Alcohol...yes I have a problem

[FLAMESRULE]

Step 1 is admitting you have a problem. Well, I have a problem.

I basically have no will power when booze is involved. I do enjoy the taste and I do like the feeling of liquor. But its tearing me, and my new family (just a wife for now) apart. It has destroyed my dads side of the family and I hate it for it. But I feel like I have next to no control over saying no to a drink.

I'm 30, and I've had a great ride with liquor. I've got tons of stories, some good, and some bad. But its starting to threaten my own health, my career, and most importantly my family.

I though I've had it under control for the last 3 years or so after being basically out of control from 18 - 25. My lovely wife hates me being drunk and I've been a good husband for 363 / 365 days a year. But the 2 days I'm hammered are not good.

I always feel like people who post such serious issues on message boards are weak minded and ill advised. But here I am. I dont really know who else to turn too after today.

I'm looking for a bit of advice and references for counselling by the great power that is CP. I am weak. I do need help.

I'm looking into AADAC etc. I want to quit. I really, really do. I'm just finding it very hard.

Let me have it.

[dissentowner]

Well I commend you on taking the first step. Beating any addiction is hard, I used Thrive Lozenges to quit smoking and now I am addicted to the damn lozenges! Alcohol is a beast, I really hope you make it and wish you all the best! I would offer advice on clinics but I don't live in Calgary.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Just go to AA ....and it'll be all right.

It seemed to work for some people I know...

[Rathji]

Admitting you have the problem is the first step.

My dad used AA. Gives you someone to be accountable to other than the people in your life (who you are already hurting). I know he tried a few different detox/treatment centers but I really couldn't tell you which ones other than where they were located 20 years ago.

Find out about an AA meeting in your area and just show up. It will make you realize that you really are not alone in the problems you are having. From there you can get direction into other types of service providers that you might need.

Alternately, you could call your family doctor who could refer you to resources within the health care system.

[rubecube]

I have no idea what your situation is, but is there any chance your wife is overreacting. By the sound of it, you don't drink all that much. Is it that when you drink, you have to get drunk or is it that you feel like you need a drink all the time? Are you a complete dickhead when your drunk or something?

I'm not trying to talk you out of what you're doing, as you obviously know more about what you're going through than I do. I just want to make sure you've asked yourself the right questions.

[T@T]

Originally Posted by FLAMESRULE

My lovely wife hates me being drunk and I've been a good husband for 363 / 365 days a year. But the 2 days I'm hammered are not good.

Most wives would be very happy if the hubby only got drunk 2 days a year..unless of course your one of the ###### drunks who seemingly is allergic to alcohol.

[FLAMESRULE]

Originally Posted by rubecube

I have no idea what your situation is, but is there any chance your wife is overreacting. By the sound of it, you don't drink all that much. Is it that when you drink, you have to get drunk or is it that you feel like you need a drink all the time? Are you a complete dickhead when your drunk or something?

I'm not trying to talk you out of what you're doing, as you obviously know more about what you're going through than I do. I just want to make sure you've asked yourself the right questions.

I feel like I always have to drink. I find it very hard to go out for a business lunch downtown and not have a couple. I NEVER go out for dinner, a sporting event, concert, etc. without having "a few". I dont feel like getting "drunk" very often, just that I HAVE to drink. It feels like an addictin.

I dont feel like I'm overreacting. I've got TERRIBLE family history that I am desparate to avoid repeating. My dad has no relationship with his parents because of booze.

My drunk mood is 100% dependant on how I feel before. If I've been squabbling with my wife, it can get ugly in a hurry. I'm not violent, but I can be a lippy and mean drunk in a hurry.

[SteveToms]

MOD EDIT: Deleted

[FLAMESRULE]

Originally Posted by T@T

Most wives would be very happy if the hubby only got drunk 2 days a year..unless of course your one of the ###### drunks who seemingly is allergic to alcohol.

Those are the 2 days a year that she has to deal with. When I go travelling I'm an animal. I'm gone probalby 3 - 5 days a month.

[Pinner]

I think alot of people drink because things are bothering them, deep down things that are not easily recognizable, even to the drinker.

I would think a counselor could help, as you mature things could get better.

