Can you pass the chinese college entrance exam?

[GirlySports]

you're invited to exercise creativity and submit your own snappy answers to actual questions from the Chinese exam.

WRITE A BRIEF, 400 WORD ESSAY ON ANY OF THE FOLLOWING

[National Test 1]
I was helping my family with some farming work during a weekend and the field was very muddy due to the rains. I was carrying a lot of equipment on my shoulders and was afraid of falling over. My legs were shaking. My mom spotted it and told me to take off my shirt and shoes and try again. It was much easier. Eventually I brought the stuff to mom and she said, “It’s not that you can’t do it – you were too worried about getting your shirt dirty. By taking them off, you got rid of the unnecessary concerns.”


[National Test 2]
A painter was asked to repaint a boat; he also fixed a hole on the boat although he wasn’t asked to. Several days later, the owner sent a large sum of money to the painter. “I was paid already,” the painter said. “This is for fixing the hole,” the owner of the boat said. “It was just convenient,” the painter replied. “When my children went out to sail, I thought they weren’t going to come back. But now they did. I should thank you for it.”


[Beijing]
Old Ji is a railway security man and he works on a mountain. His job is to examine the railways to prevent the fallen stones and trees from affecting the trains. He salutes every time the train passes, and the train will honk its horn in return. What do these scenes remind of you?


[Tianjin]
Two fish are swimming in a river. The older one asks, “How’s the water?” The younger one says, “I don’t know if it’s clean or cloudy.”


[Shanghai]
For the little shining in their hearts, people often let them go because they think that shines are really individual. But then they often recognise those shines in masters’ works.


[Chongqing]
A true story from a meat-processing factory: A worker was in the cold store when the door suddenly closed. He was stuck in there, struggling, for five hours. He was dying. Suddenly, the door opened, it was the security guard of the factory. Someone asked the security guy afterwards what made him do so, since it’s not part of his daily job. “I’ve worked here for 35 years, and he’s the only guy that says ‘good morning’ and ‘see you tomorrow’ every day to me, of all the hundreds of workers here. He said good morning to me today, but I never heard the other half.”


[Guangdong]
An English historian once said, if he could choose when and where he’d like to be born, he’d choose Xinjiang, China during the 1st Century, because Buddhism, Indian, Persian, Greek and Chinese culture came across each other then and there. Mr.s Curie wrote to her niece that, “You told me you wished to live in a century ago; another girl said she’d definitely prefer in the future. I think whatever age we live in, there’s a way to live meaningfully and interestingly.”


[Shandong]
A quote from Sun Yat-sen:
“My generation should take the reform and development of China as our responsibility. This faith should last till the end of the world. We shouldn’t be frustrated by failures or overcome by the difficulties. We should focus and step forward so as to catch up with the global progressing trend. Goodness shall accumulate and evilness shall eliminate and one day, we shall succeed.”


[Jiangsu]
Worry and love.


[Jiangxi]
Don’t think about what you don’t have. Think about what you do have.


[Hubei]
Various communications methods are being developed: email, SMS, etc. Do you think the letter is replaceable?


[Sichuan]
Talk about water.


[Anhui]
For several months, a sign was left on a ladder at a construction spot: “Notice: Ladder.” One day, a guy came and changed it to “Notice: put this somewhere else when it’s not in use.”


[Fujian]
A Chinese writer, Feng Jicai, wrote:
The race in the sports is about how much time you use to finish a certain length of journey. The race in life is the opposite: it’s about how long a journey you can cover within a certain length of time.

[Reaper]

[Ziggy Lidstrom]

I'm not going to respond in essay form, but I could to quite a few of them in an effective way. I actually find them fascinating...utterly bizarre when considering my reference point, yet fascinating.The Shanghai one was the weirdest though, "shines"?

[MrMastodonFarm]

No, couldn't even read that entire post.

[RedCoffee]

"My parents are wealthy and influential Party members."

[TheyCallMeBruce]

pfft, easy.


