Destination weddings - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

MoneyGuy · 02-10-2010, 03:35 PM

I'm invited to one next winter and have questions for those who have had one or have been involved in one.

For a conventional wedding, I think you expect about 80-85% of those invited to attend. What percentage is expected for a destination wedding? This one is 11 months away and some people who will be invited are saying they will definitely attend, but I'm skeptical all will actually show up. Did you find that people would say they'd attend but change their mind when it was time to commit? How many?

What about gifts? I would think if you're inviting people to give up a week or two weeks of vacation time to go somewhere they would not normally go to, plus a few thousand dollars to pay for the trip, if it were me I would expect a drop-off in the value of gifts, no? The DW is for a family member for whom we'd spend $250-$300 otherwise, but they're asking us to spend five grand on a two-week trip, so no way that much is spent.

If you were invited to a DW for a neice or nephew, would you go? Let's say Mexico for a week at maybe $3500 or two weeks at $5,000 (prices per couple).

What was your experience with a DW? My daughter is getting married as some will know on this site, but although I encouraged her to have a DW, this not her wedding nor am I now in favour of DWs. Did you like the DW you were involved in? Do you recommend it?

What about a banquet at a DW with MC and such? I have been an MC for family members before and wonder if I'm asked again how well it works compared to a traditional wedding.

Have you even been invited to a DW and declined to attend although you would have attended if it had been a traditional wedding. If so, how was that received? We travel a lot anyway and I worry about not attending a DW next winter but then taking a different winter vacation? How would you feel if you invited someone who did not attend your wedding in Mexico, for example, but they did a trip to Hawaii a month later?

What about an event when you return home for those who did not attend the DW?

worth · 02-10-2010, 03:45 PM

I do not like destination weddings.

Asking friends and family to pay to come to your wedding, take time off work when you say and go where you want to go just doesn't seem right to me. (Not you as in MoneyGuy, but you as in the people getting married) Obviously if you live somewhere else or your partner is from another country and you get married there that's a different story, but if both people are from the same city and they decide to do a destination wedding, I hope they realize that a lot of their friends aren't going to come.

I have no problem going to a Calgary wedding. I have no problem buying a gift, or getting dressed up or spending a day for your wedding.

I was invited to a destination wedding for a friend that I would go to in a second if it were in Calgary. But since he's having it in Mexico I said no way. I'm not going to spend 2 grand to fly to a resort I didn't pick, at a time I didn't pick. Mind you, I have plans for my time off so I suppose that gets some of my attention.

I just think it's kind of selfish really if the wedding party expects a lot of people to show up to them. If they really want to go to a certain destination, by all means go for it, but don't expect a huge crowd.

I would love to go to my friends wedding, and I was excited when I heard the news. But once I heard it was a destination wedding, my interest dropped. Too bad for me I guess.

Time off is sacred in this country. We don't get a ton of it. It's not like most of us get 6 or 8 weeks. 2 or 3 weeks is probably the norm and to ask someone to take 1 week of that is a little sketchy. Throw in the extra unplanned costs of it all and it's just a bad recipe in my mind.

CMPunk · 02-10-2010, 03:47 PM

I hate DW's and will never attend unless it's a very close family member, like my brother. One of the best parts of my wedding was having all my family together in one place...about 80 guests in total. There would be no way I'd get that many people to a DW. I'd be lucky to have 10 people come somewhere that's a couple grand each for a week or so.

My cousin got married in Jamaica about 4 years ago and she only had about 10-15 guest come, and that was including her parents I believe.

MacDaddy77 · 02-10-2010, 03:48 PM

I guess you have to ask yourself how important this person getting married is to you.

If they are really close then you would want to be at their wedding no matter if they got married on your lawn or in Australia?

Yeah_Baby · 02-10-2010, 03:49 PM

To me DW mean you really don't want a lot of people to come. I sincerely hope that none of my close friends plan on having one.

Maybe I should start saving now for that possibility?

Cactus Jack · 02-10-2010, 03:51 PM

I agree. If you have some extra cash, time off work and a vacation in mind, I guess it can be alright but what if it's somewhere few people want to go to? I don't like the idea. I understand it's nice to marry on a beach but I don't see why you would do it somewhere you likely have never been or have no personal connection with. If you marry someone from a different country that grew up or frequently vacationed that beach then that's one thing, but I think emotional attachment is relevant.

I suppose if you marry in Calgary it doesn't have to be the church you grew up going to but at least you're in the city everyone lives in so the familiarity is already there.

photon · 02-10-2010, 03:53 PM

My wife and I got married in Jamaica, and it was awesome. However we didn't invite anyone!

We had a reception when we got back where everyone could come, which works out well.. everyone gets the benefit of the party, and doesn't have to suffer through the ceremony!

Best way to get married IMO, no stress, no pressure, no one to please but your SO. Not all families would go for it though.

When I did travel stuff, we did a few destination weddings, and while I didn't really know how many people they invited, the people that did actually go just called up and got it arranged, we didn't have anyone waffle or back out or anything like that, but it was only a couple so my experience might be slanted.

If I were invited I'd look at it simply as a vacation.. do I want to go there? Does it fit within my vacation planning in general (budget, timing, etc)? If so, then sure why not? If not, then I'd decline.

I'd still get them the same "level" of gift though, as I view my going as a vacation, not as an obligation.

I know some people that get very upset with people that have destination weddings, they see it as their friends/family making them pay just to participate in a happy time in their lives. And I can appreciate that view somewhat; if I was very close to the couple and couldn't afford to go I might be upset.. but I also want them to be happy and understand sometimes life isn't exactly fair. A general reception upon return could help mitigate that.

