Calling all Architects and High-Schoolers

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by Bunk

Can't it have a middle finger facing towards those evil "easterners"? Or at least a plaque commemorating when Ralph Klein famously proclaimed 'let those eastern bas***ds freeze in the dark'.

Better yet, two middle fingers!

As you suggested, one should face East to stick it to the rotten liberals in Ontario and Quebec (and of course the lazy, culture-of-defeatism free-loaders in the Maritimes too). The other middle finger should face West, pointing across the Pacific Ocean to Asia, homeland of all the gang members who have turned our once-fair city into a crime-ridden wasteland. Honest Calgarians can't even eat at a Vietnamese restaurant without fear of being gunned down by one of them these days!

[Barnes]

Originally Posted by octothorp

I like where you're going with it, but I'm going to reserve judgement until I see some nightime renderings. Are you going for LEDs in the deck, or will you have big spotlights on top of the boots? If you really wanted to go all out, you could have Calgary-tower style flames that get lit up at special times, like the playoffs or Canada Day.

The bridge will be lit by florescent light tubes and blue Noma spotlights from Canadian Tire and all will be powered by the water wheel. They will be turned off at 8:00 so that the don't offend anyone trying to sleep.

[Bigtime]

I'm loving all of these ideas!

This will become "The Homer" of bridges.

[Phaneuf3]

[octothorp]

Originally Posted by Bigtime

I would rather have the Ralph Klein "Get a job you bums" line commemorated.

How about the King Ralph Platform halfway along where, in addition to a plaque, you can pay to use special pellet guns and take shots at homeless folk along the south shore? Take your kids after a day at the zoo and teach them about the Klein years, and reinforce the important message that bums don't count as real people! The only problem is that some trouble-makers may use the pellet guns to take out rafts on the river, so you'd have to design the mounts so that they can't be pointed down.

[You Need a Thneed]

Originally Posted by Bigtime

I'm loving all of these ideas!

This will become "The Homer" of bridges.

Don't forget the separate bubble for the kids, and the little ball on top of the antenna!

[MarchHare]

Here's my submission. I can't take full credit for the design, though.

I call it "The Magical Bridge of Hope and Wonder".

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

let's all vote. yay or naaaayyyyy?

[Zarathustra]

I personally would like to thank Barnes for his great contributions of architecture. But we are missing a few things that represent the culture of Calgary. There should at least be complimentary chewing tobacco handed out for pedestrians! C'mon, I need a dip! Secondly, we need enough room on the bridge for pickup trucks to pass! Pickup trucks are so valuable to our city and those suburban truck drivers need a quick route to get downtown on their daily commute.

And where is the country music!? For gods sake, we need country! We need a Islam style speaker system in which our gospel (country music) is blasted throughout the river area every hour, and at that time everybody takes off their cowboy hands and gets on their knees and prays to Kenny Chesney.

[Bunk]

Yes indeed - we need a pick up truck lane. A bridge for pedestrians - phhhh. Who do we think we are - New York or Paris? Only hippies and elitists walk.

[Zarathustra]

Originally Posted by Bunk

Yes indeed - we need a pick up truck lane. A bridge for pedestrians - phhhh. Who do we think we are - New York or Paris? Only hippies and elitists walk.

How pretentious isn't it? This city was built on pickup trucks! Get out of my way before I run you over!

[Barnes]

Pile of Hobo Bones art installation added to the north shore.
Ralph Klein bum shooting platforms added for BOTH sides of the river.
Playground added on St Patrick's island for the children.
Spur windmills added.
Cables redesigned to metaphorically represent Rockies.
C&W speaker stand added to hat.
Flame throwers from boot tops.

[Bunk]

Originally Posted by barnes

pile of hobo bones art installation added to the north shore.
Ralph klein bum shooting platforms added for both sides of the river.
Playground added on st patrick's island for the children.
Spur windmills added.
Cables redesigned to metaphorically represent rockies.
C&w speaker stand added to hat.
Flame throwers from boot tops.

[You Need a Thneed]

Originally Posted by Bunk

Yes indeed - we need a pick up truck lane. A bridge for pedestrians - phhhh. Who do we think we are - New York or Paris? Only hippies and elitists walk.

Make sure the pickup truck lane is actually 3 feet deep of mud, so the 4x4ers can do their mud bog across the river.

[Bill Bumface]

I will be taking this bridge to every single Flames game. I hope it's awesome. Those boot torches should only be lit after Flames wins. There should be a rain simulator for losses. I feel like my misery festers better in a cold, dark, rainy environment.

[troutman]

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by You Need a Thneed

Make sure the pickup truck lane is actually 3 feet deep of mud, so the 4x4ers can do their mud bog across the river.

And spray mud all over the elitist/liberal/hippy urbanite pedestrians at the same time. What a brilliant idea!

[Tron_fdc]

This bridge is starting to look like sister's bike handlebars in grade 4.

[Bunk]

Originally Posted by Tron_fdc

This bridge is starting to look like sister's bike handlebars in grade 4.

Success!

Can we add a McIver for mayor banner?

[bcb]

Can they use Popsicle sticks and white glue?