Asking Out A Coworker

[stang]

Originally Posted by The Fonz

I've never dated a co-worker. I did however, begin dating my bosses youngest daughter about 5 months after I started a job. Very awkward.....during the day he was my boss and we had to act all professional toward each other, then at night, when I'd go over to his house to see my gf, it sucked a little. If I made a mistake at work, I couldn't get away from it because I'd wind up seeing my boss again after work. And if I made a mistake with my gf, I couldn't get away with it because I'd wind up seeing her father again when I got to work. Also wouldn't go over too well when he'd hear me sneak out of his house at 2am, and then call in sick the following morning.

Long story short, I ended up quitting 8 months ago. I've got a new job now, and I'm still with this girl (together for a year and a half). I guess if you're like me, and able to get out of your job and go to another that's very similar, then right on. If things got weird at work you could always change your workplace. BUT, if this job means a lot to you, and a lot to her, then personally I think you should avoid dating her. If something goes wrong it could go very wrong, and you'll be stuck seeing her every day...miserable every day.

Edit: Whoa bad math....deleted

[CaptainCrunch]

Not to be a killjoy, but I'm speaking from experience.

As much as you like her, or want her, dating within a working environment is a bad idea both personally and professionally.

There are some things that you didn't make clear. What is her position in relation to her. Are you co-workers, worker supervisor, in the same department?

Even lacking, I can point out a few things. One of the good things about dating is in most cases it allows you to separate personal from professional. Just think of this, your dating her at night, and spending 8 hours with her in the day. Your going to end up eating lunch and dinner with her every day. Believe me, most relationships don't survive that.

If your her first supervisor or she's you, the first time that you crap on her or her on you, that relationship will be leveraged.

"Sorry I let you down, but I'll make up for it later". Sure you might get some nasty sweaty sex out of it, but letting her off the hook or vice versa puts your or her career in jeopardy.

What happens when you break up? A friend of mine actually got terminated for sexual embarrassment because she totally flamed him when they broke up.

I dated a girl at work who was in accounting, and it directly affected me when we broke up in a messy fashion, because she flipped every sale out of my name and put it under other peoples names. Combine that with the rumor spreading about me being a jerk, and the hairy eyeball look whenever I walked by.

Its bad

Don't dip your pen in company ink

Don't get your meat where you make your bread

Don't sh#t in your water supply.

[bluejays]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Not to be a killjoy, but I'm speaking from experience.

As much as you like her, or want her, dating within a working environment is a bad idea both personally and professionally.

There are some things that you didn't make clear. What is her position in relation to her. Are you co-workers, worker supervisor, in the same department?

Even lacking, I can point out a few things. One of the good things about dating is in most cases it allows you to separate personal from professional. Just think of this, your dating her at night, and spending 8 hours with her in the day. Your going to end up eating lunch and dinner with her every day. Believe me, most relationships don't survive that.

If your her first supervisor or she's you, the first time that you crap on her or her on you, that relationship will be leveraged.

"Sorry I let you down, but I'll make up for it later". Sure you might get some nasty sweaty sex out of it, but letting her off the hook or vice versa puts your or her career in jeopardy.

What happens when you break up? A friend of mine actually got terminated for sexual embarrassment because she totally flamed him when they broke up.

I dated a girl at work who was in accounting, and it directly affected me when we broke up in a messy fashion, because she flipped every sale out of my name and put it under other peoples names. Combine that with the rumor spreading about me being a jerk, and the hairy eyeball look whenever I walked by.

Its bad

Don't dip your pen in company ink

Don't get your meat where you make your bread

Don't sh#t in your water supply.

Love the cliche's, and yes, I understand the consequences, though, from what I know of her (for the past half year or so), is that she's real professional and not the type of person to rag and pollute the environment after the relationship has gone sour. Secondly, we both started at the exact same time, and are in the same position. I'm about 10 feet from her though (for better or for worse). But now that you bring up the fact that you'll eat with her and see her at night, man oh man, that puts it in perspective.

Can't knock off the itch to ask her out though.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by fleury

Love the cliche's, and yes, I understand the consequences, though, from what I know of her (for the past half year or so), is that she's real professional and not the type of person to rag and pollute the environment after the relationship has gone sour. Secondly, we both started at the exact same time, and are in the same position. I'm about 10 feet from her though (for better or for worse). But now that you bring up the fact that you'll eat with her and see her at night, man oh man, that puts it in perspective.

