ESPN writer trashes Canada

[troutman]

I just got back from Vegas, and NO ONE is watching the winter olympics there. Every TV in every lounge and sports book is tuned to 100 different college basketball games and NASCAR.

[valo403]

Originally Posted by troutman

I just got back from Vegas, and NO ONE is watching the winter olympics there. Every TV in every lounge and sports book is tuned to 100 different college basketball games and NASCAR.

Not surprising, the winter olympics doesn't lend itself to gambling at all. Every bar I was in in NYC tonight had the olympics on at least one tv. The quieter pub type places actually had people watching it.

[Locke]

Lets be honest, no one goes ATM unless they're paying for it....

[Treach]

Naw, you never go ATM

[Devils'Advocate]

Originally Posted by Johnny Canuck

I'm fine with it, although if Talking To Americans has taught us anything, A good amount of them will actually not realize this is a humorous article, and take everything that is mentioned as fact. Sadly, its just bad stereo type after bad stereo type.

What I find humorous is that most Americans never caught on that "Bob and Doug McKenzie" are "what Americans believe the typical Canadian to be". When I watch SCTV, I laugh at the foolish American stereotyping of us (just like this article). When they watch SCTV (or read this article) it just re-enforces the stereotypes that are already there.

[getbak]

Use the "organics" recycling container in your hotel room. This is one of 14 recycling containers you'll find there. The mind recoils as to what you're supposed to put in the "organics" can in a hotel room, but the little sign says to put "meat, poultry, fish, plants and flowers." That's weird. I always leave my poultry in a gift bag for the maid.

That's not a Canadian thing, that's a damn dirty hippie Vancouver thing.

Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"

Calling Newfies "Newfies" and dropping the "g" are about the only one of those I'd ever do, and dropping "g" certainly isn't exclusively Canadian.

Call Vancouver "Van City" or even "The Van" but do not call it the name it hates: "No Fun City." It IS a fun city, except that a lot of the bars close at 11. In the morning.

Again, Vancouver only.

And it apparently NEVER STOPS RAINING.

Duh, you're in Vancouver.

Use abbreviated words whenever possible. For instance, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police becomes the "RCMP," which becomes "the Armsee," as in the sentence: "I sure hope Bode Miller doesn't get pinched by the Armsees this Olympics. I got 10 Loonies on him."

What? "Mounties", yes. "Armsees", what the hell is that?

Abbreviate your new friends' names, too. Hamilton becomes "Hams." If your friend's name is already short, add "er" to it. This is how you get a sentence like, "Let's go play some shinny, eh? You be Gretz and I'll be Nasher."

Yeah, that one works.

Compliment their national anthem. It's way better than ours.

But theirs contains both "see" and "red", so it's okay too.

Pretend that you have to plug in your engine block at night to keep it from freezing, too. Makes them feel better.

Does anyone in Vancouver have a block heater?

Go to Tim's (short for "Tim Hortons") and have a double-double (two creams, two sugars) and some Timbits (donut holes) and stand around and talk about curling. This will be a welcome topic. The Canadians are still great at curling.
You: The boys oughta do priddy good, eh?
Him: Oh, sure. The sweeps are beauties.
You: You thinkin' they might be winnin' and whatnot, eh?
Him: Boy, would that ever be neat!

Yeah, that sounds about right. Except for the incorrect use of "eh" the second time. "Eh" only works at the end of a declarative statement when you turn it into a question so that you don't come across as a know-it-all who just runs around making declarative statements. The British do this too, they just use "right?" instead of "eh?".

When referring to Elvis, be sure its Stojko not Presley. If you're talking about acting, don't forget the god of all Canadian thespians -- Lorne Greene from "Bonanza." If your birthday is August 9, always look at the ground, shake your head and add, "The day Wayne was traded."

Personally, the day Wayne was traded was one of the happiest days of my life.

Never say "said." Say "goes," as in: "So Lindsey goes, 'I'm freezin' way up here in just a bikini.' And I go, 'Linds, it's a bitchin' career move!' And she goes, 'K, but it's colder 'n a Newfie's arse up here!'"

Sure, if you're talking to a 13 year-old girl.

If you're a snowboarder and you snap your neck in three places doing your Double Fakie Ollie Grab and they're putting you in the ambulance, smile and go, "It's fine! Canada's got free health care!"

