Have you cold approached a girl?

[Wood]

All I have to add is I miss wittynickname, resalien, puxlut and peanut posting regularly

[ben voyonsdonc]

Originally Posted by flameswin

Like others have said about threads like these. I actually like when they come up. It really gives you a chance to see people's true colours.

That may be true but it is frustrating to see people still generalize about 51% of the population as if they are one homogenous group and posters try to create spaces in Calgary Puck that are essentially "locker room talk" where they can say whatever they want as if it had no consequence. The fact is that there is nowhere where misogyny, racism, or homophobia exist where they have no consequence.

[ae118]

Originally Posted by To Be Quite Honest

...we are all equal and we all have something to offer.

Soooo... a feminist, then?

Main Entry: fem·i·nism
Pronunciation: \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\
Function: noun
Date: 1895
1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes 2 : organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests


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[Cain]

It bothers me that something standing for equality is a word closely associated with one of the genders vs just using a totally separate word.

Oh and as to cold approaching a girl, no, not in a serious sense.

[Alberta_Beef]

I have cold approached a woman and it was a horrible experience. I am naturally shy and introverted, I get nervous and stumble over my words.

So this one time I had a couple shots in me and decided to approach this girl that was cute, I wasn't acting macho or dickish and I wasn't loaded (just enough to get some liquid courage), all I did was introduce myself and the reaction was the worse I could have imagined at that time. She looked at me and scoffed, turned to her friends and proceeded to insult me by calling me a fat loser who had no chance with her. So I walked away and returned to my friends pretending like nothing happened.

But I'm not going to lie when you put yourself out of your natural element and get burned like that it sticks with you. To this day I haven't cold approached anyone and have met all of my dates online.

If that makes me a loser that should die alone, so be it. It is who I am.

[Makarov]

Originally Posted by Cain

It bothers me that something standing for equality is a word closely associated with one of the genders vs just using a totally separate word.

Oh and as to cold approaching a girl, no, not in a serious sense.

Feminism, the political-social movement (distinguished from feminist critical theory), explicitly seeks equal economic, social, and political rights for women in a patriarchal society. Its ambitions, and its name, are born of a historical fact: the patriarchy of western society. Seems straight forward enough to me?

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

I guess maybe being older this is something I'm missing not hanging with the current crop of 20 year olds. That's simply something I would never condone.

If it makes you feel better, I am almost 40 and think you are out to lunch.

[strombad]

Originally Posted by Alberta_Beef

If that makes me a loser that should die alone, so be it. It is who I am.

Nah man, good for you.
You tried something out of your comfort zone, it didn't work (because the girl seemed like a pretty awful person) so instead of saying "I'm going to manipulate women into dating me" you found a medium to meet them where you're still both equals and you feel comfortable. I think that's great, and I don't think anyone would suggest anything close to the last line quoted.

For those people who aren't naturally comfortable with the cold approach or just don't have a lot of success meeting people that way, online dating is an excellent medium!

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by Alberta_Beef

I have cold approached a woman and it was a horrible experience. I am naturally shy and introverted, I get nervous and stumble over my words.

So this one time I had a couple shots in me and decided to approach this girl that was cute, I wasn't acting macho or dickish and I wasn't loaded (just enough to get some liquid courage), all I did was introduce myself and the reaction was the worse I could have imagined at that time. She looked at me and scoffed, turned to her friends and proceeded to insult me by calling me a fat loser who had no chance with her. So I walked away and returned to my friends pretending like nothing happened.

But I'm not going to lie when you put yourself out of your natural element and get burned like that it sticks with you. To this day I haven't cold approached anyone and have met all of my dates online.

If that makes me a loser that should die alone, so be it. It is who I am.

That's ####ty dude. Sorry to hear that. That's one of those situations where I feel a see you next Tuesday blast would've been perfectly warranted.

[The Fonz]

Originally Posted by Hatter

I've found rejection easier when I imagine the girl taking a huge dump after shutting me down.

Confidence remains sky high.

Hardest I've laughed all week! Thanks for that

Something sort of related, but not really... I was thinking about it while listening to the radio yesterday. Why is okay for women to sing songs about hating men, even wanting to kill men? As a guy, it doesn't offend me in any way... Those guys they're singing about probably really pissed those women off. But I can't help wondering, could you imagine the uproar if the roles were reversed in those songs?

