Calling all Architects and High-Schoolers

[firebug]

What about truck balls? It should have a pair of those to honour our proud Saskatchewan heritage.

[octothorp]

I think Bunk's concept is pretty much unbeatable and perhaps more discussion is just a waste to the taxpayer, but in the interests of stimulating debate, I've got an alternate concept. This is based around the idea that perhaps the very idea of a bridge is a bit misguided: bridges are expensive, have the danger of collapsing, and look inherently elitist.

I'm pretty sure this picture is self-explanatory, but I'll post an explanation below anyway.



So, this is a monster-truck transit link, where two trucks 'ferry' passengers between the north and south terminals. The terminals are basically a raised platform where passengers can get into and out of the truck bed. You can take your bike, your dog, whatever, just climb into the back, and the trucks will carry you across. This should be a very popular service with cyclists and pedestrians, as you actually don't have to walk or cycle at all! It gives people who don't own a truck a welcome opportunity to ride in a truck! And those who already own a truck will enjoy the opportunity to ride in a bigger truck!

The river bed is modified and made shallow by placing old, derelict cars on it. As such, it'll be the first river crossing in Calgary and likely one of the first in north america to be built with 100% recyclable materials. And it will stimulate aquatic life as well, in the same way that old ships are sometimes intentionally sunk to produce new coral reefs. Of course, we can't forget about the fish and the rafters, so there's the central channel where the monster trucks jump, which allows rafters and fish to pass through safely. The monster trucks will be operated by Calgary transit but as a free service; and they'll look very stylish, being branded with the same white, red, and sandstone colour-scheme that other transit vehicles have. As well, a manly, enthusiastic voice will repetitively announce departure times at the terminals at either end; the speakers will play county music during the day and heavy metal during the evenings. The trucks will have high-powered beams for night crossings.

While this doesn't have a lot of the Calgarian symbolism that Bunk's excellent design has, it does capture Calgarians' emphasis on practicality through a cheaper cost and creative, recycleable construction methods, their level of connection with nature, and their friendliness, as no doubt a lot of excellent conversation will be struck up in the monster truck beds.

[Table 5]

Would that bridge only operate on SUN-DAY, SUN-DAY, SUN-DAY????

[Bigtime]

There should also be bleachers where you can buy a ticket to watch.

"We'll sell you the seat, but you'll only need the edge!"

[Knalus]

Am I the only one who is starting to think that it would actually be cool to build this thing? It started as a joke, but I think the giant cowboy boots with flames coming out the top would be a lotta fun

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by Knalus

Am I the only one who is starting to think that it would actually be cool to build this thing? It started as a joke, but I think the giant cowboy boots with flames coming out the top would be a lotta fun

Wait, what's this?

Are you implying that Barnes and those of us who offered suggestions to improve his design weren't being 100% sincere ("a joke", as you put it)? Did you really think we were just making fun of everyone who opposed the Calatrava bridge?

FOR SHAME!

[Barnes]

Yeah! Wtf? Do you see any green text?

[SeeGeeWhy]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

What if we take it one step further and make the bridge out of the bones of homeless people. I'm sure that Locke sits on his basement steps every morning and wonders what to do with all of the corpses in his basement.

It would be artsy, avante Gard, probably fairly inexpensive. The bones would have to be re-enforced due to a lack of calcium in the homeless diet. People would come from countries along the world to see Calgary's unique murder bridge, or quartermile of death bridge, or the hobo-con bridge.

You guys have to stop, you're making me cry I am laughing so hard!

[SeeGeeWhy]

Originally Posted by Bigtime

I would rather have the Ralph Klein "Get a job you bums" line commemorated.

Make the underside of the deck rain with spare change.

[Bill Bumface]

Originally Posted by SeeGeeWhy

Make the underside of the deck rain with spare change.

We need a clip of "Sparrreee a change" guy looping over a loud speaker. You all know which bum I refer to.

[SebC]

Relatively flat terrain suggests a suspension bridge to me, with the bridge below the structure. My guess it'll either be a mini-Golden gate, or suspended from some kind of arch.

[getbak]

Originally Posted by Bigtime

There should also be bleachers where you can buy a ticket to watch.

"We'll sell you the seat, but you'll only need the edge!"

As a taxpayer, I don't want my money wasted by building bleachers with full seats if people are only going to be using the edge of the seats.

[Teh_Bandwagoner]

Alright step aside, chumps. Let a real engineer show you how it's done. I propose we take various members of the Calgary Flames, tie them to together using a series of pullies and the general strength of men, with the keystone being built in the form of a Flaming C, thus creating the ultimate bridge. Here is a schematic of my plan. Note: This drawing is not to scale.

[SebC]

^^ Your bridge is upside down.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by SebC

^^ Your bridge is upside down.

Away with your criticisms! Are you a "real engineer" like he is?

[SebC]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

Away with your criticisms! Are you a "real engineer" like he is?

Yeah, but neither of of us are structural. At least I hope so, since a keystone, by definition, goes at the top. Hence my teasing that the bridge is upside down.

Edit: quoted before he edits.

Originally Posted by Teh_Bandwagoner

Alright step aside, chumps. Let a real engineer show you how it's done. I propose we take various members of the Calgary Flames, tie them to together using a series of pullies and the general strength of men, with the keystone being built in the form of a Flaming C, thus creating the ultimate bridge. Here is a schematic of my plan. Note: This drawing is not to scale.

[getbak]

Originally Posted by Teh_Bandwagoner

Alright step aside, chumps. Let a real engineer show you how it's done. I propose we take various members of the Calgary Flames, tie them to together using a series of pullies and the general strength of men, with the keystone being built in the form of a Flaming C, thus creating the ultimate bridge. Here is a schematic of my plan. Note: This drawing is not to scale.

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.


How can you build a bridge using the Flames and not include Lanny (and Theo - finally, something for him to do)?

You kids today have no sense of history.

[Teh_Bandwagoner]

Originally Posted by SebC

Yeah, but neither of of us are structural. At least I hope so, since a keystone, by definition, goes at the top. Hence my teasing that the bridge is upside down.

Edit: quoted before he edits.

I'm an engineer! I can call a keystone whatever I want! If you don't like it, then we'll just call it a balls-stone!

[jammies]

Originally Posted by octothorp

I was thinking the "cars" were alligators, and the worthless and weak - defined as those whose trucks can't jump across the river due to being underpowered or infested with fatties - would be eaten to provide a salutary lesson to those passing by. Perhaps you could modify your design so they would be ravenous robot car-nivores?

[Bill Bumface]

Serious question about this bridge. What are they going to do with the existing one that goes to that end of the island from the East villiage? Is it just too narrow so they'll tear it down?