The "funny posts from around CP" thread

[jayswin]

I'm sure like many other posters here, I don't go into every thread, and sometimes posters will reference a funny post from some thread and I'll have no idea what they're reffering to, but would like to know.

...and other times, there's just funny posts that I miss. So I thought we could have a thread where people just simply copy and paste funny posts throughout CP.

[jayswin]

I'll start...


From the "Giving up your seat" thread...

OP: I get on at crowfoot which provides me the benefit of normally getting a seat as it is the first stop. I often skip a train that is full and wait the extra 5 - 10 minutes so I can get a seat for the ride in. This morning I was reading on my iPad, not paying attention to much (its 7am and I am half asleep) when a 50ish lady bluntly asks me "can I have your seat". I of course gave it to her partly out of chivalry but also partly because of how public her request was. It was obvious she asked me in a way that no one would turn her down.

Raekwon: In the end it makes sense to ask you, She saw you with an Ipad and knew you were a sucker.

[flamestalker]

R.I.P. Leon Kennedy..

OP: "Does anyone here have any problems with mice in their house? I can come and catch them for you, cheaper than buying frozen ones at the pet store.


Alternatively, any small animals will do. My neighbour had an unexpected litter of very small cats last summer and they did the trick just fine.

PM me."

[FlamesPuck12]

Originally Posted by Wolven

You must be ######ed or eating some serious CDC paste.

- The Canucks are older than the Flames and will become even more so if they go after Sundin again.
- The Flames salary structure is just fine and meets our GMs priorities perfectly AND we are under the salary cap, unlike the Canucks.
- Sutter has been extremely successful in the draft, not just in drafting players but also in making big trades like Cammalleri and Bouwmeester. We have seen more of Sutter's draft picks develop into NHL players than the Flames have seen in over a decade of drafting before he arrived. Also, Sutter has a fully stocked minor team in the Heat which was another thing we could not have done before he took over.

Get a clue before you bring your trolling here.

Winner!

[Bertuzzied]

Flames Gimp: "You got to wipe my ass."

[Pinner]

I'll leave this one anonymous, LoL so I don't embarrass Komskies.

There's something supremely relaxing about sitting around all afternoon drinking beer while slowly smoking a big piece of meat.

[Komskies]

It's not anonymous if you put my name in it!

[DownhillGoat]

It's not really anonymous if you're the first person to thank it...

[Komskies]

Originally Posted by kunkstyle

It's not really anonymous if you're the first person to thank it...

[troutman]

Congratulations. You just killed a bird.

[bc-chris]

i laughed sooooo much going thru this thread - simply awesome 4x4!!!!!

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=71630

So this should come as no surprise to those of you who think I'm two ticks away from going postal...

I just got home here on saturday evening... Was just gonna clean up after an annoying day and then head out for a beer or 7. Suprise! There's a fricken car parked in my stall. Best part about that is that it is a ~30 car lot and there are about 10 signs saying it's private parking and one of those signs is RIGHT IN FRONT of my stall.
So there's this stupid black Honda Accord parked in my spot and frankly, I'm sick of this crap. Yeah, yeah. I live downtown and it's part of the goddamn territory. Not anymore.

I reached into my cargo hold, grabbed my hitch and my chain and hooked the f'r up and dragged the sumbitch right out of my stall, out of the parking lot, on to the street and around the corner.

I know y'all know I'm a little mental about driving stuff. This just took the cake. It happens too often and tonight I had the time and the wherewithall to do something about it.

Public notice: don't park in my stall!

Called the cops and told them exactly what I did. She chuckled a bit and said that she can't file a report because there was no actual "incident". She said she's issuing some kind of thing to the rest of the CPS that if someone calls in a stolen black Honda Accord RZE-282, to tell the owner that it's around the corner.

I also left a curt little note on the windshield that said, simply, "DON'T PARK IN MY STALL".
And I told the cop that if there was any damage to my truck that I'd be filing a complaint against the owner of that car.

Whatevs. I'm going to pound a couple beers and then go and keep six on my bitch. If the f'r that owns the Accord comes out and freaks, I'm going to confront the sucker, show him to his car and tell him that I know where he lives.

I'm just sick of it. It happens all the time. It's assigned parking. I pay for this sopt. I don't care if all your mexican relatives are in town. Park on the f'ing street.

HAHAHA!! Holy ! They just came to my door and asked me what was up! Three (oh, man... This is terrible... They were indeed mexicano) guys, very, very polite. The leader said "I'm sorry, do you know where my car is..... LOL. The adrenaline is still pumping from the original deed. So I gestured him to follow me to the balcony where I pointed out his car (lot is in the back, my suite faces the street).

Then I told him that I didn't damage his car, but that if there was any kind of vandalism to mine that I'd track him down and kill him. He ASSURED me that there would be no problems...

Best ending ever.

I kinda feel bad. They looked like priests or something. Damn. Now I feel bad like the time I scared the old lady.

Guess I can go out now. Later, y'all.

[IliketoPuck]

That's a pretty epic story.

I think my favorites from CP have to be

1. Snot boy
2. The story about the guy who goes to the all you can eat buffet and then desecrates the bathroom in his sweatpants.

Both of those stories are roll on the ground holy freaking crap I can't breathe funny.

[malcolmk14]

One of my favourites:

Originally Posted by DESS

But withdrawal is 100% effective at cracking me up. Nothing funnier than a chick laying there with a map of the Hawaiin Islands plastered all over her belly.

[IliketoPuck]

lol

[malcolmk14]

CP Confessional thread:

Originally Posted by Blaster86

I sleep with other guy's girlfriends for sport.

with a bit of an ensuing discussion

followed by:

Originally Posted by fatso

From your post, it sounds like you actively seek out women who are in relationships with men, because you find it a thrill or exciting. Presumably those women are being concurrently intimate with those men. I don't think it's a stretch to suggest that, but for their relationships (including sexual intimacy) with those men, you wouldn't be interested in them. While you may be having sex with women, the nature of these kinds of 'relationships' for you is defined by the presence and involvement of men. That strikes me as kind of gay... not that there is anything wrong with it.

I suspect this is kind of a 'safe' way for you to taste penis. Not judging at all, merely suggesting you might have a much more profound confession to make.

[malcolmk14]

Wasn't there something about Eric Francis and Dion Phaneuf's skating style? I'd like to hear the story behind that one.

Fleurymaniac's implosion in the "Flames Release Fleury" thread was pretty epic, too.

The posts by some of the driveby trolls we get are pretty funny. FoxMulder91, DESS, etc.,

The Zac Efron photoshops in this thread: http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthr...32#post2087732

[IliketoPuck]

[IliketoPuck]

Is there any way I can get a link to the snot boy story / the other one mentioned above?

I did a quick google and couldn't find either.

[puckluck]

Originally Posted by FlamesPuck12

Winner!

How is that a "Winner" post?

I need details! or what thread that comment was in would be helpful.

[IliketoPuck]

I just had a good laugh at the Fatso post, that's all. If you want the winner, hands down, it's "snot boy" if you can find that story, be prepared to have your sides hurt from laughing so much.