The importance of the wingman

[burnin_vernon]

I am a single guy in my early thirties. I'm a few laps passed ugly, have a decent job, no debt, a nice house, and a loyal dog. I like football, porno, and books about war.

I lead a fairly unspectacular life in that I don't get out to the pubs to get poopfaced much more. All but 2 of my friends are married and a night out with these guys comes around the same time as Haley's comet.

This makes it hard to meet women for me. I live in a small town and the average prospects for me involve the smokey-voiced single mom with 3 kids hanging off of her while she picks through discount cinnamon buns off the day-old rack.

And I HATE nightclubs. Not even an option.

So on Saturday, when we met some cute, fun women while taking in all the Olympic madness, I was in my wheelhouse. I managed to get them to share a table with us and we were having a good time. The sun was shining, and we had a coveted patio table at a busy pub in Yaletown, surrounded by thousands of cheering Canadians. Life is good.

So after a few beers and some lunch, we are joined by 2 more of their friends. Options. They start talking about a beer pong tourney they were having and invited us to come. Man, was this ever the cure to what ailed me!

But I noticed my wingman was only on beer one, and less than enthused. Now, he is a rather rotund fellow, a little older than me, with fewer prospects than me. He gets out even less than I do so I was almost afraid he would be too eager and blow his cool a bit.

I sensed this so I kept ordering more beer. He stayed on beer one. A guiness. (I know now, that when he orders a guiness, its his way of saying "I'm not into having fun tonight, so I'll nurse this for as long as I have to).

When one of the girls asked for her bill he jumps in asks for ours too. The other 3 girls were staying and I wanted to stay for a little bit too as we were all having a good time. But, not a big deal, we had tickets to the Victory ceremony so we would just meet later for beer pong.

During the concert, wingman was nodding out and I knew it was a bad sign. When we got out, I hoped the night air would wake him up, but, alas, that was it for the night. He was done. I was his ride. Game over.

I admit it was a long day (6am to 9pm) and he had just switched from nights to days at work but to paraphrase George Costanza: Now you listen to me. We're going to this party. I'm single, I have no women on the horizon, I have no place to go… you’re not in the mood? Well you get in the mood!"

I made sure he was part of all the conversation, I set him up to deliver some good lines...he seemed comfortable with everything.

So now I have come to the full realization that I have no wingmen at all. I am in the war all alone. I think I'll go watch, "I love you man".

[4X4]

That sucks, man. Makes me really appreciate my friends, most of whom are skilled wingmen. Maybe that's the reason we all enjoy the single life so much.

So what's the deal with this guy? Just wasn't feeling it that day? Who passes up a table full of good looking, fun girls that want to play beer pong later? Everyone knows that the most epic of nights are borne on a day that you really didn't feel like going out. You need to give your buddy hell for this.

[flip]

Couldn't he have just taken a cab back? Or found some other way for you to still score.

[AvsJerk]

Originally Posted by burnin_vernon

So after a few beers and some lunch, we are joined by 2 more of their friends. Options. They start talking about a beer pong tourney they were having and invited us to come. Man, was this ever the cure to what ailed me!

But I noticed my wingman was only on beer one, and less than enthused.

I sensed this so I kept ordering more beer. He stayed on beer one. A guiness. (I know now, that when he orders a guiness, its his way of saying "I'm not into having fun tonight, so I'll nurse this for as long as I have to).

When we got out, I hoped the night air would wake him up, but, alas, that was it for the night. He was done. I was his ride. Game over.

Sounds like maybe he should of been your ride home... Also, perhaps he was being a good wingman and these cuties were actually a bunch of fatties...distorted by beer goggles.

[Winsor_Pilates]

Poor showing, even if he's tired sometimes you take one for the team.
I think your biggest issue is Abbotsford. I didn't know there was anyone over 25 in Abbotsford who wasn't married.

[Flames_Gimp]

Booooo. you should have ditched him.

[csnarpy]

got to find yourself a pro.....

[CaptainCrunch]

What does a few laps past ugly mean? That your a hunchback, you have a second nose, debilitating facial ticks?

Maybe thats your problem.

I've found that if you totally lower your standards you don't need a wingman, and fat chicks need lovin too.

[CaptainCrunch]

Plus as I was reading that story I expected it to end with

When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say is that this cab was rare
But I thought 'Man forget it' - 'Yo home to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked to my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

[HOOT]

Why you didn't shove him in a cab and say see you in the morning is beyond me.

[CaptainCrunch]

No kidding, they invite you to a beer pong tourney and your friend doesn't want to go? Screw him, toss him in a cab, then go play beer pong with three or more girls.

One of two things is going to happen.

If you suck, you'll sit around with them eating ice cream and talking about past relationships.

Or

Well

Dear Penthouse letters, I never thought I'd be writing you, but . . .

[Jordan!]

Should've ordered your friend a Cooler.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by Bouw N Arrow

Should've ordered your friend a Cooler.

Is your favourite pickup line still "My name is Jordyn too?"

[Jordan!]

[flip]

Originally Posted by Yeah_Baby

Is your favourite pickup line still "My name is Jordyn too?"

Is your favorite pickup line still delivered in Klingon? Followed by the typical initiation of Klingon mating rituals of a punch to the face?

[GreenTeaFrapp]

Originally Posted by Bouw N Arrow

Should've ordered your friend a Cooler.

He was trying to have sex with the girls, not the wingman.

[C-Life]

Yea what does "a few laps passed ugly mean?" and you absolutely should have put him in a cab and went with the girls. What were you thinking? After that many beers the alcohol should have made that choice for you.

[ma-skis.com]

You're the reason girls want you, not the wingman who's with you, his job is to run interference, pump your tires or disappear at the right time...

sounds like his job was done at beer pong, the ol' "damn my buddy ditched me and he was my ride, can I roll with you 4 hot women I just met?" seemed to be in order... write that down for future reference.

[PowerPlayoffs06]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Plus as I was reading that story I expected it to end with

When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say is that this cab was rare
But I thought 'Man forget it' - 'Yo home to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked to my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

I was expecting it to end with

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible, hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights. Yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non- biodegradable Styrofoam containers! And when I'm done suckin' down those grease ball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth on the American flag and then toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side, and there ain't a God-damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why!

Two words--nuclear f---ing weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the democracy they want. They can have a democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lick of difference, because we've got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen! And when we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times. That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be.

[CaptainCrunch]

So hmmm, he stuck with his wing man instead of the skirts. Sounds like a bromance to me.