People who don't return calls / texts

[Grunt]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm the kind of guy that responds to all messages, and all texts within a reasonable amount of time, usually as soon as possible. I pride myself on being very reliable, and if say someone asks me if I want to go to X place at X time my answer is always truthful - yes means yes, no means no, and maybe really means maybe.

I think we all know at least someone who is impossible to get a hold of, or almost never returns calls or texts. Under most circumstances if someone Ive just met treats me in this manner, I pretty much always give up on them and move on - but what to do when these people happen to be reasonably good friends of yours? Like, you know they aren't just doing this to you, but to pretty much everyone else they know as well.

I have a couple of friends who are absolutely freaking impossible to get in contact with. One of them even admitted to me that often they will see a text message come in, read it, respond to it in their heads (ie. do you want to go out on Saturday? In their minds they think "that sounds fun, but I might have another engagement, I'll let you know") but then never actually get back to that person to let them know. It takes subsequent follow-ups on their friends part to ensure that a meetup actually occurs. How exactly do you go about dealing with these people? I am 100% sure that they want to keep me as a friend, and I 100% want to keep them as a friend, but at the same time I feel like their actions are a huge disrespect to my time.

Can these types of people be rehabilitated? For those of you out there that actually do this - why?? I've talked to them about it but nothing ever changes... do you just accept that they are unreliable friends, or do you just stop at the one phone call / text and wait for them to call (even though they probably won't)? I feel like option b is basically cutting off the friendship even though it's basically their fault...

Anyways, I feel like I'm rambling... what it do Calgarypuck?

[4X4]

Good thing you're not friends with me... I'm a hybrid between the guy you described and the guy that does get back to you with a neverending open response.

Example:

my friend (text): Hey man... Wanna go for beers after work?
me: no reply
my friend: Fata, dude. Answer me... I'm heading to your area after work, wanna meet up?
me: maybe. I'll let you know.

[BlackArcher101]

If I don't hear from em, I just drop em. I couldn't be bothered if that's how they are going to be. After a while it just gets tiring.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by fotze

I sometimes do this, it stemmed from a friend who you could never say no to, they always tried to convince you and pleaded or got pissy, then I ended up lying, then stopped answering, then bled over into other people. Whenever I have done this, it is because in the past when turning something down they unreasonably got bent out of shape over it. If you ever get pissy because I didn't feel like golfing with 2 hours notice then I will likely not return a call in the future. If you are the type to totally not pressure me into anything then I will return the calls.

Spot on. I'm exactly the same way. Certain people can call me and I'll answer every time because I know that they're not going to ask me the same thing over and over or bend my ear.
There a guy that I often hire to do small jobs at some of my sites. The guy is an encyclopedia when it comes to home construction. The info is great, but he says it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. He just keeps re-phrasing it and keeps saying it until I invent some kind of 'forgotten' engagement that I must immediately attend. Ugh.

I should have been clearer in my first post. I'm not that way with everyone, just with people that are relentless in their pursuit to get me to do what they want to do that day. fotze's golf example is perfect. Some guys will call two hours before a tee time and offer. If I decline, it's "alrighty, bro... Maybe next time". Other guys sound more like this "Oh man. That so lame. Come on man. Lets go. It'll be fun. Come on. Dude, that's weak. I can't believe you're passing up golf. Come on, man. You can finish your work later. Lets go. Well, I'm going without you. You're going to miss a great time. Are you sure you don't want to go? Come on, man. I'll buy the beers. Are you sure? Really? So you don't want to go? So lame. I can't believe it. You really should go. It's going to be fun. Well, then... I'll call you after. You're probably scared that I'll beat you. Wanna go for wings after? Why not? Well, I'll call you after."

[The Goon]

A few months ago, I got rid of all text messaging on my mobile phone. I found out later that some people were still sending me texts but not getting any rejection notice, nor were they getting any response.

So some people you are texting may not be getting them.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by fotze

I sometimes do this, it stemmed from a friend who you could never say no to, they always tried to convince you and pleaded or got pissy, then I ended up lying, then stopped answering, then bled over into other people. Whenever I have done this, it is because in the past when turning something down they unreasonably got bent out of shape over it. If you ever get pissy because I didn't feel like golfing with 2 hours notice then I will likely not return a call in the future. If you are the type to totally not pressure me into anything then I will return the calls.

Seconded. There's nothing worse than people that act like salesmen towards you, and won't leave you alone when you've given your answer.

friend: Hey, we should go get drunk tonight

me: nah, I have a busy weekend and haven't had a good sleep in days, I'm going to take it easy.

friend: hey man, don't worry we're only going for a couple, I'm kind of tired myself

me: You just asked if I wanted to come get drunk, now your tired and only going for a couple

friend: whatever man, you'll have a few, then you'll be glad you came out

me: Maybe, but I'll be ****ed for work, I'm ready to crash right now as it is.

friend: okay fine

phone rings...

friend: c'mon Man! Just come out, you can't say no



..and they just won't quit, and keep whining for you to do something, and then they wonder why you start ignoring their calls.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by fotze

I sometimes do this, it stemmed from a friend who you could never say no to, they always tried to convince you and pleaded or got pissy, then I ended up lying, then stopped answering, then bled over into other people. Whenever I have done this, it is because in the past when turning something down they unreasonably got bent out of shape over it. If you ever get pissy because I didn't feel like golfing with 2 hours notice then I will likely not return a call in the future. If you are the type to totally not pressure me into anything then I will return the calls.

