

Dare I suggest glow in the dark paint?

combustiblefuel · 05-13-2015, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sliver

... But I don't want to chop it down. I want to preserve it somehow. Like lacquer the #### out of it or something to preserve it for another 10 or 15 years at least. I want to prune it so it looks like some weird tree dude with arms and stuff.

I think it will be pretty cool. Is this possible? If I lacquer it will it end up just rotting away and falling over in short order? If I have to scrape the bark off that's cool.

It's kind of like an ornamental crab fwiw. Looks a bit like a giant dying bonsai tree.

I would just set fire to it and make some smores.