Getting back together with a ex? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

BBQorMILDEW · 12-21-2010, 12:07 AM

I know that the majority of people on here will say that getting back together with an ex is asking for trouble, but I am seriously contemplating doing the unthinkable and getting back with her.

We broke up over a year and a half ago, it was a pretty seemless breakup, we were constantly at each others throats over two things:

She was very clingy and controlling,

and I was an immature little prick.

There was no cheating on either side, and the two of us have remained friends (no benefits)

Lately, I find myself thinking about getting back together with her.

We both have done a lot of growing up in the past 16 months, I went back to school and she has bought herself a nice condo. She hints all the time that she is much more independent and that she regrets trying to control every aspect of my life.

I am in a spot here, because I do love this girl, but I am curious to know if anyone has ever been in this situation before.. If you have gone back with your ex, has it worked out the way that you thought it would?

Of course, the decision is ultimately up to me, but as of right now I am really undecided.

What should I do?:

A)Get back with her?
B)Say F it and focus on other prospects?

Sorry guys, no pictures allowed..

Cheerio · 12-21-2010, 12:11 AM

There are only 2 reasons to ever date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.

MrMastodonFarm · 12-21-2010, 12:12 AM

If there was no cheating then you probably have a shot. If you said there was I would have no right away.

Clingy and controlling are always two huge red flags for me though.

Flabbibulin · 12-21-2010, 12:19 AM

Never mind all your reasoning. The name of the game is to find a woman that doesn't nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag...

I've heard rumors that there are 3 of them out there.

First Lady · 12-21-2010, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flabbibulin

I've heard rumors that there are 3 of them out there.

And we're all married.

CaptainCrunch · 12-21-2010, 12:27 AM

Honest to god, and with a straight face when you describe as clingy and controlling, and that you were constantly at each others throats I have to ask

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING

You probably don't love this girl, your just lonely and she's there.

Trust me, controlling and clingy isn't something you want to be involved in, and people like that don't change, period.

You've crossed that bridge, you don't need to go back over it to get milk, there are plenty of 7-11's ahead of you so to speak.

BBQorMILDEW · 12-21-2010, 12:35 AM

Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had much luck in the dating scene. We dated 7 years, and it seems that I have lost all of my confidence picking up women. Plus being the only single one out of all of my best friends isnt really helping.

Or maybe I'm just scared that I will always be single

Weiser Wonder · 12-21-2010, 12:47 AM

Get back with her. What's once more around the bend? If it doesn't work, just break up again.

And controlling/clingy people can and do change. Some people are able to see their faults and work to change them. Especially with motivation.

mrkajz44 · 12-21-2010, 12:50 AM

It may seem like a good idea at first, but the issues that broke the relationship to begin with will resurface and it's bad-relationship-ville all over again. Ask yourself this, if she is exactly the same as she was before (which is highly likely) would you still want to date her? Old habits almost never die.

CaptainCrunch · 12-21-2010, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had much luck in the dating scene. We dated 7 years, and it seems that I have lost all of my confidence picking up women. Plus being the only single one out of all of my best friends isnt really helping.

Or maybe I'm just scared that I will always be single

Thats no reason to jump back into a bad situation. I have a simple rule that I never ever get back together with someone that I've broken up with.

Life is too short to rebound.

And the only way your going to gain your confidence back is to literally throw yourself on that horse again, take the failures and get past them.

And plow a fat chick.

rubecube · 12-21-2010, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

Or maybe I'm just scared that I will always be single

DEAR LORD, WHY?! I've never understood this. Being single is one of the greatest things in the world. I gave up on it just as it was getting good, and although it looks like I will soon be returning to it, I regret it to this day.

Also: CONTROLLING AND CLINGY CHICKS NEVER CHANGE

blankall · 12-21-2010, 01:34 AM

Normally when partners describe eachother as "clingy" or "immature" what they are really saying is they annoy the hell out of eachother.

Odds are the things that annoyed you before will continue to annoy you in the future.

I would say go ahead with it on a trial basis, but odds are it won't work. Be prepared with a quick exit plan ahead of time.

Bane · 12-21-2010, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

Also: CONTROLLING AND CLINGY CHICKS NEVER CHANGE

THIS ^^^

Leave the past in the past and never look back.

BBQorMILDEW · 12-21-2010, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

DEAR LORD, WHY?! I've never understood this. Being single is one of the greatest things in the world. I gave up on it just as it was getting good, and although it looks like I will soon be returning to it, I regret it to this day.

Also: CONTROLLING AND CLINGY CHICKS NEVER CHANGE

To some degree I do see your point, being single does have its advantages. Having unlimited freedom, no real commitments to follow, etc, ect. But it also has disadvantages as well. I guess I really miss the companionship of having a girlfriend, being single and 27 is also a pretty lonely lifestyle. Like I mentioned before, my buddies are all starting to have families now and I hate being the only single guy at their parties.

I know it sounds odd, but I want to get married, start a life and a family all before I am thirty.

Maybe I'm just panicking?

Either way, I'm just weighing out my options anyways. I haven't even hinted this before to my ex.

Bane · 12-21-2010, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

Like I mentioned before, my buddies are all starting to have families now and I hate being the only single guy at their parties.

That is not a reason to run back to an ex. That's a reason to get out there and meet new women. You'll find one that's a better match AND less clingy and controlling.

REDVAN · 12-21-2010, 03:31 AM

I just turned 26 and also became single again.

As much as I love my ex... there's a reason it didn't work out. Maybe you guys have worked out your issues and can try again, but don't be surprised if it's another failed relationship. People can change, but quite honestly, they don't.

I am personally looking towards the future and meeting new people, getting involved in things I had to miss out on for the years we were together, and also getting in touch with my friends that I have neglected. These are lessons I've learnt before, and it's sad I had to learn them again.

My point is this: remember the reasons it didn't work last time, and try to actually see if things have changed, or if it's just that you're lonely. If you're just lonely, find someone new.

Reaper · 12-21-2010, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

To some degree I do see your point, being single does have its advantages. Having unlimited freedom, no real commitments to follow, etc, ect. But it also has disadvantages as well. I guess I really miss the companionship of having a girlfriend, being single and 27 is also a pretty lonely lifestyle. Like I mentioned before, my buddies are all starting to have families now and I hate being the only single guy at their parties.

Well, if you're the only single person there then go out and try to meet women in other places.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

I know it sounds odd, but I want to get married, start a life and a family all before I am thirty.

Life happens at all sorts of different speeds. I didn't get married until I was 32. And I lived to tell the tale...

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

Maybe I'm just panicking?

You are definitely panicking. Just chill and don`t limit yourself by settling for Mrs. Rightnow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBQorMILDEW

Either way, I'm just weighing out my options anyways. I haven't even hinted this before to my ex.

The only time to tell her is right before you lean in for the kiss and not before. If you tell her beforehand you will only seek to engage her controlling skills.

burn_this_city · 12-21-2010, 07:33 AM

I'd pay good money to be single again, savour that time. If you stop looking for love it will find you. If you spend the next while just enjoying yourself and having a good time some opportunities will present themselves.

Tinordi · 12-21-2010, 07:34 AM

Does she make you sit down to pee?

WilsonFourTwo · 12-21-2010, 07:40 AM

News Flash - she is still clingy and controlling, and you are still an immature little prick.

Sorry dude, people don't change very much - and they certainly don't become vastly different people in 16 months. One of you (perhaps both) will be able to mask the issues for a while, but its only a matter of time.

Overall.....I don't care how good the steak was, eating it a second time is never a good experience. This is a BAD idea.

Edit: For clarification - I'm not actually calling you an immature little prick! Just making a point.