Ducay · 02-10-2010, 03:53 PM

Ya, I never understood them, its like 'hey everybody, were having a wedding, but dont want you all to come, so we're having it far far away'.

MacDaddy77 · 02-10-2010, 03:54 PM

I think people are looking at this the wrong way.

the wedding day is and should be ALL about the couple getting married, not the parents, friends etc. Of course it is nice to have a wedding that everyone can attend but if what the couple wants to have a destination wedding then a destination wedding it is.

I doubt that any married couple intends to make people "feel obligated" to attend their wedding. They have made the decision to get married at that location an would like to celebrate with whomever can attend.

One of my best friends had a destination wedding last year that I was a part of and it was awesome. Everyone stayed at the same resort so there were always people to go on excursions with and it was really easy to interact/meet his wife's side of the family this way as well.

I have only had this one experiance but it was awesome and I would really enjoy going to another destination wedding.

VladtheImpaler · 02-10-2010, 03:57 PM

If you are having a DW, you shouldn't expect anyone to come. I went to one in Las Vegas, which was great, but that was because I got to play poker; the wedding itself was pure cheese.

CMPunk · 02-10-2010, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacDaddy77

I think people are looking at this the wrong way.

the wedding day is and should be ALL about the couple getting married, not the parents, friends etc. Of course it is nice to have a wedding that everyone can attend but if what the couple wants to have a destination wedding then a destination wedding it is.

I doubt that any married couple intends to make people "feel obligated" to attend their wedding. They have made the decision to get married at that location an would like to celebrate with whomever can attend.

One of my best friends had a destination wedding last year that I was a part of and it was awesome. Everyone stayed at the same resort so there were always people to go on excursions with and it was really easy to interact/meet his wife's side of the family this way as well.

I have only had this one experiance but it was awesome and I would really enjoy going to another destination wedding.

No ones saying don't have them...just don't expect alot of people to show up

photon · 02-10-2010, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by worth

I just think it's kind of selfish really if the wedding party expects a lot of people to show up to them. If they really want to go to a certain destination, by all means go for it, but don't expect a huge crowd.

I think that's a good point, it's all about the expectations.. if the couple really expects everyone to line up to go then they aren't sensitive to their friends anyway and really are being jerks.

If however they're going and just saying "hey whoever wants to come with us would be great" then that's different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacDaddy77

I guess you have to ask yourself how important this person getting married is to you.

If they are really close then you would want to be at their wedding no matter if they got married on your lawn or in Australia?

Is the ceremony all that important though? It's 30 minutes of scripted ceremony, does me being or not being there for it mean I'm less or more of a friend? I can see how this might be a bigger issue for family though.

Or have the DW, then come back and have a fun ceremony in a park.

burn_this_city · 02-10-2010, 04:02 PM

My buddy is having one in Mexico in July, theres a few things wrong with that idea.

IliketoPuck · 02-10-2010, 04:10 PM

I've got 3 significant DW coming up in the next 9 months. Some serious issues with that.

Ironhorse · 02-10-2010, 04:56 PM

IMHO, DW's are selfish. Sure, it is "your" wedding day, but having your friends and family around to help celebrate a milestone in your life is priceless; expecting them to pay that much to make it happen is ultimately unrealistic. If you want to go somewhere exotic, do it for your 10th anniversary and renew your vows there.

Bill Bumface · 02-10-2010, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacDaddy77

I think people are looking at this the wrong way.

the wedding day is and should be ALL about the couple getting married, not the parents, friends etc. Of course it is nice to have a wedding that everyone can attend but if what the couple wants to have a destination wedding then a destination wedding it is.

I doubt that any married couple intends to make people "feel obligated" to attend their wedding. They have made the decision to get married at that location an would like to celebrate with whomever can attend.

One of my best friends had a destination wedding last year that I was a part of and it was awesome. Everyone stayed at the same resort so there were always people to go on excursions with and it was really easy to interact/meet his wife's side of the family this way as well.

I have only had this one experiance but it was awesome and I would really enjoy going to another destination wedding.

The second you realize your wedding is not about you at all, but about your wife to be and all her crappy guests, the sooner you'll be over the disappointment.

I've never been married, just seen enough of these go down.

automaton 3 · 02-10-2010, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

The second you realize your wedding is not about you at all, but about your wife to be and all her and her parents' crappy guests, the sooner you'll be over the disappointment.

I've never been married, just seen enough of these go down.

Fixed...for at least in my case.

Ice · 02-10-2010, 05:34 PM

I've been invited to one destination wedding. The rooms at the resort were paid for by the couple so anyone who could attend was only on the line for airfare and spending cash. I think that's the right way to do it if you really want people to come. They still had a local "no gift" reception when they returned from their honeymoon to include everyone else. It was just a big party. All in all, the event was a lot of fun.

Rutuu · 02-10-2010, 05:36 PM

This should be a poll.

Been to one destination wedding (cousin). It was alright.

DownhillGoat · 02-10-2010, 06:20 PM

We got married in the Dom. Republic. Only invited close relatives and really close friends, didn't have expectarions on who came. We ended up having 13 people in total. We had a blast.

We did however have a small social when we got back to have the relatives and friends who couldn't make it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

We travel a lot anyway and I worry about not attending a DW next winter but then taking a different winter vacation? How would you feel if you invited someone who did not attend your wedding in Mexico, for example, but they did a trip to Hawaii a month later?

Wouldn't care. I have an aunt that couldn't make it because she was taking her grandchildren to Disneyworld the same week. If you're the type to get your nose bent out of shape for that, you shouldn't have a destination wedding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

What about gifts?

Buy a card. For a DW your presence should be the gift. (play on words fully intended). Different if you're a parent or sibling, but that's about it.