Obviously it is causing a problem, fix it.

[Kipper is King]

I have a family member who was in a similar state. You have no idea how crushing it is to see someone you love destroy themselves with alcohol. Your wife is not overreacting- it's not healthy for you, and I imagine it tears at her soul to see you drunk.

The person I know managed to recover from alcoholism. Good for you for admitting you have an issue.

Here's where things get tough- in the near future, your buddies maybe will want to hang out and go for some drinks, or a special event will occur and you will want to celebrate. It doesn't matter what they say, "just one drink" will turn into two, then three and so on.It's going to take a while before you can really control yourself.

Remember your wife. You said it's "just a wife for now", so think of your future kid(s) as well. They won't have to deal with the shame and the pain of their dad having alcohol problems.

Good luck! Persevere, and you will succeed!

[FLAMESRULE]

KipperisKing...that is exactly what I'm talking about. There is always a reason to have few drinks, and I find it damn near impossible to say no. I'll rehearse it in my head before hand about just getting a pop or water, and then yeah, I'll have a beer...its painful and pitiful. I always think of my wife before hand and yet I cant help myself. Its pathetic.

Anyways, I'm glad I've finally come to this realization. I REALLY dont want to see what bottom is, or how much worse it can get, because I can only imagine.

I just need the tools.

[pylon]

Originally Posted by FLAMESRULE

I feel like I always have to drink. I find it very hard to go out for a business lunch downtown and not have a couple. I NEVER go out for dinner, a sporting event, concert, etc. without having "a few". I dont feel like getting "drunk" very often, just that I HAVE to drink. It feels like an addictin.

I dont feel like I'm overreacting. I've got TERRIBLE family history that I am desparate to avoid repeating. My dad has no relationship with his parents because of booze.

My drunk mood is 100% dependant on how I feel before. If I've been squabbling with my wife, it can get ugly in a hurry. I'm not violent, but I can be a lippy and mean drunk in a hurry.

If ts is the case, you are an alcoholic, period. The only advice I can give you, and the only advice you should consider off a message board is, Seek professional help.

I have seen what this can do to a family, and left unchecked, it will lead to a lifetime of regret and sorrow.

[c.t.ner]

I completely hear you buddy. I've been down that road. I've been sober for a three years or so. So I really hear what you're saying. I was a beast in University and a total "Frank The Tank" for a few years afterwards and I've also got the whole family background to boot.

Anyways, there's tonnes of info out there on the net on AA, AADAC and stuff like that. My first advice would be to start going to talking this stuff out with a professional. As much as everyone wants to think they can do it on their own, they can't. And there's something deeply routed that causes you to be an "animal" two nights of the year, so before you'll be able to stop, you need to address that.

The unfortunate thing about your age and position, is that it'll be really difficult for some friends to accept it and there's nothing out there about what to do when you go out for drinks with buddies at lunch or go to a bar.

So the one piece of advice I would suggest to help cope with social situations is to start drinking O'douls or N/A. Most pubs in the city sell near beer, so you can order an O'Douls and have a beer with the boys, but you won't feel like you're missing out. A few nightclubs also sell some sort of Near Beer, so if you find yourself in a Nightclub for work or what ever reason, just ask the bartender. (But as a general rule, if you are honest about quitting you shouldn't be going to nightclubs for a few months at leat) You can also tailor your lunches and dinners around restaurants that serve Non-alcoholic bear.

But overall, just remember it's not the easiest road to go down and you might fall of the wagon a few times. But if you're honest with the people around you and they support you, you'll be able to get off it.

[BaldyAuldy]

Toolstolife.com might help.

I got the same problem as you though, so for what it's worth

A friend of mine did a 90 day in house treatment for her addictions here:
http://www.edgewood.ca/
She's been sober for 14 years now. It's pretty expensive, but it's got one of the best success rates in North America. (Was even a treatment centre on the show Intervention)
I think if there's a family history your addiction may run deeper than just psychological. They say that people can be physically predispositioned to addictions... so I would think this would be tougher to beat.

A trick I learned when I quit smoking was everytime I felt like having a cigarette I made myself stop and think why I would need one. It doesn't improve my health, it doesn't make me more attractive, it doesn't taste good and the "good" feeling that I think I'm getting is a drug that will eventually kill me. That 30 second conversation with myself has helped me be a non smoker for 4 years.

