Need Some Jokes About Americans From Canadian Perspective

[moncton golden flames]

Originally Posted by TylerSVT

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Need+american+j...n+perspective+

great solution! the first hit is this very cp thread!

[BigBrodieFan]

Originally Posted by TylerSVT

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Need+american+j...n+perspective+

Thank you Tyler. I had already googled and found nothing that great. That's why I created the Thread- I thought you guys could add something new.

[zuluking]

Originally Posted by Kybosh

By a show of hands, how many of you have crippling medical bills?

If you're Canadian, you don't understand this question.

By a show of hands, how many of you have been waiting months for 'x' surgery / MRI / etc.?

If you're American, you don't understand this question.

[TylerSVT]

Originally Posted by moncton golden flames

great solution! the first hit is this very cp thread!

haha yea i saw that and laughed, i decided to put it in this thread just for ####s and giggles.


But honestly like the rest of them poke jokes about things that are funny like Americans being fat and invading countries or about their ####ty healthcare.

Basically everything that is good about Canada that America doesn't have.

[CaptainCrunch]

I would probably avoid politicising things too much.

You can go on a run of comparing celebraties.

Let them know that we have our own troubled celebraties, I mean they have Charlie Sheen, but we have Justin Bieber and we're still pissed off about the one time that he didn't say excuse me.

American's have Lindsay Lohan, and sure she's a trouble maker, but we have Celine Dion who's terrible music has scared a generation.

In a rare turn around, your president is a polite funny articulate well spoken man who campaigned on hopes and dreams. Our Prime Minister is crabby power obsessed but plays a mean piano.

I mean we love American's look at the trades, you send us Jersey Shore a show about really stupid badly tanned promiscuous drunks, we sent you William Shatner, hows that a fair trade.

Your national bird is the eagle, a proud frightening bird that hunts prey, our national emblem is the beaver a sometimes smelly hairy thing that eats trees. Which country has their priorites straight.

We gave you some of your hottest woman, Pam Anderson, Eliza Cuthbert, Neve Campbell, Kristen Kruek, thanks for sending Snookie on a Canadian Tour

We gave you some of you're funniest people, Jim Carey, Lorne Michaels, Michael J Fox, Cheech and Chong yet you still think Will Farrell is the funniest guy on the planet.

Lets face it America, its not that we don't like you, we just don't think we're getting equal value on our exports.

[Traditional_Ale]

[Displaced Flames fan]

Originally Posted by BigBrodieFan

I need something light hearted and humorous- teasing Americans for things, like they tease me about moose meat, saying 'eh', hockey, beer, being too cold, etc.

Clearly some here have no sense of humor when it comes to Americans. Just hatred.

[BigBrodieFan]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I would probably avoid politicising things too much.

You can go on a run of comparing celebraties.

Let them know that we have our own troubled celebraties, I mean they have Charlie Sheen, but we have Justin Bieber and we're still pissed off about the one time that he didn't say excuse me.

American's have Lindsay Lohan, and sure she's a trouble maker, but we have Celine Dion who's terrible music has scared a generation.

In a rare turn around, your president is a polite funny articulate well spoken man who campaigned on hopes and dreams. Our Prime Minister is crabby power obsessed but plays a mean piano.

I mean we love American's look at the trades, you send us Jersey Shore a show about really stupid badly tanned promiscuous drunks, we sent you William Shatner, hows that a fair trade.

Your national bird is the eagle, a proud frightening bird that hunts prey, our national emblem is the beaver a sometimes smelly hairy thing that eats trees. Which country has their priorites straight.

We gave you some of your hottest woman, Pam Anderson, Eliza Cuthbert, Neve Campbell, Kristen Kruek, thanks for sending Snookie on a Canadian Tour

We gave you some of you're funniest people, Jim Carey, Lorne Michaels, Michael J Fox, Cheech and Chong yet you still think Will Farrell is the funniest guy on the planet.

Lets face it America, its not that we don't like you, we just don't think we're getting equal value on our exports.

I am out of Thanks, but that is some great stuff!! Thank you! I will be using some of it!

[mykalberta]

You guys say OWT, its pronounced OOOT - geez get it right.

[CaptainCrunch]

You might dream the big gangster life style. But in Canada we can go to a Macdonald's in Quebec and actually get a Royal with Cheese, we can also buy a gimp mask at any Canadian tire, but we call it a belaclava.

[Mazrim]

If they all have a good sense of humour, they should be able to take some light hearted american bashing, since that's what the rest of the world already does.

[troutman]

http://www.canadaka.net/modules.php?...atIndex&cid=16

http://www.canadianbeauts.faketrix.c...ted-States.htm

Apology to Americans
http://www.indefual.net/canada/jokes...s-apology.html

[kirant]

I recall this article from This Hour Has 22 Minutes that would probably work if updated:
http://www.indefual.net/canada/jokes...s-apology.html

[YourMother]

Dear USA,
You produced Miley Cyrus.
Justin Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

[CaptainCrunch]

Compare football

4 downs to make 10 yards, really

We have bigger fields and an extra guy on each team to drive the snowplow

State the below in an NFL Films deep voice

We have hockey, a tough physical sport where you try to put a few ounces of frozen vulcanized rubber into a tiny net defended by an armoured tank by shooting this object at speeds of over 100 miles an hour. Meanwhile the players need to maneuver sharply on ice while wearing sharpened blades on their feet.

Then switch to a high pitched lyspe (sp?)

American's have basketball (A sport invented by Canadians who couldn't play hockey and then promptly ignored by the rest of us) a game where perfectly coiffed thin tall men jog up and down a court wearing fabulous shorts with the intent of throwing a ball through a hoop while playing man to man coverage. In fact, one of your best pure players is you guessed it Canadian.


And in History, America is famous for invasions of its soil, the biggest one being the beatles, but the one that you'd like to forget, the Canadian Invasion, the first one took place in 1812 when Canadians got drunk after a hockey game and made a road trip to the States and burned down the white house. The second invasion is ongoing duh duh daaa.

[SebC]

Make fun of their currency for being all the same colour (and worth less than ours!), and make fun of them for spelling colour without a u. Oh, and also, they have a ridiculous unit system that deserves mockery. Make fun of them for usurping our identity when traveling. Help them with this by telling them that the answer to any question you'll be asked to confirm that you're indeed a Canadian is "Wayne Gretzky".

[CaptainCrunch]

I don't get why American's don't adopt the metric system.

10 American inches is 25.4 Centimeters and you wonder why American Girls have a thing for Canadian men.

[YYC in LAX]

"American stereotypes."

[worth]

put this in the background and it won't matter what you say:

[SeeGeeWhy]

Calgary appropriate too:


Bush Country

A man walked into a Calgary bar during Stampede and ordered a beer just as former President Bush appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Bush country!" "Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"