The subject of water is a controversial issue. I find my self constantly drawn back to the subject of water. Cited by many as the single most important influence on post modern micro eco compartmentalism, there are just not enough blues songs written about water. The juxtapositioning of water with fundamental economic, social and political strategic conflict draws criticism from the aristocracy, obviously. Here begins my indepth analysis of the glourious subject of water.
Social Factors
Society begins and ends with water. When The Tygers of Pan Tang sang 'It's lonely at the top. Everybody's trying to do you in' [1] , they failed to understand that if one seriously intends to 'not judge a book by its cover', then one must read a lot of books. While the western world use a knife and fork, the Chinese use chopsticks. Of course water irons out misconceptions from our consciousness.
Recent thought on water has been a real eye-opener for society from young to old. Society is powered by peer pressure, one of the most powerful forces in the world. As long as peer pressure uses its power for good, water will have its place in society.
Economic Factors
Do we critique the markets, or do they in-fact critique us? We will begin by looking at the Custard-Not-Mustard model, a complex but ultimately rewarding system. Market
Value
Of
Gold
water
The results displayed in the graph are too clear to be ignored. Well the market value of gold will continue to follow water for the foreseeable future. Many analysts fear a subsequent depression.
Political Factors
Politics was once a game featuring competitors from elite classes. Comparing water and much of what has been written of it can be like comparing night and day. Consider this, spoken at the tender age of 14 by the famous political Bartholomew Shandy 'The success of any political system can only truly be assessed once the fat lady has sung.' [2] This quotation leads me to suspect that he was not unaccustomed to water. It speaks volumes. Both spectacular failure and unequaled political accomplishment may be accredited to water.
I hope, for our sake that water will endure.

Conclusion
We can conclude that the water plays a large part in the lives of all. It sings a new song, provides financial security, though water brings with it obvious difficulties, it is truly water.
I shall give the final word to star Britney Spielberg: 'It's been nice educating you.' [3]

[1] Tygers of Pang Tang - The Cage - 1982 MCR Records
[2] Shandy - Ice Cold - 1994 Pitter Patter Publishing [3] Everything you always wanted to know about water, but were afraid to ask. - Issue 287 - QKS Publishing

[jammies]

[Sichuan]
Talk about water.


So's anyways, I was out by the river the other day, y'know, and I looks at the water and I says to myself, I says, "I'm thirsty, but I dunno if that's safe to drink." And there's this guy, a hobo, or bum, or whatever you want to call 'em, who's in there washing what might be his socks, or maybe a dead cat he was gonna eat later, although I'm not sure if hobos really worry about clean food, but if he was, hey, more power to him! Anyways, the water upstream from him might be safe, I'm thinking, so's I walks down and I looks into the water, and I starts thinking about how clear it is, yet, when I gets it from the tap at home, it's cloudy! Do they add silt to it on purpose? Maybe they do. I dunno. Water's a strange thing, I be thinking - supposedly we might run out, but where is it all disappearing to? Do they ship it off-planet in rocketships to the Lunarians, or maybe hide it in the ocean? That's trickery if the latter, mighty trickery. It could be at the bottom of all these rising sea-levels they're always banging the drum about. Scientists should look into it. Where was I? Oh yah, I was about to takes a drink. I cups me hands, to make like a basket, y'see, and I scoop up some, and it tastes like nothing, which, in the case of water, is exactly the taste you're wanting. For all I know, though, there's microscopic eggs in there, and a month from now, I'll be blatting at both ends in the hospital with some kind of parasite sucking at me intestines and making free with me nutritional content. For now, though, me thirst is away, and there's a bit of water dripping from me beard and making ripples in the river that are almost instantly erased. Y'see, you can't make anything permanent in water, although, to be fair, if you freezes it, you can make sculptures out of it that last until the weather makes a donkey out of you, if'n you weren't already. Boil it though, and you can't even make ripples. Which reminds me - they says clouds are vapour, but who's doing all the boiling for that to be true, that's what I'd like to know! Maybe the Lunarians. Watch the skies; watch the skies.

[Rathji]

[Sichuan]
Talk about water.

Yeah way down yonder on the chattahoochee
It gets hotter than a hoochie coochie
We layed rubber on the georgia asphalt
We got a litte crazy but we never got caught

Down by the river on a friday night
Pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight
Talkin' 'bout cars and dreamin 'bout women
Never had a plan just a livin' for the minute

Yeah way down yonder on the chattahoochee
Never knew how much that muddy water meant to me
But i learned how to swim and i learned who i was
Alot about livin' and a little 'bout love

Well we fogged up the windows in my old chevy
I was willin' but she wasn't ready
So i settled for a burger and a grape snow cone
Dropped her off early but i didn't go home

Down by the river on a friday night
Pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight
Talkin' bout cars and dreamin' 'bout women
Never had a plan just a livin' for the minute

