Location: Chiefs Kingdom, Yankees Universe, C of Red.
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Originally Posted by MarchHare
That's not necessarily a correct assumption these days. Statistically, most couples are waiting later in life to have children, and (particularly in the West) more and more people are choosing not to have children at all. I'm in my early 30s, and I have several friends in their late 30s/early 40s who do not have children.
Also, why should it be "his turn to brag"? Perhaps it should be his turn to show the world that not every parent is an insufferable bore who is only capable of discussing their children and nothing else.
Myself included. I find the opposite, most parents I know don't bore chidless people with endless accounts of their children's exploits. Parents may share experiences with each other, since children are a major part of their lives. It seems odd that you find most parents to be insufferable bores?
Myself included. I find the opposite, most parents I know don't bore chidless people with endless accounts of their children's exploits. Parents may share experiences with each other, since children are a major part of their lives. It seems odd that you find most parents to be insufferable bores?
Heck, MarchHare already posted twice in the "best advice on parenthood" thread about not talking about your kids. Insufferable bore, indeed!
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Yeah, don't talk about your kids too much. It's insufferable circle jerk of parents on Facebook that drives me nuts. You say something about how annoying the crying baby was at Paranormal Activity 3 and it's like they have mommy radar and all come jumping to the defense of the parent that didn't even have the common courtesy to remove their child from the theatre. Or how all the mommys tag each other in pictures of their kids playdates. We don't care.
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Originally Posted by Locke
Thats why Flames fans make ideal Star Trek fans. We've really been taught to embrace the self-loathing and extreme criticism.
Myself included. I find the opposite, most parents I know don't bore chidless people with endless accounts of their children's exploits. Parents may share experiences with each other, since children are a major part of their lives. It seems odd that you find most parents to be insufferable bores?
Consider yourself very fortunate then. My wife and I are of the age (early 30s) where many of our friends/family are starting to have children, and that's all they talk about now. People who used to have really interesting conversations about politics or art or literature now only want to beat us over the head with stories about how their kid rolled over or vomited or ate solid food or whatever. My Facebook newsfeed has more or less turned into a baby album.
I get it. Having a child is a huge life-changing event. I GET IT. But while your child is the most unique and precious and marvellous thing in the world to you, it's just another baby to everyone else. To the rest of us, there's nothing particularly special or interesting or different about your kid compared to the millions of other babies in the world. Maybe as an adult your child will cure cancer or win a Nobel Prize or something, and then I'll be interested, but there's nothing more boring than hearing about how your baby slept through the night for the first time or pooed on the potty or any of the other inane stories you want to share with the world.
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Heh, I think parents that all they talk about is their kids isn't so much that they think their kids are the most important thing, it's that there's very little else going on in their lives to talk about lol! I find that the older kids get, the less overall time parents spend talking about them.
That combined with the amount of stress and emotion kids create, it only makes sense.
As far as advice, try to remember to take care of yourself too; a depressed or end of rope parent is no help for the kid.
And for the early months, the key phrase is "this too shall pass".
__________________ Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
You ain't your kids best friend or buddies or whatever you are a parent first and foremost, you can have all the beers that you want with your kid when they move out, but until then you have to be your kids guiding force.
(advice the old man gave me over beers when I was 26 and serious about marrying this girl and having kids)
Get used to saying that was stupid and it was your decision to do it
(Same conversation)
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My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
I had my first two years ago at age 39 and we had our second in September when I was 41. I'm so friggin' tired some days I can't form a rational thought in my head. Patience will be needed. Don't take things too seriously. Look for the funny in things because otherwise you will want to walk the streets committing hammer murder on someone. My best advice? Stay in the moment as often as you can. Be present mentally as well as physically. It is a cliche but you won't believe how fast they grow up.
take time to find some dads you can get along with who understand the stuff you're going through. Also if your kid and their kid get along, that's a big plus.
I also wish I took more time off work at the beginning and first year. I was just into a new job, so felt like I couldn't do it, find that work life balance if you haven't yet.
Every year feels like it gets better, and it does.
I'll take a good poo story over any sort of pretentious arts or politics conversation any day. I'm pretty sure my kid taking a dump for the first time is a bigger accomplishment than anything a politician has done recently.