I find it so strange, and especially cause it's not only accepted, but encouraged, as these women are then seen as strong and independent after such song writing.

[Bill Bumface]

I had a similar situation but I didn't even talk to the girl. I was just standing there with my buddy at a bar in Buffalo. A girl comes over to me and says "stop staring at my friend, she's not interested in you". I didn't even know which friend she meant. I was so hammered my eyes were likely pointing in different directions. Of course that meant that the table full of their purses and coats were swiftly placed on the wet and muddy floor, of course implying I was sorry to have offended her friend, which is a gesture I'm sure they accepted, and my friend and I were on our way.

[ae118]

Originally Posted by Cain

It bothers me that something standing for equality is a word closely associated with one of the genders vs just using a totally separate word.

It bothers me that our entire language has a masculine default, since, oh, the dawn of man.


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[strombad]

Originally Posted by The Fonz

Hardest I've laughed all week! Thanks for that

Something sort of related, but not really... I was thinking about it while listening to the radio yesterday. Why is okay for women to sing songs about hating men, even wanting to kill men? As a guy, it doesn't offend me in any way... Those guys they're singing about probably really pissed those women off. But I can't help wondering, could you imagine the uproar if the roles were reversed in those songs?

I find it so strange, and especially cause it's not only accepted, but encouraged, as these women are then seen as strong and independent after such song writing.

Likely because men still hold a dominant role in society, and society has always accepted and encouraged rebellious music.

You could also look at it from the other side, from a more misogynistic point of view. Because men are seen as the dominant members of society, songs that threaten them are generally "funny" or not to be taken seriously because of course "how would a woman even accomplish that?". That would be the sexist version of acceptance.

There are plenty of songs that denigrate women, songs about how they should be on their knees, or such things, so songs that devalue the other gender are accepted from both parties.

The only song I can think of in relation to what you're saying is that Dixie Chicks songs about the guy who mercilessly beats his wife, so she kills him.

For instance, here's a few lines from a very popular song by an extremely popular band:

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I love the way you can't say no
I like the white stains on your dress
And I love your lack of self-respect
I love my hands around your neck

Or this gem from Rick Ross:

Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it - I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it

So hardly, songs about women killing their abusers aren't so bad, are they?

Women might have a monopoly on the "I'm going to kill you!" songs, but men really run the table on the "I'm going to rape you!" songs.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by strombad

Likely because men still hold a dominant role in society, and society has always accepted and encouraged rebellious music.

You could also look at it from the other side, from a more misogynistic point of view. Because men are seen as the dominant members of society, songs that threaten them are generally "funny" or not to be taken seriously because of course "how would a woman even accomplish that?". That would be the sexist version of acceptance.

There are plenty of songs that denigrate women, songs about how they should be on their knees, or such things, so songs that devalue the other gender are accepted from both parties.

The only song I can think of in relation to what you're saying is that Dixie Chicks songs about the guy who mercilessly beats his wife, so she kills him.

For instance, here's a few lines from a very popular song by an extremely popular band:

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I love the way you can't say no
I like the white stains on your dress
And I love your lack of self-respect
I love my hands around your neck

Or this gem from Rick Ross:

Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it - I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it

So hardly, songs about women killing their abusers aren't so bad, are they?

Women might have a monopoly on the "I'm going to kill you!" songs, but men really run the table on the "I'm going to rape you!" songs.

Just boys being boys bra.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by Alberta_Beef

I have cold approached a woman and it was a horrible experience. I am naturally shy and introverted, I get nervous and stumble over my words.

So this one time I had a couple shots in me and decided to approach this girl that was cute, I wasn't acting macho or dickish and I wasn't loaded (just enough to get some liquid courage), all I did was introduce myself and the reaction was the worse I could have imagined at that time. She looked at me and scoffed, turned to her friends and proceeded to insult me by calling me a fat loser who had no chance with her. So I walked away and returned to my friends pretending like nothing happened.

But I'm not going to lie when you put yourself out of your natural element and get burned like that it sticks with you. To this day I haven't cold approached anyone and have met all of my dates online.

