Parents exaggerate joy of parenting to justify costs: study

[J pold]

Originally Posted by Pinner

If you want kids just do it, it's never the right time. Kids need love, and everything that comes with it, not money.

Yeah forget food, water, or shelter. If my kids want to play hockey and I can't afford the fees to put him/her in a league I'll tell them all they need is a hug.

I really don't think it's as asinine as some suggest to make sure you have the financial means to raise children before you do. It's an absolutely huge decision and responsibility, one you need to be prepared for, at least in my opinion. If that means I have to save and work my ass off in my 20's so that when I'm 30ish and want to have kids I'll have the financial means to do so, and be more available for my children as a result of this, so be it.

[WhiteTiger]

Well, as in most things, it'd be a mix, wouldn't it?

People in general always want to know that they are doing the right thing, and get that good feeling that they are doing well in the world. So if you are raising kids, you get your joys from that (usually). If you keep telling yourself "Well, if I hadn't had kids, I'd have gone to Hawaii this year." or "If I hadn't had kids, I'd have that 2011 Corvette I wanted." you are going to regret having them, of course. You are using the wrong 'measuring stick', as it were. So of course you are going to find examples by which to measure yourself that involve children/family.

I don't think that it's also crazy to want to be financially stable before having them, either. To take a few vacations with just you, or you and your wife. Live a little, because children will take up a large part of your life. Also, note that I said stable, not "fully cared for." You and your wife both have jobs you like, or can make it on one salary, it's time to look at having kids, if you want them.

A lot of people make the mistake of rushing into having kids, figuring "Ah, it'll all work itself out" when it could be made much easier with a little bit of planning, esp on the financial side. But, you will never be "100% financially ready" to have a kid. You can't put a dollar value on that. It's just not going to happen.

[macker]

I think the number is closer to $234,000 to raise a child from birth to age 18 not including further education etc. Lower income families this figure is adjusted to $160,000. These are approximate estimates and taken from the US department of Agriculture, which conduct annual consumer expediture surveys. I read this in a book recently and haven't really fished around but I am sure the Canadian figures are easily available and I would expect would be very similar.

With two kids in hockey I couldn't be happier to fork over for the joy that I/they get in return. Two games today and then HNIC but the first two games of the tripple header are sure to be best hockey today! Kids + Hockey + Costs.....Still = Joy No exaggeration....

[Otto29]

When I became a father it changed my view on life. Yeah, they frustrate the hell out of me some days, they cost money, but it is honestly all worth it for the moments of pride and joy you get when they do something or tell you they love you.

Kids are not something you save for. You have a kid and you get to put fast cars and vacations on the back burning for a short while but the funny thing is...you put that stuff off for the right reason

[HOOT]

Originally Posted by V

It sure as heck doesn't cost me 1 million to raise each of my kids. Not even close.

Have you kept track? I'm pretty sure that's an average over a life time, and really that doesn't seem like a lot when you think about it.

[Pinner]

Originally Posted by HOOT

Have you kept track? I'm pretty sure that's an average over a life time, and really that doesn't seem like a lot when you think about it.

You have to kick them out, HOOT

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by J pold

Yeah forget food, water, or shelter. If my kids want to play hockey and I can't afford the fees to put him/her in a league I'll tell them all they need is a hug.

I really don't think it's as asinine as some suggest to make sure you have the financial means to raise children before you do. It's an absolutely huge decision and responsibility, one you need to be prepared for, at least in my opinion. If that means I have to save and work my ass off in my 20's so that when I'm 30ish and want to have kids I'll have the financial means to do so, and be more available for my children as a result of this, so be it.

Your plan was exactly the plan my wife and I had and it works well. We worked hard in our 20s, saved all we could and got some financial footing, then had our two kids at 29 and 30. Now at 34 I can see how much less financial stress we have than had we not gone about things the way we did.

Now they go to daycare 3 to 4 days per week at a cost of $1680/month. Once we don't have that expense anymore within a couple years, we'll be laughing.

[Sylvanfan]

Originally Posted by V

It sure as heck doesn't cost me 1 million to raise each of my kids. Not even close.

They probably consider taxes when they put these amounts together, plus you sending them to university for 5 years, and paying their rent for the two years after that when they can't find a job with their bathcelor of arts degree in social work.