Parents talk about their kids because they realize how stupid and boring the politics and art talks really are.
To the OP, congratulations to you and your wife. Have fun with it raising kids is one of the best things you can do with your life.
My one mantra that I've stuck to religiously is "Routine trumps all". It's incredible how much your kids can resemble angels when they've had a good night's sleep, and can turn into little devils when they don't get their sleep. Of course, this doesn't apply to newborns.
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We did the baby group thing through AHS. While the info presented wasn't groundbreaking, it was a great chance to be around people who are experiencing pregnancy at the same stage we were. Most of the people we met, we are friends with now. Some very good friends. My wife hangs out with the other girls all the time. It was worth it for that alone.
The only way to deal with them, is to ignore the tantrum or try and distract your kid so they forget about it and under no circumstances give them what they want, or they learn to use them as a tool to get what they want.
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"Wake up, Luigi! The only time plumbers sleep on the job is when we're working by the hour."
Is it a tantrum when they flip out because they got something they wanted?
Yeah tantrums suck for sure, one of the most challenging things to go through, especially for dads I think because control and enforcing behaviour are pretty natural responses (or maybe that's just me learning from how my dad did things).
__________________ Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
- Are you past the first trimester? If not, don't tell anyone yet. Trust me.
- Are you married? If not, prepare to be harassed by your parents and other, older relatives.
- Are you planning on having more? You're going to be asked this question many, many times."blah blah, they need a friend to play with"
- Get ready to be told advice everywhere you go.
- Enjoy life now while there's just two of you, because it's gonna change drastically once she becomes really pregnant. Do yourself a favour, though. Don't enjoy it too much, and don't indulge in things that she cant join in. That'll just aggravate her.
- Labour and delivery is a damn long time. Bring your phone charger when you go to the hospital because you're gonna kill your battery a few times surfing CP and texting.
- Enjoy sleeping now, because once the child is born, you're not going to get a full night for awhile.
- Start saving some $$ for the more expensive items you're going to need such as stroller/carseat, bassinet, crib, motorized swing.
Those are the not so great things. The great thing is the baby. I mean, not in the middle of the night when you're a complete zombie and she just wont go to sleep, the rest of the time when she gives you the googley eyes and smiles and makes faces. It sounds corny, but it's just so awesome. It's better than some new gadget or car or whatever is your thing because every day he/she grows a bit and does something else hilarious/cute/adorable.
That's the extent of my knowledge. My kid is just 6 weeks old.
With regards to discipline, be consistent, and make sure you and your wife support each other. Children have the ability to play one parent against the other. Also I think the children tend to be much more well adjusted when they know and understand the family rules, and learn to obey them.
Be aware if there are any family flaws that are passed down from one generation to the other e.g. addictions like gambling and alcohol, various forms of abusive behaviour etc., and take steps to break the pattern.
Do things with the kids, like going to restaurants, concerts, hockey games etc. It's important that they learn to behave in public.
Get some respite or "you time" before you start to feel overwhelmed.
I agree the "routine" element is of paramount importance.
My son is 12. The biggest lesson I have learned is that most kids learn from watching you, not necessarily what you say (though that is still important). If you are a overworked, depressed adult, you will raise one. Enjoy yourself and the child will learn to do the same. Best hobbies I have are ones we can do together (golf, video games, hockey).
- Are you past the first trimester? If not, don't tell anyone yet. Trust me.
I was going to post this but thought the boat had already sailed, but this is also the first advice I give to couples with their first pregnancy. Someone I know whom I told this to found out why just recently unfortunately
With respect to discipline and behaviour when they're older, don't hesitate to get help, there's a ton of resources available, and having another set of experienced eyes to look at the situation from outside can make a world of difference.
It's amazing how helpless and frustrated you can feel when you don't know a) what a good response is in a situation and b) what a response that fits within a plan is in a situation.
Sometimes counter-intuitive actions (or counter-conditioned) are best and it's FAR easier to stick to them if you've setup a plan beforehand, and the frustration level is far less, meaning you can keep an even head and not react in a negative way.
There's lots of programs where you can work with someone to setup that plan, because there's so many things that can happen that seem innocuous at first but can become a serious thing.
__________________ Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