You will eventually find what works for I hope whatever path you choose is a positive one
Good luck and a big hug

(And if you go to Edgewood, say hi to my parents, they live on the same road )

[T@T]

MOD Edit: Not appropriate

[CaptainCrunch]

When I was younger I had a serious drinking problem, and to go with that drinking problem I had other problems that I used alcohol to really self medicate.

I also found that when I drank I became a very unpleasant person to be around.

I also found that other people found me really unpleasant to be around when I went drinking.

But my problem was a little different from yours in that I had little in the way of self control. I didn't have a stop point, when I went, I went hard.

At one point when I was particularly depressed, I needed liquor just to sleep so I was drinking every single night, a couple of shots would mellow me out, but then there was that underlying desire to hop over to the nearest pub before closing time.

I was always good at hiding my problem from work, but not from my friends and family.

Your problem isn't severe yet, but your showing some pretty good signs of it moving to something far worse, and I might add far darker.

I grew up in a family of heavy drinkers, then I went into a work culture in the military where drinking was something that you did when you had downtime, then I went to college and drank some more. Finally I went from job to job, and I was never very happy with my personal life, I was and still do go through some really dark periods, so I tried to disguise that by being the happy party guy. But then when I really got going, I acted out, my inner stupidity and bully came out, I pushed my friends and family away because at some point, I became really ashamed of what I was doing and who I was.

I finally had one big event that I won't go into detail, but I couldn't even look in the mirror anymore without being disgusted. I also realized that I had blown the best part of my youth, and a ton of money.

I decided not to go to AA or anything like that because my drinking came down to deeper issues, so I went and got some counseling and also got referred to addiction counseling.

More importantly I reconciled with my family, and rebuilt the relationship with my old man that I had pissed away over some event that in hindsight was laughable.

With some help I did learn how to control that impulse when things go bad, or I'm feeling particularly dark that I can blow it off with a laugh and a few drinks.

I will still have a drink or two at a social setting, but I know enough about myself now to know when to stop and when to leave. Because my family knows about my tendencies after some frank discussions I have a support system that can pull me away from it.

A few weeks ago, during a disastrous vacation with my family and one member in particular I sat in the hotel lobby in Hamilton watching the pub and thinking that one drink at that point wouldn't kill me and probably make me feel better, but I was able to walk away.

You need to understand your triggers, and why you need to drink.

You need to build a support system that understands you and wants to help you get through this.

You need to reconcile with your triggers and understand the feelings that lead to your desire to drink.

You need to get help if you feel that the drinking is starting to dominate your life. I went to a private route and a referral route. But I have heard good things about AA, I believe that AADAC has a hot line, it might not hurt to contact them and ask for some frank advice..

For me, drinking was a crutch, and I understand that it still can be a crutch. My drinking problem doesn't come from the taste of the effect but from different reasons. Once you understand why you do a thing, once you bring that to life, then its easier to confront and control that.

To many people classify themselves as alcoholics without understanding why their alcoholics. They try to avoid booze without knowing why they need booze, and it becomes a giant temptation that calls them every hour of every day instead of trying to break its controlling element.

Anyways that's enough about me. I wish you luck in getting the help and understanding that you need both from yourself and whoever you ask for help.

[FLAMESRULE]

Thanks CC + c.t.ner...and everyone else. I definitely plan on getting in touch with professional help to figure out what the triggers are, because I definitely dont know. I just know I almost always want to have a drink.

I also definitely plan on building the support group around me so that falling back into old patters is much less likely.

I always knew I wasnt the only one with a drinking issue, and as sad as it sounds, it is refreshing to hear other people are going through the same thing. Its even better news to hear the success stories.

[First Lady]

Originally Posted by T@T

Most wives would be very happy if the hubby only got drunk 2 days a year..unless of course your one of the ###### drunks who seemingly is allergic to alcohol.

Most alcholics (or any addict) don't realize what they have done to their wives, husbands, famiies until it's too late.

Good on you FR. I wish you all the best.

Remember to ask for support groups for your wife as well.