Really for me, the money is nothing compared to the time and committment it takes. You can make the money work, but you have to be committed and willing to put in the effort to raise kids.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by J pold

If I have children it won't be until I have the money in the bank to do so.

Coming from experience, unless you are very good at planning and have exact dollars in mind, this caveat will leave you with no children. Also speaking from experience, you will give this up when chicky poo gives you the "my biological clock is ticking" speech.

[HOOT]

Originally Posted by Pinner

You have to kick them out, HOOT

Just because you move out doesn't mean your parents have to stop helping you or giving you things...well at least that seems the case for most of my friends.

[HOOT]

Originally Posted by fotze

Hopefully you raise the kids good enough to not be leachy.

I guess I'm the only person who knows people that get helped out by their parents just because. I don't think it has anything to do with being leachy, but just family helping family when they can. And personally I plan on not having kids because I wouldn't want someone growing up in this messed up world as it continues to get worse and worse.

[chemgear]

I think most would agree that being a parent is one of the biggest (financial) situations that one can get into - if you are responsible and don't take off running that is.

Considering the issues/complaints that people have about marriages, big screen TV's, sports cars, houses, boats, high end restaurants, the vast hordes of ######s in general population, etc. - I find it interesting how it is socially unacceptable to say that having a kid is anything but the "best thing ever that you would never trade anything for even if you could."

(The later of which is silly because you couldn't trade it in - or shove it back in, ala Steve Urkel, even if you wanted to.)

Just an observation.

[opendoor]

Re: cost of raising kids.

There's absolutely no way it costs $1 million to raise a kid. If that were true someone with 3 kids would spend $150,000 a year over 20 years to raise their kids. Seeing as the average two income family in Canada makes barely half that, the numbers obviously don't work.

The $150K-250K figure is much more accurate.

[V]

Originally Posted by HOOT

Have you kept track? I'm pretty sure that's an average over a life time, and really that doesn't seem like a lot when you think about it.

I have three kids, and a fourth will be here soon enough.

There is absolutely no chance that if I didn't have these kids I would be 4 million dollars richer in 20 years, or have 4 million dollars worth of more stuff.

[Matata]

I've noticed a cultural obligation that you should be over spending on your kid. Crap like baby einstein or buying a $1200 stroller over a $100 one. It's a pretty easy angle for a sale-person "what do you mean you won't spend more for the extra features, do you hate your children?"

Studies make it pretty clear that spending time with your kids and being a thoughtful parent trumps any amount of crap you could buy them. But you can't sell that, so no one is buying it.

[burn_this_city]

Theres a difference between your parents helping you out if you're in a jam, and creating an atmosphere of entitlement. To be honest I'd be a bit ashamed if my parents were still paying my bills at my age of 27.

[Flames in 07]

The fact some people both here and in the article get completely defensive only support the theory. Its human nature to justify everything we invest in. It could be money, everyone with an expensive new car will tell you about the great 'deal' they got. Everyone investing 4 yrs and the $ into an education in a social science or anything else that although may be interesting, is nearly useless when trying to get a job in the real world will spend some time explaining why it was a good decision. I don't know why parenting would be any different. Yes there are positives to parenting that are unique from a car and education, but I've seen kids do different things to different people, some good some bad. It's an interesting article and some reaction I have read is the same as same as very religious people after reading about evolution. Evolution is at the very least plausible and to most others, insanely obvious but don't tell zealots that because they only know how to think one way. This is the same, plausible.

[Flames in 07]

Originally Posted by Pinner

I feel sorry for your girlfriend either way

You remind me about a former poster named Lanny. He was ignorant too, where you differ is that he was intelligent.

[Sylvanfan]

I would also offer that I think everyone exaggerates about things in their life to make themselves look good to others, or compensate for other short comings in their life that they dislike to make themselves feel better.. If you're not exaggerating how great you think your kids are...you're probably exaggerating about how great that life coaching and leadership course you took is.

[Pinner]

Originally Posted by Flames in 07

You remind me about a former poster named Lanny. He was ignorant too, where you differ is that he was intelligent.

Burn gives me grief as well, it's all in fun. Mind your own business