Getting married in a church

[jar_e]

So, for both my family and my fiance's family want us getting married in a church. We have no objection to it, but both of us have been here for only a few years, neither of us really have many "connections" per se to any churches.

Does anyone have any recommendations on churches to get married in? We thought Knox United downtown just for the building alone, but not sure what else is out there.

[Kipper is King]

Is she of a particular religious denomination? That's gonna narrow it down quick.

[Cheese]

If you or your fiance don't attend church or live by its specific tenets then why get married in a church?
Why should the parents choose where you would be happiest getting hitched? This is your event not theirs I assume?
If they cannot live without you getting married in a religious institution then choose a Buddhist temple.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by Kipper is King

Is she of a particular religious denomination? That's gonna narrow it down quick.

That's a great point. I assume her (or more likely her parents) are religious, and would prefer a certain denomination of church.

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by Cheese

If you or your fiance don't attend church or live by its specific tenets then why get married in a church?
Why should the parents choose where you would be happiest getting hitched? This is your event not theirs I assume?
If they cannot live without you getting married in a religious institution then choose a Buddhist temple.

A lot of people do it for the ambiance/look of the place. Like it or not, a church is a very symbolic thing in western marriage tradition. They may have no personal religious beliefs or affiliation but many people like the look of a traditional church for a traditional/classic look to a wedding. Many don't allow you to get married in their church unless you hold their beliefs though.

I have a friend getting married and I always tell them that it's their wedding and they should do what they like - but I've been told time and time again that for them, the ceremony is more for the parents and family than the actual couple!

[KTrain]

Originally Posted by Cheese

If you or your fiance don't attend church or live by its specific tenets then why get married in a church?
Why should the parents choose where you would be happiest getting hitched? This is your event not theirs I assume?
If they cannot live without you getting married in a religious institution then choose a Buddhist temple.

Are you married? Not trying to be condescending but many, many people make concessions about their wedding days to make their parents happy. Especially when they're chipping in a significant portion of the costs associated with the wedding. Whether it's location, people that are invited, type of food, etc. people usually have to compromise a little bit. In my case, because I married into an Italian family, I "compromised" on all of the above...

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by KTrain

I "compromised" on all of the above...

On this, the day of my daughter's wedding.

[Cheese]

Originally Posted by KTrain

Are you married? Not trying to be condescending but many, many people make concessions about their wedding days to make their parents happy. Especially when they're chipping in a significant portion of the costs associated with the wedding. Whether it's location, people that are invited, type of food, etc. people usually have to compromise a little bit. In my case, because I married into an Italian family, I "compromised" on all of the above...

Am I married? Are you kidding?
The divorce rate these days is well over 50%, I would think a wedding should be ALL about what the Bride and Groom want. The poster didnt suggest that either set of parents were chipping in any dollars, but if they are and if they MUST have their children's wedding the way they want it, then quite frankly they arent very supportive. I will pay for my daughters wedding wherever she wants it, and however she wants to do it, it is not my event in anyway shape or form.

[koop]

Originally Posted by Cheese

I will pay for my daughters wedding wherever she wants it, and however she wants to do it, it is not my event in anyway shape or form.

unless she wants it in a church

[Cheese]

Originally Posted by koop

unless she wants it in a church

IF my daughter wants a church wedding I will 100% support her in her wishes. Your statement is completely asinine.

[Ashartus]

Originally Posted by Cheese

Am I married? Are you kidding?
The divorce rate these days is well over 50%, I would think a wedding should be ALL about what the Bride and Groom want. The poster didnt suggest that either set of parents were chipping in any dollars, but if they are and if they MUST have their children's wedding the way they want it, then quite frankly they arent very supportive. I will pay for my daughters wedding wherever she wants it, and however she wants to do it, it is not my event in anyway shape or form.

Minor nitpick - the divorce rate in Canada is only 38%, contrary to popular belief (http://www.canada.com/life/Divorce+r...611/story.html).

I agree that the wedding should be about what the bride and groom want, but if parents are paying for it they probably expect to have some say. Historically parents paid for most weddings when marriages occurred at a younger age; these days with people getting married later lots of couples can pay for it and make their own decision.

I also see no point in a church wedding unless either the bride or groom pays at least lip service to a religion. Depending on the denomination you may need to take a marriage course from the church before they'll perform the wedding (I know Catholics have to, I'm not sure about others).

