CP! I need some advice.... - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

bigalspratty · 11-10-2008, 11:51 AM

Hey all, I know that someone else recently posted something along these lines, so I thought I would see if I could get some advice.

I've been involved with my girlfriend of 3 years now, and things have gone a little stale. Before we started dating, I had been in an on and off relationship with another woman, and things never really got going to the point where we officially said we were dating. The woman that I'm not dating has recently come out and said to me that she still has feelings for me.... I've been very conflicted since the news came out.

I had feelings for the girl that I had been going on and off with, and the feelings are still there. The woman that I've been dating for 3 years loves me for me, and its been a great thing for me, but I don't know if I see us together much beyond where we are now. I don't know what I should do...

Any advice(male or female) would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone.

DuffMan · 11-10-2008, 11:56 AM

shag both of them.

BlackArcher101 · 11-10-2008, 11:56 AM

Hookers and Blow and PIITB

Prototype · 11-10-2008, 12:00 PM

If you continue you current relationship, you'll probably have the original girl in the back of your mind. The fact that you're questioning things right now suggests that you'd rather be with the old flame than the new one.

But... just because you have feelings doesn't mean there's anything solid there. I'd becareful, especially if you have someone right now that you haven't been 'on again, off again' for over 3 years.

I can't make this decision for you, and I don't think I've pointed you in any directions... don't you just love Love?

flip · 11-10-2008, 12:03 PM

Few important factors here.

How old are you? Is marriage an option in either case? Is it just casual dating? Are you living together? Common law?

Without knowing more specific details all I can say is keep your long term and short term happiness in mind, with long term being the more important of the two.

You should be loyal to your current girlfriend but if your heart isn't there then give the other girl a chance. Just don't expect your old GF to take you back if it doesn't work.

bigalspratty · 11-10-2008, 12:07 PM

Im 24, looking to move out on my own soon. As far as the dating scenario goes, we've done some travelling together, staying inside North America.
She hates the word marriage, so I don't think thats in her immediate future.

flip · 11-10-2008, 12:11 PM

If only long term relationships are in your horizon then I'd go for whatever option seems like the best choice for long term love.

I'm 23 and I've been turned off of the dating scene for the last little while because as I get older I don't just want "flings" anymore. I'm looking for a serious relationship, not necessarily marriage because I'm not done school, but something that has potential for long term.

Look at it this way, what chance is there that your current g/f will be wife material? Does she want to get married eventually just not now? Or just not to you? Will the other girl be any different?

BlackArcher101 · 11-10-2008, 12:16 PM

I have this question....

Why was the relationship with the other woman an off and on again one? And why was it ended for your current relationship?

bigalspratty · 11-10-2008, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

I have this question....

Why was the relationship with the other woman an off and on again one? And why was it ended for your current relationship?

She was very non-commital to the entire thing. She never wanted to come right out and say "were dating", but she always wanted to spend time with me, and we would hold hands and do all the things that early relationship couples do...

I wouldn't say that it was ended for the current relationship, but it seems to me like thats how the dominoes fell.

REDVAN · 11-10-2008, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fotze

Tell current girl what you just typed in the first post. She probably deserves the truth on something that will definately affect her life. Tell her that she is your honda accord but you really would like a ferrari.

Spelling pet peeve: definitely

As to the original post. I would go out with the "old flame" secretly. No I am not kidding, go out with her once or twice, be upfront with her, and tell her what your current situation is.

I would not leave your current girl if you do care about her, because every relationship can go through rough patches where it seems stale. Don't give up on someone and something great just because you think that grass is greener on the otherwise.

That being said, you really need to follow your heart and do what you think will make you happiest in the end. And don't look back in regret, live life for the moment!

SportsJunky · 11-10-2008, 12:28 PM

I would broach the possibility of a three-way with these two ladies. It's a win-win really.

HalifaxDrunk · 11-10-2008, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fotze

Tell her that she is your honda accord but you really would like a ferrari.

Don't forget to factor in the Vehicle History Report. Perhaps the Accord is barely broke in while the Ferrari has had quite a few guys grind the transmission.

Also, don't forget you ALWAYS have to check for a rusty tailpipe!

