Let it Snow, Let it Ice, Let them Slip: The Fall Down Report

[surferguy]

The idea here is to properly report a common place blunder, the slip and fall.

For years I have been writing these reports for my friends, but rarely I am rewarded with outside contributions. With that in mind, I have created this thread. If you have witnessed a slip up, here is the place to tell your story.

The rules:

#1. Please contribute: However your write up must be well written to best describe the wipe out to capture both the moment and the embarrassment.

#2. Follow the template

#3. Pics if possible

#4: Appreciation for a well written up story will be showered with thanks.


I have authored a whole bunch of these over the last few years and will be releasing them over the next while as we venture forth into the season of whoops and splat.

Calgary Puck I give you the...

Fall Down Report:

(Classic - originally filed in October 2009)

Normally there is nothing I look more forward to than witnessing the first fall down of a new winter season. Unfortunately this year my tale is autobiographical.

Leaving my house this morning I encountered a patch of ice so lethal, so elusive, that I was completely caught off guard. Much like my fathers famed fall down of 2001 outside of Denny's, mine too involved a completely horizontal position in the air...only instead of two feet out front and staring at the sky mine occured on a slope that threw me into a whole new position.

Appearing like a levitating homeless man slumbering away on a park bench my coffee mug flew across the street. To further the pain I crashed to the ground only to be excessively punished by my laptop bag careening down on my head. Had I been wearing my infamous grip less Etnies skate shoes I may have been able to pull off the full aerial cartwheel, stomping the landing and been able to walk away with my dignity...but sadly, this was not the case.

Wearing the footwear of society's restrictive business world I had created just enough friction to leave myself horizontal when I crashed to the earth. Like a cocky CFL wide receiver I popped up as quickly as possible as to say "That didn't hurt! Don't bring that weak sauce in here! My House!" and looked around to see if I had an audience. Realizing I snuck one past the Karma gods I was able to make my way to my car...carefully and keeping my yard sale a secret from the good folks of Prestwick Acres Lane.

Author: Jim
Date: October 16, 2009
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Victim: Jim
Witnesses: 0

[surferguy]

Fall Down Report:

(Classic - originally filed in March 2009)

With my shoes in one hand and my feet covered in a thin layer of saturated silt a medium sized wall of rock acted as a barrier to our destination. I climbed over first and noted the flat pancake-esk rock on the other side. I further noted the precarious 32° angle of the rock sloping away from the medium sized barrier. There was no choice we we had to cross this rock wall. At this time I turned and gave this pertinent information to Surfergirl and offered a hand over the impediment. The offer was refused, the warning unheeded and I carried on without much thought.

“EEEKK” Surfergirl shouted, with a tone that stated Oh, @#$% I'm falling.
I turned my head to view the events unfolding only to have to duck away from the tethered shoes that were hurtling towards my head end over end...right shoe, left shoe, right shoe, left shoe. Simultaneously the shoes and Surfergirl hit the ground, further proving Newtons first law that all objects fall at the same speed.

The incident investigation report revealed that the saturated silty layer of mud on Surfergirls feet coupled with the silty slimy layer on the rocks resulted in a double slip factor and double the trouble for her balance.



Author: Surferguy
Date: March 9, 2009
Location: Abel Tasmen, New Zealand
Victim: Surfergirl
Witnesses: 1

[Bill Bumface]

Fall Down Report:

Riding your bike to work, you know every person in a car is thinking you're a bit of a dickbag because of the classic team driver vs. team cyclist rivalry.

Nothing makes the day of Team Driver like when a cyclist (myself) approaches a busy intersection (Edmonton Trail and Memorial) and decides in front of about 30 vehicular audience members that he doesn't want to get a little spray of water on his pants, so he decides to go all X-games on a puddle beside the concrete pedestrian island, forgetting one of his pedals is horribly loose.

The end result? His right foot pulls out of the pedal allowing his upward momentum to now carry his but a good 2 feet off of the seat. He then crashes back down on the seat hard enough that he bends it (and his gentleman's vegetables take a tenderizing) and thinks, hey, at least I landed and recovered it!

Wrong. The loose foot swings forward on the landing and catches the front spokes. The bike goes vertical, dumping its unworthy rider straight down onto the concrete below, head and shoulder leading his descent. He manages to tuck the head in, but the hand/shoulder/elbow take a beating that will be felt for 3 weeks.

Traffic was likely ignoring all green lights at that moment to take the time to let out a good laugh. Our dismounted rider of course pretends it didn't hurt at all, and performs a quick "equipment check" to buy some time to move his limbs while pretending it didn't hurt. Tug on a pedal, adjust the seat, back on the bike with a smile, all the while wanting to crawl in a bush and wait for the pain to subside.

Author: Hulkrogan
Date: August, 2011
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Victim: Hulkrogan
Witnesses: ~30 __________________

[surferguy]

Fall Down Report:

(Submitted to me last week)

The hour is rush as I emerge from the underground rail we call the Metro. Termini station is the hub of transition of millions of people jostling for position on the way to their daily toil. For those who who have the time, escalators are the chosen form of gaining or descending elevation in the station labyrinth. That said there are those who brave the perils of the stairs for one reason or another.

This is the story of a woman, 60 perhaps, stout, wobbly, rubbery. As she descends, she is on the verge of the final step when she is overtaken by a tardy business woman, moving swiftly for a lady in a power suit and heels. Her stride is not broken, however slight incidental contact from her hip to a chubby elbow transfers just enough momentum for inertia to take hold. The energy rippled and cascaded causing the poor overweight woman to pivot on her only foot still firmly planted on the last step.

Her desperate grasp for the railing are futile as she 360 pirouettes into what would have been a face plant had her ample waist not impacted first and propped into an embarrassing beached whale. The sound that resulted was the equivalent to that of a falling watermelon onto white marble slabs.

She winced.

Author: Kilo
Date: October, 2011
Location: Rome, Italy
Victim: Elderly Woman
Witnesses: ~40

[sclitheroe]

This may be of interest to people that find this thread engaging:

Kinect Used To Help Detect Increased Fall Risk In Elderly Patients

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by fotze

You are my clit hero.

And I've never heard that play on words before

[surferguy]

First snowfall....

[troutman]

Y'all need Power Balance wristbands!

[average_asian]

I once pushed a young padawan onto his ass for disobeying my Jedi orders... suffice, he sustained a blow so hard to the head no 'force' could of saved the poor lad.

[wookster]

The all time favorite slip-up that I've witnessed happened quite a few years ago while I was going to university. I lived in a 4 plex building with a couple of roomates and there was a woman living next door that was absolutely georgeous...only problem is she had the absolute worst attitude I've ever seen in my life, not just to me it seemed but to everyone. So because of this attitude, my roomates and I always took it upon ourselves to say "hello" or "good morning" etc. whenever we saw her, just to see if we'd ever get a response...

Well, one crisp December Saturday morning she came out of her place carrying a curling broom and shoes over her shoulder. I was shovelling the sidewalk (hers too I might add) and said good morning. She didn't say a word and walked right past me towards her car parked on the street. She was almost to her drivers side door when she slipped and was it a sight...both feet went right up from under her and she went down hard right onto her backside...the best part though, she swung that curling broom around wildly when she fell and put it right through her drivers side window of her car! Classic!

I almost LOL'd when it happened, and thought to myself that there is justice in the world, although I'm glad I didn't laugh because she actually started to cry afterwards...I asked if she was ok and that was the first time she actually answered...