To the guy.....

[ok, ok,....I get it]

Originally Posted by Wookie

with the no wall/door zone, do you wipe sitting or standing?
In general do you wipe sitting or standing?

what?......are you serious? Do you really care to know. I cut the difference and did a half squat.

There has that made you day?

[Bertuzzied]

Easy problem to fix. Just crap at home. hehe. I think i have crapped only once in a public toilet in the past 7-8 years.

[The Ditch]

I got over my phobia of crapping in public a while ago, I have absolutely no problem crapping in public as long as the toliet isn't covered in fecal matter.

[Table 5]

It's not just a bathroom issue, I think it applies to other public venues as well, such as the bus or train. I've never been a fan of dudes who wedge themselves into seats next to other dudes.

In general, if there is an empty seat, but it requires you to have to sit next to a dude, I generally just opt for standing....there has to be a buffer for me to sit down. And if its too busy for you to have a buffer, well in that case, there are probably people on the bus/train who need that seat more than I do.

With women it's a case by case scenario of course, but if sitting down will require any level of discomfort, I'd rather just stand.

[10W30]

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

We just moved buildings and they put a midget urinal in every bathroom. Instead of putting it in the middle of the two big people urinals they put it on the end. So you have to decide between buffer or child urinal.

Take the low one, then complain loudly about how cold the water is in it. Also exclaim that you are happy they finally installed one for a well hung fellow like yourself.


Just don't do this:

[Pagal4321]

Hmm our washrooms at work only have 2 stalls and 3 urinals. So when doing #1 the buffer zone option is there. Sadly when dropping a deuce, there is never a buffer.

What's the etiquette with 2 stalls? Or do the rules get thrown out the window?

[ok, ok,....I get it]

Originally Posted by Pagal4321

What's the etiquette with 2 stalls? Or do the rules get thrown out the window?

Unless you are the current owner of a turtle.....you could come back later...

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by Pagal4321

Hmm our washrooms at work only have 2 stalls and 3 urinals. So when doing #1 the buffer zone option is there. Sadly when dropping a deuce, there is never a buffer.

What's the etiquette with 2 stalls? Or do the rules get thrown out the window?

If no buffer exists pretend a mental one exists. If you exit the stall at the same time as your neighbour make no eye contact or small talk during hand washing.

[ok, ok,....I get it]

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

If no buffer exists pretend a mental one exists. If you exit the stall at the same time as your neighbour make no eye contact or small talk during hand washing.

or high five him and say......uhm..."wicked sh*t mofo...."

[troutman]

courtesy flush

[dubc80]

haha. This thread reminds me of the following. Perhaps the original poster should employ the camo-cough/astaire strategy next time?

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[Nancy]

Wow, some of you dudes are pretty messed up. Do you have nightmares about this stuff?

The only thing that really PO's me are people who pee on the toilet seat. What I especially can't get over is when this happens in a restroom that has urinals.

Second one is people who plug the toilet and then just leave it.

[psicodude]

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

3 words....Handicapped Accesible Washroom.

The only problem is if I were to pass out in there, it would be days before they found my body.

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by psicodude

3 words....Handicapped Accesible Washroom.

The only problem is if I were to pass out in there, it would be days before they found my body.

We had a dude fall asleep in one a few years back. Took an hour or so to notice he was MIA.

[shawnjohn]

Great post Dubc80!

Had quite a few chuckles in there...

Does anyone keep to a time limit while in a public/office washroom? I know I try to make it seem like I could have only been in there for a #1. It can be quite embarrassing if you're holding court and making a real session out of it.

[ok, ok,....I get it]

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

Great so you get a nice poo, but you get photos of yourself posted around the office/building as a lurker......

[FanIn80]

I dunno 'bout you guys, but I usually just drop the kids off in the garbage can in the lunch room.

Originally Posted by ok, ok,....I get it

Ditch, you think that is bad, I once took a deuce at a US army field hospital, and the stalls had no doors......or walls.....sit down and you could chat to the fella next to you...

OMG! I've had dreams of having to go in places like this! But it's usually the girls change room @ The Vancouver Aquatic Centre swimming pool... It usually ends with me "dropping the kids off at the pool" and then not being able to flush it and getting so panicked I wake up.

Is there a CP discount for psycho-therapists?

[Jagger]

This thread reminds me of a toilet etiquette game.

Ah, here it is ! Test your knowledge:

http://games.orkutando.net/full.php?id=3311

[CaptainCrunch]

When I lived in Texas, we went to a bar that had a shared bathroom for guys and girls. That was a tough play to do your business, especially if you cut a burner while there are girls present, because you can feel their eyes on you when you re-enter the bar and there's no point in trying to talk to them after you've blown the roof off of the can that your sharing with them.