Single always seems wonderful when you with a girl for a long while. You start seeing girls everywhere that you could sleep with if you were single.
While your clingy girlfriend notices you seeing these girls even if your not really looking and becomes quiet and sullen, and accuses you of losing interest in her. Next thing you know your in couples therapy hearing what an awful person you are, and eye f%%king is the same as f%%king. She uses this whole thing to tighten the screws until the next thing you know, instead of Sunday being a football day, its a antiquing day and your the one walking fluffy the ######ed poodle and picking up its crap.
Meanwhile Single is awsome
Quote:
Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder
On the other hand, once you are single for a while, and you're going through a dead period, you become jealous of your friends with girlfriends. All that regular sex! If only I had a girlfriend...
Grass isn't always greener.
Are we talking about friends that are in the early stages of the relationship where yes they're poning like bunnies. Or the ones that have been together for a while, and the only bl$$job he gets is when he's blowing the leafs off the front lawn with a compressor, she goes from that incredibly hot chick in lingerie to that chick wearing granny panties and footie pajamas and she's too tired for sex so you get it maybe once a week?
I've been on both sides of the fence, and yes I date, and I have relationships, but I have a internal fear of commitment, not because I'm hugh hefner, but because I got burned in a wack of relationships when I was younger.
Do I want to settle down and get married? Sure, but I want it to be the right girl which requires a lot of test drives, preferably on the floot, the couch the kitchen sink and at a major league ball game.
Do I want kids? Nope, first of all, I'm too old, second of all I'd be too old school of a father.
If your young, enjoy your singleness, don't settle for someone that makes you feel badly about yourself, or that the failure of the relationship is all your fault, or she wants to control you and make you wear cute little sweaters with baby ducks on them.
Run, run fast and far.
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My recommendation is to sit down and debate whether you are still an immature individual. Don't just pass it off, really think about it. There's no shame in admitting you are if that happens to be the case, but it's important to recognize. If you feel you truly aren't, then you've changed, and that means she has the capacity to do the same.
The odds are that neither of you have changed, but that's just statistics. There are always those that buck the trend and nobody here knows for sure if you two fall into that category.
It sounds like you're just lonely and the dating scene isn't working so you want to return to something familiar. There's nothing wrong with that, but proceed with a little bit of caution and don't jump into situations you can't immediately get out of (don't get a mortgage together or something insane like that).
You're 27, and while that seems very old it isn't. You have time to give this another try ... just don't be too slow to recognize if the situation is going in circles.
To some degree I do see your point, being single does have its advantages. Having unlimited freedom, no real commitments to follow, etc, ect. But it also has disadvantages as well. I guess I really miss the companionship of having a girlfriend, being single and 27 is also a pretty lonely lifestyle. Like I mentioned before, my buddies are all starting to have families now and I hate being the only single guy at their parties.
I know it sounds odd, but I want to get married, start a life and a family all before I am thirty.
Maybe I'm just panicking?
Either way, I'm just weighing out my options anyways. I haven't even hinted this before to my ex.
This is a common problem in Calgary you are not alone. We probably have stood in the same line up to hit on ch!cks on 17th ave. You live in dude-town, so you have a few options.
1. Go places where there are girls you can talk too
a) Universities (join the gym at Mt Royal/UofC)
b) Fun Runs/Running Room (it's ######ed but it works)
c) Wine tastings/Fancy anything (girls like shiny fancy crap...it sucks, but you have to go to these places)
d) Co-ed rec sports...mostly bored couples play these games, but the girls should have a few single friends kicking around
2. Young up who you hang out with
a) Receptionists, Assistants, Hair Dresser, Dental Hygenist, Massage Therapist, Nurses, Chiropractors and girls that work at the big 4 accounting firms are in positions where they will be forced to work with younger people, so they will have younger friends. Befriend these girls and go out with them to meet their friends.
3. Say yes more...you won't meet new girls at your current friends boring house warming parties
a) Hot tub party on a sunday before work...yes
b) Beers after hockey on Tuesday despite having to work tomorrow...hell yeah
c) Vinyl on a thursday...why not...just do a million shots
4. Blame your friends gf's
a) Get them working for you...tell them you're lonely and to keep an eye out
b) Constantly berate them for not having girlfriends (I get along better with guys is not an excuse)
5. Finally...move (not to Edmonton)
a) Ever here a buddy from Vancouver/Toronto/Montreal b!tching about having a gf?...I don't know if it's lowered expectations or different demographics, but there is an issue here, so why not try somewhere else.
My 2cents.
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What? Really? In counselling terms, its always the mans fault. Why, because woman manipulate the counseller.
They're dating, not married, if they can't work stuff out on their own, they need to make a clean break and walk nee run away.
If they were married, sure.
A good counsellor won't be manipulated. In fact, a female counsellor knows all the games some women play. There is a big breakthrough in counselling that happens when people realize it is not all the other person's fault.
Chances are, old dogs can't learn new tricks, but I think couples should give thier best effort before giving up.
A good counsellor won't be manipulated. In fact, a female counsellor knows all the games some women play. There is a big breakthrough in counselling that happens when people realize it is not all the other person's fault.
Chances are, old dogs can't learn new tricks, but I think couples should give thier best effort before giving up.
How old is this dog? I learned much from my first serious relationship. So did she. We didn't get back together, so I can't say whether or not that is a good idea (though my instinct says no), but really, if both parties are really getting the feeling that maybe there's still something there, there's no harm in trying.