Can't knock off the itch to ask her out though.

Hahaha. I bet you're not either. That's what they all say.

Seriously, it all depends on how the relationship unfolds. And now that I think about it, Dion and Resolute, I think I understand your point in the other thread.

[Wookie]

Going to have to agree with the Captain here.

She's in your team of 10? That's way to close!

Heck go for it, but be prepared for the WORST! Regardless how professional someone is, or what they're like before you date them. Everything can change when it ends! Relationships make people do messed up things!! Have messed up thoughts!! and messed up emotions!

I work with one person, my boss. He's married and has kids and is a he, so I can't date him.

The next place I spend the majority of my time is the gym. I dated someone I met there recently. It went great, then not great, then terrible. I get uncomfortable every time I go now. As well I have another interesting prospect coming in who happens to go to the gym there. I'm seriously already wondering how I should go about this and how it could end up ruining my time at the gym.

Haha, that'd be awesome! "Sorry, we can't date - we work out at the same gym"

[Kipper is King]

Originally Posted by Table 5

I once spent weeks trying to pull the perfect strategy together to ask out a co-worker, only to find out during the asking out part that she's a lesbian. She always talked about some girlfriend before, I guess I just never figured that it was THAT type of girlfriend. Yeah, I'm pretty perceptive.

Funny thing is, she didnt really say no...

I've done that! I was intrested in a girl at work a few years back, and then I noticed she was wearing rainbow coloured shoelaces. I commented on them, saying they looked cool (or something to that effect). She said "Oh yeah! Those are my gay pride shoelaces!"

I almost swore. All this time trying to figure out about asking her out, and she turns out to be a lesbian!

[The Fonz]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Even lacking, I can point out a few things. One of the good things about dating is in most cases it allows you to separate personal from professional. Just think of this, your dating her at night, and spending 8 hours with her in the day. Your going to end up eating lunch and dinner with her every day. Believe me, most relationships don't survive that.

I agree.

Just picture it OP, if you were dating and sleeping over at each other's houses. You wake up, she's there, you drive to work, obviously she's there because you'd carpool, you get to work, she's there, go for lunch, she's there, back to work, she's there, home for supper, she's there...



How could you carry a conversation once you're away from the workplace?

You - "Hey babe, how was your day?"
Her - "...you were 10ft away...is that a serious question?"

You - "Guess what?"
Her - "What!?"
You - "The funniest thing happened today at work, John was using the stapler, and talking to Larry, and not watching where he was putting staples, and then he...."
Her - "Yes I know....I was watching that too"





I'm not trying to poke fun, I'm just trying to point you in the "stay away" direction. I thinking dating a co-worker, one who's 10 ft away, would be a bad idea.

[4X4]

It's a bloody wonder that Mom and Pop stores ever existed.

[Buff]

I met my wife at work. A girl we worked with noticed that my wife and I had chemistry together so she arranged a night out with a group of us from work. She was even clever enough to have my wife and I sit next to each other at the pub. My wife and I really hit it off. Our co-worker then pointed it out to us (individually). She then prodded me to ask my wife out, and so one day at work when nobody else was around, I did.

Nobody ever knew that we were seeing each other, except for the girl who hooked us up. Not even our bosses, who were my wife's aunt & uncle (owners) and her cousins (managers). At one point her relatives found out, but our co-workers never knew. Then one night we had another fun night out with everybody from work and we didn't hide it that we were a couple.

It as funny. People saw us sitting cozily together and then they started to realize what was going on. The dumb founded looks on everyones faces... there must've been 30 minutes of silence as everybody looked at us with confusion. Of course, my wife and I and the girl who hooked us up were all grinning at each other and laughing at everybody else.

We managed to pull the wool over their eyes for a couple of months and then since my wife was going to go back to school in a couple of weeks we felt it didn't matter if they knew. Our bosses actually didn't know it was me she was dating, they just knew she was dating one of the guys at work. When she went back to school they found out.

The only awkwardness was how a couple of people reacted to me after they found out. A guy who I thought was my friend suddenly became scared of me because I was dating the bosses's relative (and his work habits gave him a lot to be scared of, but not from me).

My wife came back to work the following summer and continued to work part time during her next year of school and then I moved on to another job.

