Only a Mother Would Understand

[Dion]

Seen as this is mothers day, i thought this story was quite appropriate

A 3-year-old Tells All From his Mother's Restroom Stall"

By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window

People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall: ''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you onna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh . Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!'' He started to gag at this point.

''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!'' As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!'' He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don"t you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait'em out plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known a Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms.)

[rubecube]

That's absolutely disgusting. I can honestly say my mom never made me sit in a bathroom while she took a dump.

[onetwo_threefour]

Reasons why you never teach your kids idiotic euphemisms like stinkies, or potty.

And, for being so proud of her kid's fantastic diction as a three year old she sure doesn't make it sound like it with her inane baby-talk phonetic spellings of what he's saying. If he actually sounds like that she should be looking into speech therapy for him, not gloating about it. At three, people always commented on how clearly our first son enunciated. We chalk it up to the fact that baby-talk was never used around him.

Kind of a weird rant I know, but this story is just so weird. Who in their right mind publishes this for the world to see. And I feel sorry for the poor little . Can't you just see his best man at his wedding twenty years from now reading out this cute little story his mommy published back in ought-nine...

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by onetwo_threefour

At three, people always commented on how clearly our first son enunciated. We chalk it up to the fact that baby-talk was never used around him.

Kind of a weird rant I know, but this story is just so weird. Who in their right mind publishes this for the world to see. And I feel sorry for the poor little . Can't you just see his best man at his wedding twenty years from now reading out this cute little story his mommy published back in ought-nine...

Is this a bad time for me to tell the story of last December when I went to the check out at the local Loeb?

3 yr old: Points "effing snowman"
4 & 1/2 yr old (I like this game) Points: "effing Santa"
3 yr old: "effing reindeer"

Me: No .... it's plucking

[rubecube]

Can some of the parents on CP enlighten me a little. Is it normal to take your kid into the bathroom stall with you while you crunch one out?

[Locke]

That made me gag...that has to be some form of child abuse.

[West Karma]

nm

[stang]

Originally Posted by West Karma

If you have to go to the bathroom and you have a 3 year old - where would you leave him?? I would be mad at my wife if she did not take him in the stall with her!! He's 3! 8-year old girl in Woodstock, Ontario ring a bell????

Exactly.. I have a 2 year old. What do you want me to do with her when nature calls?

As for the story. I have taught my daughter what "shhhhh" means. She also understands that some places she needs to be quiet. I guess she never bothered to teach her son that.

[onetwo_threefour]

Yep, obviously you try to avoid it, but in an emergency you have to bring the kid in. I would venture to guess that most parents have had to do it at some point. My only problem is with her deciding that it's something to shout out to the world about. And her inordinate pride in having a three year old with an apparent speech impediment. (really I'm making fun of her writing, not her kid just so nobody gets offended)

[metallicat]

With that said, happy Mother's day!

[Locke]

I want to re-iterate how fataing disgusting that is. Seriously.

[Ice]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Can some of the parents on CP enlighten me a little. Is it normal to take your kid into the bathroom stall with you while you crunch one out?

You have to take them with you IF you have to go. That said, I would probably have just left the store and gone home to take care of that sort of business. Neither of my kids has ever been in a bathroom with me to do "stinkies." Even if they were, they've never been the type to loudly announce anything I was doing anyway.

There is no option of leaving toddlers unattended for privacy's sake though. If you are in public, alone with your child, and you have to use a public restroom, you have to take your kid with you. The potential alternative is much worse that any humiliation suffered because your child is loud and chatty.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by West Karma

If you have to go to the bathroom and you have a 3 year old - where would you leave him?? I would be mad at my wife if she did not take him in the stall with her!! He's 3! 8-year old girl in Woodstock, Ontario ring a bell????

Well stated and for the truth. Leaving a 3 year old to wander while the mother is doing her business is a tragedy waiting to happen.

[Displaced Flames fan]

I'm amazed at how naive non parents can be.

Of course, once they have a kid there is no training or anything that dissolves it. It is just instantly gone.

You'll see rube.

[4X4]

Thanks for posting that, Dion. And by thanks, I mean un-thanks.

[rubecube]

I don't know. I would think there would be some sort of viable alternative to this. Maybe take the kid into the bathroom but leave him outside the stall. Ask a staff member to watch him when you go in.

I think this inherent fear and paranoia regarding child abduction is somewhat out of control. I've talked to parents who won't even let there kids go to the playground with friends and without parental supervision based on the belief that their kid is going to get abducted. These are also the parents that think pedophiles are lurking around every corner and that kids are being abducted every 30 seconds, despite facts that cases of child abduction continue to decline from what they were even 20 years ago.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by rubecube

I don't know. I would think there would be some sort of viable alternative to this. Maybe take the kid into the bathroom but leave him outside the stall. Ask a staff member to watch him when you go in.

I think this inherent fear and paranoia regarding child abduction is somewhat out of control. I've talked to parents who won't even let there kids go to the playground with friends and without parental supervision based on the belief that their kid is going to get abducted. These are also the parents that think pedophiles are lurking around every corner and that kids are being abducted every 30 seconds, despite facts that cases of child abduction continue to decline from what they were even 20 years ago.

I think the main fear is that the kid will wander off. Kids have a way of doing that. My mother loves to tell the story of the time when I was three, I somehow managed to escape the house and the yard and got picked up by the cops on Mcleod Trail. Apparently I knew my address and they brought me home. It's so funny how she tells it, too. The name of the story is "The Time You F'd off to Mcleod Trail".

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by 4X4

I think the main fear is that the kid will wander off. Kids have a way of doing that. My mother loves to tell the story of the time when I was three, I somehow managed to escape the house and the yard and got picked up by the cops on Mcleod Trail. Apparently I knew my address and they brought me home. It's so funny how she tells it, too. The name of the story is "The Time You F'd off to Mcleod Trail".

Yeah, I get that. That's why I said maybe leave him with a staff member. I think my mom did this to me a few times. Well that and sticking me in the kiddie coral at CO-OP. Whatever happened to those?

[Crispy's Critter]

Originally Posted by rubecube

I don't know. I would think there would be some sort of viable alternative to this.

there is: Kid Tracker!

[ma-skis.com]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Can some of the parents on CP enlighten me a little. Is it normal to take your kid into the bathroom stall with you while you crunch one out?

It's very normal, your mom probably did it too. Odds are you just don't remember. Ask her and find out if she ever had to bring you into the bathroom with her because you were crying and she had to go or if you've knocked on the door to see her while she was taking a dump and if she let you in because you missed her. I bet she has a funny story about doing it somewhere.