Go on a witch hunt. Point fingers, make wild accusations, yell at randoms in the hall, stare at men while they piss etc. Regular human decency is thrown out the window when office kitchens are at risk.
Never give up a cabinet!
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The Oilers are like a buffet with one tray of off-brand mac-and-cheese and the rest of it is weird Jell-O
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Happens in our office also. We have brought silverware sets in many times and it always goes missing. I find the biggest culprit to be people using them and being too lazy to wash them and throwing them out or just throwing them into their Tupperware dish and end up at their house.
No solution to this problem besides keep your own set at your desk and don't let anyone know you have some.
Edit:
Also I'm guilty of this. Keeping a set of the work cutlery at my desk, if everyone does this that's where it all went
Step 1: Set up an sting operation by hiring a mole. If the president of your company will undertake this assignment, even better.
Step 2: Have your president disguise himself in such a way he will look like Mr. Weyland from Prometheus. Give him a common name like John Smith.
Step 3: Wire him up and have him hang out around the kitchen as much as possible. Have him make friendly convos with anyone who comes in for utensils. He will spark up conversations like “So, can’t wait to steal some forks today.”
Step 4: Once he is able to determine with certainty who the fork stealer is, have him journey deep into the seedy underbelly of the utensil world.
Step 5: Have him spend years, gaining the trust of his targets. Possibly supplying them with more forks to keep the suspicion at bay.
Step 6: Once enough evidence is gathered. Have your president call the employee into his office. Your president will rip off his disguise and declare he has been the president all along!
Step 7: Kill the employee.
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We have a fork theif in our office as well. So someone went out and bought brand new ones for us to use. Except they are crappy, 2 prong forks exactly like this.
I am certain the person who bought them did it to punish all of us for losing the forks. None of these new forks have gone missing yet.
It used to happen to spoons in my old office. Someone sent a mass email - it turned out around half the staff admitted to having spoons stashed in their desks.
Location: In a land without pants, or war, or want. But mostly we care about the pants.
Exp:
Coat the forks in a chemical that, while colourless, odorless, and undetectable, reacts with another chemical to cause horrific acid burns. Then, call a meeting, put a tub of the 2nd chemical on the table, and force everyone to douse their hands in the tub; the one whose hands melt off is your culprit.
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Better educated sadness than oblivious joy.
I phoned the police. They're sending over a crack investigative team tomorrow to get to the bottom of this mystery. I expect charges will be laid shortly.
I don't don't fork around when it comes to major crimes like this!
I can't explain the missing forks phenomenon. At the deepest levels of quantum physics, I'm sure its somehow related to entanglement theory. I can tell you that i once went on a tear and bought 100 crappy forks for my office of 40 people. Within a year they we're ALL gone. It cant just be one guy. No one has room for 100 forks in a single home! I think it's everyone, guilty of minor fork-transgressions over time. Either that, or there's an alternate universe somewhere jam packed with crappy forks and odd socks.