[koop]

Originally Posted by Cheese

IF my daughter wants a church wedding I will 100% support her in her wishes. Your statement is completely asinine.

It was a joke, settle down.

[KTrain]

Originally Posted by Cheese

I will pay for my daughters wedding wherever she wants it, and however she wants to do it, it is not my event in anyway shape or form.

What if she doesn't want you there? Or her grandparents? Will you pay for her to elope?

It's easy to say that you'll give her whatever she wants but when you're dropping $5, $10 or $15K I'm sure you'll start having an opinion.

[Rathji]

Back on the original topic:

If I was going to be married in a Church, I would pick this one:


But I have a strange sense of humor.

Seriosuly though, get something that looks nice. Might as well.

This page from Canadian Architectural Photography Digitization Project, might help. The first 1/4 of the page or so are images of Churches in Calgary.

[DFO]

Parents & relatives need to step off - it's not their day. We've hurt our share of feelings concerning our upcoming wedding but they'll get over it.

[Cheese]

Originally Posted by KTrain

What if she doesn't want you there? Or her grandparents? Will you pay for her to elope?

It's easy to say that you'll give her whatever she wants but when you're dropping $5, $10 or $15K I'm sure you'll start having an opinion.

Silly question. If she elopes then she doesn't want anyone around but herself, her husband and whomever else she desires. Ive never heard of family paying for a couple that elopes....have you?
If she doesnt want me there then that is HER choice, not mine. I would not feel offended or slighted.

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by Cheese

If she doesnt want me there then that is HER choice, not mine. I would not feel offended or slighted.

That's you. Other parents who have spent their lives and sacrificed a lot to raise their children may not feel that way.

That's also western culture. In many asian cultures, the wedding is pretty much for the family and not for the bride and groom.

[fredr123]

Originally Posted by Cheese

Am I married? Are you kidding?
The divorce rate these days is well over 50%, I would think a wedding should be ALL about what the Bride and Groom want. The poster didnt suggest that either set of parents were chipping in any dollars, but if they are and if they MUST have their children's wedding the way they want it, then quite frankly they arent very supportive. I will pay for my daughters wedding wherever she wants it, and however she wants to do it, it is not my event in anyway shape or form.

But what if her wine and cheese pairing was obviously incompatible? You'd stand by idly and allow that culinary insult to stand? I've seen your twitter feed. I know you couldn't remain silent.

[Jimmy Stang]

My wife and I got married in a church (St. Stephen's in Connaught/Beltline area) as a compromise for her parents, and also because churches are a traditional place for weddings and it just seemed right to us to get married there. Her family are non-practising Catholics but are also Italian, but because of the non-practising part, we couldn't get married in a Catholic church because my wife hadn't had her confirmation and we weren't willing to do that at that point in our lives.

I was christened Anglican, but again non-practising, but we had a good experience at St. Stephen's and they seemed to understand the situation and were happy to have our business. And make no mistake, it is business. You'll pay for the use of the church, the vicar, the verger, the caretaker, etc. Anglican ceremonies are a little shorter and less elaborate than Catholic, which suited us fine. In all honesty, all that we wanted an old, nice-looking church.

I will admit to feeling a bit like a hypocrite getting married in a church as both my wife and I have always been fairly agnostic and had no desire, and still don't, to become a member of a church and regularly practice. But as other have mentioned, it was one of those compromises that you do on a wedding day. With all of that being said, seven years later, I would probably find myself less willing to make that sort of compromise and if I wanted to have my ceremony in some grass meadow somewhere or at an art gallery, I would.

Knox United is a beautiful building but I don't believe it comes cheaply. Another old gem of a church, although I'm not sure if they do weddings, is Central United Church on the corner of 1st Street and 7th Avenue SE. A bit of a sketchy area, but the church is quite unique as it has a curved seating area and a matching mezzanine above. I have seen some rock shows there and it is quite picturesque.

[Yasa]

Originally Posted by fredr123

But what if her wine and cheese pairing was obviously incompatible? You'd stand by idly and allow that culinary insult to stand? I've seen your twitter feed. I know you couldn't remain silent.

What's wrong with a bottle of Boone's and Kraft slices?