Comedian Mitch Hedberg died - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

MrMastodonFarm · 03-31-2005, 01:16 PM

http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/entertainment/
Many of you probably have no clue who he is, but he was one of the funniest stand up comedians around. I remember Table5, myself and some others talking about his comedy in leauge one time on this off topic board.

Speculation is a panic attack.. sad day, the guy was just plain funny.

Prototype · 03-31-2005, 01:20 PM

Just read this myself. Guy was a comedic genius! 37 and heart attack never go together. If you get a chance, download his stuff, or go out and buy his CDs. Damn funny guy. He'll be missed.

MrMastodonFarm · 03-31-2005, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Prottotype@Mar 31 2005, 02:20 PM
Just read this myself. Guy was a comedic genius! 37 and heart attack never go together. If you get a chance, download his stuff, or go out and buy his CDs. Damn funny guy. He'll be missed.

You really have to repeat his jokes in his voice and manner to truely get how funny they are.

Quote:

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut...Some skeptical friend, don’t even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here...oh wait it's back home in the file...under "D", for doughnut.

Prototype · 03-31-2005, 01:29 PM

Just found a site of Mitch quotes...

"I get the Reece's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reece's and some guy named Reece comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you."

Mitch Hedberg quotes

Incinerator · 03-31-2005, 01:31 PM

Of course a receipt is a good thing to have for a doughnut, what if the doughnut wasn't fresh enough and you wanted to return it for a full refund? Or what if you didn't like the flavour and wanted to exchange it? What if the cops at the doughnut shop accused you of stealing the doughnut because it was the last Boston Creme, their favorite kind, then you would need to show them the proof and tell them to get their own Boston Creme and stop picking on oridinary citizens who also happens to be Boston Creme lovers. :P

Table 5 · 03-31-2005, 02:41 PM

holy shatballs, thats horrible!

AC · 03-31-2005, 02:45 PM

Hmm, it seems weird that the story was broken by Howard Stern and Comedy Central, the day before April Fools day.

His official site, which he updates, was updated today I believe.

God, I hope this is just some joke...

If it is true however, this is incredibly depressing.

He is one of my favs.

icarus · 03-31-2005, 03:12 PM

To quote roughly from memory:

"With traffic lights, green means go and yellow means slow down. But with bananas its the other way around: green means slow down, yellow means go, and red means where the hell did you get that banana?"

Prototype · 03-31-2005, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AnthonyCook@Mar 31 2005, 02:45 PM
His official site, which he updates, was updated today I believe.

Just tried to check it out, the site is suspended.

RougeUnderoos · 03-31-2005, 03:32 PM

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1499352/2...?headlines=true

This sucks.

Displaced Flames fan · 03-31-2005, 05:08 PM

I JUST discovered Mitch about 3 weeks ago. I had not laughed that hard at a first time (for me) comic since the first time I saw Steven Wright. The guy was AWESOME.

This is horrible. :angry:

Mike F · 03-31-2005, 05:27 PM

Damn this sucks.

He was hilarious... MMF's right though, if you can read his stuff with his delivery in your head it's 10x funnier.

JiriHrdina · 03-31-2005, 06:54 PM

Didn't know this guy by name but when I clicked on the link I instantly knew who he was. One of the few comedions that caused me laugh so hard I cry. Tragic.

Jiggy_12 · 03-31-2005, 08:44 PM

Holy sh*t

My favorite comedian..I have both his albums and listened to them religiously when i first got them. Terrible tragedy...RIP Mitch.

Wolfwood · 03-31-2005, 08:44 PM

This sucks. He's been my favourite comic for a number of years now. He was just great. I'm disappointed I didn't have the chance to see him perform live.

Jiggy_12 · 03-31-2005, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wolfwood@Mar 31 2005, 08:44 PM
This sucks. He's been my favourite comic for a number of years now. He was just great. I'm disappointed I didn't have the chance to see him perform live.

Yeah, I was really hoping one day to have the chance to see him live. I even emailed his website asking him to come to Canada.

AC · 03-31-2005, 09:23 PM

Has anyone seen me on Lettermen? 2 billion people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store."

"I tried walking into a Target , but I missed."

"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."

"I type 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language."

"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."

"I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."

"It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky."

"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was too busy mumbling that ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

"I wrote a letter to my dad- I wrote, I really enjoy being here. But I accidently wrote rarely, instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I crossed it out and wrote I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away."

"And then at the end of the letter i like to write P.S.- This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."

"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."

"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important that others."

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."

"I lke refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time."

"I got into and argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up real quick?"

"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."

"I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said screw that, I'll just get a tan instead."

"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."

"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me they just say "Mitch," and I say "What?" and turn my head slightly."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

"My friend said to me "You know what I like? Mashed poatoes," I was like, Dude, you gotta give me time to guess. If your ging to quiz me, you must put a pause in there."

"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escaloaor temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music" As though there's another way you can take it in. Your not special. That's how I recieve it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."

"I went to the park and saw a kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."

"I was at the airport and this guy came up to me and said I saw you on tv last night. He didn't say if I was any good. He just told me where I was. So turned away for a minute and said Hey I saw you at the airport a minute ago. You were good."

I can't get into flossing, I can't. People who smoke say you don't know how hard it is to stop smoking. Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. You seem jittery. Yeah, I'm about to floss.

"One time a guy handed me a picture of himself and he said. "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I'm older. How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."

"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil and the devil is....Dill."

"Alcoholism, is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, your an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupis. One of those two doesn't sound right."

"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."

"I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you."

"I've been working the colleges and I always buy the shirts from the college, because they're quality shirts. But people always get the wrong idea. I'm walking around wearing a Washington U shirt and someone says "Hey Washington U, Did you go there?" Yeah! It was a Wednesday."

"Y'know I order a club sandwhich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sanwhiches witth three peices of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."

"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again" they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong.Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."

"I brought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the senerio where I would have to prove that I broughrt a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers they'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. Bu then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."

Jiggy_12 · 03-31-2005, 11:11 PM

Thanks AC, those are some of his best.

It's pure, simple comedy. He made the kind of jokes that you think about for a second, because on the surface they don't sound funny. But once you get it you are amazed at the genius in their simplicity.

"Bigfoot is blurry! There is an out of focus monster roaming the country side. 'Run! get out of here! he's fuzzy'. Bigfoot is blurry, and thats extra scary to me"

"If I made potato chips and put them in a can, people would say I was ripping off Pringles, But what if I put them in a bag?"

"I'm a mumbler I mumble alot when I talk. I was walking down the sidewalk with a friend and I said something to him, he didn't hear me so he said "what?". So I said it again, he still did not hear me so he said "what?". I say it again and he still said "what?". So by this point im yelling some insignificant sh*t like "That tree is far away!""

Wolfwood · 04-01-2005, 06:52 AM

AP News Story

A link to the AP story. Sounds like this could have something to do with a heart defect.