Odd question about relationships

[missdpuck]

Is Flip trying for another "special" thread ?

[flip]

Originally Posted by missdpuck

Is Flip trying for another "special" thread ?

????

Should I be? I don't even know if I've made more than like 2 posts today.

[missdpuck]

Originally Posted by flip

????

Should I be? I don't even know if I've made more than like 2 posts today.

No I just felt like picking on somebody.

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

You sure you want to hook up with this chick? Sounds like she's going to be in love with her laptop and rolodex, not actual human beings.

I had a great few dates with her, but I'm wondering that myself.

Then again, it almost sounds like a mirror image of myself. Or at least the part I'm trying to get away from.

The thing that attracts me to this girl, though, is she is almost exactly like me. Career driven to the same extent, involved to the same extent (she was a part of a lot of groups at Stanford, I was a part of a lot of groups at UofA), everywhere she goes she wants to do outdoors stuff, she has interest in investing and finance (see: MBAs) especially entrepreneurship and entrepreneurship has been somewhat of a holy grail for me, and she even plays soccer! I know for me, the no 1 thing I know I'm looking for is someone to go out and have a fancy dinner in San Fran or New York or Paris, but someone to go climb El Capitant or someone who will get me off my ass and say "c'mon, lets go and I"m dragging you with me whether you like it or not" to go base jumping or something I normally wouldn't do. I can sort of see it in this girl, I just hope I don't get a call to help move furniture.

(sorry to hijack the thread, again)

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

I had a great few dates with her, but I'm wondering that myself.

Then again, it almost sounds like a mirror image of myself. Or at least the part I'm trying to get away from.

The thing that attracts me to this girl, though, is she is almost exactly like me. Career driven to the same extent, involved to the same extent (she was a part of a lot of groups at Stanford, I was a part of a lot of groups at UofA), everywhere she goes she wants to do outdoors stuff, she has interest in investing and finance (see: MBAs) especially entrepreneurship and entrepreneurship has been somewhat of a holy grail for me, and she even plays soccer! I know for me, the no 1 thing I know I'm looking for is someone to go out and have a fancy dinner in San Fran or New York or Paris, but someone to go climb El Capitant or someone who will get me off my ass and say "c'mon, lets go and I"m dragging you with me whether you like it or not" to go base jumping or something I normally wouldn't do. I can sort of see it in this girl, I just hope I don't get a call to help move furniture.

(sorry to hijack the thread, again)

I have read material that says if both people in a relationship are the same, they quickly tire of eachother and become bored. They become co-dependant and there is no challenge or mystery to their persona after some time.
It was saying that the best relationships are the ones with polar oppisites, where both parties bring in different personal attributes, thus keeping the relationship fresh and exciting over the long term.
For example the wild man who marries the tame woman, or if one partner is left-brained and the other is a right-brained thinker.
I think many relationships fail because the two people lose their identity a bit and become the same as the other.

So I wonder what it is;
Is it that people with commonalities make for successful relationships?
Or do opposites truly attract?

[wooohooo]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

I have read material that says if both people in a relationship are the same, they quickly tire of eachother and become bored. They become co-dependant and there is no challenge or mystery to their persona after some time.
It was saying that the best relationships are the ones with polar oppisites, where both parties bring in different personal attributes, thus keeping the relationship fresh and exciting over the long term.
For example the wild man who marries the tame woman, or if one partner is left-brained and the other is a right-brained thinker.
I think many relationships fail because the two people lose their identity a bit and become the same as the other.

So I wonder what it is;
Is it that people with commonalities make for successful relationships?
Or do opposites truly attract?

Now that's interesting. In one of my 200 level Psych classes we did a trait analysis and they were saying how it was best to have all of them the same except for one. This allowed you learn things about your partner but at the same time not argue about every thing seeing as you think exactly opposite.

With the few partners I've had, if I'm going long -term, a partner that is most similar to me is one that I will have less fights and more secure but will be the most boring. I'm not one to really be pro-active in my life and climb Mt. Everest and cure cancer and have 10 kids. I like to be mellow and hang out, watch some movies and have a nice dinner. Now if I were to date someone so active in their life, it'd drive me crazy.
My other partner in life was the exact opposite of me. No sense of saving money, loved to party, ran every morning. Not that I hate it... but it tired me out fast. It was fun for the time but definitely not long-term material for me. However, for someone else I could see how it would be.

I think in relationships it is imperative to know the other persons habits such as how they save/spend money, how active their lifestyle is , how ambitious they are, etc. The other stuff you just learn to deal with and learn to accept.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Yeah I read somewhere that disagreements about money was the number one cause of divorce, with resentment at number two.

[wooohooo]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Yeah I read somewhere that disagreements about money was the number one cause of divorce, with resentment at number two.

Yup, and rightfully so. If you don't have the money to support a wife and kids well... you shouldn't be married and having kids!

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by wooohooo

Yup, and rightfully so. If you don't have the money to support a wife and kids well... you shouldn't be married and having kids!

Yeah but sometimes daddy has the money but wants a Corvette instead of braces for little Jimmy...........
I question the validity of the institutuion of marriage altogether, dont get me started.....