Coach · 11-10-2008, 12:32 PM

the innuendos in here are getting gross

FireFly · 11-10-2008, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigalspratty

The woman that I've been dating for 3 years loves me for me, and its been a great thing for me, but I don't know if I see us together much beyond where we are now. I don't know what I should do...

I don't think you've said whether or not you love her... In addition, you can't see yourself with her much beyond where you are now... Seems like you're in the relationship for the sake of stability and not because she's the one.

This is my relationship pet peeve.... people who stay in relationships just so they aren't alone.

Is the other girl the one? Well, I can't answer that question for you. However, I can say that if you're stuck in a relationship with someone who isn't right, regardless of how close they come to what you want, what you really want may pass you by while you aren't looking.

burn_this_city · 11-10-2008, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FireFly

I don't think you've said whether or not you love her... In addition, you can't see yourself with her much beyond where you are now... Seems like you're in the relationship for the sake of stability and not because she's the one.

This is my relationship pet peeve.... people who stay in relationships just so they aren't alone.

Is the other girl the one? Well, I can't answer that question for you. However, I can say that if you're stuck in a relationship with someone who isn't right, regardless of how close they come to what you want, what you really want may pass you by while you aren't looking.

This also drives me nuts. Its no wonder people are so jaded they don't trust anyones intentions these days.

Grunt · 11-10-2008, 01:17 PM

I think you know what you need to do, you just don't want to admit it. If you're this conflicted about it, then what you need to do is obvious: break up with your girlfriend. Yes, breakups suck which is why you're tiptoeing around it, but honestly, there's a reason you're having these thoughts.

You're 24 years old and in a stale 3 year relationship. I've been there (same deal, 24, 3+ years), and although it was difficult, looking back I wish we'd broken up sooner!

Russic · 11-10-2008, 01:36 PM

A stale 3 year old relationship doesn't sound like something that would be too much fun to be in. Realistically is there anything you're going to be able to do to freshen it up? There's nothing wrong if you don't feel like you want to put the effort into the relationship to save it, but there certainly is something wrong if you just plan on continuing a relationship with somebody when the feelings aren't the same on both ends. Your girlfriend is investing a large amount of resources in you (both time and emotion) and if you don't see it going anywhere over time then you could be really screwing her over.

Traditional_Ale · 11-10-2008, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grunt

I think you know what you need to do, you just don't want to admit it. If you're this conflicted about it, then what you need to do is obvious: break up with your girlfriend. Yes, breakups suck which is why you're tiptoeing around it, but honestly, there's a reason you're having these thoughts.

You're 24 years old and in a stale 3 year relationship. I've been there (same deal, 24, 3+ years), and although it was difficult, looking back I wish we'd broken up sooner!

This boat sucks. I'm in it too. Best of luck man!

4X4 · 11-10-2008, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grunt

I think you know what you need to do, you just don't want to admit it. If you're this conflicted about it, then what you need to do is obvious: break up with your girlfriend. Yes, breakups suck which is why you're tiptoeing around it, but honestly, there's a reason you're having these thoughts.

You're 24 years old and in a stale 3 year relationship. I've been there (same deal, 24, 3+ years), and although it was difficult, looking back I wish we'd broken up sooner!

Been there as well, but I wasted alot more than three years. Well, maybe wasted is the wrong word. She was and is a great person and all that, but it was painfully obvious that we weren't cut out to be together. After awhile though, we were so comfortable together, breaking up was almost impossible. Even though we both knew that it was inevitable.

I'll echo the already posted sentiment that if you're having these thoughts, you already know your answer.
The break up is tough, and you'll probably have an idiot-drunk night where you think you want her back, and you send an email that you cringe thinking about even a year and a half later

, but soon it will become clear that if you were really meant to be with her, you'd have known it when you were with her.

Life's short, dude. Make the best of it.

SeeGeeWhy · 11-10-2008, 01:57 PM

Sounds like you're not totally enthusiastic about being with either one of them, if you ask me. I'd speak with your current girlfriend about your feelings before you do anything with the ex, that is for sure. The last thing you want to do is pile up a bunch of bad karma by using the ex as a means to get out of a situation that you're not that happy with.

Just be honest, it sounds like you're a little confused about your feelings, and especially about the status of the relationship you're currently in.

Its hard to maintain a relationship when you're focusing pretty hard on getting your adult life on track, so maybe that's part of it?