I'd say that the most important variable here is how long you've been broken up. Maybe I missed that detail, but I hope it's longer than a year. A three month break up isn't a break up, it's a break. Nothing changes in three months. Even a year might be pushing it. I saw soomeone post three years. I can see that being a sufficient amount of time for people to really get their heads on straight.
Tough one. I was with a girl for 4 or 5 years then we broke up for nearly two years, no contact for a year and a half. Got back together and have now been married for 3 years with two kids and another on the way. Life is pretty great and we have a great relationship. I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe the Flames position in the standings).
We were together when we were young 18 and 21. We were young and immature. The timing, the scenario we were living in just didn't work out. We didn't hate each other but we were not getting along. We had to split, we had to grow up without each other.
I think we both did, our goals and values changed, how we went about life changed. It felt right when we finally did get back together.
But I also plowed a lot of fat chicks while I was broken up plus one with a wonky eye!
Tough one. I was with a girl for 4 or 5 years then we broke up for nearly two years, no contact for a year and a half. Got back together and have now been married for 3 years with two kids and another on the way. Life is pretty great and we have a great relationship. I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe the Flames position in the standings).
We were together when we were young 18 and 21. We were young and immature. The timing, the scenario we were living in just didn't work out. We didn't hate each other but we were not getting along. We had to split, we had to grow up without each other.
I think we both did, our goals and values changed, how we went about life changed. It felt right when we finally did get back together.
But I also plowed a lot of fat chicks while I was broken up plus one with a wonky eye!
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If you want to get back together because you love her than you have nothing to lose= Yes, do it.
If you want to get back together because you're lonely and in a funk then you have your last shred of self-esteem to lose= HELL NO!
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5. Finally...move (not to Edmonton)
a) Ever here a buddy from Vancouver/Toronto/Montreal b!tching about having a gf?...I don't know if it's lowered expectations or different demographics, but there is an issue here, so why not try somewhere else.
My 2cents.
Dude, so true. Born and raised in Calgary, but I've noticed people seem to want to settle down quicker here. Spending time in Toronto, Vancouver and Montreal has made me realize that at 27 you're still a youngin'. I love being single at 27, especially when I go to those cities.
Also, Calgary is a total dude-town as someone mentioned earlier. There are too many guys competing for ladies here, and those that snag a keeper lock them up nice and early. As a single guy, it is your duty to show then the grass is greener on your side
Dude, so true. Born and raised in Calgary, but I've noticed people seem to want to settle down quicker here. Spending time in Toronto, Vancouver and Montreal has made me realize that at 27 you're still a youngin'. I love being single at 27, especially when I go to those cities.
Also, Calgary is a total dude-town as someone mentioned earlier. There are too many guys competing for ladies here, and those that snag a keeper lock them up nice and early. As a single guy, it is your duty to show then the grass is greener on your side
So true. So many dudes. I tell that to some of my chronically single female friends that if they can't find a man in Calgary that they are destined for the spinsterism.
You say you lack confidence in the dating market, which after a seven year relationship, is pretty understandable. Answer this question honestly and it may help with your decision.
Given a choice, what would you prefer:
1) to re-establish the relationship with your Ex?
2) more confidence in the dating market?
This is simple... I will sell her condo and find you guys a new one. You will settle down and both own a home. Now if things dont work out then I can sell that home and find you both a new place!
All jokes aside, why not take it super super slow? No need to jump head first when you can dip your toes in to see how it is. Go on a few dates, head to the mountains for a weekend. It can seem like you have both changed when your not with each other but make sure this stays true when your with each other.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to get married, start a life and a family all before I am thirty.
Maybe I'm just panicking?
This is why I don't think it will work. Every relationship takes work and sacrifice. So in a few years maybe you go through a patch that requires you to give a little extra, and you have to work harder...are you going to start thinking "did I settle?" Or are you happy to sacrifice more for this person...
As a male you simply have the advantage of no biological clock. You have to trust that you will find the right one someday, and when you do you will be 100% sure that it is the right move.
Marriage and kids is hard work that has endless payoffs -- if you put in the work with the right person.
I always thought Calgary was man friendly for dating. There seems to be alot of single women available IMO.
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This is my conclusion after living in Van for the last 4 years, and being back in Calgary the last 3 months. More single girls in Van, but Calgary girls are much more down to earth and approachable.
At first this morning, I was thinking no way you should try and get back with her.
Then I thought about it some more and really what can it hurt? Since there are no kids involved to hurt or mess up, then if you both think it is a good idea then what do you lose?
A year or 2 where you are getting regular sex (because it is not like you are married) and you might be able to work things out because
a) you are older and more experienced and
b) you and/or her might realize that the biggest problem people have in relationships is (in my eyes) getting defensive when they have done something wrong, or not being able to admit when they have done something wrong. Tip: If you and your eventual partner don't realize this at some point, it will always be rocky, regardless of who it is.
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At first this morning, I was thinking no way you should try and get back with her.
Then I thought about it some more and really what can it hurt? Since there are no kids involved to hurt or mess up, then if you both think it is a good idea then what do you lose?
A year or 2 where you are getting regular sex (because it is not like you are married) and you might be able to work things out because
a) you are older and more experienced and
b) you and/or her might realize that the biggest problem people have in relationships is (in my eyes) getting defensive when they have done something wrong, or not being able to admit when they have done something wrong. Tip: If you and your eventual partner don't realize this at some point, it will always be rocky, regardless of who it is.