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by wooohooo

Now that's interesting. In one of my 200 level Psych classes we did a trait analysis and they were saying how it was best to have all of them the same except for one. This allowed you learn things about your partner but at the same time not argue about every thing seeing as you think exactly opposite.

With the few partners I've had, if I'm going long -term, a partner that is most similar to me is one that I will have less fights and more secure but will be the most boring. I'm not one to really be pro-active in my life and climb Mt. Everest and cure cancer and have 10 kids. I like to be mellow and hang out, watch some movies and have a nice dinner. Now if I were to date someone so active in their life, it'd drive me crazy.
My other partner in life was the exact opposite of me. No sense of saving money, loved to party, ran every morning. Not that I hate it... but it tired me out fast. It was fun for the time but definitely not long-term material for me. However, for someone else I could see how it would be.

I think in relationships it is imperative to know the other persons habits such as how they save/spend money, how active their lifestyle is , how ambitious they are, etc. The other stuff you just learn to deal with and learn to accept.

(and reply to mikey's post)

I've had 2 serious relationships (1 other that was a few months, but it wasn't serious). One was exactly like me (engineering, goal oriented, logical, different school interests but we thought the same way) and the other was the opposite of me, more artistic, emotional and feelings and stuff and laid back. The latter was probably a "better" relationship between the 2, but there are a lot of other considerations and reasons for that.

Now, comment about money and resentment, I could totally see that happening with the MBA girl. (not in a married sense, obviously, but if things worked out) I'm supposed to finish up school in December or June (depending on job), and either way, my salary for the next 3-5 years is going to be 1/3 to 1/4 of what she makes. Hell, she turned down 4 job offers of salary that were 3 times more then job positions I interviewed for and gladly would have taken. Moreover, unless I go off to do a MBA myself or do become an entrepreneur (both mutually exclusive) my ceiling pay is still going to be half of what her ceiling pay is going to be after 5 years. I'm not too sure how I'm going to feel about that, I was fine dating someone of similar status or similar perspective income then me, but I don't know how I'd feel if she were that much better then me. This was a bigger issue when I dated a few med students or other Stanford/Harvard/MIT girls and probably a reason I never called them for a 2nd date... with this girl, I did like enough that we dated a few times, but at some time, I'm probably going to become insecure or even resent the fact that she is that much better then me in the hierarchy of social status.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Well Phanuthier, I think you are making the mistake of placing money at a greater value then yourself as a man.
If, in your own reality you could care less if she makes more money than you, that it does not affect your view of yourself, a woman worth her salt will pick up on that and follow your lead.
A woman knows a good man when she sees one, and there are alot of rich dudes out there not having success with women because they try to impress women with their money.

[Temporary_User]

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

blah blah blah

sounds like you need to get laid dude.

oneitis.

[drewboy12]

If your like me wait until the girl asks whats up between the two of you.... Its at that point where there is a risk to not getting laid, yet still having the door open to other girls.

[wooohooo]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Yeah but sometimes daddy has the money but wants a Corvette instead of braces for little Jimmy...........
I question the validity of the institutuion of marriage altogether, dont get me started.....

Another problem in this society is parents are living from pay check to pay check and this teaches their kids to do the same. Now when some unforeseen disaster comes about like your girlfriend getting pregnant, well now that just screws everything over. Now c'mon Jimmy you have to know better than come at a time like this!

[wooohooo]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Well Phanuthier, I think you are making the mistake of placing money at a greater value then yourself as a man.
If, in your own reality you could care less if she makes more money than you, that it does not affect your view of yourself, a woman worth her salt will pick up on that and follow your lead.
A woman knows a good man when she sees one, and there are alot of rich dudes out there not having success with women because they try to impress women with their money.

Well let's be realistic here, it's usually expected that the Male makes close to or more than his spouse. It's just part of a man's ego this way that we need to feel superior and the sense that we're the 'bread winner' of the family. Now if that girl feels that way or not is a different question. Each girl is their own, but say they don't probably as in Phanuthier's case... he's still feeling lesser than his wife. The man's ego is not something to be taken lightly

[malcolmk14]

If you are thinking about other girls while you masturbate, you're in a relationship.

[K1LLswitch]

Originally Posted by malcolmk14

If you are thinking about other girls while you masturbate, you're in a relationship.

Classy!

[STeeLy]

Originally Posted by wooohooo

Now c'mon Jimmy you have to know better than come at a time like this!

Pun Intended?

[troutman]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Yeah I read somewhere that disagreements about money was the number one cause of divorce, with resentment at number two.

From my experience, divorces are often caused by (in no particular order):

1. Mental Illness
2. Substance Abuse
3. Gambling Addiction
4. Mental/Physical Abuse
5. Infidelity
6. Sexual Orientation
7. Gender Identity
8. Lack Of Intimacy
9. Boredom
10. No Communication
11. Poor Health

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by troutman

From my experience, divorces are often caused by (in no particular order):

1. Mental Illness
2. Substance Abuse
3. Gambling Addiction
4. Mental/Physical Abuse
5. Infidelity
6. Sexual Orientation
7. Gender Identity
8. Lack Of Intimacy
9. Boredom
10. No Communication
11. Poor Health

Sexual orientation and gender identity? Haha.................some people should not get married in the first place.