No "free" health care for American tourists, and "free" health care isn't exactly free for Canadians either.

But if those s say anything about their dollar being worth more than ours, slam them in the nose with your organics can.

I wish it was worth more.

[Devils'Advocate]

If having organics recycling (composting) is a Vancouver thing, then good on 'em.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by getbak

What? "Mounties", yes. "Armsees", what the hell is that?

I (among others) use RC's, but I've never heard 'Armsees'. Sounds like a gangster thing "Here comes the arms, sees?"

Speak Canadian. ATMs are ABMs. Street hockey is "shinny." Butt is "arse." Beer is "brew." Stuff is "whatnot." Newfoundlanders are "Newfies." Never say the "g" in "ing." And yay is not a cheer, it's a measurement, as in: "I'm lookin' for my malamute, about yay big and yay long?"

ATM is an ATM.
A pickup game of ice hockey is shinny. Not street hockey.
Don't think I've ever said 'arse'.
Sure, I'll give him 'whatnot'
Newfies are in fact Newfies.
G in ING? That's just as US as it is Canada.
Yay? Maybe.

[stuck_in_chuk]

No mention of the metric system?

[killer_carlson]

I thought the comment about making people stand in front of running Prius's was really funny.

[Yamer]

Originally Posted by killer_carlson

I thought the comment about making people stand in front of running Prius's was really funny.

Might have been more effective if he went with a Toyota joke right now.

I don't mind being stereotyped because, IMO, it can create a lot of comedy (Chapelle Show). However, he has gotten a lot of them wrong.

And because of that, I don't find it that funny. Just a mis-informed Yank trying to endear other Yanks.

[Antithesis]

And here I thought one of the great traits of Canadians in general is the ability to laugh at ourselves. Whether you think the article itself is funny, I thought it was pretty clear that it was written out of a desire to tease, not trash.

[killer_carlson]

Originally Posted by Yamer

Might have been more effective if he went with a Toyota joke right now.

.

huh?

anyways, about the other negative or offended posts in this thread....

come on people, LIGHTEN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

[transplant99]

Yeah...cannot believe anyone could find this offensive in the least. Reilly is a satirical writer, and one of the best around.

He was with SI forever before his move to ESPN, and one of the main reasons i used to subscribe.

Funny stuff.

[edn88]

It's funny how people's perception can filter how they read an article. I read it as - Hey Canadians are nice eh?

Personally, I found it amusing (although almost all of the stereotypes would apply better if the Olympics were in Torana).

[St Loomis]

The first paragraph definitely seemed like it was setting up for an inflammatory article. After that though it was really funny! Thanks for posting this, I lol'd at few times!

[cheevers]

Meh, I get what he was going for, Im not offended, but how many times has that article been done before in print or other mediums. Horribly unoriginal for Reilly who I used to really like in when he wrote for SI.

[Ice]

Originally Posted by Keselke

At first I thought it was just going to be another American ego bashing Canada, but after I read on it was very funny...stereotypical....but also accurate

I thought he did a great job at pointing out some of the idiosyncrasies of Canada, the only one he really got wrong was shinny...shinny is on ice

I was confused about that. Way down here in So Cal we use shinny to describe pick up hockey, not street hockey. Throw your sticks in a pile, randomly separate them into two piles and you're ready to play a little shinny.

I think the writer was trying to be funny, but he lacks the proper sense of humor and writing style to pull it off. I don't know any Americans that would take anything in that article as fact. Then again, I live where we have a fairly significant amount of Canadians and embrace the small cultural and language differences. (like soda vs. pop)

I wish writers didn't feel the need to write articles that make it seem like Americans and Canadians are adversaries. There are so many more ways our people are alike than are different. Why manufacture controversy where its unnecessary? Lame.

[Flamesoholic]

"This is a country that has human-chomping grizzlies on every corner and yet chose the furry beaver for its national animal."

This is my favorite part. Made me laugh right out loud.
I really think he must have heard someone saying "RC's" but thought they were saying "Armsees". Must have had his touque too far down over his ears.
Cute article.

[missdpuck]

Most Americans around here (South Florida) think Canadians have a "superiority" complex. Then again most of the Canadians here are from Ontario or Quebec...hehe...