If that makes me a loser that should die alone, so be it. It is who I am.

How old were you? Sometimes a girl gives off a bad vibe as a defensive mechanism cause she gets hit on often. Even if you get a flat out rejection and laughed at, just play it cool, smile and ask a 2nd question to show you are harmless. If they still act bitchy, just smile again and say it was nice meeting you all. Kind of like hitting by a pitch, don't show that it hurts.

I talked to my husband about this and he said you can't just go up to a pretty girl if you're not comfortable talking to anyone. You have to talk to everyone first, startinn with hi. Sitting on the bus and just say hi, even if it a guy or a 70 year old woman. He says these dating seminar guys are BS cause you pay them a bunch of money for one weekend, they take you to the bar with the hottest girls and throw you to the wolves. You may get a girl that night but what happens in the future.

Of course this was never a problem for my husband, he'll talk to anyone. Drives me nuts.

[fatso]

Originally Posted by fotze

I'm liking these rejection stories better.

I've never approached a girl, not a once.

I did somehow get rejected. We were at some bar (many many years ago), About 6 of us. It was that bar on the top of that stripmall that has the Macs on electric avenue. This group of 6 girls comes over and asks each of my buddies one by one to dance leaving me the only one standing there alone. I even heard some audible "awwww"s from other tables around me. Still remember it like it was yesterday. I avoided putting myself out there for a reason and still get the downside.

Nah... this happened at Craft on 10th about a month ago.

[Galakanokis]

What a crazy thread but the flip by strombad is pretty neat. Going from a loser that will die alone to a misogynistic ahole if you approach women.

Original post made of seem (to me at least) that the gesture on the train was flattering and now we have to be worried that if I talk to this girl and she rejects me she is now in fear of me coming back to shoot her?

Boy, I'm glad I'm married. No clue how to navigate these waters.

[strombad]

Originally Posted by Galakanokis

What a crazy thread but the flip by strombad is pretty neat. Going from a loser that will die alone to a misogynistic ahole if you approach women.

Original post made of seem (to me at least) that the gesture on the train was flattering and now we have to be worried that if I talk to this girl and she rejects me she is now in fear of me coming back to shoot her?

Boy, I'm glad I'm married. No clue how to navigate these waters.

Oh come on now, we both know you're not that obtuse. You can read just like the rest of us.

[Cali Panthers Fan]

I was the worst at approaching girls when I was younger. Most of the time I would get upset at the fact that the arrogant/a-hole guys would get lots of attention from girls and I was a nice guy that would remain alone most of my young life. Then it occurred to me, after watching many encounters my friends had with these girls, that most of the young early 20's girls that are out at bars are kind of stupid and immature and I wouldn't want them for anything other than sex anyways. Since I don't care for sex without love (or intimacy, whatever word you fancy) I never did any of those obvious tricks to get a girl to come home with me, but I clearly understood that being an arrogant d-bag worked a lot of the time.

The one time that I had girls flocking over me was after a round of public karaoke. I have a decent singing voice and someone dared me to sing "Just a Gigolo" by David Lee Roth. Apparently that song is like spanish fly to the ladies in this bar and several very good looking girls became instantly attracted to me and wanted to take me home. Never happened again of course.

I'm awful at asking girls out and usually they have to make it painfully obvious that they are interested in me before I get the courage to ask them. I almost have to be sure it won't be a "no" before I do it. Constantly being rejected in junior high and high school really did a number on me.

I've also never had a problem just having a conversation with a random woman, and several ladies ended up being friends of mine because of that trait. But then I got the label of being "gay" from a lot of guys because I'm not an alpha that likes to take women home purely for sex and actually treated them like real people that I could actually be friends with. Sufficed to say I hated my 20's when it came to relationships.

I met my beautiful wife online about 5 years ago and have been blissfully happy ever since (she's literally out of my league). I despised the world of face-to-face romantic interaction with women as it only ever brought me grief.

Good on all those guys who treat it like no big deal. I never managed to successfully approach a girl if my intention was to pick her up. Thank god for the internet.

[GirlySports]

you know that girls make no sense.

They want an alpha guy that's sometime sensitive. They want an adventurous guy that's stable blah blah blah.