[maverickeastwood]

The people at work are like family...second family to be exact. With that said, you wouldn't think of dating your sister? Think about it, 24 hours in a day, 8 hours asleep, 8 hours at work, 2 hours in traffic and 6 hours at home. Face it, you spend more time with the people you work with at times than you do your own family. It seems easy though. Closed situations (schools, work) are alot easier than open situations (other public venues).

I have to agree with the Crunch. Reality bites.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by maverickeastwood

The people at work are like family...second family to be exact. With that said, you wouldn't think of dating your sister? Think about it, 24 hours in a day, 8 hours asleep, 8 hours at work, 2 hours in traffic and 6 hours at home. Face it, you spend more time with the people you work with at times than you do your own family. It seems easy though. Closed situations (schools, work) are alot easier than open situations (other public venues).

I have to agree with the Crunch. Reality bites.

Not quite. More like dating your sister's best friend. Still awkward, not yucky.

[maverickeastwood]

Originally Posted by 4X4

Not quite. More like dating your sister's best friend. Still awkward, not yucky.

But, if things go gouth, you have to face the folks

[if.away]

How often have you talked to her? Do you talk to her on a regular basis about non work related stuff? Who initiates the conversation? How would you describe your general conversations? Are they about common or work related topics? Is she giving you any indicators of interests? How's her body language when you two chat? Eye contact? Are you flirting with her?

If you decide to do it, don't do it at work. Pick a different place...

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by 4X4

It's a bloody wonder that Mom and Pop stores ever existed.

Well I think there's a difference.

Mom and Pop stores are different. It's a partnership in which the two people are basically presidents of the company and working hard together to build something they are both invested in. There you can be mutually supportive and work toward a tangible goal.

A workplace is like a zoo. You are just two animals in a cage working to entertain someone else and trying to survive in the brutal social pecking order where you are a lesser employee and have less mutually shared/invested.

[Hemi-Cuda]

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

Well I think there's a difference.

Mom and Pop stores are different. It's a partnership in which the two people are basically presidents of the company and working hard together to build something they are both invested in. There you can be mutually supportive and work toward a tangible goal.

A workplace is like a zoo. You are just two animals in a cage working to entertain someone else and trying to survive in the brutal social pecking order where you are a lesser employee and have less mutually shared/invested.

well have you ever watched what those animals do to each other in the zoo?

[icarus]

I dated a girl from work this year, in essence (in essence because she had a boyfriend overseas but that is another story...).

We became very good friends at work, and would commute home together and go for lunch and breaks together everyday as friends for about two months. We'd also go for drinks after work occasionally, just the two of us, and sometimes would go out to bars at night with other coworkers or friends. So the first night we kissed was a long time coming, as we had been spending a lot of time together.

At work, no one really knew. People no doubt talked amongst themselves and assumed we were together, and we both didn't really care if people were talking about us or not. We worked on different floors but in related departments so it was pretty ideal I think. Things would have been a bit different if we sat so close.

Things eventually went sour, i.e. when her bf moved back and moved in with her, but because the whole relationship had been founded on solid friendship and camaraderie in the first place we have managed to remain just friends. In fact I went for coffee with her just a couple hours ago. Who knows what might have been if the circumstances had been different but I suspect we'd still be together.

I don't know, I don't really have much advice other than to make she is single and if you really like her then go for it.

[604flames]

Originally Posted by The Goon

Tread very carefully.

###!

I dated a girl I worked with for a few months, and things didn't work out. The weekend after we decided to call it quits, my night out with the boys turned into a baseball-sized hickey on my neck, and I had to work my first shift with the girl since it had ended on the following day. I had to wear my shirt with the collar up like a total d.b. for a week, it was beyond embarrassing.

[North East Goon]

The real question is, how do you approach a co-worker you want to plow when you are already in an outside relationship? This is much more challenging and fun!

[metal_geek]

Originally Posted by 4X4

It's a bloody wonder that Mom and Pop stores ever existed.

Mom and pop's existed cause the working together and their mutual distain for each other was the only things they had in common.

It actually made it easier staying together for the kids....
________
Fix Ps3

[zukes]

Married the girl from work. We worked together for the 1st 8 months or so that we dated. I'm in a different department now, but still see (or saw since she's on mat. leave) her at lunch and after work. Luckily I am out on the road a lot now so I will get come time away, but we've been married almost 3 years and together for 6 now. I think I've earned it.