Yeah way down yonder on the chattahoochee
Never knew how much that muddy water meant to me
But i learned how to swim and i learned who i was
A lot 'bout livin' and a little 'bout love

Yeah way down yonder on the chattahoochee
It gets hotter than a hoochie coochie
We layed rubber on the georgia asphalt
We got a litte crazy but we never got caught

Well we fogged up the windows in my old chevy
I was willin' but she wasn't ready
So i settled for a burger and a grape snow cone
Dropped her off early but i didn't go home

Down by the river on a friday night
Pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight
Talkin' bout cars and dreamin' 'bout women
Never had a plan just a livin' for the minute

Yeah way down yonder on the chattahoochee
Never knew how much that muddy water meant to me
But i learned how to swim and i learned who i was
A lot 'bout livin' and a little 'bout love
Alot about livin' and a little 'bout love

[MRCboicgy]

#43 with noodles, No MSG.

[Bertuzzied]

I vote this the most confusing thread of the year. I love my scroll mouse.... hehe

[squiggs96]

Originally Posted by TheyCallMeBruce

pfft, easy.


The subject of water is a controversial issue. I find my self constantly drawn back to the subject of water. Cited by many as the single most important influence on post modern micro eco compartmentalism, there are just not enough blues songs written about water. The juxtapositioning of water with fundamental economic, social and political strategic conflict draws criticism from the aristocracy, obviously. Here begins my indepth analysis of the glourious subject of water.
Social Factors
Society begins and ends with water. When The Tygers of Pan Tang sang 'It's lonely at the top. Everybody's trying to do you in' [1] , they failed to understand that if one seriously intends to 'not judge a book by its cover', then one must read a lot of books. While the western world use a knife and fork, the Chinese use chopsticks. Of course water irons out misconceptions from our consciousness.
Recent thought on water has been a real eye-opener for society from young to old. Society is powered by peer pressure, one of the most powerful forces in the world. As long as peer pressure uses its power for good, water will have its place in society.
Economic Factors
Do we critique the markets, or do they in-fact critique us? We will begin by looking at the Custard-Not-Mustard model, a complex but ultimately rewarding system. Market
Value
Of
Gold
water
The results displayed in the graph are too clear to be ignored. Well the market value of gold will continue to follow water for the foreseeable future. Many analysts fear a subsequent depression.
Political Factors
Politics was once a game featuring competitors from elite classes. Comparing water and much of what has been written of it can be like comparing night and day. Consider this, spoken at the tender age of 14 by the famous political Bartholomew Shandy 'The success of any political system can only truly be assessed once the fat lady has sung.' [2] This quotation leads me to suspect that he was not unaccustomed to water. It speaks volumes. Both spectacular failure and unequaled political accomplishment may be accredited to water.
I hope, for our sake that water will endure.

Conclusion
We can conclude that the water plays a large part in the lives of all. It sings a new song, provides financial security, though water brings with it obvious difficulties, it is truly water.
I shall give the final word to star Britney Spielberg: 'It's been nice educating you.' [3]

[1] Tygers of Pang Tang - The Cage - 1982 MCR Records
[2] Shandy - Ice Cold - 1994 Pitter Patter Publishing [3] Everything you always wanted to know about water, but were afraid to ask. - Issue 287 - QKS Publishing

TheyCallMeBruce, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

[Regular_John]

Can you pass the chinese college entrance exam?

No, no I can not.

[Kybosh]

Don't worry everyone. They're much better at math.

[Lobotroth]

"Worry and Love"

Is that a question?

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Originally Posted by squiggs96

TheyCallMeBruce, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.

[saskflames69]

[Jiangsu]
What? Me worry?

[Rerun]

Originally Posted by squiggs96

TheyCallMeBruce, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

You actually took the time and effort to read all that?

[Teh_Bandwagoner]

Sure I can. The answer to every single one is:

Ching chang chong ching chong chang ching chang chong ching chong chang ching chang chong ching chong chang ching chang chong ching chong chang ching chang chong ching chong chang.

[Lucifer]

[Anhui]
For several months, a sign was left on a ladder at a construction spot: “Notice: Ladder.” One day, a guy came and changed it to “Notice: put this somewhere else when it’s not in use.”

Makes sense. Quit being so lazy and put your ladders away.

[BlackEleven]

Water: it's solid form floats on its liquid form. Enough said.

That should get me in, right?