.and the worst ( I actually have a friend like this) is friends who are the way you described when asking you to do something, but then when other people try to get them out somewhere, they're very direct about their answer, and get flustered if people try to convince them to do something.

[GreenLantern]

I am the same way as Fotze, if I have a friend who wants to cry because I won't do what he does, which there is a few, I just don't answer the calls. Example, if I am playing NHL 2008 and it is the first afternoon in weeks I haven't had home work, I will answer and NOT want to go walk around the mall in circles while someone else shops. In turn, I will be a loser and be wasting my life for playing video games all day. Because of this I will not answer my phone the next time that friend calls and I am doing the exact samething

However if a friend calls and I say "No I don't feel like it" they say, ok thats cool man give me a call later on. I will always answer my phone for this friend, because he has no bad women like qualities and as such will be at the top of my favourite friend list for years.

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by fotze

I guess we know grunt is one of those guys...who are good guys, I put up with the annoying beligerant convincing style and they put up with the no phone call back stuff.

Hahaha - really, I promise you I'm not . I actually despise talking on the phone for more than a few minutes, and it's almost always to setup plans to get together either that night or at some point in the future. I'm also definitely not the "c'mon, stop being a baby, let's go out, do your stuff later, etc. etc." kind of guy, since I really don't like that guy either :P.

Also, the people I'm referring to (and I can only think of 2 of my friends that do it) do this to ALL of our friends.

I'll admit to sometimes not answering my phone if someone is calling to try and drag me out that night when either a) I've already said no, or b) they will give unneccessary pressure. Even in these circumstances though, I'll probably text back later and say "sorry I missed your call, I'm free Wed afternoon want to grab lunch?" or something like that.

Here's another example of what I'm talking about - one of my friends called me up on Wednesday evening and I was in the middle of something w/ someone else - I answered, told them I was busy and that I'd call them back. 2 hours later I call back and no answer... I leave a VM, no callback. I call the next day, same thing, I leave a VM. They email me later saying they want to get together Friday... I call to setup plans, no answer, leave a VM, no callback. Then I get a call today from them apologizing, saying they ended up being busy. Being busy is fine, but IMO it's a huge flake move to not at least get back to the person, say before Friday. I would never, ever do this to someone and expect the same courtesy.

And to all of you who responded saying you are also flakes - wtf guys! How hard is it to call someone back? Honestly.

[JiriHrdina]

This thread would have been hilarious if no one had replied.

[showtime]

I hate it way more when im out with people and they spend their whole night on the phone texting.

I don't answer tons of texts, when you get tons of "Hey, Whats up?" or "Yo" i mean seriously those dont deserve answers.

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by showtime

I hate it way more when im out with people and they spend their whole night on the phone texting.

I don't answer tons of texts, when you get tons of "Hey, Whats up?" or "Yo" i mean seriously those dont deserve answers.

No, but you'd answer an "I'm done with X at 6:00, want to meet up at 7:00?" message, right?

Also people texting when you're out with them is on the same level as answering some unimportant call and carrying on a conversation - both ###### moves I'm sure we can agree on.

[Ruttiger]

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

This thread would have been hilarious if no one had replied.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by Grunt

No, but you'd answer an "I'm done with X at 6:00, want to meet up at 7:00?" message, right?

Also people texting when you're out with them is on the same level as answering some unimportant call and carrying on a conversation - both ###### moves I'm sure we can agree on.

Another annoying trait. Why do so many girls think it's okay to sit there having dumb conversations via text messeging, while out with friends? Do they not realize how out of touch and disbondent they appear to everyone else? Why are they even there? Just go home and text people on your couch.

[BlackArcher101]

Blackberry's are the death of proper social interaction.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

Blackberry's are the death of proper social interaction.

Do we really need to be in constant contact with friends and work?

In my day, when we were courting, we had to walk to the corner, and make a call on the rotary community phone.

[Traditional_Ale]

I think whining about cell phones is perhaps the nerdiest thing next to prune juice and D&D.

[PsYcNeT]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

I think whining about cell phones is perhaps the nerdiest thing next to prune juice and D&D.

Hey man, don't drag D&D into this!

[Clarkey]

The only time I call people back is at work.

I treat my cell phone as a means for outgoing communication only for the most part. I hate talking on the phone, if it's something really important leave a message and I might get back to you. I could not give a shart about text messages, that crap will give a guy a gibbled hand.

[Wookie]

I got dumped over text messaging. That deserved a reply, I think it was "are you fracking kidding me?" without the nerdy BSG reference.

I hate texting - but... I use it for the same reason I hate it. It's an easy fast way to communicate with someone that you don't really want to talk to. From today onwards I'll try to text less, reply less (to train people to get used to me not replying), and only call people I want to speak to.



haha.